Holiday Swap: The Naïvety Implication, for you_speak_lies
Title: The Naïvety Implication
Author: she_burns1
Pairing: Sheldon/Penny
Rating: PG-13, mostly for sexual innuendoes
Word Count: 3,755
Summary: Penny finds herself in an embarrassing advertisement and Sheldon shows his true colors.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: This is my holiday swap fic for you_speak_lies. The prompt for this was ‘Penny lands a commercial that's embarrassing or has a jingle/catchphrase that haunts her. Sheldon helps in some way that makes Penny look at Sheldon in a new light.’ I think I did a pretty good job capturing what you wanted, though I would have preferred if it was a bit more romance and less pre-romance/friendship fic, not to mention I am still not fond of the ending, but then, I am my own worst critic, so I think you’ll still like it. Merry Christmas, you_speak_lies! Hope it’s a happy one!
Penny should have known it was too good to be true.
When she had auditioned for the commercial, she had never thought in a million years she would actually be cast in it. After all, she had never had much luck before in regards to her acting career, what should make this time any different?
But, as it turned out, the director liked her ‘fresh’ look and he was eager for her to take the part. It didn’t really involve a lot of ‘acting’, he told her, but it would require her singing a little jingle and her ‘looking ecstatically happy’.
“In fact,” he had said excitedly, “It’ll require a lot of physicality from you, as we’d really like to get a lot of shots of you jumping high. We might even use a trampoline-”
“Well,” she had told him cautiously, “I used to be a cheerleader, so-”
He had snapped his fingers, all smiles, “Perfect! Perfect! That’s just what I wanted to hear! We want you to be as perky as possible on camera! We want you to be the ‘cheerleader’ of this product.”
He had used air quotes on the word ‘cheerleader’ and, right then, she should have had warning bells going off in her mind but she didn’t. She didn’t even have them when he told her the company name and that alone was a crime.
But then, it had been an easy enough mistake to make. Or, well, easy enough if you were the kind of shopper Penny was. When the director told her she was working for ‘The Sak’, she had thought he had meant ‘The Sak’, the internet hand-bag conglomerate.
After all, if you type ‘The Sak’ into any search engine, it’s the first site that comes up. Their bags had been featured in numerous magazines Penny purchased - Lucky, InStyle, Marie Claire…
Not to mention the director had been so misleading. Telling her all the ladies loved ‘The Sak’ and how she was guaranteed to get a free bag.
God, she really, really should have known it was too good to be true.
And then, when she had found out what ‘The Sak’ truly was…
Oh how she had begged and pleaded to get out of the commercial. But the director had stood firm, arms crossed, face disparaging as he had waved a sheet of paper in her face, “Look Miss…” he had looked at the paper, then back at her, “I can’t even read your last name, your handwriting is so-”
“Penny’ll do fine,” She had muttered.
“Well, Miss-Penny’ll-do-fine, you signed a contract! A contract that I hold here in my little hands that says you’ll be in our commercial!”
“Yeah but, but, but,” she had struggled to think of what to say, “You - you lead me on! You made me think this commercial was for handbags, not for-”
“I never said it was for handbags.”
“You said-”
“I never said it was for handbags,” He had told her, voice terse, “I told you it was for “The Sak’ and that wasn’t a lie-”
“Yeah, but you left out an important-”
“What you’re selling is no worse than handbags, is it? I mean its furniture for the love of god!”
“Yeah, yeah I know, I know but, but, but the song-”
“Look, Penny, calm down, calm down. Okay? Let’s…let’s just both take a deep breath, okay?” The director had taken a deep breath and she had imitated him. After all, what else could she do? Once they had done so, he had spoke again, voice calm and chipper, “Look…we’re both getting off on the wrong foot here. I’m sorry for the confusion. I really am, but…you were so happy two days ago when I offered you the job. There’s no reason not to be happy now.”
“But-”
“This could be your big break. After all, lots of big celebrities start off in commercials.”
“That’s true, but-”
“Besides, not many people are even going to see this commercial,” he had taken a deep breath then, as if it pained him to confess the following, “I mean, it’s only going to play once during some lousy little football game. It’ll air and disappear in the blink of an eye. Promise.”
Penny had opened her mouth to object more but, she had had to admit, this didn’t sound too bad. Seeing his advantage, the director had pushed forward, “And, if anything, you can use a copy of this commercial on your resume. You can show this to future casting directors and say ‘Here I am in this commercial, it aired on national television. Yeah, it played only once or twice, but’ and then, you know, you can go from there. Trust me, sweetie, big casting directors respond better to actresses that have actually had parts and done work than to little girls who just have big dreams.”
Penny had chewed on her thumbnail then, mostly won over, “And…and it’ll only air once? Right?”
“Just once. Just during some throw away football game. Trust me.”
Penny should have known it was too good to be true.
* * * * *
"Guys, guys! The commercials are back on!" Raj said excitedly.
Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon moved swiftly from the kitchen back to the living room, all eyes glued on the television. While not one of the foursome cared for football, all of them could agree that the Super Bowl provided a wealth of entertaining commercials.
They usually muted the actual game and spent this time discussing and debating science or pop culture minutiae while keeping one eye out for when the commercials began; once on, they unmuted the set and watched each entertaining advertisement after the other until the game began again.
“I hope they have another one of those beer commercials,” Howard said eagerly, “That last one with the Sweeidsh women wrestling in the water fountain very nearly made these jeans burst if you know what I mean.”
“I do and wished that I didn’t,” Leonard muttered, looking disgusted, “But then, I’m surprised that your jeans don’t burst on a regular basis considering how tight they are. Seriously, Howard, how do you move around in those things?”
Howard had a saucy look on his face and was about to answer when Raj interrupted, “Trust me, Leonard, I made the mistake of asking once. You don’t want to know.”
“Could you all cease your infernal prattling?” Sheldon hissed, waving an impatient hand at them from his seat, “I can hardly hear this digitalized rabbit trying to sell me underwear.”
“Wait, what?!” Raj asked excitedly, eyes on the screen. Howard shook his head, forking a thumb in his best friend’s direction as he said to Leonard, “King of the rabbits, this one.”
A sharp ‘shh’ from both Sheldon and Raj officially ended the talking and all four men had their mouths shut and their eyes glued to the screen when the next commercial began. It opened with an all white, blank background and the tune to the B52’s ‘Love Shack’ began playing, but, instead of hearing the familiar lyrics, a new set was crooned out, “If you’re comfy and tight than you know you’re sitting right in yoooooour-“
The next lyric was sung by a distinctly feminine voice, this one quite recognizable, as a blonde woman appeared on the screen to cry, “Loooove sak!”
All four men’s heads reared back so sharply that it was surprising not one of them suffered whiplash, as Leonard blurted, “Is that Penny?!”
It was, indeed, Penny, who continued to sing as she jumped up and down in the air, “Love sak, baby!”
This was answered by the man’s voice off camera, “Love Sak, baby!”
“Love Saaaak, that's where it's at, Love Saaaak, that's where it's at-” This was repeated several times by Penny as she continued to perform cheerleader-level jumps, all enthusiastic smiles before the scene cut to various bean bag chairs, an announcer’s voice laid loudly over top the singing to inform the viewers that ‘The Love Sak’ had some of the best and most affordable bean bag furniture around town.
A young man was shown sitting in one of the bean bags, a game controller in his hands. Penny came up behind him, practically curling herself around the back of the furniture as she purred, “I looove your sak, baby!”
The music started uproariously again, the chorus of ‘Love Sak, that’s where it’s at, Love Sak” repeating several more times. When the commercial finally ended all four men kept blinking and staring at the screen. Raj was pointing, his mouth agape and Leonard, dumbfounded, asked again, “Was that Penny?!”
It only took five more minutes to sink in.
After that, it took almost sixty minutes for the laughter to fully subside, and even then, there were stunted giggles.
* * * * *
“One lousy little football game! Try the Super Bowl! I could-! I just-! Kill him!” Penny seethed as she charged back and forth across her apartment, clawing at the air and throwing things that wouldn’t break.
It had been a week since the commercial had aired but her life had been a living hell ever since. The ‘sack’ jokes were endless at work. Waiters, bus boys, cooks, and the customers, dear sweet god, the customers were unbearable.
Every college-aged kid who walked in asked her if a little extra in their tip would encourage her to love his sack. Around the fiftieth time she was asked that question, her response was such that her boss asked her to leave early or face the possibility of being fired.
Her! Fired! And for what?! Suffering abuse?!
But the worst part, she knew, was that she had brought it upon herself. She should have never agreed to be in that commercial. That damned director and his smooth-talking, back stabbing…
And her ‘friends’ across the hall were even worse.
In a way, it was understandable from Leonard. After all, once a relationship ends, even if it is done so amicably, it’s hard not to feel some justification when your ex has an embarrassing snafu.
So, she could almost deal with his little jeers and snickers but Howard, well, Howard had had it coming when she had decked him again. All those ‘Hey Penny! Heads up, if you want to see my Sak I’m game’ and ‘Sooo…Penny, I hear you love yourself some good ol’ sack…” and so on.
Even Raj had his pot shots. Granted, by his nature, he couldn’t say anything but he had one hell of a look on his face whenever he saw her, as if he was about to burst apart at the seams from holding in his laughter.
The only one who had yet to comment was Sheldon, and maybe this was why Penny found it a relief to find him alone at the apartment when she snuck over to snag some milk.
Her own carton was low once more but she didn’t want to risk going to the grocery. The last thing she needed was to be seen in a place where she’d get running commentary about how she was standing next to a ‘sack’ of flour or a ‘sack’ of potatoes or what have you.
God, people needed to get their minds out of their pants.
As she entered the boys’ apartment, Sheldon had his eyes on his computer screen, long fingers diligently typing. He didn’t even look away as he said dryly, “Leonard’s not here.”
“I know, I just came over to see if I could burrow some milk.”
“Steal some milk, you mean,” Sheldon corrected, fingers still typing, “I fail to understand why, even now, Leonard approves of your thievery. Even more so considering you are his ex-lover.”
Penny wrinkled her nose, “I wish you wouldn’t put it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Ex-lover…it just…sounds so…medieval.”
Sheldon raised one eyebrow, “Impressive. I was unaware you even knew how to incorporate that word into a sentence. Still, the point remains, you and Leonard engaged in coitus and do not do so any longer. Thus, calling you his ex-lover is only logical.”
“I’d prefer ex-girlfriend,” Penny muttered under her breath as she charged over to the refrigerator.
Sheldon lifted one slim shoulder in a mild shrug, “You say tomato…”
Penny took out the milk and began to pour some into her own jug. Sheldon didn’t look away from his computer but did let out a bone weary sigh, shaking his head, “Why don’t you just take the rest of our carton? If you’re going to commit larceny you might as well be fully dedicated to the task of it.”
Penny narrowed her eyes at him but continued pouring. The silence was short lived, as he spoke again, “Penny, may I ask why you do not simply go to the grocer and buy your own produce?”
“Milk isn’t produce.”
“I am aware, but I was unsure if you would recognize the difference,” Sheldon looked away from his computer, his expression surprised, “Congratulations.”
Penny slapped down both jugs of milk, blowing air loudly out of her mouth, “Is there any particular reason you’re being such a jackass today?”
Sheldon leaned back, looking troubled, “I’m confused. I thought you would appreciate the compliment.”
“Compliment?!”
Sheldon nodded, “Yes, there was a time, back when we first met, that I would not think you capable of seeing the difference between-”
“Sheldon, sweetie, do me a favor and just stop talking,” Penny shook a fist at him; “You don’t want to end up like Howard.”
Sheldon swallowed but, being Sheldon, did not stop talking, “Why did you punch Howard?”
“The reason I punched Howard is the same reason I won’t go to the grocery to get my milk,” she groaned, running a hand through her hair, suddenly tired and drained, “Or did you not see my commercial this week?”
Sheldon blinked, face full of confusion, “I did. In fact, I thought your performance was surprisingly quite inspired. You very easily expressed your excitement about the product and, while I have in the past often likened your singing skills to that of change caught in the rotating wheels of a vacuum, you actually did quite well within the melodies of this particular song. In fact, Wolowitz sent me the tune and I programmed it as my ringtone, would you care to-”
Sheldon picked up his phone from the desk, prepared to play it, but Penny waved a hand, discouraging him. He put the cell down, his face remaining a mask of confusion, “Still, I do not see how your commercial would deter you from-”
“The jokes, Sheldon! The jokes I’ve had to endure all week about sacks and bags and balls and-”
Sheldon looked perplexed only a minute more before replying, “Are you…are you inferring that people have been relating the product that you were selling in the commercial back to male genitalia?”
Penny blinked, stunned, before asking quietly, “You just now figured that out?”
Sheldon looked offended, folding his arms, “I did not.”
“No, no, you…you just did…didn’t you?” Penny couldn’t help but smile a little, shaking her head, “Well…you finally recognized the connection. Congratulations.”
Sheldon didn’t like having his words thrown back in his face and quickly grew defensive, “I knew, I just-”
“No wonder I didn’t hear any jokes from you.”
“I didn’t make jokes because I don’t resort to childish-”
“It’s okay, Sheldon,” Penny cooed, her smile growing as she walked over towards him, “Really. It’s more than okay. I actually appreciate it. Honest. I am so sick of the jokes and, in a way, it’s…you know, it’s refreshing. To have someone around who doesn’t…I mean, it’s kind of sweet, really. You’re so,” she struggled for a word and fell on, “Innocent.”
Sheldon got to his feet, hands balled into fists, “I’m not…are you implying I’m naïve?!”
“No, no, no,” Penny said, then, shrugging, “I mean not-not all the time.”
Sheldon scowled, “I’ll have you know that I started traveling the world before you even probably-”
“Sheldon, look, it’s not a bad thing, okay? I mean, lots of people have traits they might not be fans of, but that doesn’t necessarily mean their bad things. I mean, sure, you’re a little naïve and maybe a little over cautious, but-”
“Now you’re implying I’m not spontaneous?”
“Oh, Sheldon, come on,” Penny scoffed, “You plan everything!”
“Yes, well, I’ve always found spontaneity to be overrated,” he sneered, “Someone needs to think ahead. Vigorous routines should be the backbone of everyone’s life. If they were, people would be better rounded. More structured. It certainly would help you in your current predicament if people were more like myself. Then, perhaps, they wouldn’t have even seen said commercial.”
“True enough, but haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘expect the unexpected’? Some people like that. They like surprises and-”
“I’m full of surprises,” Sheldon argued, “What about Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday? If I must say, right there I’m showing the capability of impulsiveness.”
“Yeah, okay, Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday which always happens on Thursday. And not every Thursday, but only the third Thursday of every month!” Penny laughed, shaking her head, “No, look, you’re not that kinda guy and there is nothing wrong with that-”
“Oh? Well, what if I took you up on your challenge? Hmm? How about this?” Sheldon walked over to the couch and, very gingerly, sat on the opposite end from his spot. He sat there, his face twitching, “See?”
Penny folded her arms, “It’s killing you, isn’t it?”
Sheldon’s face was twitching so badly his whole body was reacting to it, hands trembling, knees knocking together, still, he was adamant, “I don’t know to what you are referring.”
She shook her head, “Come on, scoot over.”
Sheldon didn’t even try to hide his relief as he moved back to his normal side. Penny took a seat next to him, sighing, “Look, Sheldon, that’s…what we’re talking about…it’s not the point. The point is, I thought, you know, here’s my big break. Here I am, in this commercial and it’s…it’s humiliating. You know? It’s this silly, stupid little commercial that will now probably brand me for life as ‘The Love Sak Girl’, underline ‘sak’ and I just…I wanted this to be…something.”
“Again, I don’t understand you.”
Penny slouched back into the material of the couch, depressed, “This commercial, the reaction to it…I’m never going to make it.”
“‘Make it?’”
“As an actress. I’m never going to make it…I should just give up,” she said the last part quietly.
Sheldon opened and closed his mouth several times and Penny looked at him, curious. What was he thinking in that big whackadoodle brain of his? Probably something insulting. She took in a deep breath, waiting for the hammer to fall.
“You know, Meg Ryan was in a commercial for toothpaste,” Sheldon offered.
When Penny didn’t answer he continued, “It was also, to my understanding, that Lost’s Evangeline Lilly was in a phone sex commercial, which inspired Wolowitz to call said number so much that he was legally barred from dialing it.”
Penny said nothing, so Sheldon continued, “And Sarah Michelle Geller was in a Burger King advertisement.”
Penny’s head titled to one side, “So...?”
Sheldon sighed, looking pained that he even had to explain, “So, even Buffy had to hock artery-clogging grease burgers at one point. Everyone has to start somewhere.”
Penny looked at him, stunned, and then a wide smile grew on her face as she nudged him with one shoulder, “Sheldon!”
Sheldon rubbed at his shoulder, annoyed not only at her action but at his inability to understand why she had done so, “What?”
“Who knew? You can be surprising!”
Sheldon almost said ‘I can?’ but didn’t, because Penny quickly leaned in and kissed his cheek. Sheldon pulled back as if she had slapped him, blinking and swallowing, Adam’s apple bobbing as he looked at her, “Wh-what was that for?!”
Penny shrugged, all smiles, “I don’t know, you just…you were nice to me. It was…nice. Unexpected.”
Sheldon relaxed marginally, “I can be nice.”
“I know, Sheldon.”
“First you accuse me of naïvety, then of being deliberate, and now of being unkind-”
Penny rolled her eyes, “I know, I know, I need to stop underestimating you.”
He looked at her then, face serious, “Yes. You do.”
And Penny didn’t know why but, well, it made a tingle shoot down her spine and she shifted a little in her seat.
Strange.
Then she saw that he was blushing slightly, a hand going to where she had kissed him on the cheek. Another shiver went through her as she felt heat flush her own cheeks.
Huh, maybe not so strange after all.
* * * * *
It turned out that both the director and Sheldon had been right. Having some previous work under your belt and starting somewhere did indeed pay off.
Penny was soon contacted for another acting spot in a commercial, this one for an on-the-go yogurt ad. Again, there probably should have been some warning bells, but, yet again, Penny didn’t hear them.
And as she watched the first broadcast of the commercial, her happy face on the screen as she sucked on the yogurt packet, the words ‘catch it in your mouth’ emblazed in big letters (she still wasn’t sure how they got that slogan past the censor board), she wondered how she ended up with such luck and what kinds of jokes she would have to endure now.
But then Sheldon congratulated her on a job well done, that blush that had never quite left him since she had kissed him on the cheek still firmly in place, and Penny realized that she didn’t have such bad luck after all.
Author: she_burns1
Pairing: Sheldon/Penny
Rating: PG-13, mostly for sexual innuendoes
Word Count: 3,755
Summary: Penny finds herself in an embarrassing advertisement and Sheldon shows his true colors.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: This is my holiday swap fic for you_speak_lies. The prompt for this was ‘Penny lands a commercial that's embarrassing or has a jingle/catchphrase that haunts her. Sheldon helps in some way that makes Penny look at Sheldon in a new light.’ I think I did a pretty good job capturing what you wanted, though I would have preferred if it was a bit more romance and less pre-romance/friendship fic, not to mention I am still not fond of the ending, but then, I am my own worst critic, so I think you’ll still like it. Merry Christmas, you_speak_lies! Hope it’s a happy one!
Penny should have known it was too good to be true.
When she had auditioned for the commercial, she had never thought in a million years she would actually be cast in it. After all, she had never had much luck before in regards to her acting career, what should make this time any different?
But, as it turned out, the director liked her ‘fresh’ look and he was eager for her to take the part. It didn’t really involve a lot of ‘acting’, he told her, but it would require her singing a little jingle and her ‘looking ecstatically happy’.
“In fact,” he had said excitedly, “It’ll require a lot of physicality from you, as we’d really like to get a lot of shots of you jumping high. We might even use a trampoline-”
“Well,” she had told him cautiously, “I used to be a cheerleader, so-”
He had snapped his fingers, all smiles, “Perfect! Perfect! That’s just what I wanted to hear! We want you to be as perky as possible on camera! We want you to be the ‘cheerleader’ of this product.”
He had used air quotes on the word ‘cheerleader’ and, right then, she should have had warning bells going off in her mind but she didn’t. She didn’t even have them when he told her the company name and that alone was a crime.
But then, it had been an easy enough mistake to make. Or, well, easy enough if you were the kind of shopper Penny was. When the director told her she was working for ‘The Sak’, she had thought he had meant ‘The Sak’, the internet hand-bag conglomerate.
After all, if you type ‘The Sak’ into any search engine, it’s the first site that comes up. Their bags had been featured in numerous magazines Penny purchased - Lucky, InStyle, Marie Claire…
Not to mention the director had been so misleading. Telling her all the ladies loved ‘The Sak’ and how she was guaranteed to get a free bag.
God, she really, really should have known it was too good to be true.
And then, when she had found out what ‘The Sak’ truly was…
Oh how she had begged and pleaded to get out of the commercial. But the director had stood firm, arms crossed, face disparaging as he had waved a sheet of paper in her face, “Look Miss…” he had looked at the paper, then back at her, “I can’t even read your last name, your handwriting is so-”
“Penny’ll do fine,” She had muttered.
“Well, Miss-Penny’ll-do-fine, you signed a contract! A contract that I hold here in my little hands that says you’ll be in our commercial!”
“Yeah but, but, but,” she had struggled to think of what to say, “You - you lead me on! You made me think this commercial was for handbags, not for-”
“I never said it was for handbags.”
“You said-”
“I never said it was for handbags,” He had told her, voice terse, “I told you it was for “The Sak’ and that wasn’t a lie-”
“Yeah, but you left out an important-”
“What you’re selling is no worse than handbags, is it? I mean its furniture for the love of god!”
“Yeah, yeah I know, I know but, but, but the song-”
“Look, Penny, calm down, calm down. Okay? Let’s…let’s just both take a deep breath, okay?” The director had taken a deep breath and she had imitated him. After all, what else could she do? Once they had done so, he had spoke again, voice calm and chipper, “Look…we’re both getting off on the wrong foot here. I’m sorry for the confusion. I really am, but…you were so happy two days ago when I offered you the job. There’s no reason not to be happy now.”
“But-”
“This could be your big break. After all, lots of big celebrities start off in commercials.”
“That’s true, but-”
“Besides, not many people are even going to see this commercial,” he had taken a deep breath then, as if it pained him to confess the following, “I mean, it’s only going to play once during some lousy little football game. It’ll air and disappear in the blink of an eye. Promise.”
Penny had opened her mouth to object more but, she had had to admit, this didn’t sound too bad. Seeing his advantage, the director had pushed forward, “And, if anything, you can use a copy of this commercial on your resume. You can show this to future casting directors and say ‘Here I am in this commercial, it aired on national television. Yeah, it played only once or twice, but’ and then, you know, you can go from there. Trust me, sweetie, big casting directors respond better to actresses that have actually had parts and done work than to little girls who just have big dreams.”
Penny had chewed on her thumbnail then, mostly won over, “And…and it’ll only air once? Right?”
“Just once. Just during some throw away football game. Trust me.”
Penny should have known it was too good to be true.
* * * * *
"Guys, guys! The commercials are back on!" Raj said excitedly.
Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon moved swiftly from the kitchen back to the living room, all eyes glued on the television. While not one of the foursome cared for football, all of them could agree that the Super Bowl provided a wealth of entertaining commercials.
They usually muted the actual game and spent this time discussing and debating science or pop culture minutiae while keeping one eye out for when the commercials began; once on, they unmuted the set and watched each entertaining advertisement after the other until the game began again.
“I hope they have another one of those beer commercials,” Howard said eagerly, “That last one with the Sweeidsh women wrestling in the water fountain very nearly made these jeans burst if you know what I mean.”
“I do and wished that I didn’t,” Leonard muttered, looking disgusted, “But then, I’m surprised that your jeans don’t burst on a regular basis considering how tight they are. Seriously, Howard, how do you move around in those things?”
Howard had a saucy look on his face and was about to answer when Raj interrupted, “Trust me, Leonard, I made the mistake of asking once. You don’t want to know.”
“Could you all cease your infernal prattling?” Sheldon hissed, waving an impatient hand at them from his seat, “I can hardly hear this digitalized rabbit trying to sell me underwear.”
“Wait, what?!” Raj asked excitedly, eyes on the screen. Howard shook his head, forking a thumb in his best friend’s direction as he said to Leonard, “King of the rabbits, this one.”
A sharp ‘shh’ from both Sheldon and Raj officially ended the talking and all four men had their mouths shut and their eyes glued to the screen when the next commercial began. It opened with an all white, blank background and the tune to the B52’s ‘Love Shack’ began playing, but, instead of hearing the familiar lyrics, a new set was crooned out, “If you’re comfy and tight than you know you’re sitting right in yoooooour-“
The next lyric was sung by a distinctly feminine voice, this one quite recognizable, as a blonde woman appeared on the screen to cry, “Loooove sak!”
All four men’s heads reared back so sharply that it was surprising not one of them suffered whiplash, as Leonard blurted, “Is that Penny?!”
It was, indeed, Penny, who continued to sing as she jumped up and down in the air, “Love sak, baby!”
This was answered by the man’s voice off camera, “Love Sak, baby!”
“Love Saaaak, that's where it's at, Love Saaaak, that's where it's at-” This was repeated several times by Penny as she continued to perform cheerleader-level jumps, all enthusiastic smiles before the scene cut to various bean bag chairs, an announcer’s voice laid loudly over top the singing to inform the viewers that ‘The Love Sak’ had some of the best and most affordable bean bag furniture around town.
A young man was shown sitting in one of the bean bags, a game controller in his hands. Penny came up behind him, practically curling herself around the back of the furniture as she purred, “I looove your sak, baby!”
The music started uproariously again, the chorus of ‘Love Sak, that’s where it’s at, Love Sak” repeating several more times. When the commercial finally ended all four men kept blinking and staring at the screen. Raj was pointing, his mouth agape and Leonard, dumbfounded, asked again, “Was that Penny?!”
It only took five more minutes to sink in.
After that, it took almost sixty minutes for the laughter to fully subside, and even then, there were stunted giggles.
* * * * *
“One lousy little football game! Try the Super Bowl! I could-! I just-! Kill him!” Penny seethed as she charged back and forth across her apartment, clawing at the air and throwing things that wouldn’t break.
It had been a week since the commercial had aired but her life had been a living hell ever since. The ‘sack’ jokes were endless at work. Waiters, bus boys, cooks, and the customers, dear sweet god, the customers were unbearable.
Every college-aged kid who walked in asked her if a little extra in their tip would encourage her to love his sack. Around the fiftieth time she was asked that question, her response was such that her boss asked her to leave early or face the possibility of being fired.
Her! Fired! And for what?! Suffering abuse?!
But the worst part, she knew, was that she had brought it upon herself. She should have never agreed to be in that commercial. That damned director and his smooth-talking, back stabbing…
And her ‘friends’ across the hall were even worse.
In a way, it was understandable from Leonard. After all, once a relationship ends, even if it is done so amicably, it’s hard not to feel some justification when your ex has an embarrassing snafu.
So, she could almost deal with his little jeers and snickers but Howard, well, Howard had had it coming when she had decked him again. All those ‘Hey Penny! Heads up, if you want to see my Sak I’m game’ and ‘Sooo…Penny, I hear you love yourself some good ol’ sack…” and so on.
Even Raj had his pot shots. Granted, by his nature, he couldn’t say anything but he had one hell of a look on his face whenever he saw her, as if he was about to burst apart at the seams from holding in his laughter.
The only one who had yet to comment was Sheldon, and maybe this was why Penny found it a relief to find him alone at the apartment when she snuck over to snag some milk.
Her own carton was low once more but she didn’t want to risk going to the grocery. The last thing she needed was to be seen in a place where she’d get running commentary about how she was standing next to a ‘sack’ of flour or a ‘sack’ of potatoes or what have you.
God, people needed to get their minds out of their pants.
As she entered the boys’ apartment, Sheldon had his eyes on his computer screen, long fingers diligently typing. He didn’t even look away as he said dryly, “Leonard’s not here.”
“I know, I just came over to see if I could burrow some milk.”
“Steal some milk, you mean,” Sheldon corrected, fingers still typing, “I fail to understand why, even now, Leonard approves of your thievery. Even more so considering you are his ex-lover.”
Penny wrinkled her nose, “I wish you wouldn’t put it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Ex-lover…it just…sounds so…medieval.”
Sheldon raised one eyebrow, “Impressive. I was unaware you even knew how to incorporate that word into a sentence. Still, the point remains, you and Leonard engaged in coitus and do not do so any longer. Thus, calling you his ex-lover is only logical.”
“I’d prefer ex-girlfriend,” Penny muttered under her breath as she charged over to the refrigerator.
Sheldon lifted one slim shoulder in a mild shrug, “You say tomato…”
Penny took out the milk and began to pour some into her own jug. Sheldon didn’t look away from his computer but did let out a bone weary sigh, shaking his head, “Why don’t you just take the rest of our carton? If you’re going to commit larceny you might as well be fully dedicated to the task of it.”
Penny narrowed her eyes at him but continued pouring. The silence was short lived, as he spoke again, “Penny, may I ask why you do not simply go to the grocer and buy your own produce?”
“Milk isn’t produce.”
“I am aware, but I was unsure if you would recognize the difference,” Sheldon looked away from his computer, his expression surprised, “Congratulations.”
Penny slapped down both jugs of milk, blowing air loudly out of her mouth, “Is there any particular reason you’re being such a jackass today?”
Sheldon leaned back, looking troubled, “I’m confused. I thought you would appreciate the compliment.”
“Compliment?!”
Sheldon nodded, “Yes, there was a time, back when we first met, that I would not think you capable of seeing the difference between-”
“Sheldon, sweetie, do me a favor and just stop talking,” Penny shook a fist at him; “You don’t want to end up like Howard.”
Sheldon swallowed but, being Sheldon, did not stop talking, “Why did you punch Howard?”
“The reason I punched Howard is the same reason I won’t go to the grocery to get my milk,” she groaned, running a hand through her hair, suddenly tired and drained, “Or did you not see my commercial this week?”
Sheldon blinked, face full of confusion, “I did. In fact, I thought your performance was surprisingly quite inspired. You very easily expressed your excitement about the product and, while I have in the past often likened your singing skills to that of change caught in the rotating wheels of a vacuum, you actually did quite well within the melodies of this particular song. In fact, Wolowitz sent me the tune and I programmed it as my ringtone, would you care to-”
Sheldon picked up his phone from the desk, prepared to play it, but Penny waved a hand, discouraging him. He put the cell down, his face remaining a mask of confusion, “Still, I do not see how your commercial would deter you from-”
“The jokes, Sheldon! The jokes I’ve had to endure all week about sacks and bags and balls and-”
Sheldon looked perplexed only a minute more before replying, “Are you…are you inferring that people have been relating the product that you were selling in the commercial back to male genitalia?”
Penny blinked, stunned, before asking quietly, “You just now figured that out?”
Sheldon looked offended, folding his arms, “I did not.”
“No, no, you…you just did…didn’t you?” Penny couldn’t help but smile a little, shaking her head, “Well…you finally recognized the connection. Congratulations.”
Sheldon didn’t like having his words thrown back in his face and quickly grew defensive, “I knew, I just-”
“No wonder I didn’t hear any jokes from you.”
“I didn’t make jokes because I don’t resort to childish-”
“It’s okay, Sheldon,” Penny cooed, her smile growing as she walked over towards him, “Really. It’s more than okay. I actually appreciate it. Honest. I am so sick of the jokes and, in a way, it’s…you know, it’s refreshing. To have someone around who doesn’t…I mean, it’s kind of sweet, really. You’re so,” she struggled for a word and fell on, “Innocent.”
Sheldon got to his feet, hands balled into fists, “I’m not…are you implying I’m naïve?!”
“No, no, no,” Penny said, then, shrugging, “I mean not-not all the time.”
Sheldon scowled, “I’ll have you know that I started traveling the world before you even probably-”
“Sheldon, look, it’s not a bad thing, okay? I mean, lots of people have traits they might not be fans of, but that doesn’t necessarily mean their bad things. I mean, sure, you’re a little naïve and maybe a little over cautious, but-”
“Now you’re implying I’m not spontaneous?”
“Oh, Sheldon, come on,” Penny scoffed, “You plan everything!”
“Yes, well, I’ve always found spontaneity to be overrated,” he sneered, “Someone needs to think ahead. Vigorous routines should be the backbone of everyone’s life. If they were, people would be better rounded. More structured. It certainly would help you in your current predicament if people were more like myself. Then, perhaps, they wouldn’t have even seen said commercial.”
“True enough, but haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘expect the unexpected’? Some people like that. They like surprises and-”
“I’m full of surprises,” Sheldon argued, “What about Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday? If I must say, right there I’m showing the capability of impulsiveness.”
“Yeah, okay, Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday which always happens on Thursday. And not every Thursday, but only the third Thursday of every month!” Penny laughed, shaking her head, “No, look, you’re not that kinda guy and there is nothing wrong with that-”
“Oh? Well, what if I took you up on your challenge? Hmm? How about this?” Sheldon walked over to the couch and, very gingerly, sat on the opposite end from his spot. He sat there, his face twitching, “See?”
Penny folded her arms, “It’s killing you, isn’t it?”
Sheldon’s face was twitching so badly his whole body was reacting to it, hands trembling, knees knocking together, still, he was adamant, “I don’t know to what you are referring.”
She shook her head, “Come on, scoot over.”
Sheldon didn’t even try to hide his relief as he moved back to his normal side. Penny took a seat next to him, sighing, “Look, Sheldon, that’s…what we’re talking about…it’s not the point. The point is, I thought, you know, here’s my big break. Here I am, in this commercial and it’s…it’s humiliating. You know? It’s this silly, stupid little commercial that will now probably brand me for life as ‘The Love Sak Girl’, underline ‘sak’ and I just…I wanted this to be…something.”
“Again, I don’t understand you.”
Penny slouched back into the material of the couch, depressed, “This commercial, the reaction to it…I’m never going to make it.”
“‘Make it?’”
“As an actress. I’m never going to make it…I should just give up,” she said the last part quietly.
Sheldon opened and closed his mouth several times and Penny looked at him, curious. What was he thinking in that big whackadoodle brain of his? Probably something insulting. She took in a deep breath, waiting for the hammer to fall.
“You know, Meg Ryan was in a commercial for toothpaste,” Sheldon offered.
When Penny didn’t answer he continued, “It was also, to my understanding, that Lost’s Evangeline Lilly was in a phone sex commercial, which inspired Wolowitz to call said number so much that he was legally barred from dialing it.”
Penny said nothing, so Sheldon continued, “And Sarah Michelle Geller was in a Burger King advertisement.”
Penny’s head titled to one side, “So...?”
Sheldon sighed, looking pained that he even had to explain, “So, even Buffy had to hock artery-clogging grease burgers at one point. Everyone has to start somewhere.”
Penny looked at him, stunned, and then a wide smile grew on her face as she nudged him with one shoulder, “Sheldon!”
Sheldon rubbed at his shoulder, annoyed not only at her action but at his inability to understand why she had done so, “What?”
“Who knew? You can be surprising!”
Sheldon almost said ‘I can?’ but didn’t, because Penny quickly leaned in and kissed his cheek. Sheldon pulled back as if she had slapped him, blinking and swallowing, Adam’s apple bobbing as he looked at her, “Wh-what was that for?!”
Penny shrugged, all smiles, “I don’t know, you just…you were nice to me. It was…nice. Unexpected.”
Sheldon relaxed marginally, “I can be nice.”
“I know, Sheldon.”
“First you accuse me of naïvety, then of being deliberate, and now of being unkind-”
Penny rolled her eyes, “I know, I know, I need to stop underestimating you.”
He looked at her then, face serious, “Yes. You do.”
And Penny didn’t know why but, well, it made a tingle shoot down her spine and she shifted a little in her seat.
Strange.
Then she saw that he was blushing slightly, a hand going to where she had kissed him on the cheek. Another shiver went through her as she felt heat flush her own cheeks.
Huh, maybe not so strange after all.
* * * * *
It turned out that both the director and Sheldon had been right. Having some previous work under your belt and starting somewhere did indeed pay off.
Penny was soon contacted for another acting spot in a commercial, this one for an on-the-go yogurt ad. Again, there probably should have been some warning bells, but, yet again, Penny didn’t hear them.
And as she watched the first broadcast of the commercial, her happy face on the screen as she sucked on the yogurt packet, the words ‘catch it in your mouth’ emblazed in big letters (she still wasn’t sure how they got that slogan past the censor board), she wondered how she ended up with such luck and what kinds of jokes she would have to endure now.
But then Sheldon congratulated her on a job well done, that blush that had never quite left him since she had kissed him on the cheek still firmly in place, and Penny realized that she didn’t have such bad luck after all.