(no subject)
What can I tell you? This year has made me ready and willing to break out of my shell and really make something of myself and the life that I'm leading. I've just realized that I need to take control of my own life, and stop being so passive about it. I need to shake my inhibitions to the ground and rise out of them stronger, freer, and ready for anything. I need to grab hold of the reigns and steer my life in the direction I've been dreaming of for so long. I've realized that 99% of life's problems are created by ourselves and that ultimately, we can solve anything we are faced with. We just need to stop being so afraid of being happy. I've realized that most things don't last very long, and that this isn't such a bad thing. It just means that you need to make the most of what you get, when you get it. You really need to stop complicating things. This is the only lifetime that I've got, and I keep wasting it being afraid of what could happen, instead of just making things happen. Everyone is convinced that these opportunities that you're being presented with will come along dozens of other times, and you'll always have time later to take them up. But you don't. Every moment of your life is unique and singular, and if you think you can postpone living, you can't. I want to take advantage and get the most out of everything as it happens to me. You can't always make the right decision, but you can make the best of a wrong one. Don't ever dwell, just deal. Live it, love it, and move on. Negative feelings are just a waste of time and energy, and I try my best to avoid them. It's not apathy; it's strength in knowing where you stand.
Most importantly, though, I've realized that while it's not good to be all action and no theory, it's just as bad to be all theory and no action. So I guess my New Year's Resolution, if you could call it that, is to really put my life into action. It is definitely time.
This year has been filled with a lot of self-questioning and unsteady ground. I've been constantly trying to improve myself before ever accepting myself. That's so wrong, though. To even be able to notice improvement you have to realize what you're starting with. But me, I just wanted to deny what I was. I didn't want to accept what there was until it was something better. I was so convinced that there was so much wrong with me. I couldn't look in a mirror without sneering or cringing. I couldn't see my body without pulling out folds of what I thought was fat. I couldn't see anything right in a mess of so much wrong. It's different now, though. I don't know if this constitutes as giving up or what, but I am very comfortable in my own skin now. I know who I am, I have an idea of who I'm going to be, and I've come to love them both. Word.