Amusement...
This is an attempt to cheer the_callum up :-)
Title: The Possibilities are Endless
Rating: PG
Synopsis: Dr Watson has a little mishap in a field which amuses both Holmes and Hopkins.
"Have you put on weight?" Sherlock Holmes asked me as we took our place in the first class carriage at some ridiculous hour of the morning.
"No!" I replied a little testily.
"I can name three things that suggest otherwise."
"Go on then." I snapped irratably. I am not by any definition of the word a 'morning person' and I am not my best when dragged from a warm bed by an overenthusiastic Sherlock Holmes at some strange and ungodly hour of the morning to go gallivanting across country and most likely crawl about in cold, muddy fields.
"One, your waist line has become a little more rounded recently. Your so-called 'love handles' are much easier to grip of late." I blushed furiously. "Two, you are not wearing your braces. Three, you denied that you had put on weight with such vigour that it only led me to believe that the opposite was in fact true."
"One of these days, Holmes, someone is going to hit you very hard." I grumbled, trying to make myself comfortable.
"Are you offering?" He smiled coyly at me.
"It's too early!" I snapped pulling my hat over my eyes.
----
As I suspected I was now shivering in a bleak muddy field, populated only by a few bemused looking sheep, an equally shivering Inspector Hopkins and Sherlock Holmes doing his best impression of a blood hound.
"Why we couldn't have waited until a more social hour." I muttered under my breath to Hopkins. He didn't reply, his eyes fixed on the sight of the great detectives rump. "It's not that impressive, in fact it's a little uncomfortable."
"Um?!" He turned to me, blushing furiously. I grinned at him.
"Nothing, Inspector."
"Watson, I need your eyes." Holmes called from his precarious position on the ground. Grumbling slightly I moved over to him.
"What?" I asked.
"Take a look at this." He stood, offering me his lense and pointing to a dark spot on the mud.
Sighing I took the lense, and crouched down to look at no doubt something very interesting. As I did so, there was a horrendous tearing sound. Blushing furiously I quickly righted myself. I stood facing away from Holmes and Hopkins, unable to turn around. I was mortified.
There was a long silence before anyone spoke.
"Perhaps," Holmes started in a strained voice, "you should consider wearing underwear in the future." Slowly I turned around to face them, doing my best to ensure that my now bare rear was not presented to another soul.
Hopkins began to choke and quickly turned away lest I should see the tears of strained silent laughter pouring down his face. I glared at Holmes, daring him to laugh. I watched as his mouth twitched slightly.
"Come along, old man." He eventually managed. "I'm sure we can find you suitable attire somewhere." He placed a friendly arm about my shoulders. "Although," he added looking down at the large gaping hole, "I do find myself considerably charmed by the possibilities that this unfortunate incident could led to."
"Don't even think about." I warned, "I am really not in the mood."