Heroes: Descending into Chaos (Nathan, ensemble) PG-13
Title: Descending into Chaos
Author: Shealynn88
Characters/Pairings: Nathan, Ensemble (some Nathan/Jessica)
Rating: PG-13, angst, sexual content
Spoilers: up to 'The Fix'
Word Count: ~1700
Summary: angsty future!fic from Nathan's POV. All the heroes are coming together, and Nathan's life is falling apart. Some speculation beyond 'The Fix,' but no spoilers.
Nathan's political career dies along with half of New York.
Peter swears he could have stopped it, but Nathan's not sorry for getting him out of harm's way. That's always been his job: look out for Peter when Peter won't look out for himself.
After the explosions and the mysterious discovery of a radioactive corpse, the rumors start-rumors of Nathan being nearby, being involved. And then there are rumors of him flying, and he's out of the running for anything bigger than 'dog catcher.'
His marriage takes a little longer to go, but it's like entropy-his whole life is descending into chaos. There's no way to stop it when he can't even bring himself to tell his wife what's changed. Why he has meetings at odd hours with a pair of Japanese tourists, an ex-heroin addict, his brother and a permanently suspended cop. Or why he was near the bomb site. He sure as hell can't admit to her that he flies, because that would mean admitting that when she'd needed him most, he'd taken the easy way out.
One day, she finally gives him an ultimatum. If you're not going to be here for your family, Nathan, it'll be better if you aren't here at all.
He packs his bags that night.
He's always admired her strength. He wishes he had half of it.
Peter forgives him everything when he arrives with a bag of clothes on his back. He imagines he must look like hell, but he just can't give a damn. Not anymore. He's already made enough mistakes to be forgotten.
Nathan almost hates his brother for having all the compassion he gave up when he was a kid. But in the end, he can't, because he'd be homeless without it.
He sees the woman in the lobby of the hotel, and he has to look again. And then again.
It's her, alright. She very nearly ruined his life, once, but he can't really hold a grudge because everything he cared about then is broken and scattered around him. This is a different life than the one she marched into and tried to turn upside down in Las Vegas.
She recognizes him and starts to smile, and then she looks away in confusion. Apparently a continent and the destruction of half a city doesn't dampen shame.
But then, he knew that.
She introduces him to her husband and son, and he smiles politely-that political smile that's rusty with disuse, but still says, 'trust me, I'm just like you.'
He doesn't know how right he is, until a few days later when he catches D.L. with his hand through the door to the room next to his.
D.L.'s face is very serious, like he's trying to decide how much encouragement Nathan will need to keep quiet. And then he says, "I forgot my key."
Nathan laughs because he just doesn't know what else to do. And then he tells D.L. to meet with them later. It's what a leader would do-muster more troops-and he doesn't feel like a leader, but they all look up to him like one. For once, he'd rather not disappoint.
When D.L. brings his wife and child with him, there's a mild upset, but it goes away quickly enough when Niki breaks the table in front of them with a heavy fist. "Hey!" she says sharply. "We're not here by accident." She meets everyone's eyes in turn, making sure she has their attention. "Now, Niki has something she'd like to say." She looks down at the floor and when she looks back up, her smile is tremulous and finally reaches her eyes.
The first time Jessica comes to him, he pushes her hands away. "Aren't you married?" he asks bitterly.
She laughs, low and sultry. "D.L? Hardly; he's Niki's. Just because I agreed to play nice and not kill him doesn't mean I like him." Then she shakes her hair back. "Aren't you?"
That stings.
"Get out of here," he tells her, in a soft dangerous voice that she seems to actually take seriously for a second.
Her annoyed expression fades to amusement as she looks him up and down with predatory eyes. "Niki's a big fan of monogamy. I never really understood it, myself." She cocks her head. "I like you, Nathan. You're a man who fights for what he wants; you do what you have to do." Her hand is on the doorknob when she turns back. "If you change your mind, let me know."
A day later there's a new addition to the convention of freaks-a girl from Texas who's young and quiet, and utterly alone. He tries not to let it bother him-he's got enough to worry about with Peter and trying to keep everyone from fighting long enough to focus on Sylar.
But then the doctor pulls him aside, talking about genetic markers and DNA strands and what it all boils down to is a bigger family and more problems and nothing that he wants to deal with right now.
He moves before he can think about it, and there's a satisfying crunch when his fist meets the doctor's face.
"You can't change the truth!" Suresh yells through his hands as he tries to staunch the blood.
Nathan smiles. He's made a career of changing the truth. He can do it again.
Jessica sneaks into his room late that night. He's tossing and turning, trying to reach the oblivion of sleep, but his brain won't stop processing angles. His subconscious hasn't realized, yet, that he's no longer a politician who needs to put a good spin on all his mistakes.
He doesn't say a word when she slips under the covers. He can tell it's her from the half-smile on her face and the dark look in her eyes. Niki's a nice girl. Not the kind of girl who would have him. Not the kind of girl he'd want.
He kisses her brutally and she digs nails into his shoulders like it can bring him back to life.
It's far more effective at drowning out the frantic calculations in his head than his failed attempts at sleep.
Peter convinces him to tell the girl. Claire. He says she has a right to know. Nathan's not sure what that means, exactly, but Peter has a way of wearing him down, and finally he brings the girl to a quiet corner of the lobby and tells her what the doctor said. Leaving out the markers and the strands, and trying to make it straight-forward.
When he's finally done stumbling through a speech that would have gotten him booed offstage a lifetime ago, she gives him a shy smile and a tiny laugh, and says, "I know."
He's not sure if he wants to beat her for making him go through all that awkwardness, or slap her on the back and laugh hysterically.
Then he thinks, I used to love watching people make fools of themselves, and the laughter wins out.
When she laughs with him, it's almost comfortable. She's not one of his boys, but he cares about her. She's one of his troops.
Maybe it'll be more over time.
"You're the reason I'm here," she tells him softly, and then she walks away.
Jessica comes to him almost every night, now, and he hopes D.L. doesn't know because he couldn't run far enough, and after a while he'd get sick of flying. But he can't give her up, because she's tough and she doesn't care, and that's just what he needs.
"You and I," she says, "we're a lot alike."
He laughs. "I think Niki might disagree with you, there."
She shakes her head. "You'd be surprised. Nik and I had some quality time together while we were away. We still tend to disagree on a lot of things, but I don't think this would be one." Her smile is sly. "She doesn't like me very much." It's implied that Niki doesn't like him, either. But Nathan's always been able to read people-this isn't news. "Anyway, there are some things Niki's better off not knowing, don't you think?"
She swings a leg over his hip and the time for arguing is over. He lies back and lets her take the lead.
Sometimes it's nice not to have to be the strong one.
He watches with something that isn't quite jealousy as Niki cups Peter's cheek and they lean together and laugh. Peter's forgiven him for pulling him out of the city, but they still aren't friends. They never have been.
Nathan's not sure if the unease is because it's Jessica's other half sitting there, or his brother. He just knows he hates it, and it's not making things any easier between them.
He turns away, telling himself he doesn't really care, anyway. The friendships the others forge are no business of his.
He's always been good at denial.
"Why don't you say anything to him? Why don't you explain?"
He turns to find Claire is standing behind him. He still can't think of her as his daughter. She's too old and too different to be his, and she's far too young to be a part of this war.
Nathan forces a laugh. "About what?"
"About Jessica. Peter thinks you're angry with him."
He ignores the vague fear that she knows his secret. "What are you, the peacekeeper now? Peter will be fine."
She shrugs. "I just hate to see you fighting."
His laugh is bitter. "You'll learn soon enough. We do nothing but fight. We're complete opposites, Peter and me. It's like some huge cosmic joke that we're related." He looks up, suddenly aware that she can take that the wrong way, but she doesn't seem phased.
"Niki and Jess are opposites too, and they manage to coexist in the same body. Maybe you and Peter should try a little harder."
When Nathan looks up, her eyes are hard, and she reminds him suddenly of his wife. There's a clean, clear strength in her that had nothing to do with her abilities.
He sighs heavily, suddenly tired.
"I'm not exactly what you were hoping for when you went looking for your real father, am I?"
She smiles a crooked smile, a far-away look in her eyes. "Even dads are only human," she says, sitting beside him and taking his hand.
He squeezes gently, hoping she's right.
He hasn't felt human since before she was born.
Author: Shealynn88
Characters/Pairings: Nathan, Ensemble (some Nathan/Jessica)
Rating: PG-13, angst, sexual content
Spoilers: up to 'The Fix'
Word Count: ~1700
Summary: angsty future!fic from Nathan's POV. All the heroes are coming together, and Nathan's life is falling apart. Some speculation beyond 'The Fix,' but no spoilers.
Nathan's political career dies along with half of New York.
Peter swears he could have stopped it, but Nathan's not sorry for getting him out of harm's way. That's always been his job: look out for Peter when Peter won't look out for himself.
After the explosions and the mysterious discovery of a radioactive corpse, the rumors start-rumors of Nathan being nearby, being involved. And then there are rumors of him flying, and he's out of the running for anything bigger than 'dog catcher.'
His marriage takes a little longer to go, but it's like entropy-his whole life is descending into chaos. There's no way to stop it when he can't even bring himself to tell his wife what's changed. Why he has meetings at odd hours with a pair of Japanese tourists, an ex-heroin addict, his brother and a permanently suspended cop. Or why he was near the bomb site. He sure as hell can't admit to her that he flies, because that would mean admitting that when she'd needed him most, he'd taken the easy way out.
One day, she finally gives him an ultimatum. If you're not going to be here for your family, Nathan, it'll be better if you aren't here at all.
He packs his bags that night.
He's always admired her strength. He wishes he had half of it.
Peter forgives him everything when he arrives with a bag of clothes on his back. He imagines he must look like hell, but he just can't give a damn. Not anymore. He's already made enough mistakes to be forgotten.
Nathan almost hates his brother for having all the compassion he gave up when he was a kid. But in the end, he can't, because he'd be homeless without it.
He sees the woman in the lobby of the hotel, and he has to look again. And then again.
It's her, alright. She very nearly ruined his life, once, but he can't really hold a grudge because everything he cared about then is broken and scattered around him. This is a different life than the one she marched into and tried to turn upside down in Las Vegas.
She recognizes him and starts to smile, and then she looks away in confusion. Apparently a continent and the destruction of half a city doesn't dampen shame.
But then, he knew that.
She introduces him to her husband and son, and he smiles politely-that political smile that's rusty with disuse, but still says, 'trust me, I'm just like you.'
He doesn't know how right he is, until a few days later when he catches D.L. with his hand through the door to the room next to his.
D.L.'s face is very serious, like he's trying to decide how much encouragement Nathan will need to keep quiet. And then he says, "I forgot my key."
Nathan laughs because he just doesn't know what else to do. And then he tells D.L. to meet with them later. It's what a leader would do-muster more troops-and he doesn't feel like a leader, but they all look up to him like one. For once, he'd rather not disappoint.
When D.L. brings his wife and child with him, there's a mild upset, but it goes away quickly enough when Niki breaks the table in front of them with a heavy fist. "Hey!" she says sharply. "We're not here by accident." She meets everyone's eyes in turn, making sure she has their attention. "Now, Niki has something she'd like to say." She looks down at the floor and when she looks back up, her smile is tremulous and finally reaches her eyes.
The first time Jessica comes to him, he pushes her hands away. "Aren't you married?" he asks bitterly.
She laughs, low and sultry. "D.L? Hardly; he's Niki's. Just because I agreed to play nice and not kill him doesn't mean I like him." Then she shakes her hair back. "Aren't you?"
That stings.
"Get out of here," he tells her, in a soft dangerous voice that she seems to actually take seriously for a second.
Her annoyed expression fades to amusement as she looks him up and down with predatory eyes. "Niki's a big fan of monogamy. I never really understood it, myself." She cocks her head. "I like you, Nathan. You're a man who fights for what he wants; you do what you have to do." Her hand is on the doorknob when she turns back. "If you change your mind, let me know."
A day later there's a new addition to the convention of freaks-a girl from Texas who's young and quiet, and utterly alone. He tries not to let it bother him-he's got enough to worry about with Peter and trying to keep everyone from fighting long enough to focus on Sylar.
But then the doctor pulls him aside, talking about genetic markers and DNA strands and what it all boils down to is a bigger family and more problems and nothing that he wants to deal with right now.
He moves before he can think about it, and there's a satisfying crunch when his fist meets the doctor's face.
"You can't change the truth!" Suresh yells through his hands as he tries to staunch the blood.
Nathan smiles. He's made a career of changing the truth. He can do it again.
Jessica sneaks into his room late that night. He's tossing and turning, trying to reach the oblivion of sleep, but his brain won't stop processing angles. His subconscious hasn't realized, yet, that he's no longer a politician who needs to put a good spin on all his mistakes.
He doesn't say a word when she slips under the covers. He can tell it's her from the half-smile on her face and the dark look in her eyes. Niki's a nice girl. Not the kind of girl who would have him. Not the kind of girl he'd want.
He kisses her brutally and she digs nails into his shoulders like it can bring him back to life.
It's far more effective at drowning out the frantic calculations in his head than his failed attempts at sleep.
Peter convinces him to tell the girl. Claire. He says she has a right to know. Nathan's not sure what that means, exactly, but Peter has a way of wearing him down, and finally he brings the girl to a quiet corner of the lobby and tells her what the doctor said. Leaving out the markers and the strands, and trying to make it straight-forward.
When he's finally done stumbling through a speech that would have gotten him booed offstage a lifetime ago, she gives him a shy smile and a tiny laugh, and says, "I know."
He's not sure if he wants to beat her for making him go through all that awkwardness, or slap her on the back and laugh hysterically.
Then he thinks, I used to love watching people make fools of themselves, and the laughter wins out.
When she laughs with him, it's almost comfortable. She's not one of his boys, but he cares about her. She's one of his troops.
Maybe it'll be more over time.
"You're the reason I'm here," she tells him softly, and then she walks away.
Jessica comes to him almost every night, now, and he hopes D.L. doesn't know because he couldn't run far enough, and after a while he'd get sick of flying. But he can't give her up, because she's tough and she doesn't care, and that's just what he needs.
"You and I," she says, "we're a lot alike."
He laughs. "I think Niki might disagree with you, there."
She shakes her head. "You'd be surprised. Nik and I had some quality time together while we were away. We still tend to disagree on a lot of things, but I don't think this would be one." Her smile is sly. "She doesn't like me very much." It's implied that Niki doesn't like him, either. But Nathan's always been able to read people-this isn't news. "Anyway, there are some things Niki's better off not knowing, don't you think?"
She swings a leg over his hip and the time for arguing is over. He lies back and lets her take the lead.
Sometimes it's nice not to have to be the strong one.
He watches with something that isn't quite jealousy as Niki cups Peter's cheek and they lean together and laugh. Peter's forgiven him for pulling him out of the city, but they still aren't friends. They never have been.
Nathan's not sure if the unease is because it's Jessica's other half sitting there, or his brother. He just knows he hates it, and it's not making things any easier between them.
He turns away, telling himself he doesn't really care, anyway. The friendships the others forge are no business of his.
He's always been good at denial.
"Why don't you say anything to him? Why don't you explain?"
He turns to find Claire is standing behind him. He still can't think of her as his daughter. She's too old and too different to be his, and she's far too young to be a part of this war.
Nathan forces a laugh. "About what?"
"About Jessica. Peter thinks you're angry with him."
He ignores the vague fear that she knows his secret. "What are you, the peacekeeper now? Peter will be fine."
She shrugs. "I just hate to see you fighting."
His laugh is bitter. "You'll learn soon enough. We do nothing but fight. We're complete opposites, Peter and me. It's like some huge cosmic joke that we're related." He looks up, suddenly aware that she can take that the wrong way, but she doesn't seem phased.
"Niki and Jess are opposites too, and they manage to coexist in the same body. Maybe you and Peter should try a little harder."
When Nathan looks up, her eyes are hard, and she reminds him suddenly of his wife. There's a clean, clear strength in her that had nothing to do with her abilities.
He sighs heavily, suddenly tired.
"I'm not exactly what you were hoping for when you went looking for your real father, am I?"
She smiles a crooked smile, a far-away look in her eyes. "Even dads are only human," she says, sitting beside him and taking his hand.
He squeezes gently, hoping she's right.
He hasn't felt human since before she was born.