Fic: "Ghosts"
Title: Ghosts
Author: dawning_star
Pairing: Zach/Shaun
Rated: PG
Note: For the shelter_diner Halloween!fest. Prompt: "Zach sees the ghost of his dead mother."
Summary: The first time he saw her, Zach thought he was dreaming.
The first time Zach saw her, Zach thought he was dreaming. He had spent much of the first few days after Rachel Martin's death in a grief-stricken daze, and so the thought wasn't entirely out of the ordinary. She looked like her high-school portrait, youthful and happy in a way that the circumstances of her life had never let her be. She had smiled at him lovingly before vanishing between one blink and the next.
~~
The second time he saw her was right after he had consciously decided to give up CalArts to help Jeanne take care of his little nephew. He had just closed his phone, staring at it almost in disbelief of the conversation that had just taken place. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. That time, she looked closer to the age at which she had perished.
And that time, her smile was decidedly sad. He felt a chill run up his spine and had to force himself to look away. The chill left and he knew she was gone once again.
~~
He didn’t always see her. That was the thing that kept Zach from believing that he had completely lost his mind. Grief was one thing - even his friends understood that a guy had to mourn the loss of his mother - but actually seeing her after the funeral was stepping a little closer to the crazy side of the fence. No matter what, he wasn't going to be that kind of eccentrically crazy artist.
Naturally, Zach didn’t tell anyone about her. Cody didn’t have any memories of his grandmother and Jeanne was too wound up in her own drama to realize that he wasn’t always seeing her when they spoke. Zach wasn't entirely sure he would have shared the knowledge anyway -- Jeanne would have found some way to poison it. His mother's presence was a secret that was his and he wasn't going to give that up.
Rachel looked sad whenever Zach saw her gazing at her daughter. Sad and resigned, maybe, to the fact that for all that she had tried, Jeanne would still do whatever she wanted to do and there wasn’t anything she -- or Zach -- could do about it.
~~
Sometimes late at night, right after Cody had fallen into his fitful sleep, Zach could feel her lingering in his room. His hair would be brushed back by unseen hands. Something that wind might have explained, but he kept his window shut at night and it wasn’t hot enough for the air-conditioner.
Rachel had loved him. One of the few truths Zach carried with him was that knowledge. His mother hadn’t been a saint by any means and maybe she could have tried harder to make her husband clean up -- or hold her daughter responsible for her own messes -- but that didn’t mean she hadn’t shown love to her family and her son as best as she could. It was her example that Zach tried to emulate as he became father to his nephew, the one little light his life had left. He sang half-remembered lullabies sometimes when Cody couldn’t sleep and almost thought he saw Rachel smiling at him from the corner of his eye.
Jeanne would yell for him to be quiet whenever she heard him sing. Rachel never had.
~~
He stopped seeing her around as much when Shaun came back into his life. For a while, he feared it was as Jeanne had snidely implied -- shame that he had brought upon the family. Of course, there were moments when he was profoundly grateful his mother wasn’t hanging around to witness. He didn’t know if a ghost could blush, but he had absolutely no desire to find out.
But one night, she came back. Something told Zach that it’d probably be the last time.
Shaun had his arms wrapped around him and was fast asleep. Zach was twisted around, trying to sketch the expression on the other man’s face before it changed. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he started.
“Mom?” he whispered. He’d never tried to talk to her before.
She didn’t say anything that he could hear, but her smile said enough nonetheless.
You’ll be fine. I love you.
One last loving brush of ghostly fingers through his hair, and the spectre vanished. Zach swallowed hard and felt Shaun stirring beside him.
“Babe? Something wrong?” Even half-asleep, Shaun was trying to take care of him. Zach leaned down to kiss him without conscious thought.
“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”
Shaun hugged him closer and Zach closed his eyes. He'd be able to sleep this night.
Author: dawning_star
Pairing: Zach/Shaun
Rated: PG
Note: For the shelter_diner Halloween!fest. Prompt: "Zach sees the ghost of his dead mother."
Summary: The first time he saw her, Zach thought he was dreaming.
The first time Zach saw her, Zach thought he was dreaming. He had spent much of the first few days after Rachel Martin's death in a grief-stricken daze, and so the thought wasn't entirely out of the ordinary. She looked like her high-school portrait, youthful and happy in a way that the circumstances of her life had never let her be. She had smiled at him lovingly before vanishing between one blink and the next.
~~
The second time he saw her was right after he had consciously decided to give up CalArts to help Jeanne take care of his little nephew. He had just closed his phone, staring at it almost in disbelief of the conversation that had just taken place. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. That time, she looked closer to the age at which she had perished.
And that time, her smile was decidedly sad. He felt a chill run up his spine and had to force himself to look away. The chill left and he knew she was gone once again.
~~
He didn’t always see her. That was the thing that kept Zach from believing that he had completely lost his mind. Grief was one thing - even his friends understood that a guy had to mourn the loss of his mother - but actually seeing her after the funeral was stepping a little closer to the crazy side of the fence. No matter what, he wasn't going to be that kind of eccentrically crazy artist.
Naturally, Zach didn’t tell anyone about her. Cody didn’t have any memories of his grandmother and Jeanne was too wound up in her own drama to realize that he wasn’t always seeing her when they spoke. Zach wasn't entirely sure he would have shared the knowledge anyway -- Jeanne would have found some way to poison it. His mother's presence was a secret that was his and he wasn't going to give that up.
Rachel looked sad whenever Zach saw her gazing at her daughter. Sad and resigned, maybe, to the fact that for all that she had tried, Jeanne would still do whatever she wanted to do and there wasn’t anything she -- or Zach -- could do about it.
~~
Sometimes late at night, right after Cody had fallen into his fitful sleep, Zach could feel her lingering in his room. His hair would be brushed back by unseen hands. Something that wind might have explained, but he kept his window shut at night and it wasn’t hot enough for the air-conditioner.
Rachel had loved him. One of the few truths Zach carried with him was that knowledge. His mother hadn’t been a saint by any means and maybe she could have tried harder to make her husband clean up -- or hold her daughter responsible for her own messes -- but that didn’t mean she hadn’t shown love to her family and her son as best as she could. It was her example that Zach tried to emulate as he became father to his nephew, the one little light his life had left. He sang half-remembered lullabies sometimes when Cody couldn’t sleep and almost thought he saw Rachel smiling at him from the corner of his eye.
Jeanne would yell for him to be quiet whenever she heard him sing. Rachel never had.
~~
He stopped seeing her around as much when Shaun came back into his life. For a while, he feared it was as Jeanne had snidely implied -- shame that he had brought upon the family. Of course, there were moments when he was profoundly grateful his mother wasn’t hanging around to witness. He didn’t know if a ghost could blush, but he had absolutely no desire to find out.
But one night, she came back. Something told Zach that it’d probably be the last time.
Shaun had his arms wrapped around him and was fast asleep. Zach was twisted around, trying to sketch the expression on the other man’s face before it changed. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he started.
“Mom?” he whispered. He’d never tried to talk to her before.
She didn’t say anything that he could hear, but her smile said enough nonetheless.
You’ll be fine. I love you.
One last loving brush of ghostly fingers through his hair, and the spectre vanished. Zach swallowed hard and felt Shaun stirring beside him.
“Babe? Something wrong?” Even half-asleep, Shaun was trying to take care of him. Zach leaned down to kiss him without conscious thought.
“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”
Shaun hugged him closer and Zach closed his eyes. He'd be able to sleep this night.