Can I have a pet sheep?
Don't you hate it when Amazon tells you that you just need to add 77p to your basket and you qualify for free delivery... *trundles off to find 77p* ooh! *finds cute bee stickers for 99p* crap, not sold by amazon...
Not what I'm ordering, but I did find the following entertaining Holmes things.
Have you ever been (or done) one of those murder mystery parties where you each get a character and it's essentially one big role playing evening? I did it twice for my birthday when I was secondary school, not everyone got into the spirit of things but they are very fun. I found a Sherlock Holmes one!
Hand-decorated Sherlock Holmes chess set.
OMG! How cute!!!
So tempting...
Oh I give up... *adds something that costs a little more than 77p*
Ordered:
'First Thousand Words in Russian' (yes I know this is aimed at little kids, but I'm determined to have a second language.)
'Necropolis: London and Its Dead' by Catherine Arnold
'The Idiot' by F.M. Dostoevsky (yes this was the book I added to make my order free, but I've been told it's very good)
'Death and the Penguin' by Andrey Kurkov
'Rosemary's Baby' was interesting, I don't think I agree it's the most terrifying horror film... it might be scary if I was expecting a baby or lived next to some very strange people but no, not really. I wonder if the book is any good. Must check the library.
Anyway as a result of a rather silly conversation with skylockee about the secret life of socks, I present this piece of insanity. Warning, it's insane and really random.
Title: Worrying Doctor Watson
Rating: U
Synopsis: Holmes sometimes gives Watson cause for concern.
"God damn and blast!!"
I looked up from my newspaper in shock. I rarely heard Sherlock Holmes spout bad language, or at least bad language in English. I had heard enough curse words during my time in the army and was not shocked by his choice of words, more the fact that it was him saying them.
"What's wrong?" I asked crossing to the open door of his bedroom.
"This." He handed me a sock.
I looked at the sock, before looking at Holmes. "It's a sock."
"Brilliant Watson, your skills of observation and deduction will put me out of work."
I glared at him. "What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know!" He muttered in frustration. "How is that no matter how you pair them up you never have a pair?"
"They're all white, does it matter?"
He threw up his hands, "of course it matters!"
"Holmes..."
"I never have a pair of socks, and they've always got holes in them! Either Mrs Hudson is being particularly brutal with my foot appal, which I doubt, or we have a problem."
I stared at with a mix of bemusement and worry. "A problem? Mice?"
"I doubt very much that a mouse is going to un-pair my socks."
"No... but it could explain the holes."
He shook his head and began to pace the floor. "No, no that won't do. It won't do! It's almost as if they are hedonistic by nature and are having wild orgies!"
I coughed cautiously and tried to look round the madly pacing Holmes. Cocaine sometimes over stimulates his imagination, it's often amusing but sometimes worrying. If a doctor other than I heard his ramblings I have no doubt that I would be visiting Holmes in Bedlam.
"Don't bother Watson, I haven't touched it in months."
"I believe you, I'm just a little... concerned."
He paused to look at me. "Concerned?"
"You're talking about your socks having a secret life."
"Well who's to know what goes on in the dark?"
"Right." I put the sock down on the bed. "I don't know what concerns me more, you bored and using cocaine or you bored and letting your imagination run away with you."
"I would have thought you would prefer my imagination."
"I did, until you started talking about your socks."
"I suppose that is a bit far. But really Watson, it's very irritating to find you have no pairs."
I patted him gently on the arm, "I know."