The word rape seems so harsh.
The thing that you need to understand before you read this is that I am not a victim. I do not give in to others, I am not taken advantage of, and I am not coerced into doing things I wouldn't normally do.
Or at least that's what I've been telling myself.
Not too long ago, a certain event happened following a party I somewhat grudgingly decided to go to. There's no point in explaining the details of the event, because the only way to truly understand it is to know me and hear me say it to your face. If I know you well enough, ask, and I may tell you if you don't already know.
I have been battling with myself. Pride vs. Pride. Victim or Whore?
I am not a victim.
But I am also not a whore.
It's insane that I don't know which I'd rather be known for.
As Roman jurists used to say, coactus volui, tamen volui (I willed under coercion, but still I willed).
The longer I let these events sit in the backroom of my mind, the more I feel the need to dig them up and observe them. The more I observe them, the more things start to sink in. I did my research, I read my articles, I came to my conclusions.
Do not pity me. Do not feel sorry for me. Do not show any more affection for me than you have (or in most cases, have not) been showing me the past month or so. I am only admitting this because I think it needs to be admitted, and I'm hoping that those of you who have had to deal with the after-affects will please forgive me and know that I didn't mean to be clingy and moody and scared of everything. I was just dealing with a bad situation.
The word rape seems so harsh. Let's be like middle school counselors and call it "sexual assault."
Hello. My name is Devin, and I'm here to say, I was sexually assaulted by coercion.
The thing you need to know after reading this, is that this isn't a joke. This isn't something you should repost or the boogey man will get you. I, Devin/V/Mrs.A-Z, created this after a particularly difficult night to sleep being plagued by thoughts and nausea. I'm just tired of it all, and I hear that admitting a problem is the first step to curing it. And I need to admit it to whomever will listen. I'm sorry this is so silly.
Please don't tell my mother.