Hell is a teenage girl.
*
I guess I'm not exactly perfect myself. But at least I have my fans.
*
I say the words, but nothing ever happens. Nobody comes back. Nobody gets off the cross.
*
They're big on recreation here. Supposedly it helps us vent our aggressions. Personally? I think they're trying to wear us out. Keep us sluggish so there won't be an uprising. Well, those JV tactics won't work against me. I'm a kicker. K-I-C-K-E-R. It even says so on my chart.
*
Grandoise Notions
Hallucinations
Uncontrollable fits
(has put several orderlies in the hospital)
KICKER
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"I recommend you shut the fuck up!"
*
I wasn't always this cracked. I used to be normal. Well, as normal as any girl under the influence of teenage hormones. But after the killings began I started to feel...I dunno. Loose around the edges or something.
*
Maybe it's another dimension. Or, you know. Just really deep.
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We were our yearbook pictures. Nothing more, nothing less.
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"It's a rock show. This is my rock look!"
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"It's just that I like the same things that she likes. We have stuff in common. That's why we're BFFs."
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Clubs have DJs and champagne. All we have is a jukebox and a sticker toilet.
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"Those guys are rank, Jen. Just forget about them."
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I watched her get into that van and I knew something awful was going to happen. He was skinny and twisted and evil like this petrified tree I saw when I was a kid.
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"Cheese and fries, there's somebody here."
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I knew it was real. I'd been up all night scrubbing the carnage off the linoleum floor.
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"I feel guilty just breathing."
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"We have creative nonfiction together and he's a really good writer. He's like all dark and emotional and stuff."
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"The fiery deathtrip last night, and now a cannibal psycho takes down the biggest guy in school? Come on. It's freaktarded!"
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We figured things could only get better. We had faith. We were fucking idiots.
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"Crass. It means greedy. Exploitive. Scummy."
*
But nobody seemed to care anymore. Sorrow was last week's emotion. Sure, we all hoped this would be the last funeral. But I knew better.
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"No. I mean she's actually evil. Not just high school evil."
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"She's eating boys! They, like, make her really...pretty, and glowy, and her hair looks amazing. And then when she's hungry she's weak and cranky and ugly. I mean, like, ugly for her."
*
All over Devil's Kettle kids were getting ready for the dance, blissfully unaware that some poor chump was on his way to being Satan chow.
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"She's just hovering. It's not that impressive!"
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"You know what? You were never a good friend. Even when we were little, you used to steal my toys, and pour lemonade on my bed."
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"Is it just to tick me off? Or is it because you're just really insecure?"
"I - I am not insecure, Needy, god that's a joke. How can I ever be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen."
"Yeah - two years ago, when you were socially relevant..."
"I am still socially relevant."
"...and when you didn't need laxatives to stay skinny."
*
"I love you."
"I love you too..and you look totally hot in that dress."
"Oh god, you're delirious."
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"Best friends forever, huh? You killed my fucking boyfriend, you goddamn monster, you dumb bitch!"
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"Cross out Jennifer."
*
I don't know who Needy Lesnicki is anymore.
I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person.
But sometimes change can be good.
*
"Just might get lucky for once in your miserable life."