I've got nothing to do today but smile
I tried to drive a motorcycle home but couldn't do it, and got stuck going in very frighteningly small circles for a long time until I decided it was safest to just take the dive. I got knocked unconscious but was still aware of everything, and heard everyone from the party and who lived on the street come out of their houses and run around like I was a missing person. All of a sudden someone was kissing me, and I felt their head without opening my eyes and it was buzzed so I thought it was Gale, but then I felt the necklace and I smelled him and when he asked me if I knew who it was, I said Mulkey. He gave me a long talk I didn't want to hear after saying how worried he was when he saw me fall, and then chastised me for not trying harder to get him to break up with his girlfriend, and said he was pissed off about how I treated him at the last party I saw him at, and it made me kind of happy but very indignant. I got up all shaky-like and gave him a big ole fuck you and walked away, and I think I imagined that Ben saw from somewhere in the background and smiled.
So then I was injured and had some sort of fuzzy head problems, and I went over to my dad's old old Plymouth Pl. house and found a stash of fifteen or so Adderall XRs and one of Jeremy's 30s and was so proud of myself for squirreling them away for a time like then, when I needed them. Somehow I misplaced them again, though, and all of a sudden regained consciousness twenty hours later curled up in a comforter with my mom and Dennis' family. His sister was trying to use my chair as a footrest and I got really pissed off and yelled at her and was being a general incorrigible young person. My mom begged their forgiveness and explained about my recent injuries. I was annoyed and fed up and took my duvet into another room to look for the Adderall, but I had to sit down because I couldn't, couldn't get warm and wrapped myself up in a hundred blankets but only one could make me warm, otherwise it was like I wasn't wearing any blankets at all. The warm one wasn't big enough for me, so only parts of my body were warm at all. My head was so fuzzy, so blank, and I was trying to figure out how and why I'd blacked out after Mulkey ran off, where my twenty hours went.
Then three of us were at a COSI-style closed waterpark, and I wasn't injured anymore. The other two were just faceless guys, and we all pretended we were best friends, but I could've not been there and they would've been just as happy. We sat in the hot tub and went down an intense roller-coaster-water-slide without any cars, just rolling down and up the hills, and it was frightening but we made the jump safely and landed in a big ole pool of water. I wanted to do it again but they wanted to sit and have a conversation I wasn't interested in, so I just left.
Back at my parents' condo, DanKat were there, wanting to drive me back to the Rock with them. I wanted to so, so, so, so badly, but they couldn't understand that I had school on Monday and they didn't care and kept insisting that I just come with them anyway, because we all had plenty of Adderall and the time would be well-spent not sleeping. I couldn't argue either way because I was paralyzed by the temptation/necessities of obligation, so started being productive instead by supergluing broken things back together. The superglue was powdery, like cocaine, but more shimmery, and I wanted to try snorting it but I knew I couldn't, and then I spilled it everywhere and it was everywhere, all over my arms and face and tongue and down my throat, and it was silvery paste and was going to dry soon and I was going to die, so I went to the sink and started spitting and drowning myself in water and everything was like mercury, and I turned into silver and couldn't get it all off.
And then my alarm went off. I think some other stuff happened, but for some reason this whole sequence was very important and vivid and all related; normally I wake up and remember three different dreams with no connection at all, but this was a long thread broken up by blackouts and unified by my search for drugs.
I've been really good at conversation lately, and not scared of it at all.