self pity, literature, and pop-culture

[sharpeslass]

I hope I am PMS-ing. I'm in a dreadful state today. I woke in tears and shall likely lie down in them at the end of the day. Bleeding will simplify the emotions and I can write them off as a consequence of the hormonal tide. Meanwhile I'm sad about everything, a usual state of affairs, but not, generally, a paralyzing one

Comments

[white_cross_b]

You're just going through your Double Meat Palace phase until eventually you'll be in your school counselor phase and save the world. A lot.

[pfmoi]

I love you for saying this, and I am both amused and ashamed that I get the references. XD

[white_cross_b]

There is no reason to be ashamed of the best show that was ever on television. ;-)

[sharpeslass]

*smirks* I just feel like I keep falling back into the double meat palace phase, after I've finally escaped it!! And where is my hot hunk o' vampire lovin'? (though I suppose if Spike just equals lust-based, unproductive relationships, I've covered that base...). *sigh*

where do we go from here...?

[indelicateink]

*hugs* As someone in a loooong Double Meat Palace phase dreaming of my school counselor phase, I really like white_cross_b's advice.

I hope you are able to get some good sleep tonight, and that tomorrow things are looking better. Take care of yourself. ♥

[sharpeslass]

As I mentioned to her, my Meat Palace phase has also been unduly extended. But there is something to the whole "school counselor" thing. Perhaps not exactly literally, but it might be nice, at my age, to be a mentor in some way... *ponders* Anyhoot, the passage of time and a hormonal shift means that my mood has somewhat improved. Just as well the "crisis" occurred on a weekend. I could have let my mouth get me into serious trouble at work in that kind of black mood. *hugs you*

[7veilsphaedra]

I'm sorry to hear things are feeling so bad. I understand what Forster is saying, but it's only a small part of the picture. It's true that we have to nurture the ones who are closest to us and look after our daily duties, but friendship does not have to be ephemeral either. The connections we make on a heart level endure. Sure, our friendships shift and our interests, but there is always that enduring sense of having felt happy that someone is alive, and that the world is better for that!

(Why am I not seeing your posts on my friends-list, sharpeslass? Are your filters keeping your friends away?)

[sharpeslass]

My posts are not on your friends list?? I haven't been posting much lately, but you are a mutual friend and shouldn't be screened from anything I post at all. I think I've just been too long absent. I tend to closet myself when I'm sad for fear of creating self-pitying posts like the one above. I mean to get better about it though.

I guess the down side of the whole "nurture the ones who are closest to us" is that it means I kind of come in second to everyone, since I'm not a wife or mother. I know it's no good wishing friends were obligated to stick around in the way that kids or spouses are, because I suppose part of the joy of friendship is the freedom that one doesn't necessarily have with familial relationships (family you choose, as the saying goes). I babble. I think I'm tired - but my monthly thing started and I do feel somewhat better.

[7veilsphaedra]

I'm glad you feel better. The challenge of dealing with loneliness is huge, and it makes no difference whether you're a mother or a sister, because we're talking about the quality of intimacy. I adore my daughter and she will always come first in my life, even as she's steadily pulling away from me as she goes into senior high school, and then university, and then ... but I still feel lonely around her. There are all kinds of places inside myself, like rooms in a big house, I haven't shown her. She wouldn't understand, for one thing, how special they are to me; she wouldn't tread lightly on them, for another

[sharpeslass]

I know. That is kind of what I mean. We have societal obligations to family but not to friends so friends, perforce, come second. I understand it, I just don't like it. Being one without immediate family (outside of my parents, who sadly, sadly, sadly won't be around forever) it means I am forever outside of intimate circles looking in and I want to create an intimate circle out of friends, but because of the lack of that societal obligation, it is tricky. You see?

[jessiedark]

Umm whatever; I think when you TRY at things like relationships it gets screwed up. I mean friendships and family used to be forced by geography. You had to be friends with your neighbors.

Now we are trying to force it, life is busy and people move and move on. You aren't friends with everyone at work or in your neighborhood and when you make friends they go back to England.

People don't even stay married how can we expect them to be friends.

As for Buffy. Most of us life the Double Meat Palace life and never get to save the world. You just have to have some sort Spike sex again the wall, or chocolate to make it worth living

[sharpeslass]

I lamented my lack of Spike sex (against a wall, invisible or otherwise) in an earlier comment. Unfortunately, all I'm getting is chocolate and it is showing in my dramatic leap up the scale in pants sizes.

But you are wrong. Friends don't go back to England. The go back to Indiana. Damn 'em.

[tentiqa]

You sure have a lot of LJ friends who care about you. I'm one of them.

*hugs*
Plus, most letter openers aren't that sharp enough to begin with. (Unless you got yourself something cool like this.

[sharpeslass]

Nice! I have a star trek letter opener. It isn't that sharp, but if I propped it up on something and then flung myself down upon it from a ladder, it might do some damage. My coordination is so poor that I would likely miss and land on an hapless co-worker and be fired or jailed for attack with a deadly thigh... or something.

I value you guys a lot. I need to spend more time on LJ and less time feeling sorry for myself. *glomps*

[tentiqa]

*glomps back* Don't worry we all get those self-loathing times.

(And what is this Star Trek letter opener like? *curious*)