Reconnecting

[shadowthorne]

I don't know when I last posted here, but I know it's been awhile. All I know this is that I'm coming back into the shadows from the Light of the mundane world. I feel like I'm coming home again

Comments

[natasiakith]

Yay! you are posting again!

I haven't been to c-u for awhile on account of being poor, but I have been having a sort of 'realignment' going on for a while. Mental and Spiritual damage control at the same time. It's so fun.

There is certainly something inherently divisive about power grabbing.

I don't know very much about non-fictional vampires or dream analysis.

[shadowthorne]

Hmm... Even if you're just grabbing your own power? Taking it from others, which is what I think you meant -- yes, I'll agree with that. But, no, that's not really what I'm talking about in the entry. I'm talking about grabbing and using your own power (and, incidentally, encouraging/hoping that others will do the same). I guess what I mean is: if everyone grabs and uses their own personal power, without taking it from others, can they actually be cohesive as a group? Or will they devolve into individuals acting alone?

And yeah, Mental and Spiritual damage control is often necessary, but rarely fun. Good luck getting through it. And I am talking about fictional vampires, not non-fictional ones. I'm looking into what they represent as symbols.

[kyril]

Increasing your own power relative to others in a group is much of the "problem" area, though it doesn't foster quite the kind of resentment from the middle-to-high power folks that taking someone's away would. You really don't want anything more than a friendly rivalry

[shadowthorne]

Good points. What's really strange about the whole thing is that I found I had more power when I stepped down from the leadership role to a Man-in-Black role, but when I tried to function in that role, I think it surprised the new leaders. They did not see that I was acting on behalf of other group members; they thought I was trying to gain prestige/power for myself. Or maybe they knew, but did not want to see. Of course, I completely bumbled it in how I approached the issue--that is, I reacted very badly when they told me their thoughts. I do have a bit of a "being accused of something that's not true" button that they hit pretty hard and my emotions kind of took over. It's not entirely surprising that they then thought the INITIAL issue was personal. What bothered me was that they never gave me a chance to explain things, and they never truly listened to what I was saying. I had thought we were committing to each other as individuals, but they saw my opinion as divisive to group cohesiveness. At least, I think that way when

[kyril]

Oh...and just because we like a group of people doesn't mean we fit with them. No matter how much we want to.

[shadowthorne]

Well, yes, and that was [i]definitely[/i] part of what happened. As I wrote in the original post, I was sure for a long time that it was just that they didn't understand/couldn't really accept my darkness, even though they said they did, but now I'm wondering if they were threatened by the power issue as well . . . and whether that was a bigger problem than the natural "not fitting" part.

[sanglupa]

I believe that every person should strive to meet their full potential, though I also believe that you NEVER reach your full potential. The better you become, the more possibilities open up.
I believe it is a personal responsibility to push yourself to become stronger, smarter, more knowledgeable, better physically, more in tune with yourself and your spirituality.

I also believe that this is how you become truly powerful.

But as with so many other things, the higher the potential payoff, the more risks there are. When you push yourself to confront, control, and increase your personal power, you open yourself up to the option of becoming power-hungry. And that is up to each person to choose which path they go down.

[sanglupa]

So, when you have a group of people who all are focusing on increasing their personal power, as well as the group's collective power, you have many opportunities for it to go awry. You also diminish the (mechanical) tolerances for screw ups and interpersonal bullshit. The more intense a group is, the more difficult it is to maintain unity and cohesiveness. I don't believe it is the nature of power, but the nature of humans when dealing with power.

[ianphanes]

This fits my experience.

More generally, shadowthorne, it was good to talk to you on the phone and good to have you back on lj.

If you get some time, you might want to look back some in my lj. Since I really like to have people comment on my older posts of substance, I delete all my ephemeral posts after a week or two.

[sanglupa]

I also believe some reasons behind the seemingly inherent solitary nature of power-seekers is 1- it makes you crave contact with others less, and 2- it makes it more difficult to find people you truly relate to.

[sanglupa]

And it is related to vampires in that vampires represent hidden and forbidden power, the seeking of power over others, and superiority over those around.

That, and they're damned sexy.

[sanglupa]

If you're interested, I continued this discussion in a few different communities

http://community.livejournal.com/academicpagans/50707.html?view=503059#t503059

http://community.livejournal.com/badheathens/

http://community.livejournal.com/dark_heathens/32426.html#cutid1

http://community.livejournal.com/heathen_hall/23297.html#cutid1

http://community.livejournal.com/nonwiccanwitch/285491.html#cutid1

http://community.livejournal.com/occult/396757.html#cutid1

[ravens_quills]

Wow - I wasn't expecting that! I'm interested to see what develops!

[sanglupa]

If something is worth doing, it's worth over-doing. *grins* And I am too. I am really hoping to get some discussions sparked.