Nobody's Side
I really haven't had anything to post that doesn't seem pure and complete drivel to me. However, I've built up a lot of drivel so it might be time to unload it all.
Academic - I just need to buckle down and get my ass to work. That paper that was supposed to be pulled together by Christmas is still having data analysis issues. It's not a matter of collecting the data - there are 14 undergraduate students doing research in the lab this semester, and all of them so far have been wonderful. I have a hunch it's just me not giving a damn any more. I suspect this is an adjunct to the social arena.
Social - I seem to have lost a two-letter word from my vocabulary. Starts with N and ends with O. If I could only remember what it is... Ah yes. I remember now. NO. Damn shame it's too late to do anything about it now. I suppose I should clarify. I had my life down to three commitments in this arena - Amber on Sundays, bridge on Tuesdays and WoW as I had the time and energy.
Amber on Sundays is rapidly losing its appeal for multiple reasons - the two people I joined the game to spend time with never showing up and the plot turning into a one-man show being the tip of that iceberg. Unless I can get some SOLID reassurances about things I'm probably leaving in a week or two. Bridge on Tuesday - I have no reliable partner and everyone else shows up in couples. Really no point for me to be there other than to be the president, set them up and watch them go. WoW - guild politics are REALLY starting to get to me, probably because I fill the two requirements of keeping reasonable hours and being accessible to my guildmates. I've probably had to deal with 90% of the guild issues that have arisen, which is making my character development fall behind. Also, I'm probably done on Elune for anything other than casual kicking ass with a 60. DKP makes it non-profitable to go raiding endgame.
I also managed to pick up two more commitments. The first is a continuation of a game last semester where the three incoming characters were most logically placed in an arena where I would have to bring them into the game knowing that they would make 75% of my character redundant because certain people insist on handling their own politics through incompetent means. I'm not sure who I'm more pissed at - the three incomers that collectively neuter my character or the holdover who faults my methods while not producing results to show me how to do things. I don't plan on coming back from that vacation I went on. The second is a start up game in a system that never appealed to me to begin with and a concept that I still can't accept that everyone is on the same page about. I don't know what I'm going to do with that game.
Personal - It's sad when the only thing that brings me comfort anymore is an online game where I pretend to be someone else. Really all I can say there. I've given up on love and romance, and I don't like inflicting myself on people when I'm this bent out of shape, so I'm probably going back into hermitage starting tonight. And my subconscious is one highly-screwed up place.
Now, I expect I've said a lot of things that are going to irritate people. If you in fact fall into this category, you know how to get ahold of me.
And now, the lyrics dump.
Nobody's Side - Chess
What's going on around me
Is barely making sense
I need some explanations fast
I see my present partner
In the imperfect tense
And I don't see how we can last
I feel I need a change of cast
Maybe I'm on nobody's side.
And when he gives me reasons
To justify each move
They're getting harder to believe
I know this can't continue
I've still a lot to prove
There must be more I could achieve
But I don't have the nerve to leave.
Everybody's playing the game
But nobody's rules are the same
Nobody's on nobody's side
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own
Nobody's on nobody's side.
The one I should not think of
Keeps rolling through my mind
And I don't want to let that go
No lovers ever faithful
No contract truly signed
There's nothing certain left to know
And how the cracks begin to show!
Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love where you can
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart, use your head
Nobody's on nobody's side.
Never take a stranger's advice
Never let a friend fool you twice
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive
Nobody's on nobody's side
And never leave a moment too soon
Never waste a hot afternoon
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never stay a minute too long
Don't forget the best will go wrong
Nobody's on nobody's side.
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own
Nobody's on nobody's side.