Comments | shadowsinfire: Which contains sombreros, rain, a staircase, and a fairytale

shadowsinfire

Which contains sombreros, rain, a staircase, and a fairytale

Dec 23, 2010 10:27

But is probably not as interesting as that makes it sound. Yesterday was the last day of the school term over here, and school finished at 11 o'clock. About two classes' worth of people were spotted afterwards wearing tacky sombreros. I'm not sure why, but who needs to know the reason behind all of life's mysteries? That would ruin the fun. So ( Read more... )

blah, no you, stories, what, look! a distraction!, real life, a true story, hell if i know, fairy tales, abusing languages 101: for fun & profit, brainshit, out on a limn, fic, kinda sorta not really, and then..., what is this, original, etc, once upon a time

Comments 4

dawnduskdancer January 6 2011, 10:15:51 UTC

It is interesting, although I would like to see the friendship with the prince integrated more fully into the story - the prince seems like he's going to be a main character and then gets a bridge dropped on him. Not that he shouldn't die, but why is their friendship important? You introduce the soldier as a servant who is friends with the prince - why?
Still, I would very much like to read more.

shadowsinfire January 6 2011, 18:04:35 UTC

The prince was never going to be the main character. He was introduced when I realised I needed a background for the soldier. And alternative would be something like the soldier being the younger son of some lord, I suppose. I wanted him to be lower class than that, but I felt I needed the queen to know him previously.
I have a feeling that if I allow it, the friendship with the prince may become more important than I knew. Either that or it should be dropped completely. At the moment his loving the queen previously is what feels contrived. I think it may work better if he doesn't.

grass_angel January 7 2011, 12:07:46 UTC

Same as what T said basically. Some more about why the prince and the servant were friends would be good, you just kind of dump that info before going on to ramble how not trope-y the prince is and then assume that no one wants to hear about the servant. (Which you could at least lampshade... *grumble grumble*)
Also, the princess who is whatever a bear-type selkie is called, where did that plot twist fall out of the sky from come from? Why was she allowed out in the country when her country was at war? Unless that was to protect her and why she was able to stay alive and become queen.
Was she very much younger than the servant and the prince, which is why he didn't recognise her at first? Aside from narrativium obviously, but he saw her at least twice in full daylight and besides, random villager wear is very unique and identifiable down to specific people?
I have questions, and quite a lot of them obviously. *has been reading TVTropes recently ( ... )

shadowsinfire January 8 2011, 14:57:13 UTC

Ok so first off, random princess is not the same as random witch countrywoman. The princess was always kept at the palace; the witch came to the palace and found her at some point in the intervening years. The in love bit is all sort of ick I don't like this it's too pat and neat, but there's SOMETHING there and it all gets very frustrating. Yes, the princess was quite a lot younger, which is also part of why she was left alive - the rest of her family were variously killed or whatever'd by the emperor. She was married to a flunky of the emperor to make the whole thing appear more kosher and then her husband died at some point (possibly poisoned?) previous to the soldier waking up again. She is being politicky to try to keep some of the kingdom's autonomy ( ... )