The saga of the couch
Early in March, on the List of Craig I found the Couch of My Dreams and rejoiced! Sadly, it was not to be.
Thereupon began the Quest for The Couch.
Soon after I thought I'd once again found the Couch of My Dreams (tm) and again rejoiced! There was much happiness and debauchery as I awaited my windfall (aka tax refund) so the CoMD would finally be mine.
But as time went by, the bloom faded from the rose and I truly wondered if the CoMD was indeed The One Couch.
Sadly, once the CoMD and I had finally been united, I understood it was not The One Couch and I sought out the couch that I felt truly would be The One Couch, not merely The Couch of My Dreams.
May 12th, I was informed by the Internets, would be the arrival date and I set out to prepare my abode for The Day (c). I was also assured that, apart from the legs of The One Couch, no assembly would be required.
Alackaday, several days later the Holder of The One Couch informed me that May 12th was *not* the arrival date, but the sending date. Further the arrival date could be as late as May 22nd.
And I was morose.
But I determined that I would prepare my abode even more fervently for The New Day (c) and set my internal calendar.
There were still many questions on my mind, however, and the Holder of The One Couch was not exceptionally forthcoming with answers to those queries. Three weeks went by and, after many communications, I was woefully uninformed.
Today (aka this day), I finally spoke with an agent of the Holder of the One Couch and he assured me that the Carrier of the One Couch would indeed contact me one day before the Arrival Date so I could greet The One Couch personally upon Arrival and that the Date would be indeed near to May 22nd.
I was reassured and ventured forth to tend to the day's errands.
Upon my return, I was greeted unexpectedly by two Very Large Boxes (r).
Verily, it was indeed The One Couch - in three pieces awaiting assembly.
I set to freeing The One Couch from its individual prisons of carboard. Within one of the boxes was another box. Within that box was a bag and within that bag were the Assembly Instructions. The first instruction read thusly:
"Open both boxes and remove contents. Please be careful if using a sharp object to open boxes."
With the abode not yet prepared for The One Couch, I was, to say the least, dismayed and attempted to communicate with the agent of the former Holder of the One Couch in an attempt to understand why The One Couch had arrived nearly twenty days in advance of the Arrival Date.
The message I received perplexed me further:
"We're sorry for the inconvenience, but our customer service department is closed for the day. Please call back during normal business hours. Monday through Friday, 7:00AM until 8:00PM and Weekends, 8:00AM until 6:00PM Central Standard time."
The time, I noted, was 4:30PM Eastern time. Perhaps, I mused, the agent of the former Holder of the One Couch was on a non-Standard Clock?
I gazed at the sad unassembled pieces of The One Couch and called upon help from above, Sir Joe of Agnew, to assist me in my plight.
He brought with him the Golden Wrench and in short work, despite my Abode not yet having been prepared, The One Couch had finally Arrived. The Quest was over.
The End (or To Be Continued?)