(no subject)
And now, for my second installment of 'God Exists and is Male'...
First a disclaimer, once again, this is my dribble, it will be sacrilegious in content and most likely will offend any sensibilities.
Now that I've addressed that...
I thought the less-than-one-inch-urethra was proof enough god exists and is a masogonist bastard - that or extremely disconnected with reality, but WAIT! there's more. For six low monthly payments of $149.99 you too can expereince all that I have in the last month. First it was the UTI, then the kidney infection... and with all those antibiotics cursing through my system, coupled with the blatant disregard my family practitioner has for my crotchal comfort and her failure to warn me to eat loads of yogurt while popping mold pills (shouldn't this trip be more psychedelic? Ergot anyone? Why thank you Mr. Hendrix.), I am the unfortunate victim of the dreaded YEAST INFECTION. Apparently not only do antibiotics kill bad bacteria, the kind that make your lower back cringe in anticipation of unruly Bacterial block parties, BUT they also kill good bacteria! Like the kind that host wine mixers in your va-jay-jay...
Uh, excuse me? Wait a moment., did I just say there was a party in my pants? It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer! ...
Ok, moving on.
This is how it all went down:
God: Bob, hey Bob! Come look at this.
Bob, head of human development: Uh, yes your Highness.
God: Look at what man has 'discovered', with my help of course.
Bob: Oh, well, uh, sure... let's see, oh well it looks like they have invented a new form of torture, humm, regularly scheduled television programing.
God: No, no, penicillin! I inspired that Fleming guy, he 'dicovered' antibiotics, it'll change the world that will.
Bob: Mold, again sir, that did not go so well in the dark ages, what with moldy rye and all those people going insane and killing themselves...
God: *waves hands* No, no, this one is better, this will help sick people. Kills bacterial infections.
Bob: ahh, Mrs. God getting after you for the Urethra Fiasco, again, Sir?
God: *Nods head* Something about spending too much on peacocks... BUT, this should calm her down
Bob: Uh, well Your Worshipfulness, maybe you've forgotten, but, uh, going back over the specs of the Female Body, we - that is you, Sir, designed the female reproductive system to be highly dependent on a delicate balance of good bacteria. Maybe it would be a better idea to just fix the urethra problem, like Mrs. God said to -
God: Oh, poppy-cock! This way is easier, just a little nudge, going back to the drawing board would just be too much work, besides, it can't depend on it THAT much.
Bob: uh, oh, uh, well, ok Sir...
SEE! MORE PROOF!
First a disclaimer, once again, this is my dribble, it will be sacrilegious in content and most likely will offend any sensibilities.
Now that I've addressed that...
I thought the less-than-one-inch-urethra was proof enough god exists and is a masogonist bastard - that or extremely disconnected with reality, but WAIT! there's more. For six low monthly payments of $149.99 you too can expereince all that I have in the last month. First it was the UTI, then the kidney infection... and with all those antibiotics cursing through my system, coupled with the blatant disregard my family practitioner has for my crotchal comfort and her failure to warn me to eat loads of yogurt while popping mold pills (shouldn't this trip be more psychedelic? Ergot anyone? Why thank you Mr. Hendrix.), I am the unfortunate victim of the dreaded YEAST INFECTION. Apparently not only do antibiotics kill bad bacteria, the kind that make your lower back cringe in anticipation of unruly Bacterial block parties, BUT they also kill good bacteria! Like the kind that host wine mixers in your va-jay-jay...
Uh, excuse me? Wait a moment., did I just say there was a party in my pants? It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer! ...
Ok, moving on.
This is how it all went down:
God: Bob, hey Bob! Come look at this.
Bob, head of human development: Uh, yes your Highness.
God: Look at what man has 'discovered', with my help of course.
Bob: Oh, well, uh, sure... let's see, oh well it looks like they have invented a new form of torture, humm, regularly scheduled television programing.
God: No, no, penicillin! I inspired that Fleming guy, he 'dicovered' antibiotics, it'll change the world that will.
Bob: Mold, again sir, that did not go so well in the dark ages, what with moldy rye and all those people going insane and killing themselves...
God: *waves hands* No, no, this one is better, this will help sick people. Kills bacterial infections.
Bob: ahh, Mrs. God getting after you for the Urethra Fiasco, again, Sir?
God: *Nods head* Something about spending too much on peacocks... BUT, this should calm her down
Bob: Uh, well Your Worshipfulness, maybe you've forgotten, but, uh, going back over the specs of the Female Body, we - that is you, Sir, designed the female reproductive system to be highly dependent on a delicate balance of good bacteria. Maybe it would be a better idea to just fix the urethra problem, like Mrs. God said to -
God: Oh, poppy-cock! This way is easier, just a little nudge, going back to the drawing board would just be too much work, besides, it can't depend on it THAT much.
Bob: uh, oh, uh, well, ok Sir...
SEE! MORE PROOF!