I hate being a girl sometimes.
So then I was hanging with one of my friends yesterday, and all of a sudden things changed into one of these cliche teen-y novels I used to like reading on...yeah...
And like these novels, I retorted by saying something on the lines of:
"Yeah well, of course you like me, you're my friend, you have to like me."
and
"I still don't believe you."
And of course, trying to steer away from the subject because I just got really confused.
So we walked around in circles around Manhattan. Him bringing it up, and me just trying to steer clear of things.
For all I know, I don't have any qualities (physical or mental) that would attract the opposite sex. I've always never been more than a friend and it hasn't changed.
He said that it has been going on for quite a few months now and he liked me because he liked me because I could be me and that I was nice. He also said that he knew he wasn't much (he's not proud of his physical attributes) and it stung. It just saddens me when friends degrade themselves because of their physical appearances because they're so much more than that. I confess to not being so proud of mine, but in the end I just don't care.
Guh, it was just totally unexpected.
I don't think I've had any more than platonic feelings for him. But now things just got really really confusing.
A part of me wants to reject him, but a part of me doesn't. He's a really nice guy and I've always enjoyed his company, he wasn't pushy or force full when he confessed and just said that he wasn't giving up on me when we went our separate ways home. Which was really sweet.
If I accept, I know it wouldn't work out because the smallest displays of affection such as hand holding make me very uncomfortable. I've always had trouble accepting friendly gestures from even the closest of my friends without me pushing them away (and even semi-violently sometimes).
Maybe it could be the time I get over it, take a chance and all that jazz. But it scares me. And I don't think I'm ready for it.
And I really don't want to lose him as a friend.
I've been brooding about this non stop and even woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep because I had too much on my mind.
It'd be awkward either way (if I reject or accept). So I guess I'll just to reject and wish him the best on finding someone else. I know that he will make them very happy and they'll actually have something to offer in return unlike me.
Heh, I'm such a drama queen.
Well, guess I'll try to enjoy the remainders of this summer. School will go back haunting my dreams in no time. x_x
Edit: Right, so I did it. I hope it won't hurt for long.
-sigh-
And like these novels, I retorted by saying something on the lines of:
"Yeah well, of course you like me, you're my friend, you have to like me."
and
"I still don't believe you."
And of course, trying to steer away from the subject because I just got really confused.
So we walked around in circles around Manhattan. Him bringing it up, and me just trying to steer clear of things.
For all I know, I don't have any qualities (physical or mental) that would attract the opposite sex. I've always never been more than a friend and it hasn't changed.
He said that it has been going on for quite a few months now and he liked me because he liked me because I could be me and that I was nice. He also said that he knew he wasn't much (he's not proud of his physical attributes) and it stung. It just saddens me when friends degrade themselves because of their physical appearances because they're so much more than that. I confess to not being so proud of mine, but in the end I just don't care.
Guh, it was just totally unexpected.
I don't think I've had any more than platonic feelings for him. But now things just got really really confusing.
A part of me wants to reject him, but a part of me doesn't. He's a really nice guy and I've always enjoyed his company, he wasn't pushy or force full when he confessed and just said that he wasn't giving up on me when we went our separate ways home. Which was really sweet.
If I accept, I know it wouldn't work out because the smallest displays of affection such as hand holding make me very uncomfortable. I've always had trouble accepting friendly gestures from even the closest of my friends without me pushing them away (and even semi-violently sometimes).
Maybe it could be the time I get over it, take a chance and all that jazz. But it scares me. And I don't think I'm ready for it.
And I really don't want to lose him as a friend.
I've been brooding about this non stop and even woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep because I had too much on my mind.
It'd be awkward either way (if I reject or accept). So I guess I'll just to reject and wish him the best on finding someone else. I know that he will make them very happy and they'll actually have something to offer in return unlike me.
Heh, I'm such a drama queen.
Well, guess I'll try to enjoy the remainders of this summer. School will go back haunting my dreams in no time. x_x
Edit: Right, so I did it. I hope it won't hurt for long.
-sigh-