Fic: Never Did Run Smooth, Part 1/4
Never Did Run Smooth
Part 1/4
Pairing(s) in the story: Jemaine/Bret (Flight of the Conchords)
Author Name/Pen Name: she_burns1
Beta: lordstarfish
Disclaimer: I do not own Flight of the Conchords, or Hbo, or Bret, or Jemaine…though I will glad take donations of Bret/Jemaine!
Rating of story: R
Word Count: 2,794
Warnings: Dave’s bad language! And mentions of masterbation.
Brief summary: The course of true love never did run smooth-William Shakespeare
Notes: This is a sequel to ‘ Stages of a Storm’ and also references ‘ Apples and Sunlight’ - yes, a lot of my fics tend to interconnect, but you lovely b*tches should know I’m trying to correct this! Also, this fic takes place after the episode, ‘The Third Conchord’.
Nothing happened.
That’s just it - absolutely nothing happened.
It had been almost two months now and Jemaine hadn’t said a word about it. Not that Bret had really expected him too, but he had thought, somehow, it would just sort of come up again.
He thought about talking about it so much, he could hear how the conversation would play out. They’d be talking about something normal, like getting gigs, or checking out girls, and then-
“So, Bret, what’s the deal with the platypus.”
“Hmm?”
“I mean, are they ducks or beavers?”
“Oh. Dunno.”
“That guy from Top Gun kinda looked like one.”
“Which guy?”
”You can’t expect me to remember everybody’s names. I wasn’t paying that much attention. Plus, all that energy drink stuff was involved that time and the lights went out and I was on top of you and we were making out and boy! What a crazy night that was, huh?”
But it didn’t happen, and it didn’t look like it was going to. Bret knew he probably shouldn’t care, that he should just do what Jemaine had said. Forget it ever happened and never discuss it. But Bret couldn’t. He didn’t think about it constantly, but every now and then it would come to mind.
Bret just felt like there needed to be some kind of closure. He wasn’t sure what kind exactly but he felt like it was just there - a gap between them that slowly grew bigger each day.
Not that he could really sense any inner turmoil from Jemaine. From what he could tell, Jemaine really had forgotten about it, as he seemed exactly the same after the kissing as he had been before. He didn’t act any different or weird. He just acted like Jemaine.
Bret was sure he was still acting like Bret, but he did feel different. Part of it was because, over the last two months, he had started to come to grips with it in his mind and he had made something of a decision about the whole thing.
He decided that he liked Jemaine.
He liked liked him.
In a way, this was as curious as it was surprising. After all, when Jemaine had let slip that he had put a wig on Bret and spooned him, Bret had been the first to draw away from the situation. He had slept on the couch that evening and, had it not been for David Bowie reassuring him it was not gay, he probably would have continued to.
But somehow, things seemed different now then they had then. Maybe it had been due to his more recent bad experiences with women or maybe it was because while he initially couldn’t envision himself kissing Jemaine, now that it had actually happened, the reality of it seemed more appealing than he would have thought.
Whatever it was, he was more at peace with the idea than he would have thought. He had run the thought over and over a few times in his mind: I like like Jemaine, I like like Jemaine. And he was comfortable with it, it made sense to him.
They had always been friends - past the few ups and downs - so right there, the likeability of Jemaine had never been in question. Bret enjoyed spending time with him and while he got irritated by him occasionally, it was over all livable. In fact, he had (and continued) to spend more time with Jemaine than he had ever spent with anyone or ever thought he would spend with anyone.
And when Bret thought of the future, Jemaine was always there. Even when he had been with Coco, he had never thought to himself, ‘Oh, she’ll be around forever.’ But Jemaine… he always saw Jemaine in his future.
Then there had been the question of physical attraction. This had been a little harder to wrap his mind around easily, as Bret certainly had never found any men attractive before. In fact, he had never thought of Jemaine as attractive before. He could remember when Mel had said Jemaine’s features were ‘too deep set to be classically handsome’ and a concerned Jemaine had asked him if this was true. At the time, he had told him he honestly couldn’t tell
But now, after some research, Bret felt like he could tell. His ‘research’ had been to look at various men on the street, measuring whether or not he found them attractive and whether or not he could envision himself kissing them. For the most part - none of them held a spark.
Where as when he thought of Jemaine’s looks and of kissing him, he felt a fissure of heat-laced excitement course through him. Jemaine had strong features, his hands large but skillful, his voice deep and smooth. And he was bigger, true, but that somehow seemed…nice.
Bret had never thought he would want someone bigger than him. After all, he certainly had never looked for girls taller and more built than him - he wasn’t much one for the wrestler type ladies. But he remembered the couch and Jemaine’s body covering his; warm and full, enveloping him and it had been nice. He had felt sheltered and safe.
Then there were his lips, so full and warm, Bret could still remember the feel of them, so much so that sometimes his lips burned with the memory. Sometimes he could almost recall the taste of him too and it was driving him crazy. He wanted Jemaine to kiss him again and again and again and again…
So, Bret knew he liked Jemaine both for his personality and his looks, but still he questioned whether or not personal introspection was enough. He decided the best way to answer the question of whether or not he was attracted to, and could be with, another man was to try it out physically.
Now there was the question of which man to test? He thought of the other men he knew in New York besides Jemaine. Murray? That was definitely out of the question. He probably wouldn’t have any advice to offer him in that department. But he did know someone who gave him advice often, whether he asked for it or not.
Bret formed his game plan and waited until he had some time away from Jemaine (he’d gone to an eye doctor’s appointment) and went down to Dave’s Pawn Shop.
He walked in, hands sweating, breathing off center.
Dave, none the wiser, just barely looked up from the stack of tape cassettes he was sorting and gave a slight wave, “Hey bro, wassup?”
Bret had not answered with words but instead, mind set, marched straight over to Dave, grabbed him and kissed him square on the mouth. Dave took a swing at him, while Bret dodged backwards.
“DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!”
Dave rubbed his whole arm up and down his mouth, “JESUS! DUDE! JESUS!”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“YOU SHOULD BE! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”
“Sorrysorrysorry-”
“AGH! God, fucking fucker fuck! Ugh!!!” Dave rapidly ran his hands through his hair, knocking off his bandanna, and along his face, almost clawing, as he wiped at his mouth more, “Aw your mouth and - ugh - spit and - Christ! Man-”
“Sorry, Dave, I’m so sorry-”
“Speak English, you Scottish dilhole! Tell me why you did that before I kill your ass or kick you out of my shop or both!”
“I…test-test-”
“WHAT?!”
Bret gasped for breath, holding back tears and staring at his feet while he stuttered around an answer. Dave threw up his hands.
“Awww…Fuck, man! Don’t…don’t do that crying shit! I can’t stand crying in my store! Of course I also can’t stand being kissed by a DUDE! I need to burn my lips with some acid or something to sterilize them now!”
Bret responded with some wet gulping noises.
Dave took several deep breaths and beat his fists on the counter before he responded, “Ok, look, you’re not from this country, you know? Maybe that was some crazy cultural shit I don’t know about - like, you’re showing me respect or something but…ok, don’t ever do that again. And for the love of - stop cryin’!”
“C-Can’t help it-”
“Look, I’m--” Dave had taken more deep breaths, “I’m not mad. ‘K? I’m cool. It’s cool, well; it’s not really cool, but just…calm down. Explain and I promise I’ll try not to kill your ass…maybe I’ll just kick it a little.”
Bret had looked up with watering, red eyes and explained the whole story, rounding off with, “…so, I thought, I mean, maybe if I kissed someone else, I could see if I…felt what I did with Jemaine and if I did, that meant I was…you know…that way…and if not then, maybe I’m just…interested in Jemaine alone or something.”
Dave’s arms were crossed and he was nodding. He didn’t answer at first. Instead he put his bandanna back on, then rubbed his hands together, his face thoughtful. “Hmm. Ok. I…see what you were aiming for. But seriously, bro, if you ever pull shit like that again, I’ll twist your nuts off, comprende?”
Bret nodded, relieved, as it seemed that Dave wasn’t going to stay mad at him. Or kill him.
“For the record, had you asked me about this, instead of just barreling in here and wiping your spit all over my face, I would have helped you with your test. I sure as fuck wouldn’t have let you kiss me, but I would have found a guy for you or something-”
“Sorry, I was just too embarrassed to ask-”
“Huh, yeah, well I can understand that! This is some embarrassing shit! Worse, it resulted in me getting kissed-on the mouth!!-by another dude! I can’t ever really come back from that, you know? Still, it’s ok, it’s all right, and I got what you were trying to do. Girls experiment on each other all the time. I mean, that’s hot and what you and I did was fuckin’ not but - still, I can see it.”
Bret nodded.
“So, I hope that test was good for something. What did it tell you?”
“Oh, um, I-I definitely didn’t like kissing you-”
“THANK GOD!” Dave’s relief was palatable.
“I…think it’s just Jemaine then. I’m just, you know, gay for him.” Bret said the last quietly as he shuffled a bit awkwardly.
“Well, that’s a big ten-four on the ‘duh’, dude. I’ve always known that shit.”
“Wait - what? You have?”
“Shuh - yeah! The moment you guys first walked into my shop I said, ‘here’s a nice Adam and Steve here’.”
“A what?”
“’Adam and Steve’? Like ‘Adam and Eve’ but they both have dicks? Look, forget it, I’m confusing you, point is, it was obvious from day one that you two were totally retarded for each other. I’m talking gay out the ass. But only for each other. Past that, you two could like, maybe score some chicks. But then, not really, ‘cause you totally only dig each other. You kind of closed the markets for both boys and girls, you know? I mean, shit, you two should just fuckin’ get married.”
“Oh, Dave, I think you’re wrong, man. I mean, I just only decided now I like Jemaine and Jemaine, he doesn’t like me like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, I mean, I told you. He told me to forget all about it and to never talk about it. The kissing, I mean.”
“Um, he’s a lying lil’ fucker is what he is. I mean, what about that video of him jerkin’ it to you?”
“…what?”
“Oh man, you haven’t seen that?! I figured maybe that was part of what kicked this whole thing off. Then again, that video was a while ago so-”
“What video?”
“The one from your webcam.”
Bret frowned, bunching his eyebrows together, “I remember our webcam, but not a video-”
“Chrriiiist, let me show you, dude, you’ll feel loads better then,” Dave disappeared into the back a few minutes, then re-emerged with a laptop, “Yeah, some lame-ass traded this in for cheap, took it for myself, naturally. I download some hot girl-girl while I'm bored, but I guess that shit doesn’t interest you. Here, I got the video saved, for future embarrassment purposes only. Fuckin’ Murray sent it to me.”
“Murray?”
“Yeah, ol’ Ginger Balls is always trying to ply me with shit. Wants to be my best friend so bad. I’d almost feel sorry for him except, I mean, damn. He’s like all President of the Dick Club.”
“Oh, yeah, not talking to him too much these days. He’s been busy with his other band.”
“Who? The Crazy Dogggz? Dude, fuck that band! Didn’t you hear about that shit they got into with 50 Cent? Hell, Ginger Balls will be beggin’ you guys to take him back soon enough.”
“What-”
“Shh, shh! It’s starting!” Dave said and moved the laptop closer to Bret so he could see the whole screen. It was bit blurry and dark but Bret could make out Jemaine well enough. It was hard to really tell what was going on. Jemaine was in bed and there was some movement and then Jemaine cried out his name, his voice frantic.
Then there was some more movement and Bret came in. His voice came out of the laptop sounding tinny, “Jemaine?”
“Huh, yeah-what?”
“Oh, sorry, I thought I heard you call me.”
“No.”
“You sure? I could have sworn I heard you call me, you sounded…desperate.”
“I had a nightmare.”
Dave stopped the video and Bret leaned back, “I remember that.”
“Yeah, dude, didn’t you know what he was doing?”
“No…I had just come out of the bathroom and he said he had a nightmare.”
“Yeah, don’t think so, he was,” Dave answered with a hand gesture. Bret looked at him in confusion, “He was what?”
“Dude! Y’know.” Dave did the movement again.
Bret shrugged.
“Bret, man, this means ‘jerking off’.”
“Moving your hand like that does?”
“Yeah, it’s universal. The up and down? Jerking it, beating it--whatever. That’s what it means.”
“Oh.”
“So, see? He called your name out. While he was hittin’ his own shit! That means he likes you.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Romantic, right?”
“So,” Bret scratched at the back of his head, “What…what should I do now?”
“I don’t know, bro, that’s up to you. I mean, if it was me, I’d fight for my man, you know. Make him yours and all that love story shit.”
“You mean, you think I should be…aggressive?”
“Whatever gets the job done, padre. Just…don’t tell me about it. I don’t want the details. And definitely don’t ever kiss me again. Or tell anyone about that. Unlike Jemaine, I am serious about forgettin’ it. And I do not secretly like you. I mean, I like you, but I’m not about to suck you off or anything.”
“Oh, good. Don’t want to do that with you either,” Bret said hurriedly. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if he even wanted to do that with Jemaine.
While he had made up his mind that he liked liked Jemaine, he couldn’t quite see himself with him…like that. It was true, he wanted him, but half the problem was that even if he had him he wouldn’t know what to do with him.
He had an idea of how it worked with girls. Granted, one of his main experiences (Lisa) had been terribly unpleasant. In fact, since then he had been off girls and this whole thing with Jemaine pretty much sealed that, but still he understood the basic mechanics of sex with women.
Sex with men, what very little he knew of it, was terrifying and hard to even fathom. It was like being an explorer, discovering something dangerous and completely unknown. He had never really thought of himself as the Magellan type…if Magellan was an explorer. Was he an explorer or had he been an inventor?
Bret pondered over this as he left Dave’s and met back up with Jemaine.
Hopefully you all will enjoy! It's rainy here, so I thought it was fitting to start posting this baby, that and I finally seem to be working the kinks out of Part 4. Also, look at my iconz! It's made by ballroombubble...so pretty! *Pets slashy dancing Bret*
PS - Lots of good Flight of the Conchords fics have been floating about! ediblestars, moireac, ballroombubble...they all wrote fics recently. I stand in the shadow of the greats!!! I read them and they were all so lovely and I think...I think I sort of died or something...went to heaven...maybe that's why it's been so quiet on the web as of late...actually s'bit quiet here in the apartment too...*Ooo* freaky!
Part 1/4
Pairing(s) in the story: Jemaine/Bret (Flight of the Conchords)
Author Name/Pen Name: she_burns1
Beta: lordstarfish
Disclaimer: I do not own Flight of the Conchords, or Hbo, or Bret, or Jemaine…though I will glad take donations of Bret/Jemaine!
Rating of story: R
Word Count: 2,794
Warnings: Dave’s bad language! And mentions of masterbation.
Brief summary: The course of true love never did run smooth-William Shakespeare
Notes: This is a sequel to ‘ Stages of a Storm’ and also references ‘ Apples and Sunlight’ - yes, a lot of my fics tend to interconnect, but you lovely b*tches should know I’m trying to correct this! Also, this fic takes place after the episode, ‘The Third Conchord’.
Nothing happened.
That’s just it - absolutely nothing happened.
It had been almost two months now and Jemaine hadn’t said a word about it. Not that Bret had really expected him too, but he had thought, somehow, it would just sort of come up again.
He thought about talking about it so much, he could hear how the conversation would play out. They’d be talking about something normal, like getting gigs, or checking out girls, and then-
“So, Bret, what’s the deal with the platypus.”
“Hmm?”
“I mean, are they ducks or beavers?”
“Oh. Dunno.”
“That guy from Top Gun kinda looked like one.”
“Which guy?”
”You can’t expect me to remember everybody’s names. I wasn’t paying that much attention. Plus, all that energy drink stuff was involved that time and the lights went out and I was on top of you and we were making out and boy! What a crazy night that was, huh?”
But it didn’t happen, and it didn’t look like it was going to. Bret knew he probably shouldn’t care, that he should just do what Jemaine had said. Forget it ever happened and never discuss it. But Bret couldn’t. He didn’t think about it constantly, but every now and then it would come to mind.
Bret just felt like there needed to be some kind of closure. He wasn’t sure what kind exactly but he felt like it was just there - a gap between them that slowly grew bigger each day.
Not that he could really sense any inner turmoil from Jemaine. From what he could tell, Jemaine really had forgotten about it, as he seemed exactly the same after the kissing as he had been before. He didn’t act any different or weird. He just acted like Jemaine.
Bret was sure he was still acting like Bret, but he did feel different. Part of it was because, over the last two months, he had started to come to grips with it in his mind and he had made something of a decision about the whole thing.
He decided that he liked Jemaine.
He liked liked him.
In a way, this was as curious as it was surprising. After all, when Jemaine had let slip that he had put a wig on Bret and spooned him, Bret had been the first to draw away from the situation. He had slept on the couch that evening and, had it not been for David Bowie reassuring him it was not gay, he probably would have continued to.
But somehow, things seemed different now then they had then. Maybe it had been due to his more recent bad experiences with women or maybe it was because while he initially couldn’t envision himself kissing Jemaine, now that it had actually happened, the reality of it seemed more appealing than he would have thought.
Whatever it was, he was more at peace with the idea than he would have thought. He had run the thought over and over a few times in his mind: I like like Jemaine, I like like Jemaine. And he was comfortable with it, it made sense to him.
They had always been friends - past the few ups and downs - so right there, the likeability of Jemaine had never been in question. Bret enjoyed spending time with him and while he got irritated by him occasionally, it was over all livable. In fact, he had (and continued) to spend more time with Jemaine than he had ever spent with anyone or ever thought he would spend with anyone.
And when Bret thought of the future, Jemaine was always there. Even when he had been with Coco, he had never thought to himself, ‘Oh, she’ll be around forever.’ But Jemaine… he always saw Jemaine in his future.
Then there had been the question of physical attraction. This had been a little harder to wrap his mind around easily, as Bret certainly had never found any men attractive before. In fact, he had never thought of Jemaine as attractive before. He could remember when Mel had said Jemaine’s features were ‘too deep set to be classically handsome’ and a concerned Jemaine had asked him if this was true. At the time, he had told him he honestly couldn’t tell
But now, after some research, Bret felt like he could tell. His ‘research’ had been to look at various men on the street, measuring whether or not he found them attractive and whether or not he could envision himself kissing them. For the most part - none of them held a spark.
Where as when he thought of Jemaine’s looks and of kissing him, he felt a fissure of heat-laced excitement course through him. Jemaine had strong features, his hands large but skillful, his voice deep and smooth. And he was bigger, true, but that somehow seemed…nice.
Bret had never thought he would want someone bigger than him. After all, he certainly had never looked for girls taller and more built than him - he wasn’t much one for the wrestler type ladies. But he remembered the couch and Jemaine’s body covering his; warm and full, enveloping him and it had been nice. He had felt sheltered and safe.
Then there were his lips, so full and warm, Bret could still remember the feel of them, so much so that sometimes his lips burned with the memory. Sometimes he could almost recall the taste of him too and it was driving him crazy. He wanted Jemaine to kiss him again and again and again and again…
So, Bret knew he liked Jemaine both for his personality and his looks, but still he questioned whether or not personal introspection was enough. He decided the best way to answer the question of whether or not he was attracted to, and could be with, another man was to try it out physically.
Now there was the question of which man to test? He thought of the other men he knew in New York besides Jemaine. Murray? That was definitely out of the question. He probably wouldn’t have any advice to offer him in that department. But he did know someone who gave him advice often, whether he asked for it or not.
Bret formed his game plan and waited until he had some time away from Jemaine (he’d gone to an eye doctor’s appointment) and went down to Dave’s Pawn Shop.
He walked in, hands sweating, breathing off center.
Dave, none the wiser, just barely looked up from the stack of tape cassettes he was sorting and gave a slight wave, “Hey bro, wassup?”
Bret had not answered with words but instead, mind set, marched straight over to Dave, grabbed him and kissed him square on the mouth. Dave took a swing at him, while Bret dodged backwards.
“DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!”
Dave rubbed his whole arm up and down his mouth, “JESUS! DUDE! JESUS!”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“YOU SHOULD BE! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”
“Sorrysorrysorry-”
“AGH! God, fucking fucker fuck! Ugh!!!” Dave rapidly ran his hands through his hair, knocking off his bandanna, and along his face, almost clawing, as he wiped at his mouth more, “Aw your mouth and - ugh - spit and - Christ! Man-”
“Sorry, Dave, I’m so sorry-”
“Speak English, you Scottish dilhole! Tell me why you did that before I kill your ass or kick you out of my shop or both!”
“I…test-test-”
“WHAT?!”
Bret gasped for breath, holding back tears and staring at his feet while he stuttered around an answer. Dave threw up his hands.
“Awww…Fuck, man! Don’t…don’t do that crying shit! I can’t stand crying in my store! Of course I also can’t stand being kissed by a DUDE! I need to burn my lips with some acid or something to sterilize them now!”
Bret responded with some wet gulping noises.
Dave took several deep breaths and beat his fists on the counter before he responded, “Ok, look, you’re not from this country, you know? Maybe that was some crazy cultural shit I don’t know about - like, you’re showing me respect or something but…ok, don’t ever do that again. And for the love of - stop cryin’!”
“C-Can’t help it-”
“Look, I’m--” Dave had taken more deep breaths, “I’m not mad. ‘K? I’m cool. It’s cool, well; it’s not really cool, but just…calm down. Explain and I promise I’ll try not to kill your ass…maybe I’ll just kick it a little.”
Bret had looked up with watering, red eyes and explained the whole story, rounding off with, “…so, I thought, I mean, maybe if I kissed someone else, I could see if I…felt what I did with Jemaine and if I did, that meant I was…you know…that way…and if not then, maybe I’m just…interested in Jemaine alone or something.”
Dave’s arms were crossed and he was nodding. He didn’t answer at first. Instead he put his bandanna back on, then rubbed his hands together, his face thoughtful. “Hmm. Ok. I…see what you were aiming for. But seriously, bro, if you ever pull shit like that again, I’ll twist your nuts off, comprende?”
Bret nodded, relieved, as it seemed that Dave wasn’t going to stay mad at him. Or kill him.
“For the record, had you asked me about this, instead of just barreling in here and wiping your spit all over my face, I would have helped you with your test. I sure as fuck wouldn’t have let you kiss me, but I would have found a guy for you or something-”
“Sorry, I was just too embarrassed to ask-”
“Huh, yeah, well I can understand that! This is some embarrassing shit! Worse, it resulted in me getting kissed-on the mouth!!-by another dude! I can’t ever really come back from that, you know? Still, it’s ok, it’s all right, and I got what you were trying to do. Girls experiment on each other all the time. I mean, that’s hot and what you and I did was fuckin’ not but - still, I can see it.”
Bret nodded.
“So, I hope that test was good for something. What did it tell you?”
“Oh, um, I-I definitely didn’t like kissing you-”
“THANK GOD!” Dave’s relief was palatable.
“I…think it’s just Jemaine then. I’m just, you know, gay for him.” Bret said the last quietly as he shuffled a bit awkwardly.
“Well, that’s a big ten-four on the ‘duh’, dude. I’ve always known that shit.”
“Wait - what? You have?”
“Shuh - yeah! The moment you guys first walked into my shop I said, ‘here’s a nice Adam and Steve here’.”
“A what?”
“’Adam and Steve’? Like ‘Adam and Eve’ but they both have dicks? Look, forget it, I’m confusing you, point is, it was obvious from day one that you two were totally retarded for each other. I’m talking gay out the ass. But only for each other. Past that, you two could like, maybe score some chicks. But then, not really, ‘cause you totally only dig each other. You kind of closed the markets for both boys and girls, you know? I mean, shit, you two should just fuckin’ get married.”
“Oh, Dave, I think you’re wrong, man. I mean, I just only decided now I like Jemaine and Jemaine, he doesn’t like me like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, I mean, I told you. He told me to forget all about it and to never talk about it. The kissing, I mean.”
“Um, he’s a lying lil’ fucker is what he is. I mean, what about that video of him jerkin’ it to you?”
“…what?”
“Oh man, you haven’t seen that?! I figured maybe that was part of what kicked this whole thing off. Then again, that video was a while ago so-”
“What video?”
“The one from your webcam.”
Bret frowned, bunching his eyebrows together, “I remember our webcam, but not a video-”
“Chrriiiist, let me show you, dude, you’ll feel loads better then,” Dave disappeared into the back a few minutes, then re-emerged with a laptop, “Yeah, some lame-ass traded this in for cheap, took it for myself, naturally. I download some hot girl-girl while I'm bored, but I guess that shit doesn’t interest you. Here, I got the video saved, for future embarrassment purposes only. Fuckin’ Murray sent it to me.”
“Murray?”
“Yeah, ol’ Ginger Balls is always trying to ply me with shit. Wants to be my best friend so bad. I’d almost feel sorry for him except, I mean, damn. He’s like all President of the Dick Club.”
“Oh, yeah, not talking to him too much these days. He’s been busy with his other band.”
“Who? The Crazy Dogggz? Dude, fuck that band! Didn’t you hear about that shit they got into with 50 Cent? Hell, Ginger Balls will be beggin’ you guys to take him back soon enough.”
“What-”
“Shh, shh! It’s starting!” Dave said and moved the laptop closer to Bret so he could see the whole screen. It was bit blurry and dark but Bret could make out Jemaine well enough. It was hard to really tell what was going on. Jemaine was in bed and there was some movement and then Jemaine cried out his name, his voice frantic.
Then there was some more movement and Bret came in. His voice came out of the laptop sounding tinny, “Jemaine?”
“Huh, yeah-what?”
“Oh, sorry, I thought I heard you call me.”
“No.”
“You sure? I could have sworn I heard you call me, you sounded…desperate.”
“I had a nightmare.”
Dave stopped the video and Bret leaned back, “I remember that.”
“Yeah, dude, didn’t you know what he was doing?”
“No…I had just come out of the bathroom and he said he had a nightmare.”
“Yeah, don’t think so, he was,” Dave answered with a hand gesture. Bret looked at him in confusion, “He was what?”
“Dude! Y’know.” Dave did the movement again.
Bret shrugged.
“Bret, man, this means ‘jerking off’.”
“Moving your hand like that does?”
“Yeah, it’s universal. The up and down? Jerking it, beating it--whatever. That’s what it means.”
“Oh.”
“So, see? He called your name out. While he was hittin’ his own shit! That means he likes you.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Romantic, right?”
“So,” Bret scratched at the back of his head, “What…what should I do now?”
“I don’t know, bro, that’s up to you. I mean, if it was me, I’d fight for my man, you know. Make him yours and all that love story shit.”
“You mean, you think I should be…aggressive?”
“Whatever gets the job done, padre. Just…don’t tell me about it. I don’t want the details. And definitely don’t ever kiss me again. Or tell anyone about that. Unlike Jemaine, I am serious about forgettin’ it. And I do not secretly like you. I mean, I like you, but I’m not about to suck you off or anything.”
“Oh, good. Don’t want to do that with you either,” Bret said hurriedly. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if he even wanted to do that with Jemaine.
While he had made up his mind that he liked liked Jemaine, he couldn’t quite see himself with him…like that. It was true, he wanted him, but half the problem was that even if he had him he wouldn’t know what to do with him.
He had an idea of how it worked with girls. Granted, one of his main experiences (Lisa) had been terribly unpleasant. In fact, since then he had been off girls and this whole thing with Jemaine pretty much sealed that, but still he understood the basic mechanics of sex with women.
Sex with men, what very little he knew of it, was terrifying and hard to even fathom. It was like being an explorer, discovering something dangerous and completely unknown. He had never really thought of himself as the Magellan type…if Magellan was an explorer. Was he an explorer or had he been an inventor?
Bret pondered over this as he left Dave’s and met back up with Jemaine.
Hopefully you all will enjoy! It's rainy here, so I thought it was fitting to start posting this baby, that and I finally seem to be working the kinks out of Part 4. Also, look at my iconz! It's made by ballroombubble...so pretty! *Pets slashy dancing Bret*
PS - Lots of good Flight of the Conchords fics have been floating about! ediblestars, moireac, ballroombubble...they all wrote fics recently. I stand in the shadow of the greats!!! I read them and they were all so lovely and I think...I think I sort of died or something...went to heaven...maybe that's why it's been so quiet on the web as of late...actually s'bit quiet here in the apartment too...*Ooo* freaky!