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Fill - Royal (1/?) - please read warnings anonymous June 6 2011, 00:34:55 UTC
Sort of John/Sherlock? Warnings for non-consensual semen feeding and Sherlock basically being creepy.

Stage One: CollectionIt takes Sherlock forty-two days. Almost every day, when he has a quarter hour to spare, he washes his penis to remove any contaminants, and then he fits a vinyl blood donation bag (liberated from Bart's) over the glans. Then he lubes his right hand and strokes his shaft until he reaches completion ( ... )

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Re: Fill - Royal (2/?) - please read warnings anonymous June 6 2011, 02:14:32 UTC
Stage Two: Cookery

Sherlock tells Mrs Hudson he needs to borrow her cookbooks and a jam jar for an experiment, but he makes certain to sound unconvincing. He bites his lip and stammers something about John's favourite foods. Then he pretends not to watch her face light up in an understanding smile. "Of course, dear, let me know if you need any tips. I used to make the best jam tarts in town."

She won't mention this "experiment" in front of John.

He sends John to Cardiff to gather data on someone Sherlock claims is a murder suspect. In actuality, the man is a tiresomely non-violent small-time crook, but Sherlock can't let his blogger get bored. Sherlock leaves his phone in the pocket of Mrs Hudson's apron so he can feel it buzz against his hip when John texts to say things like All I see under shirt cuff is ink on wrist. Hands are well washed, as one would expect of a murderer and Did he kill victims with a leaky pen? Should I reconsider asking him to sign fake petition? Please advise and Answer me, you git.Sherlock puts the washed ( ... )

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Re: Fill - Royal (3/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 6 2011, 02:36:18 UTC
Stage 3: Forgery

Timing is tricky. Sherlock has picked the day Mrs Hudson leaves on holiday. The jam jar appears in the kitchen that morning with one of Mrs Hudson's hand-written labels affixed ("Tasty Surprise Spread") and a note, also in her handwriting. Almost forgot to leave this for you! It's an old family recipe, delicious on toast - and there's an extra batch of biscuits for both of you boys if you can guess deduce the ingredients. ♥

"Oh, good. We're out of jam," says John, waiting for the kettle to boil. "Looks a bit odd, though, doesn't it? I wonder what gives it that whitish-grey colour."

Sherlock thoughtfully makes enough toast for both of them.

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Re: Fill - Royal (3/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 6 2011, 02:59:13 UTC
DID YOU JUST TAKE A CRACK!PROMPT AND MAKE IT DELICIOUSLY CREEPY? I THINK YOU DID.

The details in this are glorious. Can't wait to see how it ends. =D

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Re: Fill - Royal (3/4) - please read warnings lindentreeisle June 6 2011, 05:40:24 UTC
Oh my god. There is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with me.

I think I like it thought.

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Re: Fill - Royal (3/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 6 2011, 20:44:38 UTC
This is both funny and revolting.

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 7 2011, 05:28:39 UTC
Stage Four: ConsummationJohn is reading headlines aloud, as he sometimes does, but Sherlock can't hear a word over the frantic buzz of his own thoughts ( ... )

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 7 2011, 17:27:21 UTC
"Milk," says Sherlock. He only realises how low and deep his voice is when John looks up in surprise. "I'll get some."

And it's a good thing that's the last sentence, because right there? Right there is where my eyes went "o.o" and my brain imploded.

The imagery here is lovely. (Aww, little larval John. XD) Sherlock is loveably freaky here. Wonderful job! =D

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 9 2011, 09:03:42 UTC
I'm sorry, I loled at that last line. Noooo, John! Don't eat anymore jam or that milk, anything in the house really.

This is at once creepy, gross and funny. You did a great job. It's a very engaging story.

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings meredydd June 10 2011, 19:21:02 UTC
How can something that makes me want to be queasy in theory be so cute and sweet? The story, I mean, not...Um,yeah, lol. Nice! :)

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings talitha78 June 11 2011, 01:17:50 UTC
"Milk," says Sherlock. He only realises how low and deep his voice is when John looks up in surprise. "I'll get some."

BRB, LOLing forever.

This is pure genius, anon!

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings anonymous June 11 2011, 07:30:19 UTC
EEUurghHGuenfhggg

Uncertain applause

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Re: Fill - Royal (4/4) - please read warnings vivid_winged July 19 2011, 22:40:15 UTC
This reminds me very much of the cannibalism fic, because... do not know if want, but. So well done. 0.o Good work.

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