Reconciliation: A Rough Draft

[shanmonster]

I have worked on writing the following over the past couple of days when I've had spare time. It's part of my application to be part of an ocean expedition. The theme is reconciliation, and how it affects me personally

Comments

[dark_phoenix54]

That's very beautiful. I hope you win the trip!

[shanmonster]

Thank you! You and me both. :)

[elanya]

There are a few minor grammatical quibbles, but my main critique is this (with the caveat that I don't know what the other write up you have to do is, so maybe it will be covered there).

This covers really well the personal aspect, but reconciliation is a much larger project. If I were selecting someone for this kind of experience, I would want a sense of how that experience is going to have a broader impact beyond the individual, and this is currently lacking that. How are you going to move this experience beyond yourself? I know there are great answers for this form you, as an artist and someone who has had a broad reaching online presence for decades!

[shanmonster]

They want the personal angle, so I wasn't sure if I should go into it from a larger perspective.

I could do that in the second part, though, which is what my vision is for Canada in the future.

Are you suggesting I include my blogging, etc. about indigenous issues should be added? I'm just trying to clarify your suggestions.

Thank you.

[elanya]

I went and looked at the question in context (and am now toying with applying myself...), which asks how reconciliation resonates with you on a personal level. I do think that what you wrote captures that really well

[shanmonster]

APPLY! :D

And go check my reworking. I edited it some. Does my rewrite look better?

[clevermanka]

I think this is an amazing start and made my eyes prickle with near-tears. elanya has some great suggestions. I really hope you get this.

[shanmonster]

Thanks. Wouldn't that be fantastic?

[clevermanka]

It really really would!

[the_lucky_nun]

That's beautiful.

[shanmonster]

Thank you.