Finger Painting 2/2
part 1 here.
...
He probably shouldn't have been surprised when his phone went off early the next morning, but he was, and he grumbled incoherently into the receiver.
"Rise and shine~"
"Are you going to do this every morning?" he groaned.
"Yep, most likely!" That deep voice shouldn't have been able to sound so cheery, especially at any point before noon on a Sunday. Baekhyun rolled around in bed, making displeased pouting noises that got Chanyeol laughing, and he pretended that didn't make his heart skip inside his chest.
"Let's go on a date today!"
Baekhyun lifted his head from where he had been smushing it into his pillow, his interest piqued. "Yeah?"
And that was how he ended up spending the better part of his Sunday doing noraebang with the overly enthusiastic Chanyeol, who picked SNSD song after SNSD song and laughed every time like it was a fresh joke. He made Chanyeol sing with him - "Come on, you have to know the words to this one by now." "Only because you sing it every single day." - and collapsed into a fit of laughter when Chanyeol started improvising the dances with that lanky body.
He drew the line at eating overpriced noraebang food, though, and so Chanyeol bought him spaghetti on the way home instead.
"Want to come over and hang out? We can rent a movie or something~"
"Pre-med, Chanyeol. I haven't done any of my homework yet this weekend."
Chanyeol nudged Baekhyun's shoulder with a teasing grin. "Someone's been slacking!"
"It's not my fault someone's been compromising all my time this weekend," Baekhyun huffed, playful scowl darkening as Chanyeol ruffled his hair.
"Not sorry~" And he leaned down to press kisses to Baekhyun's cheek until Baekhyun couldn't even pretend to be mad anymore, because Chanyeol was really so cute that it was sort of stupid.
...
Dating Chanyeol was easy. It didn't require a big schedule shift, because they had already been spending ridiculous amounts of time together as Chanyeol hurried to finish his midterm painting, but it was different now, because they could just be. Homework together always came first, because Baekhyun expected a lot of himself academically and told Chanyeol that he needed to work hard too, art major or not -- but after that, they could do as they pleased.
Chanyeol was big on going out and doing things, and Baekhyun didn't mind being dragged along, no matter how stupid Chanyeol's plans could be sometimes. Chanyeol liked to wake him up early on Saturday mornings and drag him to random corners of the city he'd never been to before. He especially liked to do all of those touristy things that visitors to Seoul did but natives never did in their lives. Seoul Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, Bukchon Hanok Village... Even though Baekhyun had lived in Seoul for most of his life, there was so much of the city that he'd never seen before, had never even thought to look for.
They did normal date things, too -- packed lunch to eat in the park, window shopped in Myeongdong, spent the day at the zoo, where Chanyeol changed his favorite animal from monkey to bear to tiger to lion to warthog and back to monkey again. Chanyeol taught him how to rollerblade one afternoon, and it was stupid fun, even when Baekhyun totally wiped out and scraped his knee. Chanyeol was so frantic and worried, so apologetic that Baekhyun had to keep laughingly assuring him that it was okay, that he wasn't mad, wasn't broken. Chanyeol drew a monkey on his apology card anyway, and it was so cute that Baekhyun hung it on his wall.
They tried a different restaurant every week, and Chanyeol made a habit of picking the sketchiest sounding thing on the menu and force feeding bits to Baekhyun, whether he wanted to try it or not. The ticklish point at the back of Baekhyun's neck had been discovered way too early on, and Chanyeol exploited that at any and every opportunity, much to Baekhyun's public embarrassment.
But it was okay, because Chanyeol also snuck kisses whenever he thought he could get away with it, on the subway or when they were walking by themselves in the street, and Baekhyun loved to be kissed.
He loved it almost as much as whenever Chanyeol would lean in close and whisper "I like you, Byun Baekhyun" confidentially, like each time was a fresh confession, and it made Baekhyun's whole body tingle down to the tips of his toes.
It took him a couple of weeks to say it himself, to get over being worried that this was all some sort of dream brought on by wishful thinking and too much overly strong espresso -- but then he went up on tiptoe and pressed his nose into the curve of Chanyeol's neck in the doorway of his apartment as they were saying goodnight, and he murmured, "I like you, Park Chanyeol."
The laugh that got, sudden and surprised and maybe a tinge relieved, made him laugh, too -- and they kissed and kissed and didn't say goodnight for real until a while later.
...
There was nothing unusual, at this point, about Baekhyun going to Chanyeol's apartment straight after lab. He climbed the six flights of stairs, same as always, and let himself in, because Chanyeol never remembered to lock his door even when he went out, anyway.
What was unusual was for someone else to already be over -- someone tall and handsome and shirtless, and Baekhyun froze.
"Oh hey, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol leapt up from his chair, tossing his sketchbook aside in favor of grabbing Baekhyun's arm and tugging him further into the room. "Meet my friend Kris! I know he looks scary, but he's actually not at all, so don't be afraid." Baekhyun was still confused, but he let Chanyeol help him out of his backpack and get him a chair.
Kris nodded in greeting. "What's up?" His face was undoubtedly intimidating, with strong brows over the kind of face that Baekhyun had only seen in magazines, and it made him uneasy.
"Uh, nice to meet you..." He looked from Kris and his bleached hair and shirtless torso to Chanyeol, who had retrieved his sketchbook and pencil and gotten right back to work. He wasn't sure if he got the connection. "Chanyeol...?" he whispered, leaning closer to Chanyeol's chair. "Not that I don't trust you, but...why is he here? And why isn't he wearing a shirt?" It was almost winter, and the heat still hadn't been turned on in Chanyeol's apartment. Baekhyun was a little cold in his sweater, right in the pit of his stomach.
"Eh, you know how it is. Another art thing," Chanyeol grumbled, not at all discreetly. "We're focusing on the human form, so I've gotta sketch him a billion times until my teacher says it's good enough and I can move on." Then he grinned, that grin that made his eye twitch excitedly. "Everyone wanted to get Kris to model for them, so I lucked out!"
Kris rolled his eyes. "Shut up. You know I hate this shit. You owe me."
"I told you I'll buy you food."
"Fried chicken."
"Yeah, fried chicken!"
Baekhyun made a face. He hated fried chicken. Still...if this was an assignment for Chanyeol, he guessed he could eat it just this once. He hated that he hadn't known about this ahead of time, but he knew Chanyeol was flaky when it came to things like assignments and due dates, so he pulled out his homework and didn't complain.
...
It was hard to adjust.
Baekhyun had gotten used to having Chanyeol's full (if flighty) attention, to having those bright eyes on him and him alone. But now Kris was there every day after class, bleached hair and strong features and perfect abs. It was hard not to be affected by that, when Chanyeol kept inviting Kris to stay later and eat with them, and Baekhyun didn't get first pick of the restaurant anymore.
Baekhyun didn't have abs. He didn't have sharp, model-esque features, and he didn't have a build worth sketching over and over onto blank pages. He wasn't like Kris at all.
But it was hard to hate Kris, because he was cool and charming and he and Chanyeol got along really well, despite how completely opposite their customary expressions were. Chanyeol with his megawatt twitchy grin, and Kris with his standoffish stare. Bleached haired giants, who had apparently been friends since the first day of the semester, when Chanyeol had walked right up to Kris in the quad and told him that, as tall people, it was their civic duty to become friends.
Baekhyun felt stupid for being so jealous. He knew, intellectually, that Chanyeol just needed a different model for this, and that Kris was more suited to this particular assignment. And yeah, Kris stole a lot of Chanyeol's attention, with their shared interest in rap and Chanyeol's bugging him for English phrases -- but Baekhyun was the only one who got a hand on his knee when they all ate dinner together, and Baekhyun was the only one who got a kiss goodbye.
But the sketches in Chanyeol's notebook looked good.
"Want to know the secret to painting something beautiful?"
"Love."
Baekhyun felt sick to his stomach.
...
He didn't sleep much, these days. His head was too full, his heart was too heavy.
He hadn't expected to mind so much, that Chanyeol was drawing someone else. That wasn't even what was bothering him, really -- it was that the person Chanyeol had picked was so completely opposite of him, so tall and so cool and with a muscular build, and that Chanyeol had sketched him almost a dozen times, while Baekhyun still hadn't even gotten to see the finished painting of himself.
He felt forgotten.
He felt replaced.
The assignment was to practice drawing the human form, right? Baekhyun had a human form. Not one as technically flawless as Kris', he could admit that, but he still wanted Chanyeol to think of him first.
It was unreasonable. He was being stupid. The lack of time spent just with Chanyeol was starting to get to him, was starting to make him think about inadequacy and ugliness and heartache.
He pressed his face into his pillow and forced himself to take a deep breath.
It was okay. He was okay.
...
"Wake up, sleepyhead~"
Baekhyun nestled deeper into his blankets, cradling the phone to his ear. His Saturday morning wake up call, at least, hadn't changed. "It's early...what do you want?"
"Date!"
He huffed, playing at annoyed. "Fine, fine. Where are you dragging me this time?"
"Shut up, you like it." He'd missed having that laugh all to himself. Even when it was the really stupid kind that made Chanyeol clap his hands in excitement. "Let's go to Insadong! Kris said they have really great food there! I want hoddeok~"
Baekhyun hummed noncommittally. He didn't want to hear about Kris today.
"Be ready in half an hour, okay? I'll come get you!"
Chanyeol hung up without waiting for a response, and Baekhyun closed his eyes. He drew in a slow, steady breath and released it as a sigh. It was going to be okay. Just because he'd mentioned Kris didn't mean anything. It would still be just the two of them today. And he needed that -- he needed that more than anything.
But Chanyeol wouldn't shut up about Kris the whole time they were out. "Kris said the food here is delicious!" "Kris said they have really good deals at that one on the corner!" "Kris said he likes these -- should we bring some back for him?"
Baekhyun pursed his lips and forced his feelings down, and he prayed for Chanyeol's hand in his to ground him.
...
"Stop making me feel like this!"
Then suddenly everything was exploding. Chanyeol's eyes flew wide, his pencil clattering to the ground at the unexpected raised voice, and Baekhyun was shaking so hard he thought he might break apart. The words burned in his throat, like bile, building up and wanting to pour out and out and out -- and he let them, because fuck it, he had spent far too many hours watching Chanyeol sketch all of Kris' perfect body in precise lines and even more hours trying to decipher it all, trying to make it make sense in his head that Chanyeol could draw something so beautiful and still love him.
"I've had enough of your bullshit, Chanyeol. You've spent two fucking weeks on these stupid drawings -- you're always so busy, you have no time to do anything except draw stupid Kris and his stupid, half-naked body, and the only time I can see you is if I come over here but then I have to see him, too, and I don't want to do this anymore. If love's the key to good art then have at it, Park Chanyeol, because that sketch is pretty damn beautiful."
He slammed the door on his way out and didn't look back, not even once, even when his eyes started stinging and he couldn't see clearly enough to walk anymore.
...
Byun Baekhyun did not skip class, even when his heart was broken. He woke up at his regularly scheduled time and dressed neatly in jeans and a sweater, and he looked okay, even though his eyes were still a little red and puffy. He felt like death, body heavy and uncooperative from lack of sleep and his chest aching and empty, but he tugged his sneakers on anyway and made himself take his usual seat near the front of the lecture hall. Note-taking came automatically to him, and he highlighted passages carefully in his textbook with straight yellow lines.
He'd thought speaking up and breaking things off with Chanyeol was supposed to make him feel better. Less unwanted, maybe, if he'd been the one to choose it for himself.
It didn't.
...
More than a full day had passed, and he hadn't so much as seen Chanyeol across the quad. Baekhyun adjusted his backpack strap and pretended to be okay. He didn't think about the fact that this was the longest they had gone without speaking since they'd known each other's names. He tried not to. He really tried. But his brain didn't listen to him, and it kept running out of habit to Chanyeol to Chanyeol to Chanyeol, and his heart was stupid and followed.
He hadn't wanted to break up. He'd never, ever wanted that.
It hit him, then, in a fresh wave, right in the pit of his stomach, because that was exactly what he'd done -- he'd broken up with Park Chanyeol. He had no right to even look for that stupid perm or to wonder how or what he was doing. He'd given up his chance to see that smile, he'd lost it to fear and jealousy, and now he might never see it again.
He had to go. He couldn't do this here, where there were curious eyes and he couldn't even breathe freely. Byun Baekhyun did not cry in public. He didn't, and he worried his lower lip with his teeth in an attempt to keep it that way.
His apartment was only a few blocks from campus. He used to hate that it was in the opposite direction of Chanyeol's, but now he was grateful. He didn't know what would happen if he let his feet start to take him that way. Two flights of stairs was nothing after climbing six to Chanyeol's place every day, but his chest ached and burned anyway. He fished his keys out of his pocket, looked up, and stopped in his tracks.
There, right in front of his door, was an easel -- and on it was the painting.
The painting Chanyeol had done for his midterm project.
The painting of him.
His face, his profile in a myriad of colors, colors that should've clashed, shouldn't have made sense together but did, absolutely did. It was so bright it was almost blinding, but there was balance, somehow, in the depth of his painted eyes. He stepped closer, and it was then that he realized the beauty in Chanyeol's technique. Chanyeol had painted him with his hands. Some of the finer details were lost, but Chanyeol's fingerprints -- Chanyeol's fingerprints were everywhere, in the shadow of his jaw and the line of his hair. Chanyeol was in every part of him, and he had made him beautiful.
His keys clattered to the thinly carpeted floor, and it was only then that he saw him -- curled up on his side, dead asleep around the legs of the easel, his back to Baekhyun's apartment door to make sure he couldn't get in without waking him.
Baekhyun's heart swelled in his chest, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. He wasn't sure if it mattered. He dropped to his knees and just looked, for a moment, at the sleeping Chanyeol. Long, awkward limbs, paint stained shirt, stupid, ratty perm... The boy had fallen asleep with his mouth hanging open, but he was beautiful.
Baekhyun understood, then, and it settled into the very heart of his being.
Love.
He was in love with an idiot who had fallen asleep waiting for him -- but it was his own fault for taking so long. He kicked Chanyeol gently in the ribs, and his voice, when he spoke, was petulant and teasing. "Hey -- you really couldn't even stay awake for me?"
Chanyeol's eyes shot open, and he bolted upright frantically. "Sorry, shit, I'm sorry" -- but Baekhyun couldn't even try to tease him any longer, because the laugh bubbled out of him, sudden and relieved, and he pulled Chanyeol to him and buried his face in his shoulder. Chanyeol was stiff and surprised, but his arms came around Baekhyun's waist after just a moment of hesitation. Baekhyun felt the tentative kiss pressed lightly to his hair. "I'm so sorry, Baekhyun, I didn't know you felt -- I mean I, I should've realized, but -- you know I get carried away sometimes, but it was really just for class, I swear I don't l--"
"Shh...Chanyeol, it's okay." He pulled back a little, and Chanyeol stuttered to a stop. The eyes that met his were nervous, uncertain, and Baekhyun felt a twinge of guilt for making them that way. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I'm sorry. I should've just told you... I shouldn't have yelled at you and left things like that. It was wrong, and I'm really sorry. Will you..." His mouth had gone dry, and in that instant, he was scared all over again. He swallowed hard and tried again. "...will you forgive me?"
Chanyeol stared at him for a long moment. Then his face twitched, as if he wasn't sure what had just happened, and he squished Baekhyun's face between his hands. "Are you stupid? Yes." And Chanyeol leaned in and kissed him, and Baekhyun felt almost giddy with relief, even though Chanyeol tasted a bit like too strong espresso. He crushed their mouths together again and again, savoring the underlying taste of Chanyeol on his tongue, and he was able to breathe easy for the first time in days.
He was okay.
They were okay.
His heart felt so much lighter that he started laughing, and Chanyeol pouted at him. "Why are you laughing? I'm being serious right now."
"I know, I know, sorry." But he couldn't keep the smile off his face, so he nuzzled into Chanyeol's neck to hide it instead. "Just relieved. Really, really relieved." He'd been so scared, so caught up in jealousy that he really had convinced himself that Kris was taking his place. Byun Baekhyun usually hated being wrong, but...not in this case. Not at all.
Chanyeol squeezed his ribs gently. "Did you see the painting?" he asked, almost a little shy.
"No," Baekhyun deadpanned. Chanyeol believed him for almost a full second before shoving him and making him laugh. "What kind of a question is that, Chanyeol? You put it right in front of my door -- the whole hallway's seen it!"
"Shut up or I'll take it back," Chanyeol said, and he huffed and pouted until Baekhyun kissed him again.
"It's beautiful, Chanyeol."
"Mm~" Chanyeol's ears went a little pink, and he smiled, pleased. "Well, I really lucked out on this one. I got someone pretty amazing to model for me."
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm. And you know the secret to painting something beautiful, right?"
"Yeah, pretty sure I've heard this one before." Baekhyun rolled his eyes, but Chanyeol just grinned until his face twitched. Baekhyun felt like he should be immune to that by now, but he really, really wasn't. Chanyeol helped him up and didn't let go of his hand, and there was reassurance in that. They wouldn't break apart so easily ever again.
Chanyeol's eyes were on the painting, but Baekhyun's eyes were on him. He leaned up to murmur in his ear.
"Hey, Park Chanyeol...I really like you."
Byun Baekhyun could sometimes be a little stupid, but he was in love with Park Chanyeol -- and maybe that was okay.
...
He probably shouldn't have been surprised when his phone went off early the next morning, but he was, and he grumbled incoherently into the receiver.
"Rise and shine~"
"Are you going to do this every morning?" he groaned.
"Yep, most likely!" That deep voice shouldn't have been able to sound so cheery, especially at any point before noon on a Sunday. Baekhyun rolled around in bed, making displeased pouting noises that got Chanyeol laughing, and he pretended that didn't make his heart skip inside his chest.
"Let's go on a date today!"
Baekhyun lifted his head from where he had been smushing it into his pillow, his interest piqued. "Yeah?"
And that was how he ended up spending the better part of his Sunday doing noraebang with the overly enthusiastic Chanyeol, who picked SNSD song after SNSD song and laughed every time like it was a fresh joke. He made Chanyeol sing with him - "Come on, you have to know the words to this one by now." "Only because you sing it every single day." - and collapsed into a fit of laughter when Chanyeol started improvising the dances with that lanky body.
He drew the line at eating overpriced noraebang food, though, and so Chanyeol bought him spaghetti on the way home instead.
"Want to come over and hang out? We can rent a movie or something~"
"Pre-med, Chanyeol. I haven't done any of my homework yet this weekend."
Chanyeol nudged Baekhyun's shoulder with a teasing grin. "Someone's been slacking!"
"It's not my fault someone's been compromising all my time this weekend," Baekhyun huffed, playful scowl darkening as Chanyeol ruffled his hair.
"Not sorry~" And he leaned down to press kisses to Baekhyun's cheek until Baekhyun couldn't even pretend to be mad anymore, because Chanyeol was really so cute that it was sort of stupid.
...
Dating Chanyeol was easy. It didn't require a big schedule shift, because they had already been spending ridiculous amounts of time together as Chanyeol hurried to finish his midterm painting, but it was different now, because they could just be. Homework together always came first, because Baekhyun expected a lot of himself academically and told Chanyeol that he needed to work hard too, art major or not -- but after that, they could do as they pleased.
Chanyeol was big on going out and doing things, and Baekhyun didn't mind being dragged along, no matter how stupid Chanyeol's plans could be sometimes. Chanyeol liked to wake him up early on Saturday mornings and drag him to random corners of the city he'd never been to before. He especially liked to do all of those touristy things that visitors to Seoul did but natives never did in their lives. Seoul Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, Bukchon Hanok Village... Even though Baekhyun had lived in Seoul for most of his life, there was so much of the city that he'd never seen before, had never even thought to look for.
They did normal date things, too -- packed lunch to eat in the park, window shopped in Myeongdong, spent the day at the zoo, where Chanyeol changed his favorite animal from monkey to bear to tiger to lion to warthog and back to monkey again. Chanyeol taught him how to rollerblade one afternoon, and it was stupid fun, even when Baekhyun totally wiped out and scraped his knee. Chanyeol was so frantic and worried, so apologetic that Baekhyun had to keep laughingly assuring him that it was okay, that he wasn't mad, wasn't broken. Chanyeol drew a monkey on his apology card anyway, and it was so cute that Baekhyun hung it on his wall.
They tried a different restaurant every week, and Chanyeol made a habit of picking the sketchiest sounding thing on the menu and force feeding bits to Baekhyun, whether he wanted to try it or not. The ticklish point at the back of Baekhyun's neck had been discovered way too early on, and Chanyeol exploited that at any and every opportunity, much to Baekhyun's public embarrassment.
But it was okay, because Chanyeol also snuck kisses whenever he thought he could get away with it, on the subway or when they were walking by themselves in the street, and Baekhyun loved to be kissed.
He loved it almost as much as whenever Chanyeol would lean in close and whisper "I like you, Byun Baekhyun" confidentially, like each time was a fresh confession, and it made Baekhyun's whole body tingle down to the tips of his toes.
It took him a couple of weeks to say it himself, to get over being worried that this was all some sort of dream brought on by wishful thinking and too much overly strong espresso -- but then he went up on tiptoe and pressed his nose into the curve of Chanyeol's neck in the doorway of his apartment as they were saying goodnight, and he murmured, "I like you, Park Chanyeol."
The laugh that got, sudden and surprised and maybe a tinge relieved, made him laugh, too -- and they kissed and kissed and didn't say goodnight for real until a while later.
...
There was nothing unusual, at this point, about Baekhyun going to Chanyeol's apartment straight after lab. He climbed the six flights of stairs, same as always, and let himself in, because Chanyeol never remembered to lock his door even when he went out, anyway.
What was unusual was for someone else to already be over -- someone tall and handsome and shirtless, and Baekhyun froze.
"Oh hey, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol leapt up from his chair, tossing his sketchbook aside in favor of grabbing Baekhyun's arm and tugging him further into the room. "Meet my friend Kris! I know he looks scary, but he's actually not at all, so don't be afraid." Baekhyun was still confused, but he let Chanyeol help him out of his backpack and get him a chair.
Kris nodded in greeting. "What's up?" His face was undoubtedly intimidating, with strong brows over the kind of face that Baekhyun had only seen in magazines, and it made him uneasy.
"Uh, nice to meet you..." He looked from Kris and his bleached hair and shirtless torso to Chanyeol, who had retrieved his sketchbook and pencil and gotten right back to work. He wasn't sure if he got the connection. "Chanyeol...?" he whispered, leaning closer to Chanyeol's chair. "Not that I don't trust you, but...why is he here? And why isn't he wearing a shirt?" It was almost winter, and the heat still hadn't been turned on in Chanyeol's apartment. Baekhyun was a little cold in his sweater, right in the pit of his stomach.
"Eh, you know how it is. Another art thing," Chanyeol grumbled, not at all discreetly. "We're focusing on the human form, so I've gotta sketch him a billion times until my teacher says it's good enough and I can move on." Then he grinned, that grin that made his eye twitch excitedly. "Everyone wanted to get Kris to model for them, so I lucked out!"
Kris rolled his eyes. "Shut up. You know I hate this shit. You owe me."
"I told you I'll buy you food."
"Fried chicken."
"Yeah, fried chicken!"
Baekhyun made a face. He hated fried chicken. Still...if this was an assignment for Chanyeol, he guessed he could eat it just this once. He hated that he hadn't known about this ahead of time, but he knew Chanyeol was flaky when it came to things like assignments and due dates, so he pulled out his homework and didn't complain.
...
It was hard to adjust.
Baekhyun had gotten used to having Chanyeol's full (if flighty) attention, to having those bright eyes on him and him alone. But now Kris was there every day after class, bleached hair and strong features and perfect abs. It was hard not to be affected by that, when Chanyeol kept inviting Kris to stay later and eat with them, and Baekhyun didn't get first pick of the restaurant anymore.
Baekhyun didn't have abs. He didn't have sharp, model-esque features, and he didn't have a build worth sketching over and over onto blank pages. He wasn't like Kris at all.
But it was hard to hate Kris, because he was cool and charming and he and Chanyeol got along really well, despite how completely opposite their customary expressions were. Chanyeol with his megawatt twitchy grin, and Kris with his standoffish stare. Bleached haired giants, who had apparently been friends since the first day of the semester, when Chanyeol had walked right up to Kris in the quad and told him that, as tall people, it was their civic duty to become friends.
Baekhyun felt stupid for being so jealous. He knew, intellectually, that Chanyeol just needed a different model for this, and that Kris was more suited to this particular assignment. And yeah, Kris stole a lot of Chanyeol's attention, with their shared interest in rap and Chanyeol's bugging him for English phrases -- but Baekhyun was the only one who got a hand on his knee when they all ate dinner together, and Baekhyun was the only one who got a kiss goodbye.
But the sketches in Chanyeol's notebook looked good.
"Want to know the secret to painting something beautiful?"
"Love."
Baekhyun felt sick to his stomach.
...
He didn't sleep much, these days. His head was too full, his heart was too heavy.
He hadn't expected to mind so much, that Chanyeol was drawing someone else. That wasn't even what was bothering him, really -- it was that the person Chanyeol had picked was so completely opposite of him, so tall and so cool and with a muscular build, and that Chanyeol had sketched him almost a dozen times, while Baekhyun still hadn't even gotten to see the finished painting of himself.
He felt forgotten.
He felt replaced.
The assignment was to practice drawing the human form, right? Baekhyun had a human form. Not one as technically flawless as Kris', he could admit that, but he still wanted Chanyeol to think of him first.
It was unreasonable. He was being stupid. The lack of time spent just with Chanyeol was starting to get to him, was starting to make him think about inadequacy and ugliness and heartache.
He pressed his face into his pillow and forced himself to take a deep breath.
It was okay. He was okay.
...
"Wake up, sleepyhead~"
Baekhyun nestled deeper into his blankets, cradling the phone to his ear. His Saturday morning wake up call, at least, hadn't changed. "It's early...what do you want?"
"Date!"
He huffed, playing at annoyed. "Fine, fine. Where are you dragging me this time?"
"Shut up, you like it." He'd missed having that laugh all to himself. Even when it was the really stupid kind that made Chanyeol clap his hands in excitement. "Let's go to Insadong! Kris said they have really great food there! I want hoddeok~"
Baekhyun hummed noncommittally. He didn't want to hear about Kris today.
"Be ready in half an hour, okay? I'll come get you!"
Chanyeol hung up without waiting for a response, and Baekhyun closed his eyes. He drew in a slow, steady breath and released it as a sigh. It was going to be okay. Just because he'd mentioned Kris didn't mean anything. It would still be just the two of them today. And he needed that -- he needed that more than anything.
But Chanyeol wouldn't shut up about Kris the whole time they were out. "Kris said the food here is delicious!" "Kris said they have really good deals at that one on the corner!" "Kris said he likes these -- should we bring some back for him?"
Baekhyun pursed his lips and forced his feelings down, and he prayed for Chanyeol's hand in his to ground him.
...
"Stop making me feel like this!"
Then suddenly everything was exploding. Chanyeol's eyes flew wide, his pencil clattering to the ground at the unexpected raised voice, and Baekhyun was shaking so hard he thought he might break apart. The words burned in his throat, like bile, building up and wanting to pour out and out and out -- and he let them, because fuck it, he had spent far too many hours watching Chanyeol sketch all of Kris' perfect body in precise lines and even more hours trying to decipher it all, trying to make it make sense in his head that Chanyeol could draw something so beautiful and still love him.
"I've had enough of your bullshit, Chanyeol. You've spent two fucking weeks on these stupid drawings -- you're always so busy, you have no time to do anything except draw stupid Kris and his stupid, half-naked body, and the only time I can see you is if I come over here but then I have to see him, too, and I don't want to do this anymore. If love's the key to good art then have at it, Park Chanyeol, because that sketch is pretty damn beautiful."
He slammed the door on his way out and didn't look back, not even once, even when his eyes started stinging and he couldn't see clearly enough to walk anymore.
...
Byun Baekhyun did not skip class, even when his heart was broken. He woke up at his regularly scheduled time and dressed neatly in jeans and a sweater, and he looked okay, even though his eyes were still a little red and puffy. He felt like death, body heavy and uncooperative from lack of sleep and his chest aching and empty, but he tugged his sneakers on anyway and made himself take his usual seat near the front of the lecture hall. Note-taking came automatically to him, and he highlighted passages carefully in his textbook with straight yellow lines.
He'd thought speaking up and breaking things off with Chanyeol was supposed to make him feel better. Less unwanted, maybe, if he'd been the one to choose it for himself.
It didn't.
...
More than a full day had passed, and he hadn't so much as seen Chanyeol across the quad. Baekhyun adjusted his backpack strap and pretended to be okay. He didn't think about the fact that this was the longest they had gone without speaking since they'd known each other's names. He tried not to. He really tried. But his brain didn't listen to him, and it kept running out of habit to Chanyeol to Chanyeol to Chanyeol, and his heart was stupid and followed.
He hadn't wanted to break up. He'd never, ever wanted that.
It hit him, then, in a fresh wave, right in the pit of his stomach, because that was exactly what he'd done -- he'd broken up with Park Chanyeol. He had no right to even look for that stupid perm or to wonder how or what he was doing. He'd given up his chance to see that smile, he'd lost it to fear and jealousy, and now he might never see it again.
He had to go. He couldn't do this here, where there were curious eyes and he couldn't even breathe freely. Byun Baekhyun did not cry in public. He didn't, and he worried his lower lip with his teeth in an attempt to keep it that way.
His apartment was only a few blocks from campus. He used to hate that it was in the opposite direction of Chanyeol's, but now he was grateful. He didn't know what would happen if he let his feet start to take him that way. Two flights of stairs was nothing after climbing six to Chanyeol's place every day, but his chest ached and burned anyway. He fished his keys out of his pocket, looked up, and stopped in his tracks.
There, right in front of his door, was an easel -- and on it was the painting.
The painting Chanyeol had done for his midterm project.
The painting of him.
His face, his profile in a myriad of colors, colors that should've clashed, shouldn't have made sense together but did, absolutely did. It was so bright it was almost blinding, but there was balance, somehow, in the depth of his painted eyes. He stepped closer, and it was then that he realized the beauty in Chanyeol's technique. Chanyeol had painted him with his hands. Some of the finer details were lost, but Chanyeol's fingerprints -- Chanyeol's fingerprints were everywhere, in the shadow of his jaw and the line of his hair. Chanyeol was in every part of him, and he had made him beautiful.
His keys clattered to the thinly carpeted floor, and it was only then that he saw him -- curled up on his side, dead asleep around the legs of the easel, his back to Baekhyun's apartment door to make sure he couldn't get in without waking him.
Baekhyun's heart swelled in his chest, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. He wasn't sure if it mattered. He dropped to his knees and just looked, for a moment, at the sleeping Chanyeol. Long, awkward limbs, paint stained shirt, stupid, ratty perm... The boy had fallen asleep with his mouth hanging open, but he was beautiful.
Baekhyun understood, then, and it settled into the very heart of his being.
Love.
He was in love with an idiot who had fallen asleep waiting for him -- but it was his own fault for taking so long. He kicked Chanyeol gently in the ribs, and his voice, when he spoke, was petulant and teasing. "Hey -- you really couldn't even stay awake for me?"
Chanyeol's eyes shot open, and he bolted upright frantically. "Sorry, shit, I'm sorry" -- but Baekhyun couldn't even try to tease him any longer, because the laugh bubbled out of him, sudden and relieved, and he pulled Chanyeol to him and buried his face in his shoulder. Chanyeol was stiff and surprised, but his arms came around Baekhyun's waist after just a moment of hesitation. Baekhyun felt the tentative kiss pressed lightly to his hair. "I'm so sorry, Baekhyun, I didn't know you felt -- I mean I, I should've realized, but -- you know I get carried away sometimes, but it was really just for class, I swear I don't l--"
"Shh...Chanyeol, it's okay." He pulled back a little, and Chanyeol stuttered to a stop. The eyes that met his were nervous, uncertain, and Baekhyun felt a twinge of guilt for making them that way. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I'm sorry. I should've just told you... I shouldn't have yelled at you and left things like that. It was wrong, and I'm really sorry. Will you..." His mouth had gone dry, and in that instant, he was scared all over again. He swallowed hard and tried again. "...will you forgive me?"
Chanyeol stared at him for a long moment. Then his face twitched, as if he wasn't sure what had just happened, and he squished Baekhyun's face between his hands. "Are you stupid? Yes." And Chanyeol leaned in and kissed him, and Baekhyun felt almost giddy with relief, even though Chanyeol tasted a bit like too strong espresso. He crushed their mouths together again and again, savoring the underlying taste of Chanyeol on his tongue, and he was able to breathe easy for the first time in days.
He was okay.
They were okay.
His heart felt so much lighter that he started laughing, and Chanyeol pouted at him. "Why are you laughing? I'm being serious right now."
"I know, I know, sorry." But he couldn't keep the smile off his face, so he nuzzled into Chanyeol's neck to hide it instead. "Just relieved. Really, really relieved." He'd been so scared, so caught up in jealousy that he really had convinced himself that Kris was taking his place. Byun Baekhyun usually hated being wrong, but...not in this case. Not at all.
Chanyeol squeezed his ribs gently. "Did you see the painting?" he asked, almost a little shy.
"No," Baekhyun deadpanned. Chanyeol believed him for almost a full second before shoving him and making him laugh. "What kind of a question is that, Chanyeol? You put it right in front of my door -- the whole hallway's seen it!"
"Shut up or I'll take it back," Chanyeol said, and he huffed and pouted until Baekhyun kissed him again.
"It's beautiful, Chanyeol."
"Mm~" Chanyeol's ears went a little pink, and he smiled, pleased. "Well, I really lucked out on this one. I got someone pretty amazing to model for me."
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm. And you know the secret to painting something beautiful, right?"
"Yeah, pretty sure I've heard this one before." Baekhyun rolled his eyes, but Chanyeol just grinned until his face twitched. Baekhyun felt like he should be immune to that by now, but he really, really wasn't. Chanyeol helped him up and didn't let go of his hand, and there was reassurance in that. They wouldn't break apart so easily ever again.
Chanyeol's eyes were on the painting, but Baekhyun's eyes were on him. He leaned up to murmur in his ear.
"Hey, Park Chanyeol...I really like you."
Byun Baekhyun could sometimes be a little stupid, but he was in love with Park Chanyeol -- and maybe that was okay.