mischief managed
chen/sehun as hp's harry/draco ; ~3600 words ; pg
selected+fictional scenes from harry potter (yes some of the actual plot). this isn't a story about love, but it isn't quite about hate.
um i'm self-indulgent trash.. sechen drarry trash.. yes goodbye i'm sorry this is terrible!! aagh it probably won't make much sense if you haven't read the books
also i'm sorry if there are any inaccuracies.. i didn't reread the scenes in the book b4 writing this
will come back and edit for formatting later zzzz
ϟ
chen jongdae thinks it could take a long time for him to get used to this. he still doesn’t understand how he got here -- this diagon alley place, if he heard correctly -- even though he saw the bricks shift before his eyes. that’s magic, he supposes.
“what’re you doing, jongdae!” hagrid turns around from fifteen paces ahead. “i know there’s a lot to see, but we’ve gotta get a move on! got to get you all your stuff for school!”
jongdae hurries ahead. it’s still strange to hear someone call him by his real name instead of “hey boy!” or “you boy!” his full name is rather strange, but then it fits him. now that he’s walking in the wizarding world, he feels the eyes silently poring into his body, even his life, wondering what the boy who survived the curse of you-know-who has been doing for the past eleven years of his life and what he’ll do next. chen jongdae, the boy who somehow lived.
“jongdae!” hagrid’s voice pulls him out of his wandering again. “let’s go here! you can’t go to school without your uniform!”
jongdae hurriedly goes into the shop, pushing his glasses up, while hagrid stays outside and waits. jongdae’s nervous. whose prying eyes will he run into next?
“hello there. your first time here too?”
another boy sits perfectly straight on a stool, apparently waiting for his robes as well. he looks older than he probably is, with long, narrow features, dyed hair pale and silvery, and a smirk tousling his face. his eyes are a cold grey.
“hello… and yes, it’s my first time.” jongdae doesn’t like this boy’s tone, but at least he hasn’t seemed to recognize jongdae yet.
“are your parents waiting outside?”
“no, they’re dead,” jongdae says, feeling a little something in him sink.
“ah, i’m sorry… were they one of our kind?”
“excuse me?”
the other boy cocks an eyebrow. “you know, purebloods. true wizards.”
“well…” jongdae starts, but then the shop owner -- madam malkins, was it? -- finally appears.
“your robes are ready, dearie, now off you go!” she says, giving a bundle to the other door and opening the door for him.
after he gets measured and receives his robes, jongdae leaves the shop feeling a little sour. he’s glad he didn’t get the other boy’s name.
ϟ
soon enough it’s the first of september and he finds himself trying to get ready to push a trolley through a barrier in hopes of reaching platform 9¾.
“now off you go! just follow right after chanyeol!” mrs. park says cheerily to jongdae even though she only met him a minute ago.
jongdae starts running. as he gets closer, he closes his eyes and hopes, hopes that he makes it through. a slight pop! tickles his ears, and then the sounds of bells clanging and a train whistle bombard him. he opens his eyes and breathes in relief.
“see, you made it!” the tall boy just in front of him beams. “by the way, i’m chanyeol, park chanyeol. wow, i can’t believe you’re chen jongdae. this is so cool.”
jongdae and chanyeol wander all the way down the train, jongdae trying to avoid the stares of his future classmates. is he really that famous that they all know what he looks like? they finally find their own compartment at the very end.
“so it’s you,” a somewhat familiar drawl sounds at the door of their compartment. “hello again, chen jongdae. i don’t believe we’ve properly introduced ourselves.”
“he doesn’t want to be introduced to you, oh sehun.” chanyeol huffs and rolls his eyes.
“anyways,” the other boy continues condescendingly, “my name is oh sehun. if i were you, i’d pick and choose my friends a little more wisely. don’t want to go hanging around with riffraff like this.” he gestures casually at chanyeol. “my services are available if you’d like.”
jongdae looks over at chanyeol next to him. he doesn’t seem too bright, but jongdae likes him a lot better so far.
“thanks but no thanks, i’ve already picked a friend here.” jongdae claps a hand on chanyeol’s shoulder. chanyeol beams.
oh sehun huffs and straightens his already straight shoulders. “suit yourself,” he sneers as he walks away.
a few minutes later, a petite boy with impeccably dark, straight bangs and very wide eyes knocks on their compartment door. “what now,” chanyeol groans as jongdae opens it.
“hello, my name is do kyungsoo, first year, and i would really appreciate it ever so much if you would allow me and my cat to sit here, as there’s hardly space anywhere else,” the boy breathes out softly but rapidly. jongdae just now notices the very disgruntled cat in the carrier under the boy’s arm.
“ugh, cats,” chanyeol mutters as jongdae smiles and lets the boy in.
ϟ
“SLYTHERIN!” the hat immediately screams as it touches the silver hairs on oh sehun’s head. the boy leaps up with a grin plastered on his face and runs to his house’s table. jongdae shudders.
not slytherin, jongdae squeezes his eyes shut and thinks as the hat is lowered onto his head. not slytherin.
“oho, really,” the hat mutters in his ear. “you sure? well, then better be GRYFFINDOR!”
jongdae beams and finds that his heart beats with joy as he joins chanyeol and kyungsoo at the gryffindor table. he doesn’t see oh sehun’s sneer from across the room.
ϟ
“don’t do it,” kyungsoo says in that warning tone that’s usually reserved for chanyeol’s impending stupidity. “don’t do it, jongdae.”
“how are you a gryffindor,” chanyeol whines at kyungsoo. “you’ve no sense of bravery at all.”
“this is not brave, it’s stupid!” kyungsoo argues. “jongdae, do not listen to oh sehun. he’s just trying to get you in trouble.”
jongdae simmers. he’s been riled up for hours after oh sehun had slipped by him in potions class and muttered “midnight. the astronomy tower. you and me. duel.” oh sehun does nothing but stare at him coldly and sneer, and jongdae wants to prove to him that he’s not what he makes out to be. oh sehun is not as good as he thinks he is.
so jongdae continues to write his essay until it’s 23:30. chanyeol has been snoring with his head on the table for two hours, and kyungsoo seems to be finished with his homework, reading some book for his own pleasure while throwing sideways glances at jongdae every now and then.
jongdae pokes chanyeol’s cheek until he wakes up. “hey. you coming with me or not?”
“no!” kyungsoo gripes, exasperatedly hiding his face in his hands while chanyeol cheers with excitement. no one else is in the common room, so jongdae and chanyeol put on the invisibility cloak without hesitation. they’re almost out in the corridors when they hear another shuffling sound and realize kyungsoo has grudgingly slipped under the cloak with them, whispering something along the lines of “i’m here to make sure you boys don’t die.”
they make it to the steps of the astronomy tower when kyungsoo stops suddenly. chanyeol opens his mouth but kyungsoo puts his hands over it before he makes any sound. “shh!”
the quiet but sure clanking of an old oil lamp swinging on its hinge disturbs the air. “who’s there!” a raspy voice calls out, and jongdae’s fists clench as he realizes that it’s filch, the school caretaker.
“oh sehun was never here,” kyungsoo hisses. “it was a trap all along!”
the three boys hold their breaths as they wait for filch to leave. the evil cat, mrs. norris, walks so close to them that jongdae is almost scared of even blinking. finally, the caretaker departs. they’re safe.
but jongdae is disappointed. he lost his chance to see oh sehun fall off his pedestal. a small fire burns in the pit of his stomach.
ϟ
there he is again. oh sehun, here and ready to try to outdo chen jongdae again.
they’re fourth years now, fourteen going on fifteen, and this really should be old by now. they’ve hated and humiliated each other in quidditch matches (when jongdae felt that low swooping in his stomach the one time oh sehun legitimately caught the snitch before him), defense against the dark arts (when oh sehun used that tallentegra curse early instead of the proper expelliarmus), and probably every class if jongdae gets specific. honestly, jongdae could let it go if he could punch oh sehun in the face really hard one time. but oh sehun just seems to keep fighting.
the “chen stinks” badges have become popular overnight even amongst non-slytherins. jongdae hadn’t even asked to become the fourth contestant of the triwizard tournament, but most of the school turned against him in favor of head boy kim joonmyun and wear flashing anti-chen badges.
it’s obvious that oh sehun did it. one, because no one but oh sehun would do such a thing, and two, oh sehun struts up to jongdae at breakfast wearing a triumphant grin.
“wow, look at all your adoring fans, chen,” oh sehun simpers. “why, there are so many that i can’t possibly count them all. but it looks to be somewhere around… i’d guess zero?” the corner of his mouth rises along with his eyebrow.
“there’s me and kyungsoo!” chanyeol adds unhelpfully.
“thanks, oh sehun,” jongdae smiles saccharinely. “i can’t possibly count the number of fucks i give about you and your meddling hobbies, but it looks to be somewhere around zero as well.”
the other boy’s grey eyes shift in what jongdae takes to be anger. “i can’t wait to see you lose the tournament. i’ve bet that you’ll be out in the first round.”
“i’m so grateful for all your support. my heart is soaring with joy. now, if you could kindly leave,” jongdae says flatly. oh sehun’s shirt and tie are especially neat today and it makes jongdae angry for some reason.
jongdae sighs in exasperation, only to turn around and see kyungsoo seriously whispering to one of the very badges they had just discussed. “kyungsoo, what are you doing?”
“i’ve been trying to change this badge to say ‘oh sehun stinks,’ but it won’t. damn, that oh sehun actually does know how to charm his work.” kyungsoo swears.
chanyeol laughs loudly enough for all three of them. that fire in jongdae’s stomach flares up once more.
ϟ
jongdae likes a good party now and then, but he’s really not sure how this yule ball is supposed to work it. it only happens every 25 years so it’s supposed to be grand, but jongdae doesn’t fancy walking down the middle of the great hall as a member of the triwizard tournament. fabulous! here’s a celebration before your possible death! have some champagne! he’s still not used to having all eyes on him.
myungsoo, his date, looks stunning in his dress robes and jongdae thinks he’s lucky to have a nice-looking date, but myungsoo loses interest in him when he says he doesn’t want to dance or sing with the crowd. so jongdae is left alone at an empty table close to the wall. he’s too drained to care that much.
a group of laughing people drift by, and jongdae’s stomach sinks when he sees oh sehun. oh sehun is an idiot, but he looks really, really good in his silver dress robes that pale in comparison to his eyes. are his eyes actually sparkling right now? they must have changed the lighting in the great hall for this, jongdae thinks. no way could he find oh sehun this handsome in normal conditions. there’s always magic at work.
ϟ
a few mornings after jongdae has won the triwizard tournament and everything has settled down as much as it can, jongdae finally has a quiet breakfast in the dining hall. chanyeol’s still asleep and kyungsoo’s probably working on some assignment due next year, but a breakfast by himself is surprisingly nice once in a while.
just as he’s finishing his toast, a tall, silver-haired figure walks by and jongdae’s mouth opens of its own accord.
“hey, oh sehun.”
said boy turns around, narrowing his eyes at jongdae. “morning, chen.”
“you were wrong again. i’m--” and then jongdae stops, because he shouldn’t say anything remotely related to kim joonmyun’s death right now. he doesn’t want to say another word.
oh sehun’s eyebrows furrow, and then he just walks away without saying anything.
strange, jongdae realizes. oh sehun had almost been polite and he hadn’t even had breakfast.
ϟ
fifth year: jongdae is sure he hates oh sehun. the slytherin acts like it’s his sole purpose to strut around the castle and abuse his prefect powers.
“you, chen. your glasses are crooked and your hair’s always atrocious. five points from gryffindor. even your tie’s disheveled. what, been having some fun with your poor pretty friend do kyungsoo? using that pretty mouth of yours for something other than expelliarmus?”
kyungsoo punches oh sehun in the face first while chanyeol mutters, “how dare oh sehun. kyungsoo wouldn’t cheat on me.”
ϟ
sixth year is different. something shifts not just in oh sehun’s grey eyes but inside him too. something breaks.
before term starts, jongdae’s buying his books when he sees oh sehun walking out of the entrance to knockturn alley, the shadows from the place lurking on the slytherin’s face. oh sehun seems to be in a rush and worry traces his steps, as if he’s got something to hide. he keeps rubbing his left forearm, and jongdae suspects the worst.
on the hogwarts express, jongdae walks by a slytherin compartment once and sees oh sehun, slumped against the window with shadows in the skin under his eyes. his face looks even leaner and thinner and he doesn’t laugh with the other slytherins. his robes and tie are as neat as ever, but he looks so tired.
as the year progresses, oh sehun rarely shows up to meals. on jongdae’s marauder’s map he rarely shows up. when jongdae sees him in person, the shadows in his skin only increase.
and he is always alone. too tired, walking too quickly, eyes darting too swiftly, but there is no one beside him.
once, jongdae hears something strange coming from the bathroom. moaning myrtle’s bathroom. it’s not her wailing, but a lower sound. like the choking of a shadow. so jongdae enters quietly, tiptoeing over the wet tiles until he sees oh sehun bent over a sink. his hands grip the basin so forcefully that his fingers have turned completely white and sickly. jongdae is invisible to him right now. there is only the sound of oh sehun’s sobs and the shadows swirling around him.
jongdae takes a tentative step forward, wand drawn, but then he slips on the wet tile and falls. oh sehun jumps instantly and whirls around, aiming a hex at jongdae that the gryffindor just barely manages to roll away from. for some reason, jongdae doesn’t think anything but run and run he does. he looks back for one moment, and although it might be his mind playing tricks on him, it seems like oh sehun looks even more shattered than before.
jongdae can’t stop thinking about oh sehun. he’s acting so oddly; something must be up. oh sehun. oh sehun. oh sehun.
oh sehun is a strange obsession that jongdae can’t keep away.
ϟ
there is no seventh year for jongdae. he, chanyeol, and kyungsoo wander in search of ways to defeat voldemort. jongdae is tired before it starts.
every now and then, he thinks of oh sehun. if he’s still strutting around hogwarts, if he’s speaking personally with voldemort, if his robes are still as pressed and clean as ever.
this strange obsession. jongdae doesn’t want to think like this.
ϟ
the war is over.
voldemort is dead, hogwarts is half in ruins from battle, and people are scattered everywhere. the bodies have been removed from the castle grounds, but the alive are still crying over the dead. jongdae is still numb from everything. this is not the time to be sending or receiving owls.
but jongdae gets an owl. the owl is beautiful, with sleek tawny feathers and pale eyes like the moon, but jongdae doesn’t recognize it. it hoots and flies away, and jongdae is left to read the note.
midnight. the astronomy tower. you and me.
it’s too familiar. jongdae doesn’t need to see a signature to know who sent it.
this time oh sehun is at the astronomy tower. he’s looking up at the sky when jongdae walks up the steps. jongdae looks up briefly and sees the sad twinkle of the stars. everything else is so dark, so of course the stars are bright.
“chen.” oh sehun falters. “no, jongdae.”
“yes.” they both sound so tired.
“i need to apologize.” jongdae blinks. this is not -- this must be the broken sehun.
“i know it is not feasible for me to apologize for all of the terrible things i have done. to you, and to others around you. i know i was an asshole. frankly, i still am one.” his laugh is saturated with bitterness. “but i think the most i can do for you is to tell you the truth.”
jongdae clears his throat, feeling awkward. oh sehun has never said this much to him so calmly. “alright.”
“so much of it was because i was jealous. the days before my first year at hogwarts were not about congratulating the start of my training as a wizard but the famous young wizard chen jongdae that escaped the wrath of the dark lord. everything around me was ‘oh, the boy who lived is starting at hogwarts this year! sehun, you’d best show him up!’ so i tried.
i tried to be your friend and you rejected me. i tried to be better than you and i never was. everything i did was out of self-hatred and wanting to be your superior, to make you know that you weren’t always the best. and it only backfired.” he laughs again. “i paid attention to everything you did to figure out how i could be better. i couldn’t understand why the world was enamored by a scrawny boy with round glasses and a lightning scar. did that one mark on your body make everything better? it didn’t for me; my dark mark only twisted me further into darkness. but then i one day thought about why i hated you so much. and i couldn’t believe that after all this time i too had fallen under the spell. suddenly you weren’t stupidly brave but admirable and perserverant. you weren’t just lucky but gifted too. and i hated you even more. i hated you, and then you made me like you so much i hated you enough for another lifetime. i hated the way you could control my emotions so casually and unknowingly. i hated you, chen.”
he pauses. his words ring in jongdae’s ears.
“but i don’t hate you anymore, i don’t think. there’s been too much hate. i’ve already destroyed part of myself. there’s no use anymore. so. i apologize.”
“i--” jongdae is fucked up.
he’s hated oh sehun for almost seven years. he thought he hated him. oh sehun was an idiot, a brat, and generally a terrible person for what jongdae knew. jongdae knows the terrible things that oh sehun’s said and done, but he’s not angry right now. there are things oh sehun has done that aren’t terrible, but actually good.
jongdae has hated oh sehun for so long, but he’s enamored with oh sehun’s slivers of goodness and his flaws. he’s so fucked up.
“i like you too.” he almost chokes on the words.
“stop it chen. you don’t need to keep acting heroic now. stop feeling sorry for me. i just wanted to tell you the truth.”
“i’m not lying. what you said… some of it’s true for me as well. i did hate you, but i think after some time it wasn’t really hate. like. why are your ties so immaculate and perfect even when you look like hell. why do you make me angry and sad and intrigued and things i can’t explain. why do i keep thinking about you.” jongdae is terrible at talking sometimes.
sehun is silent for a long while. then he smiles faintly. “well.”
they don’t talk for a while. no one will look for them; it’s the aftermath of a war and everyone’s constantly scattered about. they’re safe up here in the astronomy tower. so jongdae lifts his head and looks at the stars.
“isn’t this the draco constellation?”
sehun lifts his head to look at the sky. he doesn’t say anything.
“we learned this in astronomy, and i think i actually remember it,” jongdae continues, pointing at the stars with his finger. “that’s etamin, gamma draconis, and there’s rastaban, beta draconis. i think that might even be thuban. did you know thuban used to be the north star in ancient times--”
sehun stops jongdae by pulling his hand down and enclosing it in both of his own. their hands are cold, and sehun’s are even shaking a little. but they soon become still, wrapped around jongdae’s fingers. they are still. now, in the aftermath of so much death, is not a time to rejoice, but they are here. and there’s a chance that they will be.
selected+fictional scenes from harry potter (yes some of the actual plot). this isn't a story about love, but it isn't quite about hate.
um i'm self-indulgent trash.. sechen drarry trash.. yes goodbye i'm sorry this is terrible!! aagh it probably won't make much sense if you haven't read the books
also i'm sorry if there are any inaccuracies.. i didn't reread the scenes in the book b4 writing this
will come back and edit for formatting later zzzz
ϟ
chen jongdae thinks it could take a long time for him to get used to this. he still doesn’t understand how he got here -- this diagon alley place, if he heard correctly -- even though he saw the bricks shift before his eyes. that’s magic, he supposes.
“what’re you doing, jongdae!” hagrid turns around from fifteen paces ahead. “i know there’s a lot to see, but we’ve gotta get a move on! got to get you all your stuff for school!”
jongdae hurries ahead. it’s still strange to hear someone call him by his real name instead of “hey boy!” or “you boy!” his full name is rather strange, but then it fits him. now that he’s walking in the wizarding world, he feels the eyes silently poring into his body, even his life, wondering what the boy who survived the curse of you-know-who has been doing for the past eleven years of his life and what he’ll do next. chen jongdae, the boy who somehow lived.
“jongdae!” hagrid’s voice pulls him out of his wandering again. “let’s go here! you can’t go to school without your uniform!”
jongdae hurriedly goes into the shop, pushing his glasses up, while hagrid stays outside and waits. jongdae’s nervous. whose prying eyes will he run into next?
“hello there. your first time here too?”
another boy sits perfectly straight on a stool, apparently waiting for his robes as well. he looks older than he probably is, with long, narrow features, dyed hair pale and silvery, and a smirk tousling his face. his eyes are a cold grey.
“hello… and yes, it’s my first time.” jongdae doesn’t like this boy’s tone, but at least he hasn’t seemed to recognize jongdae yet.
“are your parents waiting outside?”
“no, they’re dead,” jongdae says, feeling a little something in him sink.
“ah, i’m sorry… were they one of our kind?”
“excuse me?”
the other boy cocks an eyebrow. “you know, purebloods. true wizards.”
“well…” jongdae starts, but then the shop owner -- madam malkins, was it? -- finally appears.
“your robes are ready, dearie, now off you go!” she says, giving a bundle to the other door and opening the door for him.
after he gets measured and receives his robes, jongdae leaves the shop feeling a little sour. he’s glad he didn’t get the other boy’s name.
ϟ
soon enough it’s the first of september and he finds himself trying to get ready to push a trolley through a barrier in hopes of reaching platform 9¾.
“now off you go! just follow right after chanyeol!” mrs. park says cheerily to jongdae even though she only met him a minute ago.
jongdae starts running. as he gets closer, he closes his eyes and hopes, hopes that he makes it through. a slight pop! tickles his ears, and then the sounds of bells clanging and a train whistle bombard him. he opens his eyes and breathes in relief.
“see, you made it!” the tall boy just in front of him beams. “by the way, i’m chanyeol, park chanyeol. wow, i can’t believe you’re chen jongdae. this is so cool.”
jongdae and chanyeol wander all the way down the train, jongdae trying to avoid the stares of his future classmates. is he really that famous that they all know what he looks like? they finally find their own compartment at the very end.
“so it’s you,” a somewhat familiar drawl sounds at the door of their compartment. “hello again, chen jongdae. i don’t believe we’ve properly introduced ourselves.”
“he doesn’t want to be introduced to you, oh sehun.” chanyeol huffs and rolls his eyes.
“anyways,” the other boy continues condescendingly, “my name is oh sehun. if i were you, i’d pick and choose my friends a little more wisely. don’t want to go hanging around with riffraff like this.” he gestures casually at chanyeol. “my services are available if you’d like.”
jongdae looks over at chanyeol next to him. he doesn’t seem too bright, but jongdae likes him a lot better so far.
“thanks but no thanks, i’ve already picked a friend here.” jongdae claps a hand on chanyeol’s shoulder. chanyeol beams.
oh sehun huffs and straightens his already straight shoulders. “suit yourself,” he sneers as he walks away.
a few minutes later, a petite boy with impeccably dark, straight bangs and very wide eyes knocks on their compartment door. “what now,” chanyeol groans as jongdae opens it.
“hello, my name is do kyungsoo, first year, and i would really appreciate it ever so much if you would allow me and my cat to sit here, as there’s hardly space anywhere else,” the boy breathes out softly but rapidly. jongdae just now notices the very disgruntled cat in the carrier under the boy’s arm.
“ugh, cats,” chanyeol mutters as jongdae smiles and lets the boy in.
ϟ
“SLYTHERIN!” the hat immediately screams as it touches the silver hairs on oh sehun’s head. the boy leaps up with a grin plastered on his face and runs to his house’s table. jongdae shudders.
not slytherin, jongdae squeezes his eyes shut and thinks as the hat is lowered onto his head. not slytherin.
“oho, really,” the hat mutters in his ear. “you sure? well, then better be GRYFFINDOR!”
jongdae beams and finds that his heart beats with joy as he joins chanyeol and kyungsoo at the gryffindor table. he doesn’t see oh sehun’s sneer from across the room.
ϟ
“don’t do it,” kyungsoo says in that warning tone that’s usually reserved for chanyeol’s impending stupidity. “don’t do it, jongdae.”
“how are you a gryffindor,” chanyeol whines at kyungsoo. “you’ve no sense of bravery at all.”
“this is not brave, it’s stupid!” kyungsoo argues. “jongdae, do not listen to oh sehun. he’s just trying to get you in trouble.”
jongdae simmers. he’s been riled up for hours after oh sehun had slipped by him in potions class and muttered “midnight. the astronomy tower. you and me. duel.” oh sehun does nothing but stare at him coldly and sneer, and jongdae wants to prove to him that he’s not what he makes out to be. oh sehun is not as good as he thinks he is.
so jongdae continues to write his essay until it’s 23:30. chanyeol has been snoring with his head on the table for two hours, and kyungsoo seems to be finished with his homework, reading some book for his own pleasure while throwing sideways glances at jongdae every now and then.
jongdae pokes chanyeol’s cheek until he wakes up. “hey. you coming with me or not?”
“no!” kyungsoo gripes, exasperatedly hiding his face in his hands while chanyeol cheers with excitement. no one else is in the common room, so jongdae and chanyeol put on the invisibility cloak without hesitation. they’re almost out in the corridors when they hear another shuffling sound and realize kyungsoo has grudgingly slipped under the cloak with them, whispering something along the lines of “i’m here to make sure you boys don’t die.”
they make it to the steps of the astronomy tower when kyungsoo stops suddenly. chanyeol opens his mouth but kyungsoo puts his hands over it before he makes any sound. “shh!”
the quiet but sure clanking of an old oil lamp swinging on its hinge disturbs the air. “who’s there!” a raspy voice calls out, and jongdae’s fists clench as he realizes that it’s filch, the school caretaker.
“oh sehun was never here,” kyungsoo hisses. “it was a trap all along!”
the three boys hold their breaths as they wait for filch to leave. the evil cat, mrs. norris, walks so close to them that jongdae is almost scared of even blinking. finally, the caretaker departs. they’re safe.
but jongdae is disappointed. he lost his chance to see oh sehun fall off his pedestal. a small fire burns in the pit of his stomach.
ϟ
there he is again. oh sehun, here and ready to try to outdo chen jongdae again.
they’re fourth years now, fourteen going on fifteen, and this really should be old by now. they’ve hated and humiliated each other in quidditch matches (when jongdae felt that low swooping in his stomach the one time oh sehun legitimately caught the snitch before him), defense against the dark arts (when oh sehun used that tallentegra curse early instead of the proper expelliarmus), and probably every class if jongdae gets specific. honestly, jongdae could let it go if he could punch oh sehun in the face really hard one time. but oh sehun just seems to keep fighting.
the “chen stinks” badges have become popular overnight even amongst non-slytherins. jongdae hadn’t even asked to become the fourth contestant of the triwizard tournament, but most of the school turned against him in favor of head boy kim joonmyun and wear flashing anti-chen badges.
it’s obvious that oh sehun did it. one, because no one but oh sehun would do such a thing, and two, oh sehun struts up to jongdae at breakfast wearing a triumphant grin.
“wow, look at all your adoring fans, chen,” oh sehun simpers. “why, there are so many that i can’t possibly count them all. but it looks to be somewhere around… i’d guess zero?” the corner of his mouth rises along with his eyebrow.
“there’s me and kyungsoo!” chanyeol adds unhelpfully.
“thanks, oh sehun,” jongdae smiles saccharinely. “i can’t possibly count the number of fucks i give about you and your meddling hobbies, but it looks to be somewhere around zero as well.”
the other boy’s grey eyes shift in what jongdae takes to be anger. “i can’t wait to see you lose the tournament. i’ve bet that you’ll be out in the first round.”
“i’m so grateful for all your support. my heart is soaring with joy. now, if you could kindly leave,” jongdae says flatly. oh sehun’s shirt and tie are especially neat today and it makes jongdae angry for some reason.
jongdae sighs in exasperation, only to turn around and see kyungsoo seriously whispering to one of the very badges they had just discussed. “kyungsoo, what are you doing?”
“i’ve been trying to change this badge to say ‘oh sehun stinks,’ but it won’t. damn, that oh sehun actually does know how to charm his work.” kyungsoo swears.
chanyeol laughs loudly enough for all three of them. that fire in jongdae’s stomach flares up once more.
ϟ
jongdae likes a good party now and then, but he’s really not sure how this yule ball is supposed to work it. it only happens every 25 years so it’s supposed to be grand, but jongdae doesn’t fancy walking down the middle of the great hall as a member of the triwizard tournament. fabulous! here’s a celebration before your possible death! have some champagne! he’s still not used to having all eyes on him.
myungsoo, his date, looks stunning in his dress robes and jongdae thinks he’s lucky to have a nice-looking date, but myungsoo loses interest in him when he says he doesn’t want to dance or sing with the crowd. so jongdae is left alone at an empty table close to the wall. he’s too drained to care that much.
a group of laughing people drift by, and jongdae’s stomach sinks when he sees oh sehun. oh sehun is an idiot, but he looks really, really good in his silver dress robes that pale in comparison to his eyes. are his eyes actually sparkling right now? they must have changed the lighting in the great hall for this, jongdae thinks. no way could he find oh sehun this handsome in normal conditions. there’s always magic at work.
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a few mornings after jongdae has won the triwizard tournament and everything has settled down as much as it can, jongdae finally has a quiet breakfast in the dining hall. chanyeol’s still asleep and kyungsoo’s probably working on some assignment due next year, but a breakfast by himself is surprisingly nice once in a while.
just as he’s finishing his toast, a tall, silver-haired figure walks by and jongdae’s mouth opens of its own accord.
“hey, oh sehun.”
said boy turns around, narrowing his eyes at jongdae. “morning, chen.”
“you were wrong again. i’m--” and then jongdae stops, because he shouldn’t say anything remotely related to kim joonmyun’s death right now. he doesn’t want to say another word.
oh sehun’s eyebrows furrow, and then he just walks away without saying anything.
strange, jongdae realizes. oh sehun had almost been polite and he hadn’t even had breakfast.
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fifth year: jongdae is sure he hates oh sehun. the slytherin acts like it’s his sole purpose to strut around the castle and abuse his prefect powers.
“you, chen. your glasses are crooked and your hair’s always atrocious. five points from gryffindor. even your tie’s disheveled. what, been having some fun with your poor pretty friend do kyungsoo? using that pretty mouth of yours for something other than expelliarmus?”
kyungsoo punches oh sehun in the face first while chanyeol mutters, “how dare oh sehun. kyungsoo wouldn’t cheat on me.”
ϟ
sixth year is different. something shifts not just in oh sehun’s grey eyes but inside him too. something breaks.
before term starts, jongdae’s buying his books when he sees oh sehun walking out of the entrance to knockturn alley, the shadows from the place lurking on the slytherin’s face. oh sehun seems to be in a rush and worry traces his steps, as if he’s got something to hide. he keeps rubbing his left forearm, and jongdae suspects the worst.
on the hogwarts express, jongdae walks by a slytherin compartment once and sees oh sehun, slumped against the window with shadows in the skin under his eyes. his face looks even leaner and thinner and he doesn’t laugh with the other slytherins. his robes and tie are as neat as ever, but he looks so tired.
as the year progresses, oh sehun rarely shows up to meals. on jongdae’s marauder’s map he rarely shows up. when jongdae sees him in person, the shadows in his skin only increase.
and he is always alone. too tired, walking too quickly, eyes darting too swiftly, but there is no one beside him.
once, jongdae hears something strange coming from the bathroom. moaning myrtle’s bathroom. it’s not her wailing, but a lower sound. like the choking of a shadow. so jongdae enters quietly, tiptoeing over the wet tiles until he sees oh sehun bent over a sink. his hands grip the basin so forcefully that his fingers have turned completely white and sickly. jongdae is invisible to him right now. there is only the sound of oh sehun’s sobs and the shadows swirling around him.
jongdae takes a tentative step forward, wand drawn, but then he slips on the wet tile and falls. oh sehun jumps instantly and whirls around, aiming a hex at jongdae that the gryffindor just barely manages to roll away from. for some reason, jongdae doesn’t think anything but run and run he does. he looks back for one moment, and although it might be his mind playing tricks on him, it seems like oh sehun looks even more shattered than before.
jongdae can’t stop thinking about oh sehun. he’s acting so oddly; something must be up. oh sehun. oh sehun. oh sehun.
oh sehun is a strange obsession that jongdae can’t keep away.
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there is no seventh year for jongdae. he, chanyeol, and kyungsoo wander in search of ways to defeat voldemort. jongdae is tired before it starts.
every now and then, he thinks of oh sehun. if he’s still strutting around hogwarts, if he’s speaking personally with voldemort, if his robes are still as pressed and clean as ever.
this strange obsession. jongdae doesn’t want to think like this.
ϟ
the war is over.
voldemort is dead, hogwarts is half in ruins from battle, and people are scattered everywhere. the bodies have been removed from the castle grounds, but the alive are still crying over the dead. jongdae is still numb from everything. this is not the time to be sending or receiving owls.
but jongdae gets an owl. the owl is beautiful, with sleek tawny feathers and pale eyes like the moon, but jongdae doesn’t recognize it. it hoots and flies away, and jongdae is left to read the note.
midnight. the astronomy tower. you and me.
it’s too familiar. jongdae doesn’t need to see a signature to know who sent it.
this time oh sehun is at the astronomy tower. he’s looking up at the sky when jongdae walks up the steps. jongdae looks up briefly and sees the sad twinkle of the stars. everything else is so dark, so of course the stars are bright.
“chen.” oh sehun falters. “no, jongdae.”
“yes.” they both sound so tired.
“i need to apologize.” jongdae blinks. this is not -- this must be the broken sehun.
“i know it is not feasible for me to apologize for all of the terrible things i have done. to you, and to others around you. i know i was an asshole. frankly, i still am one.” his laugh is saturated with bitterness. “but i think the most i can do for you is to tell you the truth.”
jongdae clears his throat, feeling awkward. oh sehun has never said this much to him so calmly. “alright.”
“so much of it was because i was jealous. the days before my first year at hogwarts were not about congratulating the start of my training as a wizard but the famous young wizard chen jongdae that escaped the wrath of the dark lord. everything around me was ‘oh, the boy who lived is starting at hogwarts this year! sehun, you’d best show him up!’ so i tried.
i tried to be your friend and you rejected me. i tried to be better than you and i never was. everything i did was out of self-hatred and wanting to be your superior, to make you know that you weren’t always the best. and it only backfired.” he laughs again. “i paid attention to everything you did to figure out how i could be better. i couldn’t understand why the world was enamored by a scrawny boy with round glasses and a lightning scar. did that one mark on your body make everything better? it didn’t for me; my dark mark only twisted me further into darkness. but then i one day thought about why i hated you so much. and i couldn’t believe that after all this time i too had fallen under the spell. suddenly you weren’t stupidly brave but admirable and perserverant. you weren’t just lucky but gifted too. and i hated you even more. i hated you, and then you made me like you so much i hated you enough for another lifetime. i hated the way you could control my emotions so casually and unknowingly. i hated you, chen.”
he pauses. his words ring in jongdae’s ears.
“but i don’t hate you anymore, i don’t think. there’s been too much hate. i’ve already destroyed part of myself. there’s no use anymore. so. i apologize.”
“i--” jongdae is fucked up.
he’s hated oh sehun for almost seven years. he thought he hated him. oh sehun was an idiot, a brat, and generally a terrible person for what jongdae knew. jongdae knows the terrible things that oh sehun’s said and done, but he’s not angry right now. there are things oh sehun has done that aren’t terrible, but actually good.
jongdae has hated oh sehun for so long, but he’s enamored with oh sehun’s slivers of goodness and his flaws. he’s so fucked up.
“i like you too.” he almost chokes on the words.
“stop it chen. you don’t need to keep acting heroic now. stop feeling sorry for me. i just wanted to tell you the truth.”
“i’m not lying. what you said… some of it’s true for me as well. i did hate you, but i think after some time it wasn’t really hate. like. why are your ties so immaculate and perfect even when you look like hell. why do you make me angry and sad and intrigued and things i can’t explain. why do i keep thinking about you.” jongdae is terrible at talking sometimes.
sehun is silent for a long while. then he smiles faintly. “well.”
they don’t talk for a while. no one will look for them; it’s the aftermath of a war and everyone’s constantly scattered about. they’re safe up here in the astronomy tower. so jongdae lifts his head and looks at the stars.
“isn’t this the draco constellation?”
sehun lifts his head to look at the sky. he doesn’t say anything.
“we learned this in astronomy, and i think i actually remember it,” jongdae continues, pointing at the stars with his finger. “that’s etamin, gamma draconis, and there’s rastaban, beta draconis. i think that might even be thuban. did you know thuban used to be the north star in ancient times--”
sehun stops jongdae by pulling his hand down and enclosing it in both of his own. their hands are cold, and sehun’s are even shaking a little. but they soon become still, wrapped around jongdae’s fingers. they are still. now, in the aftermath of so much death, is not a time to rejoice, but they are here. and there’s a chance that they will be.