tell me something, anything. anonymous or not. ask me questions, beg until i give you answers. confess, be open, honest. whine, complain. tell me you hate me. just do it.
what do you think about before you fall asleep? is it always the same thing or is it just whats on your mind on that day? i used to have problems sleeping because i was always busy thinking too much, so now i picture two people sitting lotus-style in a room, a dark room, and i go into tunnel vision watching them speak my thoughts to each other, one after the other after the other until i can't hear them anymore and i feel weightless and light. it sounds weird, but it works for me.
sometimes i just let myself wonder (and wander about) about different what ifs. sometimes i think about my metaphors, because i'm always thinking in metaphors. sometimes i just focus on the beating of my heart. sometimes on the darkness. sometimes on nothing at all. rarely is it ever close to the same thing.
i think im overreacting when i am miserable at the thought of losing a boy i was with a couple of times, too few to call it any sort of relationship. i know i sound incredibly silly when i stand there and tell him it's not fair to me, and i feel incredibly stupid when i realize he must think im some obsessed lovecrazy girl. but when we were together, it didnt feel like some random night. maybe its just his expertise at this whole sweet talking lets hook up now situation. but im dying to believe it really was different. don't we all like to think we are the different ones, the special ones?
I don't hate you. I could never. After so many years , I look back fondly on interactions that we've had, and I find myself missing a person that I never really knew. I'm so much older now, and with that age has come a deep seated nostalgia that lingers in the air like a thick smoke. I hope you are well. I feel like you saw the world in a similar way to me, and knowing the road I took has always made my soul worry for yours. I hope you still write and read and love the smallest bits of life with a reckless abandon. I hope all of the best things came for you and every shred of your existence looks like the most beautiful painting. I hope you are well, healed, and wonderful as always.
Comments 15
Reply
maybe i wish the same for you :).
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Perhaps I give you too much power over my emotions.
Perhaps I'm just afraid of the what-ifs...
I trust you.
I know you would never intentionally hurt me.
Unless I deserved it.
Reply
I don't hate you. I could never. After so many years , I look back fondly on interactions that we've had, and I find myself missing a person that I never really knew. I'm so much older now, and with that age has come a deep seated nostalgia that lingers in the air like a thick smoke. I hope you are well. I feel like you saw the world in a similar way to me, and knowing the road I took has always made my soul worry for yours. I hope you still write and read and love the smallest bits of life with a reckless abandon. I hope all of the best things came for you and every shred of your existence looks like the most beautiful painting. I hope you are well, healed, and wonderful as always.
Reply
Leave a comment