Torture is Fun!
This is for skylockee.
Title: The Dangers of Spring
Rating: PG
Synopsis: Whilst on a picnic in Regent's Park, Watson plays a prank on Holmes which has an unfortunate consequence.
Mrs Hudson had been attempting to do her spring cleaning for some weeks now but being the stubborn old bachelors that we are, we had found more to occupy ourselves inside our rooms than outside. In a moment of frustration, Mrs Hudson had packed us off with a picnic basket saying: "Even mattresses need a break!" I, of course, pretended to have no idea what she was talking about but Holmes laughed and said that he supposed "we had been a little overenthusiastic recently." Blushing terribly I allowed Holmes to slip his arm through mine and off we went together with our picnic basket to Regent's Park.
We made our way to farthest edge of the park, away from the many other strollers and picnickers. Finding ourselves near Primrose Hill we climbed to the top and stood in awe as we looked across the magnificent skyline. In the early days of our new more intimate relationship Holmes had dragged me here in the early hours of the morning to watch the sunrise. He is at heart a hopeless romantic but I don't think he would ever admit to being so. After exchanging a chaste kiss we strolled down the other side of the hill to the wooded area just beyond, here we laid out our rug and settled down to enjoy the wonderful food that Mrs Hudson had thoughtfully prepared for our consumption.
After stuffing ourselves rather liberally, I settled back against a tree and closed my eyes. When I opened them again it was dusk and Holmes had dozed off with his head on my lap, his legs stretched out in front of him. I smiled down at him and found the image irresistible. I leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead.
"Um..." Holmes murmured opening his eyes slightly, "what a wonderful way to be woken up."
"You should be taking notes." I replied, leaning down further to kiss him again, this time firmly on the lips.
"Dear me, you're certainly frisky this evening."
I silenced him with another kiss, this time rougher and more determined. "I think the wine is affecting me."
"There is," Holmes twisted around to face me, "certainly evidence to that affect."
I blushed and kissed him again. "Should we return to Baker Street?"
"I think that would be wise." Holmes stood and stretched slightly. "First I must..." He headed further into the undergrowth behind me. I knew fully well what he was up to (for I had considered a similiar course of action) but could not resist the urge to surprise him.
Walking as quietly as I could I followed him into the undergrowth. Holmes is one of those gentlemen who tends to unfasten more than just their fly to relieve their bladder so I had the perfect view and the perfect opportunity. Creeping up to him I shoved him playfully forward into the bracken.
Unbeknown to me, Holmes was actually standing in front of a vast patch of stinging nettles so the last place he (or anybody else) wanted them to be was against certain soft and sensitive parts. Holmes gave a yelp in pain and I quickly helped the flailing detective out of the nettles. He glared at me, little red bumps appearing on his face, neck, hands and other exposed areas.
"I... I'm so sorry!" I gasped, "I didn't think..."
"No you didn't!" He snapped. "Please, do something!"
I glanced quickly about for some dock leaves, which are known to grow besides the stinging nettle. Finding them I quickly grabbed a few handfuls and returned to Holmes. If the situation hadn't been so tragic or embarrassing I might have laughed at the sight of Sherlock Holmes, his trousers hanging loose, dancing about slightly in an attempt to stop himself from scratching the terrible red blobs that now covered most his exposed flesh.
Squeezing the leaves to release their precious ointment I began to rub them liberally over his more sensitive areas. Of course the mere act of my massage had a unwanted effect.
"You're supposed to be helping me, not arousing me!"
"I'm doing my best, Holmes!"
"Is... er... everything all right?" I jumped and turned around to find a young police constable grinning nervously near the opening in the bracken. Holmes had turned away upon hearing the voice and so was not quite as exposed as he would be had he been facing the opening.
"Fine, constable. My friend here, er... fell in the nettles." I found myself blushing under the scrutiny of the constable as his eyes roamed about my body, taking in the grass stains on my knees and the large number of dock leaves that I was holding.
"Do you require medical assistance?" He asked.
"No, I'm a doctor." I glanced at the dock leaves, "this is just to temporarily aid the situation."
"Well, if everything is all right." He glanced over at Holmes who was keeping his back firmly away from the pair of us. "I bid you good evening."
"Evening, constable." I turned back to Holmes to find that he was buttoning his trousers, tears streaming down his face.
"Can we please go home?" He asked in a weak voice.
"Yes." I glanced down at his trousers, "I'm really sorry. I should have waited until you'd finished."
Holmes followed my gaze and from the expression on his face I knew that whatever I had hoped would happen upon our return to Baker Street would not be happening for some time.