My weight loss story
I was in Florida at the hospital with my dad. He was in Intensive Care and he kept flatlining and they would have to shock him back to life. I was walking around the outside of the hospital having a cigarette and sweating profusely. My dad was only 54. How could this be happening? I was too young to have to go through this. Somehow, this clicked something in my brain. I realized that if I continued the way I was that my daughter would be going through the same thing. I was morbidly obese, I had high blood pressure, I would end up with diabetes if I continued on the same path I was on.
My dad had not caused himself these problems. He had cancer. The chemotherapy and radiation that gave him an extra five years also caused irreparable damaged to his heart and other organs. I was doing this to myself. Sabotaging my life and potentially daughter’s life as well.
One week before I started to lose weight.
I was 246lbs, at 5’2” that isn’t just fat. I was obese. I was unhealthy. I was unhappy. I was tired all the time. I didn’t care about myself anymore. It was time to start caring. I had to stop making excuses about everything.
When I got home to Chicago, I secretly signed up at Bally’s Gym. I had tried and failed so many times. I didn’t want the grief or embarrassment from my family if I didn’t follow through. I started slow. The only piece of equipment I was comfortable on was the recumbent bikes. I could handle only 10/15 minutes at a time at the beginning. I promised myself treats for going to the gym. A manicure, a new make up item or just some fresh flowers were small incentives that helped me.
Once the exercise was starting to fall into place I started logging my food daily. I knew from past efforts that I really needed to keep my calories under 1200/1300. The longer it went on the more I learned about what worked to help me lose. I upped my proteins and fiber and tried to keep my carbs down. It is weird how well a good diet and exercise plan really work. As the pounds started coming off, people would ask when I was doing. They were so disappointed to find out it wasn’t a magic pill or some new fad diet that would allow them to sit on their ass and eat chocolate all day.
That August would be the last time I saw my dad. It makes me sad that he never got to see all the changes in me that were inspired by him. He passed away January 2005. When I went to his funeral I had already lost over 40lbs. My stepmom and her family almost didn’t recognize me.
I now raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in honor of my dad. I have run two ½ marathons. My goal is to run an event everywhere that my dad lived. So far I have covered Arizona and Alaska. This leaves me Illinois, Indiana and Florida.
Eating on plan is always work. Sometimes it is easy, you just get in a groove, but it always takes planning. There is nothing I can’t eat. If I want to eat ice cream, I just have to balance the day out calorie-wise. I try not to deny myself if I really want something, it just makes me want it more.
I could say I’m a stress eater, which is true. I also eat when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am tired, I eat when I am bored. There is always a reason to eat. I am a binge eater. Sometimes I eat so fast I don’t even really remember tasting the food. What I have learned over the last few years is that the binge doesn’t have to carry on to the rest of the day/week/month. It can stop right there. As soon as I am aware of what I am doing I try to stop. I’m not always successful. This is a daily struggle for me. Any day that I don’t stop and a drive thru and buy food to eat in the car is a victory for me. Even when I do that now, I almost always get a kids meal.
I always tell people that say they just don’t have the time that if you don’t 30 minutes for yourself three times a week then you need to check your priorities. There is always time. Find it, make it happen. I get up at 4:45 am to get the gym before I start work at 7am. It's not fun, but it is the only "free" time I have, when everyone else in my life is asleep.
Sometimes it makes me mad that some people can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. I’m jealous of anyone that doesn’t have to think about everything they put in their mouth. I also appreciate everything I have learned about myself on this journey. I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I am strong. I love my collar bones.
Me at the gym with my trainer. I am a big dork.
I really appreciate if you’ve read this whole thing. I will probably write a couple more entries about this. My relationship with my too skinny, body obsessed mother has a lot to do with my relationship with food. I also love to geek out about my current food and exercise plan. If there is anything about my weight loss that you’d like to ask please feel free. There isn’t much that I’m not wiling to talk about. I know there are only a few people on my flist that this speaks to.
My favorite photos of my transformation are in this Kodak Gallery.
http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=b1d3ljwn.2b0656fn&Uy=-52ib34&Ux=0
They show me at each of my daughter’s birthday parties from 1-4. I have this hanging in my cubicle at work so I am constantly reminded about how far I have come.