[fic] Obscura
For tm_northstar for the song drabble meme.
"Sex!" bellowed Mojo, waving his hands at the surrounding screens. "Violence! Spiral!"
She sighed. "You screamed?"
"Where is my sex and violence? I need viewership! Ratings!"
"Less coffee?" Spiral offered and then made a strangled noise as his hand closed around her throat, yanking her in so they were face to face. "...more coffee?"
"I. Need. A. Show," Mojo ground out. "I've seen more activity on cold, rust-covered desert planets." Spiral hummed under her breath. Mojo tossed her away. She landed lightly on her feet. "Find me something interesting before I'm forced to put you in a pinafore and send you out to dance for our supper."
Spiral considered this.
"That would be a punishment," Mojo clarified.
"Ah." Spiral danced away into the control booth, hands brushing half-a-dozen controls as she skipped across the dimensional feeds in search of something juicy enough to be edited into sound-bites for sophisticated audience consumption. "There is one thing..."
"Anything!"
"It's Canadian." She waited. Mojo dithered. "You did say 'anything'."
"Yes, yes, fine." Mojo scuttled back to his screens. "Show me. Show me!"
"Main screen turn on," Spiral muttered, pushing, pulling, and pressing things and ignoring the particle beam blasted warningly in her general direction.
"I see white," Mojo said.
"It's Canada," Spiral sighed. "It's full of snow."
"I don't pay you for scenery!"
"You don't pay me at all, screwloose."
"I let you breathe," Mojo growled. "It's a privilege I'm comfortable with revoking should you--"
Spiral nodded at the screens as something hairy and orange staggered back into view. A blur resolved itself into a young man in black and white spandex--
"Nice maple leaf," Mojo leered appreciatively. Spiral gagged loudly.
--who was yelling something obscene and Quebecois involving the sanctity of his sister and just what, precisely, would be done to defend the same.
"Is that anatomically possible?" Mojo mused. "Have someone research it, and film the results."
Spiral pulled a face at his back. She hated porn-patrol.
"Ooh, transvestite vampire-werewolf thing." Mojo chortled, clapping his hands together. "And maple girl one and two."
"Aurora and Guardian," Spiral supplied.
"Is it a theme?"
"They're Canadian."
"Well, I'm sure we can fix that in post," Mojo decided, waving this away. "Why are they beating each other up?"
Spiral shrugged. It was a very artful shrug, like a full body ripple. Mojo ignored it entirely, leaning forward to get a better view as maple-girl -- Aurora -- slapped orange-fur's face, and then promptly smacked Guardian too when she tried to intervene. Guardian struck back, was hit in turn by mapleboy, who was then grabbed by orange-hair, only to be dropped when wolfman went for him.
"It's like watching a Stooges sketch," Spiral murmured.
"Yes! We should edit in a laugh track. Gog has those hyena things, go tickle them, record it."
"I hate porn-patrol," Spiral lamented.
"No, no, no!" Mojo grabbed a screen, shaking it. "Who is this guy? Why is he walking in my shot? Why is he ignoring the wonderful fight and breaking into that secret underground installation? Why is there a secret underground installation in Canada?"
"Good tax breaks?" Spiral offered.
Mapleboy had just accidentally punched wolfman in the jaw and thus, distracted by a mumbled apology, failed to notice orange-fur leaping on him from behind. They went down right onto wolfman and a huge bank of snow, off-white mush spraying everywhere. Just as they managed to pull themselves free, Aurora and Guardian crashed into them, burying them all again.
"That's what I," Mojo started, and then the interloper came sauntering back out of the secret base. "No! No! The staging is all wrong!" He whirled around to grab Spiral and shake her while screaming, "Don't these people have any appreciation for my art?"
"...um," said Spiral, still looking at the screens.
Mojo turned back in time to see the fight blocked off as the interloper sauntered right up to them until his face filled the screen, a curl of white amidst the black, fringe hanging down across eyes of burning gold.
"Th-th-that's all folks," he said.
The screens froze on his wide and smirking smile, speakers letting off squeaks and clicks as artefacts cut the screens up into jerking, juddering squares.
Mojo stared at it.
Spiral stared at it.
"Huh," she said. "That was kinda creepy."
"...yes," said Mojo, rubbing his hands together and grinning avariciously. "Yes, it was! Add some deep bells, a bit of choral singing, superb! Cut it, soundtrack it, print it! I want it on the air immediately!"
He started cackling, sparks flying up from the metal feet as he half-danced, half-scuttled on the spot.
Spiral sighed and poured herself another three drinks.
"Sex!" bellowed Mojo, waving his hands at the surrounding screens. "Violence! Spiral!"
She sighed. "You screamed?"
"Where is my sex and violence? I need viewership! Ratings!"
"Less coffee?" Spiral offered and then made a strangled noise as his hand closed around her throat, yanking her in so they were face to face. "...more coffee?"
"I. Need. A. Show," Mojo ground out. "I've seen more activity on cold, rust-covered desert planets." Spiral hummed under her breath. Mojo tossed her away. She landed lightly on her feet. "Find me something interesting before I'm forced to put you in a pinafore and send you out to dance for our supper."
Spiral considered this.
"That would be a punishment," Mojo clarified.
"Ah." Spiral danced away into the control booth, hands brushing half-a-dozen controls as she skipped across the dimensional feeds in search of something juicy enough to be edited into sound-bites for sophisticated audience consumption. "There is one thing..."
"Anything!"
"It's Canadian." She waited. Mojo dithered. "You did say 'anything'."
"Yes, yes, fine." Mojo scuttled back to his screens. "Show me. Show me!"
"Main screen turn on," Spiral muttered, pushing, pulling, and pressing things and ignoring the particle beam blasted warningly in her general direction.
"I see white," Mojo said.
"It's Canada," Spiral sighed. "It's full of snow."
"I don't pay you for scenery!"
"You don't pay me at all, screwloose."
"I let you breathe," Mojo growled. "It's a privilege I'm comfortable with revoking should you--"
Spiral nodded at the screens as something hairy and orange staggered back into view. A blur resolved itself into a young man in black and white spandex--
"Nice maple leaf," Mojo leered appreciatively. Spiral gagged loudly.
--who was yelling something obscene and Quebecois involving the sanctity of his sister and just what, precisely, would be done to defend the same.
"Is that anatomically possible?" Mojo mused. "Have someone research it, and film the results."
Spiral pulled a face at his back. She hated porn-patrol.
"Ooh, transvestite vampire-werewolf thing." Mojo chortled, clapping his hands together. "And maple girl one and two."
"Aurora and Guardian," Spiral supplied.
"Is it a theme?"
"They're Canadian."
"Well, I'm sure we can fix that in post," Mojo decided, waving this away. "Why are they beating each other up?"
Spiral shrugged. It was a very artful shrug, like a full body ripple. Mojo ignored it entirely, leaning forward to get a better view as maple-girl -- Aurora -- slapped orange-fur's face, and then promptly smacked Guardian too when she tried to intervene. Guardian struck back, was hit in turn by mapleboy, who was then grabbed by orange-hair, only to be dropped when wolfman went for him.
"It's like watching a Stooges sketch," Spiral murmured.
"Yes! We should edit in a laugh track. Gog has those hyena things, go tickle them, record it."
"I hate porn-patrol," Spiral lamented.
"No, no, no!" Mojo grabbed a screen, shaking it. "Who is this guy? Why is he walking in my shot? Why is he ignoring the wonderful fight and breaking into that secret underground installation? Why is there a secret underground installation in Canada?"
"Good tax breaks?" Spiral offered.
Mapleboy had just accidentally punched wolfman in the jaw and thus, distracted by a mumbled apology, failed to notice orange-fur leaping on him from behind. They went down right onto wolfman and a huge bank of snow, off-white mush spraying everywhere. Just as they managed to pull themselves free, Aurora and Guardian crashed into them, burying them all again.
"That's what I," Mojo started, and then the interloper came sauntering back out of the secret base. "No! No! The staging is all wrong!" He whirled around to grab Spiral and shake her while screaming, "Don't these people have any appreciation for my art?"
"...um," said Spiral, still looking at the screens.
Mojo turned back in time to see the fight blocked off as the interloper sauntered right up to them until his face filled the screen, a curl of white amidst the black, fringe hanging down across eyes of burning gold.
"Th-th-that's all folks," he said.
The screens froze on his wide and smirking smile, speakers letting off squeaks and clicks as artefacts cut the screens up into jerking, juddering squares.
Mojo stared at it.
Spiral stared at it.
"Huh," she said. "That was kinda creepy."
"...yes," said Mojo, rubbing his hands together and grinning avariciously. "Yes, it was! Add some deep bells, a bit of choral singing, superb! Cut it, soundtrack it, print it! I want it on the air immediately!"
He started cackling, sparks flying up from the metal feet as he half-danced, half-scuttled on the spot.
Spiral sighed and poured herself another three drinks.