The host, chapter 12
In which two idiots get lost in the desert and almost die.
So our chapter starts with Wanderer and Melanie getting lost in the desert. Meyer takes pages upon pages to state this fact, which would be fine if Meyer had a grasp on exhaustion. Take me for example: as a big sister I’ve had to pick up my siblings at school. Their school is one hour away from my house uphill and I have no car. I have to go there walking under the blazing sun. You guys have no idea how tiring it is. I have to leave my house two hours before they get out because on the way I take rests and buy drinks. So while I haven’t experienced the same intensity, I do know what it’s like to walk under the sun for a long period of time. Thing is that for this chapter I don’t feel it.
This novel is first person as it happens, unlike The little prince. We are reading and "experiencing" her “journey” and all I get is “And then we said stuff and I was tired. Man I’m tired as I’m walking. I hurt all over because I’m walking under the sun. I’m going to take this opportunity to measure time as I talk because somebody who is dead tired from the heat can obviously maintain coherent thoughts, a normal conversation and keep count.”
I hate that counting bit! It’s so Breaking Dawn that it’s not even funny. Bella’s in immeasurable pain, but has no problem counting breaths; Wanderer is about to die from dehydration, but has no problems counting steps in every single action. Where’s the evidence of being tired?! Why are all her sentences so coherent? Why isn’t she seeing things? How come she even has the energy to talk to Melanie the way she does? I double checked and Meyer has Wandered gasping for air as she speaks once! Bull I say! Say she’s tired all you want, I don’t see it.
They are fine to talk about Jared and how he’s too smart to go make a trip unprepared into the desert unlike them. Also about how Wanderer believes there’s nothing after death and Melanie says that most likely the reason Wanderer is going along is because deep down she wants to be human. Can’t blame her if Melanie’s right because those bugs are so boring!
Finally they joke about how long it will take before dropping dead and then they do. I would be making margaritas about now if it weren’t for the fact that the book keeps going.
Suddenly sounds are made, steps are heard and water is thrown. Somebody cradles Melanie and puts a canteen in her mouth. Our heroines drink like crazy revealing it’s already night and they were saved by Uncle Jeb. So they were passed out in the desert for hours? Where’s a scorpion when you really need one. And nice to see Wanderer’s train of thought is intact even after being so dehydrated and weak that she passed out.
This is so stupid. At least I’m officially 1/5 into this novel. Only 48 chapters to go. Until next time, this is Shaolina signing out.
(Chapter 13)