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[shasha04]

i'm fuckin hurtin. i can't stop thinking about joey, but i'm able to function when i am now. drinking helps A LOT

Comments

[jeisenne]

Sorry you're going through this shit :( Between the ages of 18-20 I had lost all 5 of the friends I had outside of high school, three because they moved away, and two were from suicide. It was really heart wrenching, and I feel the same way you did, because I thought that my love for one of them alone could save him

[shasha04]

I'm old enough and been through enough bad shit that I've seen quite a few friends pass on. This particular one just hits me in a very sweet spot... I've "saved" a lot of friends from a lot of things, and I hit some point where I just couldn't do it anymore, and it became easy to walk away from almost anyone when they started fucking up. And those were all old friends. I made sure not to make new ones like that

[spider88]

I think you should go to the funeral.

Suicide sucks ass. When people do it, they are in so much pain, they can't even think about what kind of pain they are about to cause when they go through with it. It just sucks.

[shasha04]

The actual funeral I know nothing about. I have a feeling it's a private family thing. The memorial, which would be next weekend, is what I'm thinking of going to. If it was an actual funeral with a viewing, I would be going for sure. A memorial... I don't know how much it will help. I think it would be good to be around other people who knew and cared about him, but at the same time I won't know anyone there and it would be weird. I'd also have to drag along the friend I'm taking to Laughlin, so it's not just me going out of my way. The friend I'm bringing isn't all that understanding of a person either (party friend, not a real friend)

[shasha04]

I forgot to say... I understand about suicide, and I don't feel like he caused me direct pain by doing it. At first I just heard he died, and didn't know how... knowing the guy, I assumed it was that he OD'd or got in a car wreck or something. When I found out it was suicide, after the initial shock, it made me feel better to know that's what he wanted, that it wasn't an accident, that he chose it. I just miss him terribly...

[spider88]

Oh, and why not break down in front of the guys who knew him? They'll probably have sympathy, no?

[shasha04]

They would have sympathy, but at the same time, although they knew him, they weren't very close to him. And although I am good friends with them, we're not close in the sense that we don't get into very deep conversations with each other very often.

The main thing is Laughlin is going to be a big party weekend, lots of drinking, lots of offroading, tons of gambling... it's redneck heaven, and I've been looking forward to it since last year when we left Laughlin. I want to enjoy myself, not start crying at the bar at 4 in the morning around a bunch of people that would be awkward for.

[ersigh]

My best friend hung himself when I was 16. I had no idea he was considering suicide. He had told me that suicide was for pussies. I blamed myself a lot for awhile because he had called me the night it happened and I was tied up on the phone with some guy I was crushing on and said I'd call him back but by the time I got off the phone it was after 10pm and his bitch mom wouldn't allow him to receive calls that late. Shortly after 10pm he logged onto all the BBSi he had accounts on, checked for email and by 10:30pm he was dead

[shasha04]

It's not so much a pride thing with he crying... I enjoy crying, and I feel a great sense of relief after I do. It's just that I would prefer to work through this now so that it's not overshadowing my weekend in Laughlin- but at the same time, if it does, that's fine, because whatever helps me through is ok, no matter when or where it happens

[jadorelefromage]

i'm sorry about your friend. that's so sad :(

[shasha04]

thank you.