The biggest mistake ever
100. Regrets, Hanchul, Sichul
Title : The biggest mistake ever
Pairing : Hanchul, Sichul, (ninja!) Kichul, mention of Kihae
Genre : Angst
A/N : credit to leunah23 => unni if you really are that sleepy, you could do this tomorrow ^o^ but you do this today ^ ^;; anyway, i love you unni for doing this XDDD
dedicated to
keyla_yeppo = > unni, is this considered that I've fulfilled my promise? if it's not, then I'll make you another sichul ^ ^
Siwon and I… yes, we are best friends. We were best friends since high school .The first time I met him was when we were still in 10th grade. We were in the same class and he was my first friend. I was transferred from China and my Korean wasn’t that good compared to now. He was the first person who spoke to me during breaktime. We got close easily because we have many similarities and he used to live in China, so he understood a little Chinese.
Now, here we are sitting in the same college. We took different majors, but we were still close because we lived in the same dorm and we were roommates. Everything in our life changed. Everything... our classes were now different (we always belonged to the same class before). Our friends have changed because different majors meant different people and we needed to be friends with them. Different majors meant different schedules, we seldom see each other in campus. We only met in the dorm at night. Still, one thing that will never changed is our friendship,we were still best friends.
There was this one day when we met this guy, Kim Heechul, a weird guy but had a face that was too pretty for a guy. He took a different major from us that’s why I didn’t know how did we manage to become best friends. I think it started when he told me that he loved someone named Kim Kibum.
Yes, Heechul and I became close earlier than Heechul and Siwon. Heechul always told me everything. Everything…
It’s been six months since we knew each other. We knew how crazy Heechul was and how much he loved to tease people. Siwon and I always being his victims. Until one day when Kibum walked in front of us, which made me and Siwon thought that it was the best time for revenge. We teased Heechul with Kibum, and I knew how childish it was.
“No, I don’t like Kibum anymore… he has Donghae now, why should I still be in love with him?” Heechul said that with a smirk.
I don’t know why, but I felt really happy because of that. I immediately hugged him and laughed with him and Siwon.
Yes, it’s been months since we knew each other and we became bestfriends, but this feeling, it’s new. I didn’t know since when I started to look at Kim Heechul in different way. I didn’t know since when I started to have butterflied in my stomach whenever I’m with him. I didn’t know since when I started to feel nervous whenever he sat beside me. I didn’t know since when I started to get jealous whenever Heechul get close to Siwon or any other guy and I didn’t know since when I started to fall in love with him. I really didn’t know…
“Hankyung hyung!”
“Yeah?”
“What will you do if Heechul hyung loves you?”
I didn’t know why Siwon suddenly asked that kind of question. Did he know that I love Heechul? Should I tell him the truth? Will he still be my friend if I tell him the truth? All I know, Siwon doesn’t like this kind of stuff. He always believed that the woman was created for man, and he believed that the perfect relationship is only between a man and a woman. Not a male ot male relationship. I didn’t know whether I should tell him the truth or not… I didn’t want him to feel disgust whenever he’s with me… but I didn’t want lying to my bestfriend either…
“Hmm, I don’t know… I always thought of Heechul as my bestfriend. I never thought of him that way… why did you ask?” I said with a smile.
“Nothing… Just asking…” Siwon immediately looked away from me. It made me thinking. Did I give him an answer that he needed or was it really obvious that I lied to him? I didn’t know… the lamp was turned off after that and we went to sleep.
There was this day when I needed Heechul’s help with my assignment. I went to his room only to find him crying alone. It’s really unusual to see him crying. I hugged him, I didn’t know what to say. Heechul was a jerk, a jerk that I loved, but the Heechul in my arms was far from that image. Heechul in my arm looked really fragile and made me want to protect him. I never saw Heechul in this condition. He was just… different… seeing him in this condition, it makes me want to comfort him. I wanted to kiss him, but, it would make us indifferent, I didn’t want to change what we have now. Staying as bestfriends was the best choice ever.
The next day, Heechul was back to his old self again. Back being a jerk. I can’t see any difference in his smile and his laugh, but his eyes can’t lie. His eyes were incompatible with his laughter and words.
There was this one day again when I needed to go to Heechul place. I opened his door and I saw him making love with Siwon. Of course they noticed me. I just smiled at them and closed that fucking door. I must be really unlucky, whenever I came to his place, I always saw s different side of him. The first time, he was crying, and the second time I saw my two bestfriends having sex. But it’s not about being unlucky that made me cry, it’s because of I just realized that I’ve lost my chance to be with Heechul. I never knew that Heechul and Siwon loved each other. I just never knew…
Later that night, Siwon came back to our room. He was surprised to see me. Well, I understand if he was shy. It’s really unpleasant to saw your bestfriend after being caught having sex with his other bestfriend. I smiled at him and patted his back.
“Since when?” I asked him with a smile. I knew it was not a sincere question.
“Hyung… it’s…” He took a deep breath before continuing what he said, “Today” he said.
“Congratulations then!!! Why do you look so sad? You should be happy”
“Hyung, don’t you know that… that he used to love you?”
I didn’t know whether I should cry or smile. I didn’t know what should I do. I’m happy to know that Heechul loved me, but on the other hand, he and Siwon are… well, I don’t know… I don’t know what I should do anymore.
“Really?” that word is the only word that came from my mouth
“Yeah… do you remember when I asked you about what if Heechul hyung loves you?”
“Yes…”
“It was the words from him. He told me to ask you that…”
“Is that why he was crying?” I asked that, but it’s just a whispered.
“Pardon?”
“Nothing… Congratulations to both of you!” I said that once again with a smile and got out of the room.
I walked… just walked… without aim… I felt that it’s hurt too much, and I can’t hold my tears any longer. I don’t want to make Siwon worried. This was stupid. How can I be this stupid? It should have been me who had sex with Heechul… it shouldn’t be Siwon… If only I’m not that stupid…
If someone asked me what my biggest regret in life was, it’s that I never said how much I loved Kim Heechul. I was too caught in my thoughts that everyone… no, not everyone… its Siwon… will hate me and never looked at me as the same Hankyung anymore. But it turned out to be the biggest mistake ever too. I never expected that Siwon have some feeling for Heechul. Now, all I can do is just give my support to them and tried to give my sincere smile whenever I saw them.