[fic] Five Times Mike Had To Babysit The Richards Kids
*FLASH*
"...did something weird just happen?" Mike asked.
Both Franklin and Valeria looked up at him from their board game.
"You threw three doubles," Franklin said. "So you have to go to Jail, see?" He pointed at the top hat in the jail square. "It's not weird, it's the rules!"
"Right," said Mike. "I knew that. Weird psychic moment."
"It's my go," Valeria complained. "Give me the dice!"
"Huh? Oh, here." He handed them over.
"We can do something else if you're bored," Franklin said quickly.
"But I'm winning," Valeria complained. "I've got Boardwalk and Park Place and all the Railroads and--"
"Mike wants to do something else," Franklin said. "Don't you, Mike?"
"...like what?" Mike said cautiously.
"We could look in the lab," Franklin said casually, "you know, just look around. We wouldn't have to touch anything or anything."
"Oh, yes, please! Can we, Mike?" asked Valeria. "Can we? Pleeeease?"
"I don't think we should -- oh, who am I kidding?" Mike grinned and bounced to his feet. "Come on, let's go look-see."
They headed for the elevator and Franklin lifted Valeria up so she could press the button for the lab. Mike followed the kids into Reed's workshop, admiring the assorted technological toys that Reed had clearly made as passing thoughts.
"Ooh! Antigravity badges!" Valeria jumped and scrambled up the side of the table to grab one; the others came tumbling after, but Mike caught them telekinetically, putting them back. "Look, you pin them on like this and then you turn them like this and wheeee!"
She bounced off her feet and rebounded giggling off the ceiling.
Franklin rolled his eyes. "Pff. Girls."
"I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu," Mike said. "Like we've done this all before."
"You sat for us last month!" Valeria said, hanging upside down.
"No, that's not it."
"Hey, this is weird," said Franklin. "All the minibots batteries are missing. I was going to use them to, um, help, something. Good. Yes."
"And the swirly blinking light ball thingy is off too," said Valeria.
"The whatty-what now?"
"Swirly blinking light ball thingy!" Valeria tumbled head over heels before righting herself enough to point at a keypad on a post next to a blank wall. "Usually it's right there over the buttons, so people can't press them."
"I wonder what they do," Franklin said, bounding over and punching some at random.
"I really don't think you should do that," Mike said.
"Do what?"
"Press the buttons."
"Okay," said Franklin, and pressed some more buttons.
"...that was actually pretty sneaky," Mike said, impressed.
"You again!" cried Kang.
There was a moment's confusion as all three of them spun around, trying to work out where Kang had suddenly come from, and then realised that Kang hadn't come from anywhere, they'd gone somewhere. Somewhere big and shiny and covered in interesting look technology which was itself covered in buttons and levers and glowing things.
"Oooooh," said Valeria, eyes huge.
"I've seen better," said Franklin. "Hey! Those are my dad's! And those! And my batteries!"
"They now belong to Kang - The Conqueror!" proclaimed Kang.
"Dude," said Mike. "We all know who you are. You don't have to keep telling us all the time. Do you have self-esteem issues? I know a good therapist who can--"
"Quiet! I don't know how you discovered my intrusion," said Kang, "but you'll rue the -- OW!" Franklin had kicked him in the shin. "Oh, you will pay for that, insolent whelp."
He fired a blast from his gauntlets at Franklin that bounced off a hastily repositioned Mike.
"Do you mind?" Mike said. "Do you have any idea what Sue will do to me if I get her kids fried? Or--"
"FOR SCIENCE!" cried Valeria, bouncing off the wall and charging at Kang. She missed entirely, striking a large red button on the opposite wall.
"Uh-oh," said Kang.
"Um*FLASH*
"...did something weird just happen?" Mike asked.
"You threw three doubles," Franklin said, "and--"
"Now I go to jail," Mike said along with him, confused.
"We can do something else," Franklin said. "Valeria is winning anyway."
"Like what?" Mike said cautiously.
"We could go to the lab!" Valeria said, bouncing to her feet. "For science!"
"...deja whoa," muttered Mike. "Sure, I'd like to see the labs."
They headed for the elevator, and Mike held Valeria up so she could press the button for the lab, then followed the kids in when they reached the right level.
"I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu," Mike said. "Like we've done this all before."
"You sat for us last month," said Franklin. "Hey, someone's taken the batteries out of the minibots. I was gonna, um--"
"Use them for something good, yes," said Mike, turning at a clatter to find Valeria floating and a pile of badges on the ground. He went to put them back on the table and turned back in time to see Franklin pushing buttons on a keypad on a post. "Franklin? What are you doing?"
"Pushing buttons?" said Franklin, and pushed some more.
"You again!" cried Kang.
There was a moment's confusion as all three of them spun around, trying to work out where Kang had suddenly come from, and then realised that Kang hadn't come from anywhere, they'd gone somewhere.
"Again?" said Mike. "Hang on, hasn't this happened before? Franklin kicked you in the shins--"
"OW!" said Kang, "Impudent brat!"
"Mike told me to," said Franklin. "We have to do what the sitter tells us. It's the rules."
"--and Valeria charged you and missed and hit that big red button," Mike continued. "I mean--"
"This one?" asked Valeria. "FOR SCIENCE!" she cried, and punched it.
"Wai*FLASH*
"....did something weird just--" Mike frowned. "I'm in jail, Valeria's winning, lets go see the lab."
"Yay! The lab!" cried Valeria, running into the lift.
"Well, if you said to, it's okay," Franklin agreed and hurried after her, stretching on tip-toe to reach the button.
"I didn't mean -- hang on!" Mike dived between the closing doors. "Look, kids, something weird is going on, and it's very important no-one touches anything."
"Like what?" asked Franklin as they arrived, stepping out into the lab.
"Like, um." Mike frowned. "Badges!"
"Like these?" asked Valeria, grabbing one and sending the rest falling.
"Did I not just say don't touch things? Franklin, keep an eye on your -- Franklin?" He looked around. "I said, no touching!"
"I'm pushing buttons," Franklin complained, doing so. "Pushing isn't touching."
"What sort of logic is that?"
"I'm ten!"
"Good point. Yes, it's us again," he added to Kang. "Look, it's very important that no more buttons are touched or pushed or poked or prodded or -- you wouldn't happen to have a thesaurus handy would you?"
"No," said Kang, "only your imminent deaths."
He tried to blast them with his gauntlets, hitting Mike's shields instead, driving Mike backwards, who stumbled over Franklin and knocked into Valeria just as she was pinning her antigravity badge to a strap of her dungarees.
"FOR SCIENCE!" she cried, flying off at speed, missing Kang completely an*FLASH*
"Did something..." Mike frowned. "Huh. Deja vu all over again. Right. Franklin, put me in jail. Valeria, here are the dice. Kids, I have to ... go to the bathroom, yes. Stay exactly where you are and keep playing the game and stay! Good children!"
He backed away from them slowly into the elevator. Franklin and Valeria were both giving him the "you've gone mad and our parents are superheroes who will kick your ass" looks.
"Staaaaay," said Mike, hitting the button. Up to the lab! Buttons on a post. Poke poke poke poke... How had Franklin done this? Poke poke poke poke poke -- was that the elevator coming back up?
"This isn't the way to the bathroom, silly," Valeria said.
"It's dad's lab," Franklin agreed.
"What are you doing? Did you turn evil? Are you a robot?"
"What do those buttons do?" Franklin pushed Mike's hand out of the way and started pushing them himself.
"Transmit us into a subspace workshop," said Mike. "Hi, Kang! We're just passing through, and we're certainly not going to-- Valeria, you didn't pick up any antigravity badges, did you?"
"No," she said.
"Oh, good," Mike said.
"Just the minibot version of HERBIE. It uses batteries, like these here." She grabbed one from the table and pushed it into place.
"Impudent brat!" cried Kang, snatching the minibot. "These are my -- OW!"
"Franklin! Stop kicking time-travelling despots in the shins! It's a very bad habit," Mike said.
"I shall kill you all," Kang growled, throwing away the minibot. It lit up in mid-air and changed direction abruptly, flying at the wall.
"You broke its guidance system," Franklin said. "Dad grounded us for a whole week when we did that!"
"We did it FOR SCIENCE!"
"Look o*FLASH*
"Did --" Mike frowned. "Right. Okay. I see what's going on here. New game, kids! Right, simple binding spell, simple binding spell, um..."
"You can't do magic in the Baxter building," said Franklin.
"Daddy made it so Goddaddy Doom couldn't," Valeria agreed.
Fortunately, there was duct tape to hand, and he had Franklin's help to tie Valeria up, and telekinetic help to tie Franklin up.
"Hey!" cried Franklin.
"Mmmf!" cried Valeria.
"I'll be right back," said Mike, teleported up to the lab, ripped off the top of the keypad, and hit the wires with power blasts until he was standing in front of Kang again.
"You--"
"Shut up," said Mike. "Look, we're trapped in a temporal loop and I really don't care what you're stealing from Reed's laboratory -- and why does he have his own personal dimension anyway? What's that about? Anyway, whatever you're doing, you need to stop, before any buttons are pressed or -- gah!"
Kang had lunged at him. They grappled back and forth, stumbling from one side of the lab to the other, before Kang managed to get in a lucky blast from his gauntlets which sent Mike staggering into the wall, elbow hitting a button.
"For science," he sighed
*FLASH*
(Fortunately the time-loop only extended between the two floors, so Reed fixed it, and Sue was slightly less pissed than the time Mike and Franklin let a malfunctioning Doombot into Reed's laboratory, whereupon it hijacked Reed's anti-gravity drive, stole the Baxter building and flew it into space until they distracted it with a Squeebal and flew the building back, got HERBIE to fix the major structural damage, and attempted to hide the cosmetic damage with potted plants, in the hope that the Richards wouldn't notice the door now faced East not South, so Mike called it a win. For Science!)
"...did something weird just happen?" Mike asked.
Both Franklin and Valeria looked up at him from their board game.
"You threw three doubles," Franklin said. "So you have to go to Jail, see?" He pointed at the top hat in the jail square. "It's not weird, it's the rules!"
"Right," said Mike. "I knew that. Weird psychic moment."
"It's my go," Valeria complained. "Give me the dice!"
"Huh? Oh, here." He handed them over.
"We can do something else if you're bored," Franklin said quickly.
"But I'm winning," Valeria complained. "I've got Boardwalk and Park Place and all the Railroads and--"
"Mike wants to do something else," Franklin said. "Don't you, Mike?"
"...like what?" Mike said cautiously.
"We could look in the lab," Franklin said casually, "you know, just look around. We wouldn't have to touch anything or anything."
"Oh, yes, please! Can we, Mike?" asked Valeria. "Can we? Pleeeease?"
"I don't think we should -- oh, who am I kidding?" Mike grinned and bounced to his feet. "Come on, let's go look-see."
They headed for the elevator and Franklin lifted Valeria up so she could press the button for the lab. Mike followed the kids into Reed's workshop, admiring the assorted technological toys that Reed had clearly made as passing thoughts.
"Ooh! Antigravity badges!" Valeria jumped and scrambled up the side of the table to grab one; the others came tumbling after, but Mike caught them telekinetically, putting them back. "Look, you pin them on like this and then you turn them like this and wheeee!"
She bounced off her feet and rebounded giggling off the ceiling.
Franklin rolled his eyes. "Pff. Girls."
"I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu," Mike said. "Like we've done this all before."
"You sat for us last month!" Valeria said, hanging upside down.
"No, that's not it."
"Hey, this is weird," said Franklin. "All the minibots batteries are missing. I was going to use them to, um, help, something. Good. Yes."
"And the swirly blinking light ball thingy is off too," said Valeria.
"The whatty-what now?"
"Swirly blinking light ball thingy!" Valeria tumbled head over heels before righting herself enough to point at a keypad on a post next to a blank wall. "Usually it's right there over the buttons, so people can't press them."
"I wonder what they do," Franklin said, bounding over and punching some at random.
"I really don't think you should do that," Mike said.
"Do what?"
"Press the buttons."
"Okay," said Franklin, and pressed some more buttons.
"...that was actually pretty sneaky," Mike said, impressed.
"You again!" cried Kang.
There was a moment's confusion as all three of them spun around, trying to work out where Kang had suddenly come from, and then realised that Kang hadn't come from anywhere, they'd gone somewhere. Somewhere big and shiny and covered in interesting look technology which was itself covered in buttons and levers and glowing things.
"Oooooh," said Valeria, eyes huge.
"I've seen better," said Franklin. "Hey! Those are my dad's! And those! And my batteries!"
"They now belong to Kang - The Conqueror!" proclaimed Kang.
"Dude," said Mike. "We all know who you are. You don't have to keep telling us all the time. Do you have self-esteem issues? I know a good therapist who can--"
"Quiet! I don't know how you discovered my intrusion," said Kang, "but you'll rue the -- OW!" Franklin had kicked him in the shin. "Oh, you will pay for that, insolent whelp."
He fired a blast from his gauntlets at Franklin that bounced off a hastily repositioned Mike.
"Do you mind?" Mike said. "Do you have any idea what Sue will do to me if I get her kids fried? Or--"
"FOR SCIENCE!" cried Valeria, bouncing off the wall and charging at Kang. She missed entirely, striking a large red button on the opposite wall.
"Uh-oh," said Kang.
"Um*FLASH*
"...did something weird just happen?" Mike asked.
"You threw three doubles," Franklin said, "and--"
"Now I go to jail," Mike said along with him, confused.
"We can do something else," Franklin said. "Valeria is winning anyway."
"Like what?" Mike said cautiously.
"We could go to the lab!" Valeria said, bouncing to her feet. "For science!"
"...deja whoa," muttered Mike. "Sure, I'd like to see the labs."
They headed for the elevator, and Mike held Valeria up so she could press the button for the lab, then followed the kids in when they reached the right level.
"I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu," Mike said. "Like we've done this all before."
"You sat for us last month," said Franklin. "Hey, someone's taken the batteries out of the minibots. I was gonna, um--"
"Use them for something good, yes," said Mike, turning at a clatter to find Valeria floating and a pile of badges on the ground. He went to put them back on the table and turned back in time to see Franklin pushing buttons on a keypad on a post. "Franklin? What are you doing?"
"Pushing buttons?" said Franklin, and pushed some more.
"You again!" cried Kang.
There was a moment's confusion as all three of them spun around, trying to work out where Kang had suddenly come from, and then realised that Kang hadn't come from anywhere, they'd gone somewhere.
"Again?" said Mike. "Hang on, hasn't this happened before? Franklin kicked you in the shins--"
"OW!" said Kang, "Impudent brat!"
"Mike told me to," said Franklin. "We have to do what the sitter tells us. It's the rules."
"--and Valeria charged you and missed and hit that big red button," Mike continued. "I mean--"
"This one?" asked Valeria. "FOR SCIENCE!" she cried, and punched it.
"Wai*FLASH*
"....did something weird just--" Mike frowned. "I'm in jail, Valeria's winning, lets go see the lab."
"Yay! The lab!" cried Valeria, running into the lift.
"Well, if you said to, it's okay," Franklin agreed and hurried after her, stretching on tip-toe to reach the button.
"I didn't mean -- hang on!" Mike dived between the closing doors. "Look, kids, something weird is going on, and it's very important no-one touches anything."
"Like what?" asked Franklin as they arrived, stepping out into the lab.
"Like, um." Mike frowned. "Badges!"
"Like these?" asked Valeria, grabbing one and sending the rest falling.
"Did I not just say don't touch things? Franklin, keep an eye on your -- Franklin?" He looked around. "I said, no touching!"
"I'm pushing buttons," Franklin complained, doing so. "Pushing isn't touching."
"What sort of logic is that?"
"I'm ten!"
"Good point. Yes, it's us again," he added to Kang. "Look, it's very important that no more buttons are touched or pushed or poked or prodded or -- you wouldn't happen to have a thesaurus handy would you?"
"No," said Kang, "only your imminent deaths."
He tried to blast them with his gauntlets, hitting Mike's shields instead, driving Mike backwards, who stumbled over Franklin and knocked into Valeria just as she was pinning her antigravity badge to a strap of her dungarees.
"FOR SCIENCE!" she cried, flying off at speed, missing Kang completely an*FLASH*
"Did something..." Mike frowned. "Huh. Deja vu all over again. Right. Franklin, put me in jail. Valeria, here are the dice. Kids, I have to ... go to the bathroom, yes. Stay exactly where you are and keep playing the game and stay! Good children!"
He backed away from them slowly into the elevator. Franklin and Valeria were both giving him the "you've gone mad and our parents are superheroes who will kick your ass" looks.
"Staaaaay," said Mike, hitting the button. Up to the lab! Buttons on a post. Poke poke poke poke... How had Franklin done this? Poke poke poke poke poke -- was that the elevator coming back up?
"This isn't the way to the bathroom, silly," Valeria said.
"It's dad's lab," Franklin agreed.
"What are you doing? Did you turn evil? Are you a robot?"
"What do those buttons do?" Franklin pushed Mike's hand out of the way and started pushing them himself.
"Transmit us into a subspace workshop," said Mike. "Hi, Kang! We're just passing through, and we're certainly not going to-- Valeria, you didn't pick up any antigravity badges, did you?"
"No," she said.
"Oh, good," Mike said.
"Just the minibot version of HERBIE. It uses batteries, like these here." She grabbed one from the table and pushed it into place.
"Impudent brat!" cried Kang, snatching the minibot. "These are my -- OW!"
"Franklin! Stop kicking time-travelling despots in the shins! It's a very bad habit," Mike said.
"I shall kill you all," Kang growled, throwing away the minibot. It lit up in mid-air and changed direction abruptly, flying at the wall.
"You broke its guidance system," Franklin said. "Dad grounded us for a whole week when we did that!"
"We did it FOR SCIENCE!"
"Look o*FLASH*
"Did --" Mike frowned. "Right. Okay. I see what's going on here. New game, kids! Right, simple binding spell, simple binding spell, um..."
"You can't do magic in the Baxter building," said Franklin.
"Daddy made it so Goddaddy Doom couldn't," Valeria agreed.
Fortunately, there was duct tape to hand, and he had Franklin's help to tie Valeria up, and telekinetic help to tie Franklin up.
"Hey!" cried Franklin.
"Mmmf!" cried Valeria.
"I'll be right back," said Mike, teleported up to the lab, ripped off the top of the keypad, and hit the wires with power blasts until he was standing in front of Kang again.
"You--"
"Shut up," said Mike. "Look, we're trapped in a temporal loop and I really don't care what you're stealing from Reed's laboratory -- and why does he have his own personal dimension anyway? What's that about? Anyway, whatever you're doing, you need to stop, before any buttons are pressed or -- gah!"
Kang had lunged at him. They grappled back and forth, stumbling from one side of the lab to the other, before Kang managed to get in a lucky blast from his gauntlets which sent Mike staggering into the wall, elbow hitting a button.
"For science," he sighed
*FLASH*
(Fortunately the time-loop only extended between the two floors, so Reed fixed it, and Sue was slightly less pissed than the time Mike and Franklin let a malfunctioning Doombot into Reed's laboratory, whereupon it hijacked Reed's anti-gravity drive, stole the Baxter building and flew it into space until they distracted it with a Squeebal and flew the building back, got HERBIE to fix the major structural damage, and attempted to hide the cosmetic damage with potted plants, in the hope that the Richards wouldn't notice the door now faced East not South, so Mike called it a win. For Science!)