I Hear Your Voice
jonghyun/jongin ; 1550 words ; g
jonghyun gives jongin the words he needs to hear. also, jonghyun is really tiny.
When Jongin sets out for work, streaks of pink, orange, and purple clouds fill the sky. It's a particularly beautiful sunset, and Jongin can't help but take it as a good omen for this new start. The air is cold, but Jongin's skin is hot and buzzing with nervous excitement. He's still not totally sure that he'll be working for Kim Jonghyun; he half expects to walk in and learn that it had all been a hoax.
He looks at the sky again and sees that most of the colors have faded to a thin pale strip of sky above the horizon. A few lonely stars twinkle slowly against the navy backdrop of the darkening sky. Now it feels more like a blue night. How perfect.
Jongin had stumbled upon Kim Jonghyun by accident. It had been another rough night of high school and Jongin had felt more tired than ever. After these exhausting nights passed, the next day still felt unbearable to Jongin as he tried without much success to keep his eyes open. Someone had told him that he would sleep better if he listened to music as he drifted into unconsciousness, so Jongin had searched through radio stations until he found one playing a relaxing song. He passed out before the DJ could say the name of the song. The next day, after sleeping much better than usual, he decided to try the same thing, but when he switched the radio on a man's voice was speaking. His voice was quite soothing, so Jongin listened to the voice without listening to the words he was saying and easily fell asleep.
Night after night, Jongin kept listening. He pieced bits of what he heard together and learned that this program was called Blue Night and the DJ was named Kim Jonghyun. It wasn’t an unusual name, but Jongin quickly found out that Jonghyun was an unusual person. He had the power to reach out to his listeners and comfort them with a few chosen words. He didn’t necessarily use fancy words or poetic phrasing often, but his meaning was straightforward and relatable; that made it beautiful.
One weekend night when Jongin had the luxury to stay up a little later and listen to the full broadcast of Blue Night, Jonghyun’s words caught him off-guard.
“It’s okay to be lonely and sad. Don’t needlessly lie to yourself that you’re happy or that you’re okay. Acknowledge your feelings and then you can deal with them. Many of you are probably going through hard times right now. The best thing I can say to you is to keep fighting. It’s tiring of course, but it’s the only way things will get better. And they will get better. Never think that you’re totally alone. If you’re listening to Blue Night, then you have me, Kim Jonghyun. We have a connection.”
Jongin didn’t think that he could identify with someone else’s words so much. He didn’t realize that he needed those words so much. With just a few sentences, Kim Jonghyun had become someone who had an understanding of Jongin’s thoughts and a person whose advice Jongin could actually trust. It was if Jonghyun had reached his hand out to Jongin’s and gestured for Jongin to grab it. Jongin did without hesitation.
From then on Jongin decided that he wanted to work in radio broadcasting. Even if he didn’t know what to say himself, he wanted to help provide the voice that listeners needed to hear. Jongin wasn’t a person who could talk easily, but he had felt himself how important and encouraging words could be and he knew that others needed that feeling too. He would do whatever it took to help even just one person with something to say reach out to the world.
And so after years of hard work and a lot of luck, Jongin found himself standing in front of the MBC building. He exhaled loudly to release some of his excitement and watched the cold puff of air form briefly in front of him. After a few more breaths, he pushed the door open.
Jongin had arrived early on purpose, so he used the time to introduce himself to all the staff available. He didn’t even mind when he received an order to get coffee for everyone. It took a few minutes for him to figure out how to balance all the trays in his arms at once, but he managed not to spill anything and completed his first task successfully.
When Jongin delivered the last coffee, he looked up and to his surprise saw Kim Jonghyun sitting in his chair reading over something. He shouldn’t have been surprised; he’d already known who he’d be working for, but it was still somewhat of a shock to see someone so important to him in person for the first time. Kim Jonghyun was even better looking than the online pictures Jongin had seen of him. His hair was gray, different from the blond that Jongin had seen in the pictures, and he wore round glasses with thin wire frames. There was an elegant air to his small, thin features. Jongin thought that without a doubt Kim Jonghyun was the most beautiful person he had ever met.
That day, when Blue Night was over and everyone headed home, Jongin was the last to leave the studio as he was the youngest. When he reached the lobby of the building, he saw that it was raining outside. He struggled to pull the door open and open his umbrella at the same time, and amongst his distractions he almost dropped the umbrella when he heard a shout.
“Kim Jongin-ssi, right?”
Jongin wheeled around and almost fell over when he realized that he had recognized the voice correctly. The voice that had comforted him for so long had just said his name.
“Ah, it’s a relief I saw you!” Jonghyun laughed as he ran closer, shielding his head from the rain with his hands. “I forgot to bring an umbrella today. It’s okay if we walk together to the taxi stand, right? It’s raining pretty hard!”
Jongin, unable to say anything, just nodded. Jonghyun stood closer to him so that he was fully covered by the umbrella, and they began to walk. It wasn’t far, but Jongin was aware of every second that he was close to Kim Jonghyun. The DJ was at least half a head shorter than him, and Jongin had a fleeting thought of how Jonghyun could be the perfect height for Jongin’s arm to rest on his shoulder. Of course, Jongin did nothing of the sort, as he could barely keep the umbrella steady.
It was a relief and a disappointment when Jonghyun climbed into a taxi and waved goodbye to Jongin. It was to most a simple goodbye between coworkers, but to Jongin, it was a small payback. Jonghyun had helped him, and now Jongin had helped Jonghyun. A simple transaction of favors that had Jongin smiling to himself broadly.
Jongin learned a lot about the production of radio as he continued to work, and he also learned more about the DJ. Kim Jonghyun was full of contradictions. His speaking voice when on air was even and calm, but on breaks during conversations with staff he was excited and full of energy about the smallest things. He waved enthusiastically to the fans outside the window looking in and smiled blindingly when people brought him coffee. (Jongin did this once and almost dropped the cup when Jonghyun's eyes crinkled in thanks.) At times Kim Jonghyun looked unreal, as if he were a painting, but then he would break into a laugh at someone else’s words and clap wildly, breaking the previous impression of him and making himself entirely real and human. Kim Jonghyun had a commanding presence despite his small stature. Everyone looked to him when he entered a room and even when he lowered himself into the recording chair.
Jongin just couldn't get over how tiny Jonghyun was. Everyone wore their coats inside because of the frigid weather, but Jonghyun's sleeves always brushed his knuckles and his collar often covered his mouth. Scarves tended to swallow him so that only his round eyes peeked out curiously. It made Jongin want to protect Jonghyun even though the other man was older. Whenever Jonghyun voiced his own worries or troubles on the show, Jongin had an urge to wrap his arms around the other man’s shoulders and say words of comfort. He wanted to repay some of the assurance and strength that Jonghyun had provided to him for years, but he had to remind himself that his relationship with Jonghyun was mostly one-sided. He didn’t want to force anything or become overly present in Kim Jonghyun’s sphere of awareness. Even a daily exchange of smiles of acknowledgement was gratifying to Jongin. Just knowing that he could be of some help to Kim Jonghyun daily was enough to keep Jongin happy in the present.
One day, Jongin thinks, he’ll send in a message of his own, as a listener. He doesn’t know what yet. Maybe something as simple as “Kim Jonghyun-nim, thank you for existing,” or maybe he’ll write a long letter. For now, he knows that he’s happy just to be in the same place as Jonghyun and thankful for the times when Jonghyun acknowledges him.
jonghyun gives jongin the words he needs to hear. also, jonghyun is really tiny.
When Jongin sets out for work, streaks of pink, orange, and purple clouds fill the sky. It's a particularly beautiful sunset, and Jongin can't help but take it as a good omen for this new start. The air is cold, but Jongin's skin is hot and buzzing with nervous excitement. He's still not totally sure that he'll be working for Kim Jonghyun; he half expects to walk in and learn that it had all been a hoax.
He looks at the sky again and sees that most of the colors have faded to a thin pale strip of sky above the horizon. A few lonely stars twinkle slowly against the navy backdrop of the darkening sky. Now it feels more like a blue night. How perfect.
Jongin had stumbled upon Kim Jonghyun by accident. It had been another rough night of high school and Jongin had felt more tired than ever. After these exhausting nights passed, the next day still felt unbearable to Jongin as he tried without much success to keep his eyes open. Someone had told him that he would sleep better if he listened to music as he drifted into unconsciousness, so Jongin had searched through radio stations until he found one playing a relaxing song. He passed out before the DJ could say the name of the song. The next day, after sleeping much better than usual, he decided to try the same thing, but when he switched the radio on a man's voice was speaking. His voice was quite soothing, so Jongin listened to the voice without listening to the words he was saying and easily fell asleep.
Night after night, Jongin kept listening. He pieced bits of what he heard together and learned that this program was called Blue Night and the DJ was named Kim Jonghyun. It wasn’t an unusual name, but Jongin quickly found out that Jonghyun was an unusual person. He had the power to reach out to his listeners and comfort them with a few chosen words. He didn’t necessarily use fancy words or poetic phrasing often, but his meaning was straightforward and relatable; that made it beautiful.
One weekend night when Jongin had the luxury to stay up a little later and listen to the full broadcast of Blue Night, Jonghyun’s words caught him off-guard.
“It’s okay to be lonely and sad. Don’t needlessly lie to yourself that you’re happy or that you’re okay. Acknowledge your feelings and then you can deal with them. Many of you are probably going through hard times right now. The best thing I can say to you is to keep fighting. It’s tiring of course, but it’s the only way things will get better. And they will get better. Never think that you’re totally alone. If you’re listening to Blue Night, then you have me, Kim Jonghyun. We have a connection.”
Jongin didn’t think that he could identify with someone else’s words so much. He didn’t realize that he needed those words so much. With just a few sentences, Kim Jonghyun had become someone who had an understanding of Jongin’s thoughts and a person whose advice Jongin could actually trust. It was if Jonghyun had reached his hand out to Jongin’s and gestured for Jongin to grab it. Jongin did without hesitation.
From then on Jongin decided that he wanted to work in radio broadcasting. Even if he didn’t know what to say himself, he wanted to help provide the voice that listeners needed to hear. Jongin wasn’t a person who could talk easily, but he had felt himself how important and encouraging words could be and he knew that others needed that feeling too. He would do whatever it took to help even just one person with something to say reach out to the world.
And so after years of hard work and a lot of luck, Jongin found himself standing in front of the MBC building. He exhaled loudly to release some of his excitement and watched the cold puff of air form briefly in front of him. After a few more breaths, he pushed the door open.
Jongin had arrived early on purpose, so he used the time to introduce himself to all the staff available. He didn’t even mind when he received an order to get coffee for everyone. It took a few minutes for him to figure out how to balance all the trays in his arms at once, but he managed not to spill anything and completed his first task successfully.
When Jongin delivered the last coffee, he looked up and to his surprise saw Kim Jonghyun sitting in his chair reading over something. He shouldn’t have been surprised; he’d already known who he’d be working for, but it was still somewhat of a shock to see someone so important to him in person for the first time. Kim Jonghyun was even better looking than the online pictures Jongin had seen of him. His hair was gray, different from the blond that Jongin had seen in the pictures, and he wore round glasses with thin wire frames. There was an elegant air to his small, thin features. Jongin thought that without a doubt Kim Jonghyun was the most beautiful person he had ever met.
That day, when Blue Night was over and everyone headed home, Jongin was the last to leave the studio as he was the youngest. When he reached the lobby of the building, he saw that it was raining outside. He struggled to pull the door open and open his umbrella at the same time, and amongst his distractions he almost dropped the umbrella when he heard a shout.
“Kim Jongin-ssi, right?”
Jongin wheeled around and almost fell over when he realized that he had recognized the voice correctly. The voice that had comforted him for so long had just said his name.
“Ah, it’s a relief I saw you!” Jonghyun laughed as he ran closer, shielding his head from the rain with his hands. “I forgot to bring an umbrella today. It’s okay if we walk together to the taxi stand, right? It’s raining pretty hard!”
Jongin, unable to say anything, just nodded. Jonghyun stood closer to him so that he was fully covered by the umbrella, and they began to walk. It wasn’t far, but Jongin was aware of every second that he was close to Kim Jonghyun. The DJ was at least half a head shorter than him, and Jongin had a fleeting thought of how Jonghyun could be the perfect height for Jongin’s arm to rest on his shoulder. Of course, Jongin did nothing of the sort, as he could barely keep the umbrella steady.
It was a relief and a disappointment when Jonghyun climbed into a taxi and waved goodbye to Jongin. It was to most a simple goodbye between coworkers, but to Jongin, it was a small payback. Jonghyun had helped him, and now Jongin had helped Jonghyun. A simple transaction of favors that had Jongin smiling to himself broadly.
Jongin learned a lot about the production of radio as he continued to work, and he also learned more about the DJ. Kim Jonghyun was full of contradictions. His speaking voice when on air was even and calm, but on breaks during conversations with staff he was excited and full of energy about the smallest things. He waved enthusiastically to the fans outside the window looking in and smiled blindingly when people brought him coffee. (Jongin did this once and almost dropped the cup when Jonghyun's eyes crinkled in thanks.) At times Kim Jonghyun looked unreal, as if he were a painting, but then he would break into a laugh at someone else’s words and clap wildly, breaking the previous impression of him and making himself entirely real and human. Kim Jonghyun had a commanding presence despite his small stature. Everyone looked to him when he entered a room and even when he lowered himself into the recording chair.
Jongin just couldn't get over how tiny Jonghyun was. Everyone wore their coats inside because of the frigid weather, but Jonghyun's sleeves always brushed his knuckles and his collar often covered his mouth. Scarves tended to swallow him so that only his round eyes peeked out curiously. It made Jongin want to protect Jonghyun even though the other man was older. Whenever Jonghyun voiced his own worries or troubles on the show, Jongin had an urge to wrap his arms around the other man’s shoulders and say words of comfort. He wanted to repay some of the assurance and strength that Jonghyun had provided to him for years, but he had to remind himself that his relationship with Jonghyun was mostly one-sided. He didn’t want to force anything or become overly present in Kim Jonghyun’s sphere of awareness. Even a daily exchange of smiles of acknowledgement was gratifying to Jongin. Just knowing that he could be of some help to Kim Jonghyun daily was enough to keep Jongin happy in the present.
One day, Jongin thinks, he’ll send in a message of his own, as a listener. He doesn’t know what yet. Maybe something as simple as “Kim Jonghyun-nim, thank you for existing,” or maybe he’ll write a long letter. For now, he knows that he’s happy just to be in the same place as Jonghyun and thankful for the times when Jonghyun acknowledges him.