Silliness causes creative out flowing
Two offerings for you, first:
(from the Holmesslash list)
1. Five things Watson never told Holmes.
1) The wound in his shoulder/leg is actually from a bondage session that went wrong.
2) He replaced the morphine/cocaine in Holmes's syringe with a placebo.
3) His middle name is not 'Hamish' but 'Gaylord'
4) He has a successful line in pornography featuring images of Holmes.
5) He often puts a sleeping draught in Holmes's food just to stop the man pacing up and down the damn floor all night!
2. Five case failures Holmes never talks about. (and
never will)
1) The time in the village inn where he couldn't quite 'rise' to the occasion.
2) The time that whilst in disguise he got so drunk that the man he was tailing gave him the slip by tying Holmes naked to a lamp post.
3) The time Lestrade arrested the man Holmes insisted was innocent and then evidence proved him to be guilty
4) The time he lost track of the man he was trailing when he stepped behind a tree to relieve himself.
5) The time he got lost.
3. Five fantasies Holmes has.
1) Watson. Honey. Handcuffs
2) Moriarty behind bars
3) Scotland Yard solving a simple crime without his help
4) Mrs Hudson not complaining about the mess
5) The one where he turns into a giant bee
4. Five monograms Watson has written that he never
talks about.
1) The Various Vocal Ranges Employed by The Great Detective and How to Achieve them
2) The Employment and Use of Handcuffs in a Bedroom Situation
3) Techniques for Getting the Perpetually Stubborn to Eat their Dinner, with some observations on the effect of force feeding
4) The Wooing of Women
5) Coping with Death and Resurrection
5. Five things Holmes said in his sleep.
1) "Oh, John, yes..."
2) "Yes it is rather impressive, thank you Lestrade."
3) "Not the silk."
4) "There's nothing quite like bees."
5) "Moriarty!"
6. Five Sherlock Holmes crossovers you wish someone would write.
1) Sherlock Holmes Solves the Mystery of Mrs Tiggywinkle (Beatrix Potter)
2) Sherlock Holmes/Gormenghast (What happened to Lord Groan and Swelter? Where did Steerpike get his knowledge? Was Secretary Barquentine murdered? Who burnt the library? Is Dr Prunesquallor a puff?)
3) Sherlock Holmes/Discworld (Leonard of Quirm would interest him I think)
4) Sherlock Holmes/Rocky Horror Show (hehe...sorry)
5) Sherlock Holmes/Hercule Poirot (although this might have been done)
7. Five things in the Canon that irk you most.
1) Toby's journey from Upper Norwood... Did ACD have *any* idea how long that bloody journey was??!
2) Irene Alder - just because practically every bloody pastiche written includes her somewhere and Holmes falls madly in love.
3) The Giant Rat of Sumatra - whhhy... I want to know!!! What was it???!
4) 'The Blanched Soldier' - Watson how *dare* you leave Holmes for a wife (again)!
5) 'The Sign of Four' (again) - Watson he was trying so hard and you left him!
Second, a daft drabble inspired by an idea of spacefall's.
"There is something you can do." Holmes answered in reply to my question.
"And what's that?"
"Stand watch." I watched as Holmes disappeared behind a nearby tree.
"Stand watch?" I repeated, puzzled by my friends action. Turning I followed him,"Holmes what are you..." As I rounded the tree after him I had no doubt as to regarding his request. I stared at him as he began to unbutton his trousers. "You can't do that!"
"Needs must, Watson." He replied.
"But surely there's an inn, or a public house..."
"Not for another four miles."
"You could have waited..."
"The evidence implies otherwise, does it not?"
Sighing I turned back to watch the road. "Well, be quick."
"I assure you, I'm being as quick as possible."
"Why you couldn't have gone earlier is beyond me."
"I'm afraid I didn't realise just how urgent my need was until you interrupted my thoughts."
"And you couldn't wait?"
"No. You were in the army, surely you've relieved yourself a good many times outdoors."
"When there was no possible alternative."
Holmes emerged from behind the tree re-buttoning his trousers. "Aah, much better." He smiled at me and wiped his hands on his handkerchief. "Well you'll agree that nothing else presented itself."
We began to continue our journey west-wards towards the village that Holmes assured me was there. "Well... yes I... I suppose. But what if someone had seen you?"
Holmes stopped and gestured around him. "We're standing on a moor, Watson. There are no inhabitants for another four miles, if, and I stress if someone had seen me then I doubt anyone would have any qualms about a middle-aged detective quietly relieving himself behind a convenient tree, four miles from the nearest settlement."
We continued our journey in silence for several minutes. "Four miles..." I repeated.
He turned to me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Would you like me to stand watch?"
"Please."
I popped into my old work to pick up a reference from Gary (old boss). He and Sharon (deputy) declared me insane for the Upper Norwood - Vauxhall walk. Also, bought some old maps of the Upper Norwood area in an attempt to map out the first part of Toby's route, need to look at the side streets not the main the roads.
(from the Holmesslash list)
1. Five things Watson never told Holmes.
1) The wound in his shoulder/leg is actually from a bondage session that went wrong.
2) He replaced the morphine/cocaine in Holmes's syringe with a placebo.
3) His middle name is not 'Hamish' but 'Gaylord'
4) He has a successful line in pornography featuring images of Holmes.
5) He often puts a sleeping draught in Holmes's food just to stop the man pacing up and down the damn floor all night!
2. Five case failures Holmes never talks about. (and
never will)
1) The time in the village inn where he couldn't quite 'rise' to the occasion.
2) The time that whilst in disguise he got so drunk that the man he was tailing gave him the slip by tying Holmes naked to a lamp post.
3) The time Lestrade arrested the man Holmes insisted was innocent and then evidence proved him to be guilty
4) The time he lost track of the man he was trailing when he stepped behind a tree to relieve himself.
5) The time he got lost.
3. Five fantasies Holmes has.
1) Watson. Honey. Handcuffs
2) Moriarty behind bars
3) Scotland Yard solving a simple crime without his help
4) Mrs Hudson not complaining about the mess
5) The one where he turns into a giant bee
4. Five monograms Watson has written that he never
talks about.
1) The Various Vocal Ranges Employed by The Great Detective and How to Achieve them
2) The Employment and Use of Handcuffs in a Bedroom Situation
3) Techniques for Getting the Perpetually Stubborn to Eat their Dinner, with some observations on the effect of force feeding
4) The Wooing of Women
5) Coping with Death and Resurrection
5. Five things Holmes said in his sleep.
1) "Oh, John, yes..."
2) "Yes it is rather impressive, thank you Lestrade."
3) "Not the silk."
4) "There's nothing quite like bees."
5) "Moriarty!"
6. Five Sherlock Holmes crossovers you wish someone would write.
1) Sherlock Holmes Solves the Mystery of Mrs Tiggywinkle (Beatrix Potter)
2) Sherlock Holmes/Gormenghast (What happened to Lord Groan and Swelter? Where did Steerpike get his knowledge? Was Secretary Barquentine murdered? Who burnt the library? Is Dr Prunesquallor a puff?)
3) Sherlock Holmes/Discworld (Leonard of Quirm would interest him I think)
4) Sherlock Holmes/Rocky Horror Show (hehe...sorry)
5) Sherlock Holmes/Hercule Poirot (although this might have been done)
7. Five things in the Canon that irk you most.
1) Toby's journey from Upper Norwood... Did ACD have *any* idea how long that bloody journey was??!
2) Irene Alder - just because practically every bloody pastiche written includes her somewhere and Holmes falls madly in love.
3) The Giant Rat of Sumatra - whhhy... I want to know!!! What was it???!
4) 'The Blanched Soldier' - Watson how *dare* you leave Holmes for a wife (again)!
5) 'The Sign of Four' (again) - Watson he was trying so hard and you left him!
Second, a daft drabble inspired by an idea of spacefall's.
"There is something you can do." Holmes answered in reply to my question.
"And what's that?"
"Stand watch." I watched as Holmes disappeared behind a nearby tree.
"Stand watch?" I repeated, puzzled by my friends action. Turning I followed him,"Holmes what are you..." As I rounded the tree after him I had no doubt as to regarding his request. I stared at him as he began to unbutton his trousers. "You can't do that!"
"Needs must, Watson." He replied.
"But surely there's an inn, or a public house..."
"Not for another four miles."
"You could have waited..."
"The evidence implies otherwise, does it not?"
Sighing I turned back to watch the road. "Well, be quick."
"I assure you, I'm being as quick as possible."
"Why you couldn't have gone earlier is beyond me."
"I'm afraid I didn't realise just how urgent my need was until you interrupted my thoughts."
"And you couldn't wait?"
"No. You were in the army, surely you've relieved yourself a good many times outdoors."
"When there was no possible alternative."
Holmes emerged from behind the tree re-buttoning his trousers. "Aah, much better." He smiled at me and wiped his hands on his handkerchief. "Well you'll agree that nothing else presented itself."
We began to continue our journey west-wards towards the village that Holmes assured me was there. "Well... yes I... I suppose. But what if someone had seen you?"
Holmes stopped and gestured around him. "We're standing on a moor, Watson. There are no inhabitants for another four miles, if, and I stress if someone had seen me then I doubt anyone would have any qualms about a middle-aged detective quietly relieving himself behind a convenient tree, four miles from the nearest settlement."
We continued our journey in silence for several minutes. "Four miles..." I repeated.
He turned to me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Would you like me to stand watch?"
"Please."
I popped into my old work to pick up a reference from Gary (old boss). He and Sharon (deputy) declared me insane for the Upper Norwood - Vauxhall walk. Also, bought some old maps of the Upper Norwood area in an attempt to map out the first part of Toby's route, need to look at the side streets not the main the roads.