On drawing
Oh hey, look what I did:
This is absolutely not finished yet and part of a bigger, well, picture, but I feel the need to share, because when I started working on it I did some soul searching. As I tell everyone who's even remotely interested, I didn't really draw for three years (depression will do that to you), and when I finally picked up my pen again, it was a bit like "wheee! look what I'm doing mum!" and then the old frustration settled in again. Everything I draw is boring, looks unfinished, stiff, it's just cute twee shit, blah blah blah.
And I finally figured out why this is happening.
When I was a little kid, my parents had to buy me rolls of wallpaper so I could draw my pretty princesses somewhere, and I absolutely loved drawing, it was my favourite pastime. Now, my family is pretty arty, but the only art that ever really counted was music. I'm an ok musician, but mostly because I was forced to go to my lessons - and yes, I love music a lot, but I always feel like it was something that I was ~ supposed to do ~ but nothing that really came naturally to me. (And tbh the only reason I ever got good at music was because when I was a teenager I had a huge crush on an organist/pianist).
Now drawing though, I was always discouraged from doodling too much, people were mocking my love for comics, my love for cartoons and graphic novels and later on anime and fanart - and the only real thing that came out of my love for pictures was that I studied art history (and was really bad at it too lol. I just wasn't mean to be an academic.)
Somehow I always thought my art is something that has less value, isn't something that is worthwhile to pursue, something I shouldn't spend time on - as opposed to music. So I didn't. So I don't. I feel guilty drawing more then a couple of hours, and as a result all my pictures look unfinished and I hate them as soon as I show them to someone.
It makes me really sad, because my skill level is really absolutely not up to what it should be considering how long I've been drawing already. I could be so much better.
But in a way I think I didn't let myself get better. Because if there's another thing I am, it's SLOW. Seriously I'm slow as hell. And if I spend more then a couple of hours on some art I feel like a totally failure - I should really be able to churn out some nice sketches in a couple of minutes, right? RIGHT? But I'm not.
But since I'm on some self-discovery trip right now I came to a realization:
THAT'S OK.
It's ok to be slow, and practice a lot, and not be perfect, and spend a week on a single picture IT'S FINE.
I spend the better part of my weekend on those two silly sketches up there but you know what, I kind of love them, and that's really rare for me. And I have an idea for a little comic those pics are a part of, and I really want to do it, and I'm going to allow myself to do it and spend a lot of time on it and the time it will take me to do this is not wasted.
Those are a lot of words omg.
When it comes to down to it I'm drawing romantic moments between a genetically engineered awkward doctor and a gay lizard man from outer space. It doesn't get anymore silly then that BUT THAT'S OK.
This is absolutely not finished yet and part of a bigger, well, picture, but I feel the need to share, because when I started working on it I did some soul searching. As I tell everyone who's even remotely interested, I didn't really draw for three years (depression will do that to you), and when I finally picked up my pen again, it was a bit like "wheee! look what I'm doing mum!" and then the old frustration settled in again. Everything I draw is boring, looks unfinished, stiff, it's just cute twee shit, blah blah blah.
And I finally figured out why this is happening.
When I was a little kid, my parents had to buy me rolls of wallpaper so I could draw my pretty princesses somewhere, and I absolutely loved drawing, it was my favourite pastime. Now, my family is pretty arty, but the only art that ever really counted was music. I'm an ok musician, but mostly because I was forced to go to my lessons - and yes, I love music a lot, but I always feel like it was something that I was ~ supposed to do ~ but nothing that really came naturally to me. (And tbh the only reason I ever got good at music was because when I was a teenager I had a huge crush on an organist/pianist).
Now drawing though, I was always discouraged from doodling too much, people were mocking my love for comics, my love for cartoons and graphic novels and later on anime and fanart - and the only real thing that came out of my love for pictures was that I studied art history (and was really bad at it too lol. I just wasn't mean to be an academic.)
Somehow I always thought my art is something that has less value, isn't something that is worthwhile to pursue, something I shouldn't spend time on - as opposed to music. So I didn't. So I don't. I feel guilty drawing more then a couple of hours, and as a result all my pictures look unfinished and I hate them as soon as I show them to someone.
It makes me really sad, because my skill level is really absolutely not up to what it should be considering how long I've been drawing already. I could be so much better.
But in a way I think I didn't let myself get better. Because if there's another thing I am, it's SLOW. Seriously I'm slow as hell. And if I spend more then a couple of hours on some art I feel like a totally failure - I should really be able to churn out some nice sketches in a couple of minutes, right? RIGHT? But I'm not.
But since I'm on some self-discovery trip right now I came to a realization:
THAT'S OK.
It's ok to be slow, and practice a lot, and not be perfect, and spend a week on a single picture IT'S FINE.
I spend the better part of my weekend on those two silly sketches up there but you know what, I kind of love them, and that's really rare for me. And I have an idea for a little comic those pics are a part of, and I really want to do it, and I'm going to allow myself to do it and spend a lot of time on it and the time it will take me to do this is not wasted.
Those are a lot of words omg.
When it comes to down to it I'm drawing romantic moments between a genetically engineered awkward doctor and a gay lizard man from outer space. It doesn't get anymore silly then that BUT THAT'S OK.