{Yoosu OS} A Cherub's Rebirth
Title: A Cherub's Rebirth
Genre: Romance {Yaoi}, Fluff, angst
Characters: Yoochun, Junsu, Jaejoong (minor), Yunho (minor)
Pairing: Yoochun & Junsu
Rating: PG-13
Synopsis: For once, Junsu isn't the angel.
A Cheerub's Rebirth
He kicked.
He struggled.
He fought.
‘If this is the end of my life, my only comfort is that at least I left all my love behind…’
/
“Hell…” Junsu rubbed the back of his head in pain. It was as though somebody had knocked him hard with a baseball bat. Junho, he muttered accusingly. That baseball player of a brother just never knew when to stop.
“Actually, it’s heaven.”
Junsu turned, only to see a man in white grinning back at him. He sat up straight, suddenly conscious of the fact that he was in a foreign place.
“What the hell?!”
“No, heaven. You know, kind of like the opposite of hell? The place where…”
“DID YOU KIDNAP ME?!” Junsu shouted in panic, cutting the surprised man who backed away two steps in defense.
“No, of course not! Why would you think so?”
“BECAUSE I WAKE UP TO FIND MYSELF IN THIS BIG WHITE ROOM WITH NOBODY BUT YOU! YOU… GRINNING CHESHIRE KITTY!”
The man frowned, before giving a small mindful bow. “It’s Yoochun,” he introduced.
Junsu stood up, feeling very much like Alice in Wonderland. He looked about for clues to his location. “Where am I?”
“This is the third time I’m telling you this. You really got to learn to listen you know? It’s only polite to listen when somebody is…”
“JUST TELL ME.”
“Heaven,” Yoochun repeated again. With a slightly brighter tone, he grinned, “Welcome to heaven.”
“Quit kidding,” Junsu titled his head in annoyance.
“I’m not,” Yoochun stated firmly. “Don’t you recall what happened?”
What happened? Junsu lowered his head, putting his mind through a time machine.
He was quarreling with Hyukjae. Something about the party later that night. In his mad rash, he had punched his best friend in the face and ran home. The moment he entered the house, his brother came storming towards him with a look that said oh-great-you’re-home-now-i-can-kill-you. The next thing he knew, they were shouting at each other at the top of their voices. Next their parents came along, and without even listening to his side of the story, demanded Junsu to apologise to his twin.
Not finding the comfort he expected at home, Junsu left in rage and drove to the sea. Hopping onto his yacht, he then sailed further into the waters.
He had always thought that people loved him. Just how wrong was he? And to think all these would have to happen on his twenty second birthday.
“I… I jumped…” Junsu mumbled.
“Yes you did.”
“I’m dead.”
“Regret?”
Junsu looked up at the calm man. Feeling unbelievably stubborn, he shook his head, “No! I’m super happy! Now I won’t have to face those people anymore. They don’t even love me. I’ll rather live here with kitties like you!”
Junsu blinked. Now where did that last sentence come from?
“First off, I’m not a cat. I’m your guardian angel,” Yoochun began.
“WHAT?!”
“Secondly, you can stop shouting at me because I can hear you perfectly well.”
“Wait, you mean, you’re my fairy godmother?” Junsu’s eyes widened with interest.
“Guardian angel,” Yoochun corrected.
Junsu pouted. “Then why haven’t you been granting my wishes!”
“My dearest child, I do NOT grant you wishes. I look over you to make sure you’re safe and sound.” Yoochun held in every bit of the exasperation that was about to give way soon. He was an angel after all. So he held it in-
“But I died! You’re no good!”
-and he lost it.
“YOU JUMPED INTO THE SEA! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!? FLOAT YOU IN MID AIR?”
Junsu jumped, taken aback by the sudden crescendo. It was, by far, the first time this angel had flared up at him.
Yoochun felt a little guilt creep in upon Junsu’s startled look. Just a little. “Sorry.”
Junsu smiled, and Yoochun flinched. He had not expected that smile from Junsu.
“So godmother, why me?”
Yoochun tried not to scowl at the nickname, “Why what?”
“Why did you choose me to be your person? Were you mesmerized by my charms?” Junsu instantly put on his renowned charismatic look, boring holes into Yoochun through his intense stare.
Yoochun raised a brow at the ridiculous expression, before sighing with a frown, “Okay look that’s not the point. I have a mission on hand right now. Today will be your last day to roam on earth.”
“Last day?”
“Yes. I’ll take you anywhere you want. But at the end of today, when the clock strikes twelve, your soul joins heaven for good.”
Junsu’s expression soured.
“You do not have a choice.”
A flash of light and the room started to be twirl. Junsu’s eyes widened in shock. Suddenly, a suction pulled at his feet and they began falling downwards. Junsu screamed, flailing his arms around in fright. Just as tears were about to spill, he felt an arm around his waist, hugging him close. Junsu knew that his guardian angel was right beside him, and the tears held back automatically.
Gradually the suction came to a stop and the two landed nimbly. Junsu felt his head spinning as Yoochun released him to stand by himself.
Opening his eyes, Junsu found himself standing in the middle of a park, staring into the undisturbed face of his angel.
“Yah!! Angels have wings! Why couldn’t you fly me down?! That was so horrible!! I was scared to death!” He yelled, apparently displeased with the frightening experience.
“I do not have wings,” Yoochun simply stated. Junsu was about to question the angel’s identity again when he realised that he had been tied around the waist, safely connected to Yoochun’s wrist.
“Yah! Must you leash me?” Junsu tugged at the rope. In midst of his struggling, he accidentally crashed into a little girl.
“Sorry!” Junsu turned around to face her. The toddler stumbled, looked past his legs, frowned and ran away in tears. Junsu then realised that the small girl couldn’t see him.
“By right, you’re still an earthy organism. So people can still feel you. Our presences are only oblivious to the human eye and ear,” Yoochun explained. “So be careful not to let your existence be known because of your own clumsiness.”
Junsu was about to protest at Yoochun’s last statement when the little girl’s mother came running towards them at full speed. The terrified man jumped, scurrying closer to Yoochun that instant to make way for the running woman. She ran by smoothly, effectively not noticing them at all.
“Kim Junsu, do not take advantage of me.”
Jerking out of his daze, Junsu looked back at Yoochun, jaws dropping as he laid eyes on where his hands were. In his panic earlier, he had slammed both hands right onto Yoochun’s chest. Beneath his palms, he could feel Yoochun’s metrical heart beat behind that torso. The single thought of an angel having such strong human heartbeats baffled him for a second.
“Yah! Hands off my breasts!” Yoochun chided, swatting Junsu’s hands away from the affronted area.
“You hardly have any flesh there!” Junsu exclaimed, crossing his arms as he eyed Yoochun’s flat sturdy chest.
Yoochun rolled his eyes, not intending to argue further. Sweeping the spot where Junsu’s palms were previously pressing on (and muttering something about mortal bacteria), he spoke again, “Where do you want to go?”
Junsu blinked, suddenly recalling why he was back on earth. He sighed and tried to accept the fact that he was already dead.
An hour ago, he jumped into a river. Thirty minutes ago, he was in heaven. Now, he had less than ten hours to spend his last day on earth. Not to mention the sudden acknowledgement of a fairy godmother… A pretty good looking one nevertheless, with slight resemblance of a cat.
“I don’t know,” Junsu replied honestly. “Anywhere as long as I don’t meet people I know.”
Yoochun knew that Junsu was still mad at his family. “Come on,” he smiled, holding Junsu’s hand and pulling him along.
However Junsu stopped and tugged at his hand, “Wait. Can you unleash me please? I promise I’ll be good.”
Yoochun pondered for a second before agreeing, removing the rope from Junsu’s waist. “Let’s go.”
Junsu nodded coyly, still feeling depressed about his last day.
Was he starting to regret dying?
/
“Go! Go! Go! Faster! Take left! Left! And NOW!!”
Yoochun watched his mortal cheer across the field from the audience seat as the ball was being passed on to another player. The afternoon sun beckoned painfully on the players’ back, demanding their every effort into the game.
And there it was - the child like innocence he once saw in Junsu when the boy was only a kid few years back. That was why Yoochun had chosen to safeguard this child. He wanted to protect Junsu.
“GOALLLLL!!!! YEAH MAN! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!” Junsu stood up suddenly and flailed frantically, pouting when he realised he was being ignored by the players who couldn’t even see him.
“Sit down,” Yoochun smiled, so prettily it made Junsu smile too.
Junsu did as told with lingering happiness, panting from slight exhaustion from the enthusiastic cheerleading earlier, “So kitty, how did you know that this is- was my favourite place?”
Yoochun saw the smile on Junsu’s face falter as the boy changed his statement to a past tense. Calmly, he replied, “I’ve always been watching you, remember?”
Junsu broke into a grin and narrowed his eyes playfully, “Stalker!”
“Shut up.”
Junsu kicked into a hysterical round of giggles, so infectious it made Yoochun laugh too.
“I wanna go to the beach!” Junsu exclaimed suddenly.
“What? It’s December!” So what Junsu had to learn was that winter was not a good season for beaching.
/
“Kitty! Pass me the bucket!”
Yoochun frowned. For one, Junsu had been bidding him around like a slave from the time they arrived at the beach. Since when was he demoted to that status? Secondly, Junsu apparently did not get the part about his name being Yoochun.
“Godmother, stop spacing out! I said pass me the bucket!” And thank you Junsu for proving his point.
Yoochun clenched his fists as he bent down to pick up said bucket. Bear with him. Bear with him. It’s his last day. Just bear with him. With a straight face, he walked towards Junsu and handed him the galling pail.
For an instant, he silently commended himself for bringing Junsu to this isolated beach in Thailand. At least it wasn’t snowing hell and nobody would freak out seeing sand and buckets moving by themselves.
“Yah! You’re threading on my masterpiece!” Junsu shouted, startling Yoochun. The angel tried to step out of Junsu’s sandcastle, only to sink deeper into the soft sands.
He felt himself lose balance. He also heard Junsu yelling and running over to protect his work of art.
/
Yoochun grunted. He was surrounded by sand. His legs, hands, back, everywhere. Falling face flat onto the beach with Junsu’s sandcastle collapsing on top of his back was apparently as bad as he thought so.
“Urghh…” Yoochun shook his head violently. Wincing, he felt more sand shift under him. Opening his eyes agonizingly, he found himself face to face with his mortal. “Fishcakes! What are you doing here?!”
Junsu grimaced, struggling under Yoochun. He, too, had sand all over his face. Coughing, he spurted angrily into Yoochun’s face in disbelief, “You’re asking?!”
Yoochun gasped in realization and attempted to get up. However, it did not prove to be easy with both his feet buried in the sand.
Falling back onto Junsu’s thin frame, he quickly pushed himself up on his palms, maintaining a distance away from the still frowning boy, “H-Hi. I didn’t mean to come back. I’m stuck.” Oh dear heavens, an angel bowing down to his own mortal.
To his surprise, Junsu’s expression softened and a chuckle escaped subsequently, “Dig your way out or something, kitty!”
Yoochun bit his lips in relief, incomprehensively flustered by the cuteness displayed in front of him, “Kitties aren’t dogs. They don’t dig.”
“See! You admit you’re a cat!” Junsu grinned.
Smiling in return, Yoochun lowered and supported his body with his forearms instead, getting tired from the earlier posture. Moreover, he didn’t see the need to shun or fear his human… human-used-to-be.
“It’s getting dark. Decide on your next destination.” Yoochun finally gave up all efforts to support himself. Lowering further, he rested his head on Junsu’s shoulder shamelessly and closed his eyes. Junsu swallowed at the proximity, but kept quiet anyway.
Moments passed with sheer silence. It had felt so long Yoochun nearly fell asleep, until Junsu finally mumbled a reply.
“Decide for me?” Junsu’s voice wavered under the soft whimper. Yoochun opened his eyes at the labored voice. Totally clueless to the boy’s racing heart, he misconstrued that Junsu was actually straining under his weight. With a few harsher kicks, he finally had both feet out of the sand. Rolling off Junsu’s body, he laid beside the younger boy and shut his eyes again.
Junsu blinked and opened his mouth to question Yoochun, but thought again and closed it right back, lying comfortably where he was.
/
“Where are you bringing me?” Junsu stumbled.
“We’re almost there,” Yoochun said as he guided Junsu along.
Junsu grinned. First the soccer field, then the beach. What was next? He could tell that he was teleported back to Korea. He’d heard the language used by people around him. He then chewed over teleporting - easy, fast and fun. The human world really ought to be promoting that form of transport.
“Is this a surprise?” Junsu asked hopefully. He had speculated that he trusted the angel well enough to actually be holding hands with him and following him with his eyes blindfolded. Maybe it was the baffling sense of security that Yoochun bestowed him. Well, he was indeed Junsu’s guardian angel.
“Yeah, surprise,” Yoochun concurred, although he did calculate that Junsu wouldn’t like it very much.
Junsu felt cold air blowing into his face. Air con, he mused.
An odor then caught his attention, causing him to stop in his tracks. Drawing back, he titled his head as he pondered over the familiar medicine smell. He was sure he’d been here a few times. And it wasn’t long since the last time he did. Just two weeks ago, his football coach had dragged him here after he broke an arm during a game.
“What are we doing at the hospital?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun pulled Junsu on, granting silence as an answer.
At last, they came to a stop. Beyond his blindfold, Junsu sensed a commotion. He could distinctly hear people shouting and crying nearby, jaws falling upon realising who they were. His first instincts were to turn around and run away, but the panicky voices held him back.
“No, no it can’t be! No!”
“I’m really sorry. It was way too late. His brain had a lack of oxygen and…”
“Don’t tell me that! You’re a doctor! You’re supposed to save him!”
“Junho, get a grip of yourself!”
“It’s all my fault! I fought with him!”
“Shut up.”
“I lost my brother! I killed my brother!”
“Junho, I said shut up!”
Junsu flinched in confusion. So his family had received news about his death. And they were in chaos. But why? They didn’t love him. So why?
- Bang! -
“Honey!”
“Mom!”
Junsu jumped with rising fear. Had his mother collapsed? Sounds of footsteps scampering past him then told him that his family was rushing her to a doctor.
Yoochun sighed. Junsu hadn’t make a single sound since they’d stopped walking. The angel released the hand he was holding onto and undid the blindfold. He had to disallow Junsu of sight for he knew that the boy would have ran away the moment he saw his family.
The fabric cover came loose and fell onto the floor. Turning to face Junsu, Yoochun realised that they boy’s eyes had yet to open.
“Junsu.”
Junsu did not reply him, stood rooted to the ground with his eyes obediently shut.
Yoochun gasped as a tear crammed past the fastened eyelids, tracing the arc of Junsu’s soft cheek, trickling all the way down and finally losing contact with the beautiful face entirely. The second bead followed close behind the first, until Junsu’s face was all damp with sorrow. Lifting his hand, he gently smeared the precious tears on Junsu’s face.
Yoochun finally gave in to his guts and pulled Junsu into an embrace. The sobbing boy leaned into the chest naturally, wetting Yoochun’s shirt as he poured his heart out.
“They love me… They love… me…” The mutters against his chest were soft and throbbing.
Yoochun knew this would happen. He knew Junsu would break down. He knew Junsu loved his family. And he knew Junsu’s family loved him too. That was why he brought Junsu to the hospital, to share this particular fact he knew.
“Yes they do. And they always will.”
/
“I regret dying,” Junsu sniveled, his voice softer and hoarser than ever. He had finally stopped crying and was now sitting on a bench outside the hospital, silently watching people pass by without noticing him at all.
He recalled how he was never this unobserved when he was alive, having a relatively handsome face of his own. Many would often drool after him, while others sent him appreciative stares.
Yoochun nodded, shifting a little on the bench beside him, “You should.”
“I can’t do anything to become alive again, can I?”
“No,” the angel replied regrettably.
“I suck.”
Yoochun looked up, holding back the growl in his throat.
“I suck,” Junsu repeated again, his tone stronger this time, “This is probably good for them, now that I’m gone, that I’m no longer human to burden anyone, that nobody will love the worthless me again…”
“How could you say that?” Yoochun frowned. He’d never liked the idea of people perceiving themselves as somebody worthless, especially not of Kim Junsu. Every life was a precious one, and if anything, Junsu was a treasure.
“What coul…”
“I love you,” was all Yoochun had the courage to utter. Junsu shut his mouth, his heart flipping at the two seconds of sweetness, but the grief in his mind pulled back every thought of smiling at his gorgeous angel.
“How much longer do I have?” Junsu questioned after a long drag of comfortable silence. There was one last place he wanted to go to.
/
“We’re here,” Yoochun announced. Junsu looked around, greeting the magnificent night France capital with least excitement. Since Junsu was a child, his greatest wish was to visit Paris. Little did he know that it’d come true after his death.
It wasn’t snowing yet. Winter had arrived late. But the weather was freezing cold, and Junsu found himself nuzzling closer to Yoochun for warmth. The angel smiled upon realization. Removing his white fur coat, he swiftly yanked it around Junsu’s shivering body.
Junsu watched in surprise and titled his head curiously, “Aren’t you cold?”
“I’m a hot immortal,” Yoochun grinned.
Junsu chuckled lightly, the first smile appearing on his face since they’d left the hospital. Yoochun held his mortal’s hand then, delighted to see the comeback of the stunning smile he loved so much.
“Here we are,” Yoochun said with a small sigh, capturing Junsu’s other hand as well, “Paris, the ideal honeymoon land.” He began rubbing at the smaller palms, bringing warmth to the frozen hands. Junsu grasped as much that that his face was red, even if he was unsure why. But he was going to blame it on the climate whatsoever.
“I’m on honeymoon with a kitty,” Junsu mused aloud, slightly amused at that very statement.
“You’re cruel,” Yoochun carped. “Couldn’t you at least give me a masculine name?”
“Kitty is unisex,” Junsu shrugged, a smug look plastered on his face.
“Junsu…” Yoochun had turned serious all of a sudden.
Junsu looked at his angel, a curious expression playing on his face.
“Earlier,” A hesitation and a sigh, “I meant it.”
Junsu bit his lips, fully understanding of what Yoochun meant. Stepping forward, he removed his hands from Yoochun’s and encircled them around the angel’s waist, “I love you too godmother.”
Just then, his eyes caught sight of something bright in the distance. “OHH!! EIFFEL TOWER!”
Before Yoochun could confirm his mortal’s eyesight, he was already being dragged across the road. Junsu was practically skipping, yelling ‘Bonjour’ loudly when a double decker passed by - a mispronounced greeting so adorable Yoochun couldn’t help but smile.
Soon they were at the foot of the Eiffel tower. Yoochun quietly marveled at the beauty of the infrastructure while Junsu wandered off to read the messages on the Wall For Peace. They were mostly in French and Junsu soon gave up, joining Yoochun in the admiration instead. They leaned against the trunk of the nearest tree, arms touching as Junsu tried not to snuggle into the warmth.
“Gorgeous,” Yoochun complimented.
“Thanks,” Junsu grinned, expecting a protest or argument of such. However Yoochun only smiled, his eyes fixed on the tower in front of them.
/
They walked down the streets in silence, fingers brushing occasionally. Junsu saw how the colorful cherry bulb lights were hanging on every tree they walked past, blinking and twinkling in unison with the stars above. Beautiful shiny ornaments decorated the whole road. It then dawned to him that next week was Christmas.
Junsu sighed. Their family used to celebrate Christmas every year. They’d invite friends and relatives, who’d all bring them beautifully wrapped gifts. Hyukjae and he would then start a cake fight, ruining his mother’s painfully baked log cake.
Yoochun saw that Junsu was in deep thought. It was five minutes to twelve, five minutes to the end of Junsu’s birthday, five minutes to the end of everything.
The two men leaned against the river barrier, looking out at the night scenery across the river in appreciation. The water was still, emitting a beautiful serenity upon the silent holy night. Nobody talked, enjoying the cool wind blowing against their faces.
It already felt like Christmas.
- Dong dong dong -
Junsu closed his eyes upon hearing the midnight bell from the clock tower, “Let’s go.”
“Where to?” Yoochun asked indifferently.
“Back to the heavens,” Junsu replied, “My time is up.”
“It has yet to,” Yoochun muttered inaudibly, turning to look at the now confused boy.
“Yoochun, lets go,” Junsu was afraid. If Yoochun were to not take him back immediately, he might not bear to leave anymore, “My day has ended. My life has ended.”
“Kim Junsu! You did not deserve this life at all!” Yoochun shouted suddenly.
“What is your problem! I know that! That’s why I died. That’s why I’m following you back!” Junsu yelled back.
“You’re not!” Yoochun snapped. “I’m ending everything for you.” He pushed the terrified boy hard against the metal barrier, causing him to cry in pain.
“Yoochun!” Junsu struggled with difficulty. “What are you doing?!”
“You do not deserve this life!” Yoochun shouted again and again. Junsu’s knees went weak, he couldn’t even stand. Yoochun finally released Junsu and flung him across his shoulder while the victim gasped for air.
Junsu screamed, not knowing what was happening at all.
“Happy belated birthday, Junsu.”
Before Junsu could validate the chokes in Yoochun’s voice, he found himself thrown over the barricade towards the unwelcoming river. He screamed with only meager might, so modest that the waves effortlessly concealed the high pitched sound.
He was already dead. Why was Yoochun killing him a second time?
By the time Junsu penetrated through the deathly cold water surface, he was too drained to think logically anymore. The cold was biting into his body, aching every part that came into contact with the water.
He kicked.
He struggled.
He fought.
‘If this is the end of my life, my only comfort will be, at least I left all my love behind…’
All his love; his parents, his brother, his best friend, his home, his world and maybe, perhaps, probably, possibly, he believed that there was already a spot prepared, for his guardian angel.
Perhaps Yoochun didn’t want him in heaven. Or maybe Junsu just didn’t have that luck. He blamed no one. He affirmed he was foolish enough to die once, breaking the hearts of his loved ones, with regrets no doubt. This time at least, no hearts would be broken, for in fact there wasn’t any to start with. Yet, he felt sad, for he was all alone. No family, no love, no angels, no Yoochun.
His residual energy came to an end, as exhaustion took over him. He stopped struggling, allowing his body to sink under water level, until he could no longer see the stars in the sky.
In his comatose conscious, he almost felt a hand encircling his tiny wrist. The hand tugged, seemingly pulling him above the water surface again.
And darkness overcame him.
/
“Hey! Hey you, wake up!”
“Is he dead?”
“What do we do now!?”
“Do the chest compression thing!”
“I don’t know how!”
“Just try!”
“1, 2, 3, 4. It isn’t working!”
“You only did it four times idiot!”
“Oh! Oh wait! I think he’s waking up!”
Junsu coughed. He could feel water running up his throat and out of his mouth. It was uncomfortable, as though he had just swallowed acid. He felt wet, and worn out.
The two unidentified voices cried in delight.
“Oh thank god!!”
“We saved a life!”
Blinking, Junsu shook his head to regain consciousness. He tried to open his eyes but particular sunlight inhibited him from doing so. “Am I in Paris?” he uttered strenuously.
“Close enough, just a continent away. You’re in Korea.” A deep manly voice replied with slight amusement, “You fell off your yacht, remember?”
“Our friend rescued you,” The higher toned voice continued, “He’s the lifeguard here. Unlike some chicken who didn’t even dare to dive into the sea.”
“What?!” The manly one exclaimed in protest. He continued to argue but Junsu was no longer listening to him.
I’m back in Korea?
I was on my yacht…
I didn’t die after all.
Kitty?
“Hyung… How is he?”
Junsu winced at the third voice closest to him. There was a man lying next to his wet body, panting audible. It sounded exhausted, almost like he had just finished a marathon. That must be his savior, Junsu self-verified dizzily.
“Alive,” The manly voice stated. “Go check on him yourself, lifeguard. We’ve called the ambulance. Jae and I will get you two some towels.”
Junsu could hear the two standing men quarreling as they left. He was now alone with his rescuer. Prying his eyes open, he shrunk away from the sunlight and shut them right back. Frustrated, he struggled to get up with his eyes closed, only to find that he was too weak.
An arm quickly supported Junsu from behind and gently cradled him to sit up, “Hey… Be careful. How are you feeling?”
Junsu blinked slowly to get used to the bright surroundings as the savior continued to asked on.
“We should contact your family. What’s your name?” The voice was caring and delicate. On top of it, it sounded familiar.
“Kim Junsu,” Junsu mumbled so weakly he wasn’t even sure if the man had heard him.
“Hey Junsu-“
Junsu squeezed his eyes shut one last time before turning around to look at the lifeguard.
“-Call me Yoochun.”
Genre: Romance {Yaoi}, Fluff, angst
Characters: Yoochun, Junsu, Jaejoong (minor), Yunho (minor)
Pairing: Yoochun & Junsu
Rating: PG-13
Synopsis: For once, Junsu isn't the angel.
A Cheerub's Rebirth
He kicked.
He struggled.
He fought.
‘If this is the end of my life, my only comfort is that at least I left all my love behind…’
/
“Hell…” Junsu rubbed the back of his head in pain. It was as though somebody had knocked him hard with a baseball bat. Junho, he muttered accusingly. That baseball player of a brother just never knew when to stop.
“Actually, it’s heaven.”
Junsu turned, only to see a man in white grinning back at him. He sat up straight, suddenly conscious of the fact that he was in a foreign place.
“What the hell?!”
“No, heaven. You know, kind of like the opposite of hell? The place where…”
“DID YOU KIDNAP ME?!” Junsu shouted in panic, cutting the surprised man who backed away two steps in defense.
“No, of course not! Why would you think so?”
“BECAUSE I WAKE UP TO FIND MYSELF IN THIS BIG WHITE ROOM WITH NOBODY BUT YOU! YOU… GRINNING CHESHIRE KITTY!”
The man frowned, before giving a small mindful bow. “It’s Yoochun,” he introduced.
Junsu stood up, feeling very much like Alice in Wonderland. He looked about for clues to his location. “Where am I?”
“This is the third time I’m telling you this. You really got to learn to listen you know? It’s only polite to listen when somebody is…”
“JUST TELL ME.”
“Heaven,” Yoochun repeated again. With a slightly brighter tone, he grinned, “Welcome to heaven.”
“Quit kidding,” Junsu titled his head in annoyance.
“I’m not,” Yoochun stated firmly. “Don’t you recall what happened?”
What happened? Junsu lowered his head, putting his mind through a time machine.
He was quarreling with Hyukjae. Something about the party later that night. In his mad rash, he had punched his best friend in the face and ran home. The moment he entered the house, his brother came storming towards him with a look that said oh-great-you’re-home-now-i-can-kill-you. The next thing he knew, they were shouting at each other at the top of their voices. Next their parents came along, and without even listening to his side of the story, demanded Junsu to apologise to his twin.
Not finding the comfort he expected at home, Junsu left in rage and drove to the sea. Hopping onto his yacht, he then sailed further into the waters.
He had always thought that people loved him. Just how wrong was he? And to think all these would have to happen on his twenty second birthday.
“I… I jumped…” Junsu mumbled.
“Yes you did.”
“I’m dead.”
“Regret?”
Junsu looked up at the calm man. Feeling unbelievably stubborn, he shook his head, “No! I’m super happy! Now I won’t have to face those people anymore. They don’t even love me. I’ll rather live here with kitties like you!”
Junsu blinked. Now where did that last sentence come from?
“First off, I’m not a cat. I’m your guardian angel,” Yoochun began.
“WHAT?!”
“Secondly, you can stop shouting at me because I can hear you perfectly well.”
“Wait, you mean, you’re my fairy godmother?” Junsu’s eyes widened with interest.
“Guardian angel,” Yoochun corrected.
Junsu pouted. “Then why haven’t you been granting my wishes!”
“My dearest child, I do NOT grant you wishes. I look over you to make sure you’re safe and sound.” Yoochun held in every bit of the exasperation that was about to give way soon. He was an angel after all. So he held it in-
“But I died! You’re no good!”
-and he lost it.
“YOU JUMPED INTO THE SEA! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!? FLOAT YOU IN MID AIR?”
Junsu jumped, taken aback by the sudden crescendo. It was, by far, the first time this angel had flared up at him.
Yoochun felt a little guilt creep in upon Junsu’s startled look. Just a little. “Sorry.”
Junsu smiled, and Yoochun flinched. He had not expected that smile from Junsu.
“So godmother, why me?”
Yoochun tried not to scowl at the nickname, “Why what?”
“Why did you choose me to be your person? Were you mesmerized by my charms?” Junsu instantly put on his renowned charismatic look, boring holes into Yoochun through his intense stare.
Yoochun raised a brow at the ridiculous expression, before sighing with a frown, “Okay look that’s not the point. I have a mission on hand right now. Today will be your last day to roam on earth.”
“Last day?”
“Yes. I’ll take you anywhere you want. But at the end of today, when the clock strikes twelve, your soul joins heaven for good.”
Junsu’s expression soured.
“You do not have a choice.”
A flash of light and the room started to be twirl. Junsu’s eyes widened in shock. Suddenly, a suction pulled at his feet and they began falling downwards. Junsu screamed, flailing his arms around in fright. Just as tears were about to spill, he felt an arm around his waist, hugging him close. Junsu knew that his guardian angel was right beside him, and the tears held back automatically.
Gradually the suction came to a stop and the two landed nimbly. Junsu felt his head spinning as Yoochun released him to stand by himself.
Opening his eyes, Junsu found himself standing in the middle of a park, staring into the undisturbed face of his angel.
“Yah!! Angels have wings! Why couldn’t you fly me down?! That was so horrible!! I was scared to death!” He yelled, apparently displeased with the frightening experience.
“I do not have wings,” Yoochun simply stated. Junsu was about to question the angel’s identity again when he realised that he had been tied around the waist, safely connected to Yoochun’s wrist.
“Yah! Must you leash me?” Junsu tugged at the rope. In midst of his struggling, he accidentally crashed into a little girl.
“Sorry!” Junsu turned around to face her. The toddler stumbled, looked past his legs, frowned and ran away in tears. Junsu then realised that the small girl couldn’t see him.
“By right, you’re still an earthy organism. So people can still feel you. Our presences are only oblivious to the human eye and ear,” Yoochun explained. “So be careful not to let your existence be known because of your own clumsiness.”
Junsu was about to protest at Yoochun’s last statement when the little girl’s mother came running towards them at full speed. The terrified man jumped, scurrying closer to Yoochun that instant to make way for the running woman. She ran by smoothly, effectively not noticing them at all.
“Kim Junsu, do not take advantage of me.”
Jerking out of his daze, Junsu looked back at Yoochun, jaws dropping as he laid eyes on where his hands were. In his panic earlier, he had slammed both hands right onto Yoochun’s chest. Beneath his palms, he could feel Yoochun’s metrical heart beat behind that torso. The single thought of an angel having such strong human heartbeats baffled him for a second.
“Yah! Hands off my breasts!” Yoochun chided, swatting Junsu’s hands away from the affronted area.
“You hardly have any flesh there!” Junsu exclaimed, crossing his arms as he eyed Yoochun’s flat sturdy chest.
Yoochun rolled his eyes, not intending to argue further. Sweeping the spot where Junsu’s palms were previously pressing on (and muttering something about mortal bacteria), he spoke again, “Where do you want to go?”
Junsu blinked, suddenly recalling why he was back on earth. He sighed and tried to accept the fact that he was already dead.
An hour ago, he jumped into a river. Thirty minutes ago, he was in heaven. Now, he had less than ten hours to spend his last day on earth. Not to mention the sudden acknowledgement of a fairy godmother… A pretty good looking one nevertheless, with slight resemblance of a cat.
“I don’t know,” Junsu replied honestly. “Anywhere as long as I don’t meet people I know.”
Yoochun knew that Junsu was still mad at his family. “Come on,” he smiled, holding Junsu’s hand and pulling him along.
However Junsu stopped and tugged at his hand, “Wait. Can you unleash me please? I promise I’ll be good.”
Yoochun pondered for a second before agreeing, removing the rope from Junsu’s waist. “Let’s go.”
Junsu nodded coyly, still feeling depressed about his last day.
Was he starting to regret dying?
/
“Go! Go! Go! Faster! Take left! Left! And NOW!!”
Yoochun watched his mortal cheer across the field from the audience seat as the ball was being passed on to another player. The afternoon sun beckoned painfully on the players’ back, demanding their every effort into the game.
And there it was - the child like innocence he once saw in Junsu when the boy was only a kid few years back. That was why Yoochun had chosen to safeguard this child. He wanted to protect Junsu.
“GOALLLLL!!!! YEAH MAN! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!” Junsu stood up suddenly and flailed frantically, pouting when he realised he was being ignored by the players who couldn’t even see him.
“Sit down,” Yoochun smiled, so prettily it made Junsu smile too.
Junsu did as told with lingering happiness, panting from slight exhaustion from the enthusiastic cheerleading earlier, “So kitty, how did you know that this is- was my favourite place?”
Yoochun saw the smile on Junsu’s face falter as the boy changed his statement to a past tense. Calmly, he replied, “I’ve always been watching you, remember?”
Junsu broke into a grin and narrowed his eyes playfully, “Stalker!”
“Shut up.”
Junsu kicked into a hysterical round of giggles, so infectious it made Yoochun laugh too.
“I wanna go to the beach!” Junsu exclaimed suddenly.
“What? It’s December!” So what Junsu had to learn was that winter was not a good season for beaching.
/
“Kitty! Pass me the bucket!”
Yoochun frowned. For one, Junsu had been bidding him around like a slave from the time they arrived at the beach. Since when was he demoted to that status? Secondly, Junsu apparently did not get the part about his name being Yoochun.
“Godmother, stop spacing out! I said pass me the bucket!” And thank you Junsu for proving his point.
Yoochun clenched his fists as he bent down to pick up said bucket. Bear with him. Bear with him. It’s his last day. Just bear with him. With a straight face, he walked towards Junsu and handed him the galling pail.
For an instant, he silently commended himself for bringing Junsu to this isolated beach in Thailand. At least it wasn’t snowing hell and nobody would freak out seeing sand and buckets moving by themselves.
“Yah! You’re threading on my masterpiece!” Junsu shouted, startling Yoochun. The angel tried to step out of Junsu’s sandcastle, only to sink deeper into the soft sands.
He felt himself lose balance. He also heard Junsu yelling and running over to protect his work of art.
/
Yoochun grunted. He was surrounded by sand. His legs, hands, back, everywhere. Falling face flat onto the beach with Junsu’s sandcastle collapsing on top of his back was apparently as bad as he thought so.
“Urghh…” Yoochun shook his head violently. Wincing, he felt more sand shift under him. Opening his eyes agonizingly, he found himself face to face with his mortal. “Fishcakes! What are you doing here?!”
Junsu grimaced, struggling under Yoochun. He, too, had sand all over his face. Coughing, he spurted angrily into Yoochun’s face in disbelief, “You’re asking?!”
Yoochun gasped in realization and attempted to get up. However, it did not prove to be easy with both his feet buried in the sand.
Falling back onto Junsu’s thin frame, he quickly pushed himself up on his palms, maintaining a distance away from the still frowning boy, “H-Hi. I didn’t mean to come back. I’m stuck.” Oh dear heavens, an angel bowing down to his own mortal.
To his surprise, Junsu’s expression softened and a chuckle escaped subsequently, “Dig your way out or something, kitty!”
Yoochun bit his lips in relief, incomprehensively flustered by the cuteness displayed in front of him, “Kitties aren’t dogs. They don’t dig.”
“See! You admit you’re a cat!” Junsu grinned.
Smiling in return, Yoochun lowered and supported his body with his forearms instead, getting tired from the earlier posture. Moreover, he didn’t see the need to shun or fear his human… human-used-to-be.
“It’s getting dark. Decide on your next destination.” Yoochun finally gave up all efforts to support himself. Lowering further, he rested his head on Junsu’s shoulder shamelessly and closed his eyes. Junsu swallowed at the proximity, but kept quiet anyway.
Moments passed with sheer silence. It had felt so long Yoochun nearly fell asleep, until Junsu finally mumbled a reply.
“Decide for me?” Junsu’s voice wavered under the soft whimper. Yoochun opened his eyes at the labored voice. Totally clueless to the boy’s racing heart, he misconstrued that Junsu was actually straining under his weight. With a few harsher kicks, he finally had both feet out of the sand. Rolling off Junsu’s body, he laid beside the younger boy and shut his eyes again.
Junsu blinked and opened his mouth to question Yoochun, but thought again and closed it right back, lying comfortably where he was.
/
“Where are you bringing me?” Junsu stumbled.
“We’re almost there,” Yoochun said as he guided Junsu along.
Junsu grinned. First the soccer field, then the beach. What was next? He could tell that he was teleported back to Korea. He’d heard the language used by people around him. He then chewed over teleporting - easy, fast and fun. The human world really ought to be promoting that form of transport.
“Is this a surprise?” Junsu asked hopefully. He had speculated that he trusted the angel well enough to actually be holding hands with him and following him with his eyes blindfolded. Maybe it was the baffling sense of security that Yoochun bestowed him. Well, he was indeed Junsu’s guardian angel.
“Yeah, surprise,” Yoochun concurred, although he did calculate that Junsu wouldn’t like it very much.
Junsu felt cold air blowing into his face. Air con, he mused.
An odor then caught his attention, causing him to stop in his tracks. Drawing back, he titled his head as he pondered over the familiar medicine smell. He was sure he’d been here a few times. And it wasn’t long since the last time he did. Just two weeks ago, his football coach had dragged him here after he broke an arm during a game.
“What are we doing at the hospital?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun pulled Junsu on, granting silence as an answer.
At last, they came to a stop. Beyond his blindfold, Junsu sensed a commotion. He could distinctly hear people shouting and crying nearby, jaws falling upon realising who they were. His first instincts were to turn around and run away, but the panicky voices held him back.
“No, no it can’t be! No!”
“I’m really sorry. It was way too late. His brain had a lack of oxygen and…”
“Don’t tell me that! You’re a doctor! You’re supposed to save him!”
“Junho, get a grip of yourself!”
“It’s all my fault! I fought with him!”
“Shut up.”
“I lost my brother! I killed my brother!”
“Junho, I said shut up!”
Junsu flinched in confusion. So his family had received news about his death. And they were in chaos. But why? They didn’t love him. So why?
- Bang! -
“Honey!”
“Mom!”
Junsu jumped with rising fear. Had his mother collapsed? Sounds of footsteps scampering past him then told him that his family was rushing her to a doctor.
Yoochun sighed. Junsu hadn’t make a single sound since they’d stopped walking. The angel released the hand he was holding onto and undid the blindfold. He had to disallow Junsu of sight for he knew that the boy would have ran away the moment he saw his family.
The fabric cover came loose and fell onto the floor. Turning to face Junsu, Yoochun realised that they boy’s eyes had yet to open.
“Junsu.”
Junsu did not reply him, stood rooted to the ground with his eyes obediently shut.
Yoochun gasped as a tear crammed past the fastened eyelids, tracing the arc of Junsu’s soft cheek, trickling all the way down and finally losing contact with the beautiful face entirely. The second bead followed close behind the first, until Junsu’s face was all damp with sorrow. Lifting his hand, he gently smeared the precious tears on Junsu’s face.
Yoochun finally gave in to his guts and pulled Junsu into an embrace. The sobbing boy leaned into the chest naturally, wetting Yoochun’s shirt as he poured his heart out.
“They love me… They love… me…” The mutters against his chest were soft and throbbing.
Yoochun knew this would happen. He knew Junsu would break down. He knew Junsu loved his family. And he knew Junsu’s family loved him too. That was why he brought Junsu to the hospital, to share this particular fact he knew.
“Yes they do. And they always will.”
/
“I regret dying,” Junsu sniveled, his voice softer and hoarser than ever. He had finally stopped crying and was now sitting on a bench outside the hospital, silently watching people pass by without noticing him at all.
He recalled how he was never this unobserved when he was alive, having a relatively handsome face of his own. Many would often drool after him, while others sent him appreciative stares.
Yoochun nodded, shifting a little on the bench beside him, “You should.”
“I can’t do anything to become alive again, can I?”
“No,” the angel replied regrettably.
“I suck.”
Yoochun looked up, holding back the growl in his throat.
“I suck,” Junsu repeated again, his tone stronger this time, “This is probably good for them, now that I’m gone, that I’m no longer human to burden anyone, that nobody will love the worthless me again…”
“How could you say that?” Yoochun frowned. He’d never liked the idea of people perceiving themselves as somebody worthless, especially not of Kim Junsu. Every life was a precious one, and if anything, Junsu was a treasure.
“What coul…”
“I love you,” was all Yoochun had the courage to utter. Junsu shut his mouth, his heart flipping at the two seconds of sweetness, but the grief in his mind pulled back every thought of smiling at his gorgeous angel.
“How much longer do I have?” Junsu questioned after a long drag of comfortable silence. There was one last place he wanted to go to.
/
“We’re here,” Yoochun announced. Junsu looked around, greeting the magnificent night France capital with least excitement. Since Junsu was a child, his greatest wish was to visit Paris. Little did he know that it’d come true after his death.
It wasn’t snowing yet. Winter had arrived late. But the weather was freezing cold, and Junsu found himself nuzzling closer to Yoochun for warmth. The angel smiled upon realization. Removing his white fur coat, he swiftly yanked it around Junsu’s shivering body.
Junsu watched in surprise and titled his head curiously, “Aren’t you cold?”
“I’m a hot immortal,” Yoochun grinned.
Junsu chuckled lightly, the first smile appearing on his face since they’d left the hospital. Yoochun held his mortal’s hand then, delighted to see the comeback of the stunning smile he loved so much.
“Here we are,” Yoochun said with a small sigh, capturing Junsu’s other hand as well, “Paris, the ideal honeymoon land.” He began rubbing at the smaller palms, bringing warmth to the frozen hands. Junsu grasped as much that that his face was red, even if he was unsure why. But he was going to blame it on the climate whatsoever.
“I’m on honeymoon with a kitty,” Junsu mused aloud, slightly amused at that very statement.
“You’re cruel,” Yoochun carped. “Couldn’t you at least give me a masculine name?”
“Kitty is unisex,” Junsu shrugged, a smug look plastered on his face.
“Junsu…” Yoochun had turned serious all of a sudden.
Junsu looked at his angel, a curious expression playing on his face.
“Earlier,” A hesitation and a sigh, “I meant it.”
Junsu bit his lips, fully understanding of what Yoochun meant. Stepping forward, he removed his hands from Yoochun’s and encircled them around the angel’s waist, “I love you too godmother.”
Just then, his eyes caught sight of something bright in the distance. “OHH!! EIFFEL TOWER!”
Before Yoochun could confirm his mortal’s eyesight, he was already being dragged across the road. Junsu was practically skipping, yelling ‘Bonjour’ loudly when a double decker passed by - a mispronounced greeting so adorable Yoochun couldn’t help but smile.
Soon they were at the foot of the Eiffel tower. Yoochun quietly marveled at the beauty of the infrastructure while Junsu wandered off to read the messages on the Wall For Peace. They were mostly in French and Junsu soon gave up, joining Yoochun in the admiration instead. They leaned against the trunk of the nearest tree, arms touching as Junsu tried not to snuggle into the warmth.
“Gorgeous,” Yoochun complimented.
“Thanks,” Junsu grinned, expecting a protest or argument of such. However Yoochun only smiled, his eyes fixed on the tower in front of them.
/
They walked down the streets in silence, fingers brushing occasionally. Junsu saw how the colorful cherry bulb lights were hanging on every tree they walked past, blinking and twinkling in unison with the stars above. Beautiful shiny ornaments decorated the whole road. It then dawned to him that next week was Christmas.
Junsu sighed. Their family used to celebrate Christmas every year. They’d invite friends and relatives, who’d all bring them beautifully wrapped gifts. Hyukjae and he would then start a cake fight, ruining his mother’s painfully baked log cake.
Yoochun saw that Junsu was in deep thought. It was five minutes to twelve, five minutes to the end of Junsu’s birthday, five minutes to the end of everything.
The two men leaned against the river barrier, looking out at the night scenery across the river in appreciation. The water was still, emitting a beautiful serenity upon the silent holy night. Nobody talked, enjoying the cool wind blowing against their faces.
It already felt like Christmas.
- Dong dong dong -
Junsu closed his eyes upon hearing the midnight bell from the clock tower, “Let’s go.”
“Where to?” Yoochun asked indifferently.
“Back to the heavens,” Junsu replied, “My time is up.”
“It has yet to,” Yoochun muttered inaudibly, turning to look at the now confused boy.
“Yoochun, lets go,” Junsu was afraid. If Yoochun were to not take him back immediately, he might not bear to leave anymore, “My day has ended. My life has ended.”
“Kim Junsu! You did not deserve this life at all!” Yoochun shouted suddenly.
“What is your problem! I know that! That’s why I died. That’s why I’m following you back!” Junsu yelled back.
“You’re not!” Yoochun snapped. “I’m ending everything for you.” He pushed the terrified boy hard against the metal barrier, causing him to cry in pain.
“Yoochun!” Junsu struggled with difficulty. “What are you doing?!”
“You do not deserve this life!” Yoochun shouted again and again. Junsu’s knees went weak, he couldn’t even stand. Yoochun finally released Junsu and flung him across his shoulder while the victim gasped for air.
Junsu screamed, not knowing what was happening at all.
“Happy belated birthday, Junsu.”
Before Junsu could validate the chokes in Yoochun’s voice, he found himself thrown over the barricade towards the unwelcoming river. He screamed with only meager might, so modest that the waves effortlessly concealed the high pitched sound.
He was already dead. Why was Yoochun killing him a second time?
By the time Junsu penetrated through the deathly cold water surface, he was too drained to think logically anymore. The cold was biting into his body, aching every part that came into contact with the water.
He kicked.
He struggled.
He fought.
‘If this is the end of my life, my only comfort will be, at least I left all my love behind…’
All his love; his parents, his brother, his best friend, his home, his world and maybe, perhaps, probably, possibly, he believed that there was already a spot prepared, for his guardian angel.
Perhaps Yoochun didn’t want him in heaven. Or maybe Junsu just didn’t have that luck. He blamed no one. He affirmed he was foolish enough to die once, breaking the hearts of his loved ones, with regrets no doubt. This time at least, no hearts would be broken, for in fact there wasn’t any to start with. Yet, he felt sad, for he was all alone. No family, no love, no angels, no Yoochun.
His residual energy came to an end, as exhaustion took over him. He stopped struggling, allowing his body to sink under water level, until he could no longer see the stars in the sky.
In his comatose conscious, he almost felt a hand encircling his tiny wrist. The hand tugged, seemingly pulling him above the water surface again.
And darkness overcame him.
/
“Hey! Hey you, wake up!”
“Is he dead?”
“What do we do now!?”
“Do the chest compression thing!”
“I don’t know how!”
“Just try!”
“1, 2, 3, 4. It isn’t working!”
“You only did it four times idiot!”
“Oh! Oh wait! I think he’s waking up!”
Junsu coughed. He could feel water running up his throat and out of his mouth. It was uncomfortable, as though he had just swallowed acid. He felt wet, and worn out.
The two unidentified voices cried in delight.
“Oh thank god!!”
“We saved a life!”
Blinking, Junsu shook his head to regain consciousness. He tried to open his eyes but particular sunlight inhibited him from doing so. “Am I in Paris?” he uttered strenuously.
“Close enough, just a continent away. You’re in Korea.” A deep manly voice replied with slight amusement, “You fell off your yacht, remember?”
“Our friend rescued you,” The higher toned voice continued, “He’s the lifeguard here. Unlike some chicken who didn’t even dare to dive into the sea.”
“What?!” The manly one exclaimed in protest. He continued to argue but Junsu was no longer listening to him.
I’m back in Korea?
I was on my yacht…
I didn’t die after all.
Kitty?
“Hyung… How is he?”
Junsu winced at the third voice closest to him. There was a man lying next to his wet body, panting audible. It sounded exhausted, almost like he had just finished a marathon. That must be his savior, Junsu self-verified dizzily.
“Alive,” The manly voice stated. “Go check on him yourself, lifeguard. We’ve called the ambulance. Jae and I will get you two some towels.”
Junsu could hear the two standing men quarreling as they left. He was now alone with his rescuer. Prying his eyes open, he shrunk away from the sunlight and shut them right back. Frustrated, he struggled to get up with his eyes closed, only to find that he was too weak.
An arm quickly supported Junsu from behind and gently cradled him to sit up, “Hey… Be careful. How are you feeling?”
Junsu blinked slowly to get used to the bright surroundings as the savior continued to asked on.
“We should contact your family. What’s your name?” The voice was caring and delicate. On top of it, it sounded familiar.
“Kim Junsu,” Junsu mumbled so weakly he wasn’t even sure if the man had heard him.
“Hey Junsu-“
Junsu squeezed his eyes shut one last time before turning around to look at the lifeguard.
“-Call me Yoochun.”