Tonies '09!
Unfortunately, this year, I am not at Meredith's so she cannot make snide offhand comments about the state of Mandy Patinkin's beard. However, I am still really excited! Especially for NPH! It is one minute and counting away from the dorkiest award show of the year! Let's do this!
8 PM
Surprise opening number!
...not so awesome so far actually. The sound is totally not working! This is the Tonies! What is going on with this broadcast?
Basically, the theme of this Tonies so far is that men are awesome?
OH MY GOD ROCK OF AGES. WHY ISN'T LO MO MY BEST FRIEND?!
Oh god, it is the love of my life AKA Stockard Channing.
Getting awesomer.
Except she's dueting with my least favorite show that I've ever seen. I don't know how I feel about this.
Okay, Shrek is actually kind of adorable. I retract my former judgment.
Ohhh my god, 9 TO 5, this is the musical I regret not seeing most.
LIZAAAAAAAA.
AWESOMEST.
I am glad that song built from mostly shitty to great.
HAIR OH GOD OH GOD. SORRY 9 TO 5 I LIED I NEED TO SEE THIS NOW, ACTUALLY.
Elton is singing! Awwww!
I give a mental standing O.
8:12
NPH NPH HE IS HERE. And so so gay and so so adorable. ;sldkjf;slkdj;ldfjkgl;kdjfg;ldfj
AHAHA, "dude got hit by stage" joke. Leave it to NPH.
And, uh, yes please Constantine jokes.
"They're in the movies!" re: Anne Hathaway, Will Ferrell, James Gandolfini. LOLOLOL
Jane Fonda's glasses are just smashing. I mean that. She looks so fucking authoritative.
YES. She said Godot right.
Best Featured Actor:
I have no idea who I am rooting for. I heard awesome things about all.
Clearly, her glasses do not work so well.
Awww, look, Roger Robinson! He is the cheerfullest man to ever win a Tony! "And please wrap up!" Hahah, dude, I love you, thank you for reading that.
Commercial break!
8:23
Uh, I feel like every awards show I watch, they play an oversexualized Kate Walsh car ad and it makes me hot and bothered. I'm completely serious.
Back again!
My friend Patrick saw the workshop of Shrek in Seattle and said that Donkey was the most racist offensive character he'd ever seen. Clearly this has changed?
Okay, I'm not kidding, what the hell is wrong with the sound?
Alright, I'm not loving this a great deal. HAHAHAH, except for that high note.
The fact that Barack Obama is the butt of some amazing Tony jokes is THRILLING ME. :)
Oh god, James Gandolfini makes me happy.
Best Featured Actress:
Well, if that award did NOT go to Angela Lansbury, I would have been shocked. I met her at Adler in the late fall and she was the most adorable woman in the world. Why are all British people so fucking gracious.
8:41
Neil's jokes are basically my favorite kind of humor. <3333333
Why is everyone shrieking for Will Ferrell?
He is a genius. Theatrical Wisdom: yes.
And he's right. I want to be at the Hair cast party.
Best Score:
NO FUCKING NO NEXT TO NORMAL. GTFO. You're both pretty awkward, I feel better.
Okay, guys. Technically, this is a good show. In terms of, you know, what society defines as a good show. However, I saw it, and wanted to burn the theatre down. Basically. There are so many problems with it.
LIN MANUEL HOWEVER makes me happy.
Oooooohhh, my god, the competition for best revival is going to be ridiculous.
I so need to see this, stat. Dancing-gasm, basically. Holy god. Plus, most of the American babes are hot. As well as that Puerto Rican babe who just STUCK HER LEG OVER THAT DUDE'S HEAD.
There are so so many reasons why this musical will never stop being one of my favorites.
Except, how NOT Puerto Rican is Maria? Like, a lot not. The "hands cold" line always makes my brain go to Rent territory.
Oh man, poor girl just missed her note.
8:57
Best Direction- Play:
I am basically really rooting for the lady.
DAMNIT. Come on, let's recognize some badass women directors of some badass plays about women. IMHO Mary Stuart is one of the best things I've ever seen. The images onstage in that play were breathtaking.
Best Direction- Musical:
If Next to Normal wins again I will kill some shit.
Okay, it was neither who I wanted nor who I hated. Basically, I can deal.
Aww, okay, that shot of the 3 Billys was cute.
Rock of Ages. Okay, basically, I wish this was my life all the time.
Ahaha, his methods of hitting on Liza Minelli just won my heart. HEAVY BREATHING.
Hahaha, I didn't realize there was actually a real life "Small Town Girl and City Boy" in this performance. How perfect.
I SEE LAUREN. AND I LOVE HER MORE.
Audience participation! Oh yes!
9:12
According to thekatherinepan Edie Falco is me all grown up. I will take it.
Special Engagement:
Again, if Liza had not won, shit would have gone down.
I will never again be able to see her as anyone but Lucille 2. Because basically she was just playing herself.
Also, if she hadn't thanked her mamma all the gays would have up and left.
Again with the sound! However, God of Carnage looked awesome.
I am so angry that this production of Guys and Dolls ever existed. Hahaha, even the Tonies have sound problem.
EXCEPT TESTA SIGHTING TESTA SIGHTING. HAVE TO EMAIL ZISKIN RIGHT NOW. BRB.
Okay, clearly they chose that number because it did not involve Lauren Graham, had good singing and also HOLY SHIT ALLOWED TESTA TO OWN THE TONIES.
9:25
Oh man, that HIMYM commercial just made my night even better.
What is this weird thing happening right now? Montage of what exactly? Because I just saw Laura Benanti and I want to know where the fuck she is.
Ahaha, I remember when I only knew Kate Burton as Meredith's mom. LOLOL my life.
WHAT IS JOHN STAMOS DOING AT THE TONIES. He is not funny. At all.
Best Featured Actor: Musical
Okay, this one I kind of don't care about.
lalala
Except his wife looks terrified.
Best Featured Actress: Musical
Damnit, I wanted Martha Plimpton to win and regain her dignity after not winning when she deserved to, but this is a GOOD SECOND CHOICE. She is adorable and I've read everywhere that Anita is FIERCE.
OH MY GOD CARRIE FISHER. I said on my twitter, why is my favorite person announcing something I hate. Oh, that's why.
Excuse me while I plug my ears and scream. Is it wrong of me to be happy that their sound sucks?
That boy will never stop reminding me of one of my classmates.
THANK GOD THAT IS OVER. I will never stop being bitter that [title of show] will not beat them.
9:45
Best Actor- Play:
If Raul does not win I will CHOKE A BITCH.
OH HERE WE GO.
Jesus. By the time Raul actually wins he will be in a wheelchair.
GEOFFREY RUSH. IS PRONOUNCING EVERYTHING FRENCH. Oh I love him.
Dividing the Estate. Probs I would not like it.
Okay, so now basically I'm going to cry.
In other news, I have basically come down with a horrendous cold in the past 45 minutes? FML.
Well, that was SAD.
9:58
More awards that no one really cares about.
AHAHAHAHAH FRANK LANGELLA IS SO BITTER AND IT'S ADORABLE.
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. This is easily the hardest I've laughed all evening.
Best Actress- Play:
OH MY GOD I KNOW WHO I'M ROOTING FOR.
FUCK NO.
Why does no one care about Mary Stuart. WHY. JANET MCTEER OWNS MY LIFE.
Hahaha, I always forget that Piper Perabo is on Broadway. I am so bummed I missed this. I love Neil LaBute. So, so much.
In other news, good holy SHIT this boy is stunning.
...okay so now I REALLY want to see Billy Elliot?
::mental standing ovation::
WHY IS JERSEY BOYS PERFORMING AGAIN.
10:14
Yes, that's right, show Mary Stuart. After you've basically shunned it.
I'm really mystified as to why this show is performing again. I've gotten tired at this point, BTW, so much of what I post here is going on my twitter verbatim.
Best Revival- Play
I have read nothing about the Norman Conquests. Strange. Well, congrats dudes.
Why do the Tonies hate Mary Stuart?
Best New Play
I am really into reasons to be pretty winning.
Well, there goes that. If I bet on these Tonies I would have LOST.
Aww, I've heard wonderful things about Yazmina Reza. I'm glad for her.
10:27
Oh man, I love this dude. Jerry Herman FTW. HAHAHAHA IT SAYS FROM HELLO, DOLLY AND WALL-E!
La Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage! George Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearn!
I'm recalling last year when Stephen Sondheim got this award, didn't show, and everyone assumed he was in the tropics with some bronzed cabana boy.
Would it be terrible for me to say that I was just worried he was going to pass out? Old people at the Tonies always make me really nervous. Like ARTHUR LAURENTS last year.
HEY LADY. ILU ANNE. And she gets Hair! This is like a party in my pants.
HERE WE GO.
And within the first 20 seconds I was wondering if 2 dudes were gonna make out.
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION.
Um, that was AWESOME.
And now there's Kristin!!! Make me happy, why don't you, Tonies. /sarcasm.
Oooh, awk. joke, Kristin.
Best Revival- Musical
YES HAIR YES YES. That's basically the first award I've agreed with all night.
I would not want any other man to be the producer of Hair.
OH MAN HE JUST MADE A MARRIAGE EQUALITY COMMENT.
Love.
10:46
Best Actress- Musical:
Well, that was unsurprising. And also lame. God, she drives me crazy.
Okay well THAT WAS REALLY EXTREME. Even though I guess it was nice?
sd;lkgjds;lfgjdfl;kgjds Okay get off the stage.
Audra! She was at the gay marriage rally!
Best Actor- Musical:
YES YES THE CUTE LITTLE BOYS.
I CANNOT EVEN. GAH.
CHANDRA WILSON OH MY GOD. Vocal blend? Jersey Boys?
10:59
Best Musical
Oh man, getting nervous. If Next to Normal wins I will piss myself.
YES THANK GOD. HOW LOVELY FOR THEM. :):):)
Oh my god there are so many cute screaming children.
NO. NO. NO NEXT TO NORMAL. Don't even talk about them.
aaah, lololol, they're screaming again.
NEIL IS SINGING! I think they bascially just wrote this show.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This show could basically not be any gayer. Truer truths have never been spoke.
ilu NPH.
Mmmm, I love the Tonies.
8 PM
Surprise opening number!
...not so awesome so far actually. The sound is totally not working! This is the Tonies! What is going on with this broadcast?
Basically, the theme of this Tonies so far is that men are awesome?
OH MY GOD ROCK OF AGES. WHY ISN'T LO MO MY BEST FRIEND?!
Oh god, it is the love of my life AKA Stockard Channing.
Getting awesomer.
Except she's dueting with my least favorite show that I've ever seen. I don't know how I feel about this.
Okay, Shrek is actually kind of adorable. I retract my former judgment.
Ohhh my god, 9 TO 5, this is the musical I regret not seeing most.
LIZAAAAAAAA.
AWESOMEST.
I am glad that song built from mostly shitty to great.
HAIR OH GOD OH GOD. SORRY 9 TO 5 I LIED I NEED TO SEE THIS NOW, ACTUALLY.
Elton is singing! Awwww!
I give a mental standing O.
8:12
NPH NPH HE IS HERE. And so so gay and so so adorable. ;sldkjf;slkdj;ldfjkgl;kdjfg;ldfj
AHAHA, "dude got hit by stage" joke. Leave it to NPH.
And, uh, yes please Constantine jokes.
"They're in the movies!" re: Anne Hathaway, Will Ferrell, James Gandolfini. LOLOLOL
Jane Fonda's glasses are just smashing. I mean that. She looks so fucking authoritative.
YES. She said Godot right.
Best Featured Actor:
I have no idea who I am rooting for. I heard awesome things about all.
Clearly, her glasses do not work so well.
Awww, look, Roger Robinson! He is the cheerfullest man to ever win a Tony! "And please wrap up!" Hahah, dude, I love you, thank you for reading that.
Commercial break!
8:23
Uh, I feel like every awards show I watch, they play an oversexualized Kate Walsh car ad and it makes me hot and bothered. I'm completely serious.
Back again!
My friend Patrick saw the workshop of Shrek in Seattle and said that Donkey was the most racist offensive character he'd ever seen. Clearly this has changed?
Okay, I'm not kidding, what the hell is wrong with the sound?
Alright, I'm not loving this a great deal. HAHAHAH, except for that high note.
The fact that Barack Obama is the butt of some amazing Tony jokes is THRILLING ME. :)
Oh god, James Gandolfini makes me happy.
Best Featured Actress:
Well, if that award did NOT go to Angela Lansbury, I would have been shocked. I met her at Adler in the late fall and she was the most adorable woman in the world. Why are all British people so fucking gracious.
8:41
Neil's jokes are basically my favorite kind of humor. <3333333
Why is everyone shrieking for Will Ferrell?
He is a genius. Theatrical Wisdom: yes.
And he's right. I want to be at the Hair cast party.
Best Score:
NO FUCKING NO NEXT TO NORMAL. GTFO. You're both pretty awkward, I feel better.
Okay, guys. Technically, this is a good show. In terms of, you know, what society defines as a good show. However, I saw it, and wanted to burn the theatre down. Basically. There are so many problems with it.
LIN MANUEL HOWEVER makes me happy.
Oooooohhh, my god, the competition for best revival is going to be ridiculous.
I so need to see this, stat. Dancing-gasm, basically. Holy god. Plus, most of the American babes are hot. As well as that Puerto Rican babe who just STUCK HER LEG OVER THAT DUDE'S HEAD.
There are so so many reasons why this musical will never stop being one of my favorites.
Except, how NOT Puerto Rican is Maria? Like, a lot not. The "hands cold" line always makes my brain go to Rent territory.
Oh man, poor girl just missed her note.
8:57
Best Direction- Play:
I am basically really rooting for the lady.
DAMNIT. Come on, let's recognize some badass women directors of some badass plays about women. IMHO Mary Stuart is one of the best things I've ever seen. The images onstage in that play were breathtaking.
Best Direction- Musical:
If Next to Normal wins again I will kill some shit.
Okay, it was neither who I wanted nor who I hated. Basically, I can deal.
Aww, okay, that shot of the 3 Billys was cute.
Rock of Ages. Okay, basically, I wish this was my life all the time.
Ahaha, his methods of hitting on Liza Minelli just won my heart. HEAVY BREATHING.
Hahaha, I didn't realize there was actually a real life "Small Town Girl and City Boy" in this performance. How perfect.
I SEE LAUREN. AND I LOVE HER MORE.
Audience participation! Oh yes!
9:12
According to thekatherinepan Edie Falco is me all grown up. I will take it.
Special Engagement:
Again, if Liza had not won, shit would have gone down.
I will never again be able to see her as anyone but Lucille 2. Because basically she was just playing herself.
Also, if she hadn't thanked her mamma all the gays would have up and left.
Again with the sound! However, God of Carnage looked awesome.
I am so angry that this production of Guys and Dolls ever existed. Hahaha, even the Tonies have sound problem.
EXCEPT TESTA SIGHTING TESTA SIGHTING. HAVE TO EMAIL ZISKIN RIGHT NOW. BRB.
Okay, clearly they chose that number because it did not involve Lauren Graham, had good singing and also HOLY SHIT ALLOWED TESTA TO OWN THE TONIES.
9:25
Oh man, that HIMYM commercial just made my night even better.
What is this weird thing happening right now? Montage of what exactly? Because I just saw Laura Benanti and I want to know where the fuck she is.
Ahaha, I remember when I only knew Kate Burton as Meredith's mom. LOLOL my life.
WHAT IS JOHN STAMOS DOING AT THE TONIES. He is not funny. At all.
Best Featured Actor: Musical
Okay, this one I kind of don't care about.
lalala
Except his wife looks terrified.
Best Featured Actress: Musical
Damnit, I wanted Martha Plimpton to win and regain her dignity after not winning when she deserved to, but this is a GOOD SECOND CHOICE. She is adorable and I've read everywhere that Anita is FIERCE.
OH MY GOD CARRIE FISHER. I said on my twitter, why is my favorite person announcing something I hate. Oh, that's why.
Excuse me while I plug my ears and scream. Is it wrong of me to be happy that their sound sucks?
That boy will never stop reminding me of one of my classmates.
THANK GOD THAT IS OVER. I will never stop being bitter that [title of show] will not beat them.
9:45
Best Actor- Play:
If Raul does not win I will CHOKE A BITCH.
OH HERE WE GO.
Jesus. By the time Raul actually wins he will be in a wheelchair.
GEOFFREY RUSH. IS PRONOUNCING EVERYTHING FRENCH. Oh I love him.
Dividing the Estate. Probs I would not like it.
Okay, so now basically I'm going to cry.
In other news, I have basically come down with a horrendous cold in the past 45 minutes? FML.
Well, that was SAD.
9:58
More awards that no one really cares about.
AHAHAHAHAH FRANK LANGELLA IS SO BITTER AND IT'S ADORABLE.
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. This is easily the hardest I've laughed all evening.
Best Actress- Play:
OH MY GOD I KNOW WHO I'M ROOTING FOR.
FUCK NO.
Why does no one care about Mary Stuart. WHY. JANET MCTEER OWNS MY LIFE.
Hahaha, I always forget that Piper Perabo is on Broadway. I am so bummed I missed this. I love Neil LaBute. So, so much.
In other news, good holy SHIT this boy is stunning.
...okay so now I REALLY want to see Billy Elliot?
::mental standing ovation::
WHY IS JERSEY BOYS PERFORMING AGAIN.
10:14
Yes, that's right, show Mary Stuart. After you've basically shunned it.
I'm really mystified as to why this show is performing again. I've gotten tired at this point, BTW, so much of what I post here is going on my twitter verbatim.
Best Revival- Play
I have read nothing about the Norman Conquests. Strange. Well, congrats dudes.
Why do the Tonies hate Mary Stuart?
Best New Play
I am really into reasons to be pretty winning.
Well, there goes that. If I bet on these Tonies I would have LOST.
Aww, I've heard wonderful things about Yazmina Reza. I'm glad for her.
10:27
Oh man, I love this dude. Jerry Herman FTW. HAHAHAHA IT SAYS FROM HELLO, DOLLY AND WALL-E!
La Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage! George Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearn!
I'm recalling last year when Stephen Sondheim got this award, didn't show, and everyone assumed he was in the tropics with some bronzed cabana boy.
Would it be terrible for me to say that I was just worried he was going to pass out? Old people at the Tonies always make me really nervous. Like ARTHUR LAURENTS last year.
HEY LADY. ILU ANNE. And she gets Hair! This is like a party in my pants.
HERE WE GO.
And within the first 20 seconds I was wondering if 2 dudes were gonna make out.
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION.
Um, that was AWESOME.
And now there's Kristin!!! Make me happy, why don't you, Tonies. /sarcasm.
Oooh, awk. joke, Kristin.
Best Revival- Musical
YES HAIR YES YES. That's basically the first award I've agreed with all night.
I would not want any other man to be the producer of Hair.
OH MAN HE JUST MADE A MARRIAGE EQUALITY COMMENT.
Love.
10:46
Best Actress- Musical:
Well, that was unsurprising. And also lame. God, she drives me crazy.
Okay well THAT WAS REALLY EXTREME. Even though I guess it was nice?
sd;lkgjds;lfgjdfl;kgjds Okay get off the stage.
Audra! She was at the gay marriage rally!
Best Actor- Musical:
YES YES THE CUTE LITTLE BOYS.
I CANNOT EVEN. GAH.
CHANDRA WILSON OH MY GOD. Vocal blend? Jersey Boys?
10:59
Best Musical
Oh man, getting nervous. If Next to Normal wins I will piss myself.
YES THANK GOD. HOW LOVELY FOR THEM. :):):)
Oh my god there are so many cute screaming children.
NO. NO. NO NEXT TO NORMAL. Don't even talk about them.
aaah, lololol, they're screaming again.
NEIL IS SINGING! I think they bascially just wrote this show.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This show could basically not be any gayer. Truer truths have never been spoke.
ilu NPH.
Mmmm, I love the Tonies.