(no subject)
I couldn't sleep last night and I wrote this in my paper journal, so I thought I'd share it with you guys since usually my late night ramblings are on here. Keep in mind this post isn't about her, or him it's just there.
Lately when it comes times for me to slide between my khaki sheets, pull up my plaid comforter, and lean back into my cloud of blue pillows something happens. The silence in my head becomes more deafening than the crickets chirping outside my window. It's hard to let myself unwind enough to the point that sleep takes over. I can feel my muscles tense, my jaw lock, and the pounding in my head, as I trace my fingers over the memory of it. Everything around me feels so transient these days.
I hate that feeling that seeps into my heart when I realize someone is on their way out of my life. It's thick and sits in my throat like cherry cough syrup. It gets into my pores and stains my skin. All that in that one moment of realization. It's like when I try to hold water, no matter how tightly I squeeze my fingers and palms shut once the first drop escapes, the rest will eventually follow. Leaving nothing behind but my wrinkly fingertips.
I'm constantly playing freeze-tag with my mind, only there is no base to rest in. So many thoughts dashing back and forth, it's hard to even write them because my ink can't keep up.
See, really, this is how it is. Nothing is really wrong, all the pieces do fit together, just not firmly. Snug. And maybe, I just need one piece to be snug, in order to deal with the rest of the flimsiness. Late at night, I watch the shadows move the way you move, matching your pattern, with a heartbeat that is yours. Pound pound pound. A heartbeat that is gone, but still continually audible.
Lack of sleep has created a knot in my stomach, and a knot in my stomach is causing me to lose sleep. Cycles baby, cycles. I say that all the time.
And now that the everyday sounds are drifting in, and the crickets are silenced by the familiar ticks and tocks of morning, I will be able to slide further between my khaki sheets, pull my plaid comforter tight around me and burry my face in a cloud of blue pillows.
Main Entry: in·som·nia
Pronunciation: in-'säm-nE-&
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from insomnis sleepless, from in- + somnus sleep -more at SOMNOLENT
Date: circa 1623
: prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep
- in·som·ni·ac /-nE-"ak/ adjective or noun
Lately when it comes times for me to slide between my khaki sheets, pull up my plaid comforter, and lean back into my cloud of blue pillows something happens. The silence in my head becomes more deafening than the crickets chirping outside my window. It's hard to let myself unwind enough to the point that sleep takes over. I can feel my muscles tense, my jaw lock, and the pounding in my head, as I trace my fingers over the memory of it. Everything around me feels so transient these days.
I hate that feeling that seeps into my heart when I realize someone is on their way out of my life. It's thick and sits in my throat like cherry cough syrup. It gets into my pores and stains my skin. All that in that one moment of realization. It's like when I try to hold water, no matter how tightly I squeeze my fingers and palms shut once the first drop escapes, the rest will eventually follow. Leaving nothing behind but my wrinkly fingertips.
I'm constantly playing freeze-tag with my mind, only there is no base to rest in. So many thoughts dashing back and forth, it's hard to even write them because my ink can't keep up.
See, really, this is how it is. Nothing is really wrong, all the pieces do fit together, just not firmly. Snug. And maybe, I just need one piece to be snug, in order to deal with the rest of the flimsiness. Late at night, I watch the shadows move the way you move, matching your pattern, with a heartbeat that is yours. Pound pound pound. A heartbeat that is gone, but still continually audible.
Lack of sleep has created a knot in my stomach, and a knot in my stomach is causing me to lose sleep. Cycles baby, cycles. I say that all the time.
And now that the everyday sounds are drifting in, and the crickets are silenced by the familiar ticks and tocks of morning, I will be able to slide further between my khaki sheets, pull my plaid comforter tight around me and burry my face in a cloud of blue pillows.
Main Entry: in·som·nia
Pronunciation: in-'säm-nE-&
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from insomnis sleepless, from in- + somnus sleep -more at SOMNOLENT
Date: circa 1623
: prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep
- in·som·ni·ac /-nE-"ak/ adjective or noun