Evermore, chapter 10

Sep 23, 2010 08:58


In which Ever angst over everything and time bends over and takes it like a bitch.


So we start with two pages of Ever going “I don’t know what to wear” for two pages with Riley. It bored me to tears to read, but to be fair it might be because I can’t relate. I don’t usually have those fits. Besides, it’s at least a scene. Gotta appreciate them while I have them.

Riley asks Ever who’s the target of her sudden affections is since she’s acting as a spazz and the only guy she hangs around with could be casted for” La Cage aux Folles.” This makes Ever swoon and go:

And the second she says that, an image of Damen flashes
before me, looking so gorgeous, so sexy, so smoldering, so
palpable, I'm tempted to reach out and claim it.

Do I need to point out the lack of adjectives like funny, kind, sweet or snarky? Because I don’t think I have to point out how repetitive it is to have variants of the same adjective, how it still doesn’t help Damen’s characterization grow or how smoldering annoys me. I’m pretty sure you guys got that now.

Ever proceeds to backpedal from those thoughts since the smolderer surely won’t want to smolder her with his smoldering penis. Instead she just says nobody and we teleport to English. (Seriously Noel, bring back the stars.) In there Damen is talking to mean girl Stacia making Ever paranoid. He even went as far as doing magic tricks for her, giving her a flower. Ever reacts by going angst mode and cranking up her ipod to unnamed band that totally understands her pain. How she is not deaf by now, I have no idea.

Then… we are at lunch? The hell! Since when?! Look, I’m sorry, since this is long, but you have to see this. I don’t remember even Meyer being this bad. Seriously, look at this transition:

I storm toward my desk, my feet moving like they're
supposed to, one in front of the other, like a zombie, a
robot, some dense numb thing just going through its
preprogrammed motions, unable to think on its own. Then I
settle onto my chair and continue the routine, retrieving
paper, books, and a pen, pretending I don't notice how
reluctant Damen is, how he drags his feet when Mr. Robins
makes him return to his seat. (See, this is class)

"What the Fug?" Haven says, moving her bangs to the side
and staring straight ahead, her profanity ban the only New
Year's resolution she's ever been able to keep, but only
because she thinks Jug is funny.  (This looks like talking in class)

"I knew it wouldn't last." Miles shakes his head and gazes at
Damen, watching him wow the A-list with his natural charm, magic pen, and stupid fugging rosebuds. (This is when it got confusing, but still could be class because Stacia sits in the front)

"I knew it was too good to be true. In fact, I said exactly
that the very first day. Remember when I said that?"
"No," Haven mumbles, still staring at Damen. "I don't
remember that at all." (Nope, you didn’t. Too busy sucking his dick, you dick, so shut it)

"Well, I did." Miles swigs his Vitamin Water, and nods. "I
said it. You just didn't hear me." (Food? Are we still in class?)

I gaze down at my sandwich and shrug, not wanting to get
into the whole "who said what when" debate, and definitely
not willing to look anywhere near Damen, Stacia, or anyone
else at that table.(This is lunch? How did we end up in lunch? You didn’t give me an indication you left class) I'm still reeling from English, when Damen leaned toward me, right in the middle of roll call, so he
could pass me a note. But only so I could pass it to Stacia. (But you were in lunch at the beginning of this paragraph. What… just what. STOP JUMPING AROUND!!).

What’s with this book and transitions? The first chapters have stars, then ok references, then confusing references and now we are teleporting without breaks. Make up your mind, woman. It may be amateurish, but I suggest the *, at least then you could do visual breaks, avoiding confusion for somebody of this level. Holy Jesus vampire hunting Christ, please give me the wisdom and Kung-fu skills to endure this.

So more angst happens as Damen tries to force Ever to pass a note to Stacia. She clearly doesn’t want to and he keeps egging her on with a smile that just makes me want to punch him. Ever turns to us and explains why she’s refusing to pass the note:

It's about not wanting to touch it! Not wanting to know
what it says! Because the moment my fingers make contact,
I'll see the words in my head-the whole, sexy, adorable,
flirty, unfiltered message. And even though it'll be bad
enough to hear it in her thoughts, at least then I can
pretend that it's compromised, diluted by her dimwitted
brain. But if I touch that piece of paper, then I'll know the
words are true and I just can't bear to see them.




Really, Noel? You came up with that power just to have her angst over Damen? Not over not being able to enjoy books anymore, over not being able to think about what she reads as she reads or not picturing the words in her head. I still don’t even get why use this power even. She’s a mind reader! Even if compromised, there’s so much that can be justified that way.

What class is this anyway? This doesn’t sound like art class, since they aren’t painting and they already took English. Is this even the same day? I’m so confused.

Then we are with Miles, so I guess that a flashback to some alternative universe or something. Did Noel just gave up on the timeline and transitions? I have no idea anymore!

Anyway, Ever realizes that Damen is a no-good player. Well, I don’t know about that. Yes, he’s a slimy smoldering piece of bland toast, but I wouldn’t officially call him a player yet. For around 8 chapters he has barely appeared in them and when he does he’s been  friendly to them. So far he has been with one auraless woman who we don’t know what his relation is with and Stacia now. I just don’t consider that being a player yet just because Ever decided yesterday in art class that they had now something special. Nothing happened in art class! Well, except being perfectly boring.

Of course, now that Damen is not part of the outcasts, the outcasts blame Ever. Because obviously she must have done something to scare him off. Never mind that Haven has been a creeper, possessive Sue all the while.

Then we slide to French just to bypass it to go to art. Here Ever whines about why she joined art since she sucks at it.




I mean, you couldn’t say that you joined art because for once in your new life you wanted something not involving your powers.  You sure whine about them, but when push comes to shove you also hate it when you don’t have to use them? Suck or not, I would be in that classroom giving my best… and I can’t even draw stick people straight.  Complete failure of character fleshing out, Noel.

I can’t think of anything Ever likes, now that I think about it. She doesn’t read because of her powers (and doesn’t seemed bothered by it), doesn’t hear music she likes (just the type to leave her deaf), doesn’t dress like she likes (just hides under hoodies) and doesn’t even take classes she cares about. Wow, even Bella had the pretend taste of liking classic literature.

Turns out Damen is not in class, instead there’s a note with Ever’s name. She refuses to touch it and focuses on her crappy painting. Still, because we can’t have 5 minutes without angsting, Ms Machado hands her the note. Inside there was a sketch of a red tulip just for her.

Yeah… you know what, Ever? You are right, he’s a player. Which makes me wonder about the romance in this series. He’s a player, she’s a loner and they barely talk or know each others qualities… TRULY THIS IS A LOVE STORY FOR THE AGES!!




(You two can suck it in envy!)

The writing in this chapter was specially bad. We’re in chapter 10 and I still don’t feel like I really know anybody here. Ever’s narration is completely detached, the transitions are worst than what I showed you and even inside Ever’s head, I still don’t know her. I have to wonder if this will have some conflict at some point or if it will copy Twilight even on that and have the bad guy appear out of nowhere at the end. Although I think the other auraless woman will be one of the bad guys or the bad guy since she was pretty, smug and with Damen: truly she is the devil.

Oh well, until next time this is Shaolina signing out!

(Chapter 11)

spork: evermore

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