(no subject)
tonight was one of those nights where you wish you were somewhere else, someone else.
i didnt go to school, i went to the surgen and he removed a stitch cuz i developed a sore. i came home and wasted away the day. chris and gene came over later in the day and we wrote a song. everything was great. brooke was on her way and things were fine.
then my dad called
obviously i said something wrong and gave him "attitude" so he got pissed. he called my mom and called me back 20 mins later and it started. he started giving me shit cuz he was tired of me giving him attitude and my mom taking my side. he was telling me that i wasnt allowed to drive my car and he was yelling at me for all this shit when i didnt do anything at all.
well today i didnt wanna take his shit anymore. so for the first time i decided to yell back. so there i was yelling at him with him yelling at me in the driveway. he told me if i didnt stop hed take away my car totally. i told him i didnt fucking care. so he went off and told me to kick out my friends and that he was comming in 15 minutes. i wasnt gunna stay for that shit so they left and i threw some clothes together, called my mom told her i wasnt gunna stay around for this shit and i left. i went to brookes house and i was gunna stay out until the next day. my mom and my neighbor said it was best if i spent the night out.
so im getting calls from my dad cuz he is fucking waiting at my house until i come home cuz i wasnt supposed to leave and he was pissed that i ran. i was at brookes for like 5 minutes when my mom called. she was crying saying that i had to go home or things would be worse, that my dad was gunna be there all night. he just got through yelling at her cuz she stands up for me.
i started driving home. i put in starting line and just drove. i just drove and thought, thought and drove. things were going by so slow. i pulled up to the house and he was waiting outside.
then it happened again. i had planned everything i was going to say, i was ready for anything he could do. i got out of the car and handed him the keys. but then i broke down when i saw him. we went inside and talked for what seemed like hours. eventhough i knew what i wanted to say it wouldnt come out. i had my chance to say everything and like always i froze up. he is out of my life now, he said he is done with our weekends and dinners and his hopeless attempts to guide me. he said he was done. i had so much to say, but i couldnt get it out
that is how it is and how it always was. i have always been scared of him. only recently have i stood up for myself but i can never talk to him. we always get into fights because we are exactly alike and cant be wrong. this always happens except he has put me and my mom out of his life now.
i used to have grandparents, an uncle and aunt and a niece but no. my father doesnt let things go. more than a year ago sumthing happened between them and my dad and he says he will never talk to them again ever, and he hasnt yet. either have i, and they dont talk to us.
i dont kno if this post really conveys everything i feel but thats what happened tonight. it was hectic, it was emotional, and i dont feel good. goodnight