Fic: Moment
Title: Moment
Author: she_burns1
Beta: lordstarfish
Pairing: Jemaine/?, with respects to Bret/Jemaine
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bret just needs a moment.
Disclaimer: I do not owns the ‘Flight of the Conchords’ or anything connected with them.
Warnings: ANGST!
Prompt: un_love_you #10 - I’m broken.
I was nothing if not on my best behavior.
All day long I smiled, I laughed, I was helpful. I adjusted your tie, I told you, you looked good, I patted you on the back and said, ‘Good Luck, Jemaine’ because that’s what I was supposed to do, and that’s how I was supposed to act.
It was a beautiful day. There wasn’t even a cloud in the sky, no threat of rain whatsoever. It was perfect, fitting, just right for a wedding. The whole event is a blur to me now, but I know no one could tell. No one could see. Just like always. I played my part flawlessly and I’m so grateful for that.
But now I’m alone, I’m in my room, by myself and there’s no one around. My back is pressed up against the closed door and my legs are heavy. I take in a deep, shaking breath and then I hear this noise, this terrible noise, like something tearing in two and I realize with, no short horror, that I’m the one who made it.
I can still see you, so happy; I’ve never seen you so happy. You were radiant. Smiling. Incredible. You were so bright with joy and love, it was blinding me. You kept patting me on the back and hugging me and saying my name in this way you’ve never said it before. I can’t even describe how it sounded; I can’t even say what emotion was behind it.
And she was saying my name the same way. Hugging me too and whispering in my ear, ‘You’re the best, Bret. The best.’
But I’m not the best.
I’m not.
I’m the guy who held it all in and waited until this moment, when I could be alone, to finally let go. I’m sinking to the floor and the noise I heard earlier is nothing compared to what I hear now.
I bury my head in my hands and my palms are already wet as they rest against my eyes. I keep seeing you, Jemaine, so happy and I’m so happy for you. I am. I am…but…but…
And I’m sobbing and gasping for air. There’s this pain twisting sharp in my chest and my stomach aches. My fingers clawing at me, and at the air, and at nothing and I’m mourning for something that never happened. Something that never could have happened.
I knock my head back against the door a couple of times, hard, my eyes closed and the pain helps, but not enough. I am a terrible person. I’m selfish and pathetic and awful and really, I don’t care. I need this moment. Just this moment to wallow in it.
He is happy.
That is all that really matters in the end.
He is happy and that is enough.
She’ll make him happy.
And that is better than anything else in the whole world, isn’t it?
It is.
My hysteria is dying, becoming bitter whimpers and sniffles as I take in a deep, shuddering breath. I am already slowly recollecting myself as the moment draws to a close.
Author: she_burns1
Beta: lordstarfish
Pairing: Jemaine/?, with respects to Bret/Jemaine
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bret just needs a moment.
Disclaimer: I do not owns the ‘Flight of the Conchords’ or anything connected with them.
Warnings: ANGST!
Prompt: un_love_you #10 - I’m broken.
I was nothing if not on my best behavior.
All day long I smiled, I laughed, I was helpful. I adjusted your tie, I told you, you looked good, I patted you on the back and said, ‘Good Luck, Jemaine’ because that’s what I was supposed to do, and that’s how I was supposed to act.
It was a beautiful day. There wasn’t even a cloud in the sky, no threat of rain whatsoever. It was perfect, fitting, just right for a wedding. The whole event is a blur to me now, but I know no one could tell. No one could see. Just like always. I played my part flawlessly and I’m so grateful for that.
But now I’m alone, I’m in my room, by myself and there’s no one around. My back is pressed up against the closed door and my legs are heavy. I take in a deep, shaking breath and then I hear this noise, this terrible noise, like something tearing in two and I realize with, no short horror, that I’m the one who made it.
I can still see you, so happy; I’ve never seen you so happy. You were radiant. Smiling. Incredible. You were so bright with joy and love, it was blinding me. You kept patting me on the back and hugging me and saying my name in this way you’ve never said it before. I can’t even describe how it sounded; I can’t even say what emotion was behind it.
And she was saying my name the same way. Hugging me too and whispering in my ear, ‘You’re the best, Bret. The best.’
But I’m not the best.
I’m not.
I’m the guy who held it all in and waited until this moment, when I could be alone, to finally let go. I’m sinking to the floor and the noise I heard earlier is nothing compared to what I hear now.
I bury my head in my hands and my palms are already wet as they rest against my eyes. I keep seeing you, Jemaine, so happy and I’m so happy for you. I am. I am…but…but…
And I’m sobbing and gasping for air. There’s this pain twisting sharp in my chest and my stomach aches. My fingers clawing at me, and at the air, and at nothing and I’m mourning for something that never happened. Something that never could have happened.
I knock my head back against the door a couple of times, hard, my eyes closed and the pain helps, but not enough. I am a terrible person. I’m selfish and pathetic and awful and really, I don’t care. I need this moment. Just this moment to wallow in it.
He is happy.
That is all that really matters in the end.
He is happy and that is enough.
She’ll make him happy.
And that is better than anything else in the whole world, isn’t it?
It is.
My hysteria is dying, becoming bitter whimpers and sniffles as I take in a deep, shuddering breath. I am already slowly recollecting myself as the moment draws to a close.