(no subject)
ew my dad is going "She never practices anymore...it is like she has given up"
my grandmother responds "Why waste the money if she never plays?"
Fuck that and fuck them! I work hard at the piano and just because my father is never home to hear me play and because I hate playing for other people doesn't give him the right to make it seem like I've never touched the thing in my life. It is my goddamn form of release. my way of letting my pain out and he can go fuck himself. It is MINE and I may sound spoiled but I don't want to fucking share! And when my grandma "begged me to play in NYC" I said no. Why because first of all I have nothing memorized I was just starting all new pieces and shit and secondly i hate playing for anyone but myself. She then called me a fucking liar!!AG that just makes me shake with anger!!
secondly I have been losing major weight in my stomach and all over. I think this is because this month I didn't get my Birth control in time to start it this month. I'm debating whether to just stop taking it all together and be paranoid everytime I have sex, plus there is the whole growth shit that the pill is supposed to slow down, but then I would be able to get back down to my low a hell of a lot easier. Or to go back on it and gain weight and have a hard time losing but then not be paraniod as much and all that jazz that it is doing. Well I almost would rather be skinny and be worried. I don't know. Anyways I'm so mad that I'm just going to go throw up until I can't stand it anymore.