Its thursday.
What do you do when you feel like you've been kept a secret? What do you do when you feel like your entire relationship with someone was kept under wraps from their whole circle? When he knows all your friends but you dont know anything about him, his home, his friends,his intrests?
I've been sleeping with someone for nearly a year. He's handsome, kind, intellegent and has a wonderful cock, and amazing fingers. But it's not enough. When I'm neither invited to his birthday party, nor informed there would be a party and I can't come for (insert reason here), and then 4 days later I have still to hear from him, when he missed my party weekend entirely, and never called me back. I feel empty.
I lost. I lost something I never had. I thought he would be a good enough man, and a good enough friend to be able to come to me this time and explain what happened. I dont want an appology, appologies mean nothing in this world.
Was I really applying that much pressure when I talked of my event? I'm sorry. Was he really that upset that I forgot a birthday I didnt even know about?
I only want honesty. I don't care if there are other women, I just wanted to know that I was acknowleged. Denied and acknowleged, perhaps, but more acknowleged than I was. I keep wishing this was a missunderstanding, and that he will call/IM me and we can act like this never happened.
My best kittens have yelled at me, for thinking it could be a misunderstanding. They said it was shady from the start, and I didnt care or pay attention. and Now, I wonder what happened, and if I did something to make him dissapear like I did. They tell me not to call or write him, she says to take him off my friends list. But I want to hope we can be friends. I still want what we had, even if I know I will never have it again. I wanted exactly what we had, and I dont know if I lost it cause of miscommunication, or because he was a silent and avoidant man.
He liked to joke that he had a heart of stone, and maybe he did. I dont know. I don't know anything.
Was I really the only woman he was fucking? I dont know. Were lies rampant? I dont think so.
Did he think this was less painful than perhaps dumping me? Less painful for him, maybe.
I still had to go through the motions of hoping and waiting then getting upset, and still hoping that he would show up or call me at any point that weekend. I still have hope he'll call me, and this can be behind us.
But I dont expect that. I expect to get the same lack of reception I got the majority of the time we were together, or not together.
I thought we were friends. Not too well aquainted, due to a lack of time to spend together, but I thought we'd get closer in time. I thought he cared about what I thought, and wanted to get to know more of me. I thought he wanted to share fun times with me, in and OUT of bed. I still hope.
I promised myself I wont call him. I no longer have his number. I promised her I would take him off my friends list. He's still on. My doors open. I just wonder if he'll ever contact me.
I've been sleeping with someone for nearly a year. He's handsome, kind, intellegent and has a wonderful cock, and amazing fingers. But it's not enough. When I'm neither invited to his birthday party, nor informed there would be a party and I can't come for (insert reason here), and then 4 days later I have still to hear from him, when he missed my party weekend entirely, and never called me back. I feel empty.
I lost. I lost something I never had. I thought he would be a good enough man, and a good enough friend to be able to come to me this time and explain what happened. I dont want an appology, appologies mean nothing in this world.
Was I really applying that much pressure when I talked of my event? I'm sorry. Was he really that upset that I forgot a birthday I didnt even know about?
I only want honesty. I don't care if there are other women, I just wanted to know that I was acknowleged. Denied and acknowleged, perhaps, but more acknowleged than I was. I keep wishing this was a missunderstanding, and that he will call/IM me and we can act like this never happened.
My best kittens have yelled at me, for thinking it could be a misunderstanding. They said it was shady from the start, and I didnt care or pay attention. and Now, I wonder what happened, and if I did something to make him dissapear like I did. They tell me not to call or write him, she says to take him off my friends list. But I want to hope we can be friends. I still want what we had, even if I know I will never have it again. I wanted exactly what we had, and I dont know if I lost it cause of miscommunication, or because he was a silent and avoidant man.
He liked to joke that he had a heart of stone, and maybe he did. I dont know. I don't know anything.
Was I really the only woman he was fucking? I dont know. Were lies rampant? I dont think so.
Did he think this was less painful than perhaps dumping me? Less painful for him, maybe.
I still had to go through the motions of hoping and waiting then getting upset, and still hoping that he would show up or call me at any point that weekend. I still have hope he'll call me, and this can be behind us.
But I dont expect that. I expect to get the same lack of reception I got the majority of the time we were together, or not together.
I thought we were friends. Not too well aquainted, due to a lack of time to spend together, but I thought we'd get closer in time. I thought he cared about what I thought, and wanted to get to know more of me. I thought he wanted to share fun times with me, in and OUT of bed. I still hope.
I promised myself I wont call him. I no longer have his number. I promised her I would take him off my friends list. He's still on. My doors open. I just wonder if he'll ever contact me.