Season Nine Week Five: Build A Better Moustetrap

[shanns_ljidol]

I've talked before about having Borderline Personality Disorder and some of its symptoms. For me one of the worst is the effect it has on my relationships. I am 41 years old and I have a frayed string of broken relationships and friendships behind me. I've been married four times. The first time when I was seventeen

Comments

[imprincessapril]

I believe that a lot of the things that caused your abandonment fears lie with your parents. I know, I know... Everyone wants to blame the parents, but in your case, you still ARE that scared and scarred child, and sometimes the people that you trust as partners or friends sense that little girl that you were and still carry with you, and they want to FIX you, control you, and when you don't "stay fixed" or allow them to control you, they leave. I know for sure that with H#4, he mind-effed you a LOT. Still does.
Love you, friend. You aren't broken. BPD is a nightmare, but you're dealing with it on your own terms! I'm proud of the person you are, Shann!

[shanns_ljidol]

Thank you April.

[odyssey_road]

Yes! I hope that you know that you are such a smart, talented person. It seems like your parents just stomped on that and took every opportunity they could to put you down. You've accomplished some amazing stuff in spite of not having supportive parents or partners. It's obvious that you are incredibly smart and resourceful. Keep hanging in there! I love reading everything that you write.

[shanns_ljidol]

Thanks so much Bethany! <3

[shanns_ljidol]

Thanks you for the hugs and for reading.

Friends!

[devifemme]

Dear Shann --

Thanks for friending me today. It was kind -- and hopefully we'll have much to chat about. I appreciated your piece here about the four marriages, and -- at first glance -- I agree with your friends that you're not to blame for parental neglect and plain bad romantic judgement (which NO one is immune to).

I'm not sure how you found me; we have only one mutual friend -- but I too have romantic/sexual issues AND am on meds for a depression problem that surfaced a decade ago. It's not BPD, thank the goddess -- you have a challenge there. But you write very well, and you seem otherwise to cope tolerably well.

Hugz, Justine

Re: Friends!

[shanns_ljidol]

Thank you! I look forward to getting to know you!

[eternal_ot]

Aww...amen for the last three lines...*hugs*..sometimes things happen and u have no control over it..maybe these are those things...

[shanns_ljidol]

I hope at some point those last three lines change. Thanks for reading!

[kajel]

Hugs