you don't say?...
okay.
…What the fuck.
It’s like I was in 6th grade again…
Not much make-up. Baggy, cut-off skater type shorts, an ugly green fishnet shirt, a forgotten keep the corpses quiet shirt, white Chuck Taylor high tops from 1980, no socks, studded belt, and two chains connecting to my wallet…
Was skate boarding with my little brother.
Took the bus to Columbia Heights as a drunken man asked me questions and sang “Every Rose has its Thorn” by Poison.
You know it’s a really difficult way to live.
However am I doing it?
I wish I could be more clear.
But I’ve always got to think maybe there’s a reason.
Maybe there is hope for me.
But probably there is not.
I’ve met a lot of friends.
Been to a lot of places.
Hung out in Hollywood, …with all the perfect faces.
Girls with dark tans, skateboarders, all the right bands…
Some days I felt like I could….
Hold thee entire world in my hands.
It is a nice thing to be able to connect with all kinds of different people. Something incredible, maybe why I’ve met so many people.
Reading through old notes last night.
Amazing.
So many people.
So many of me.
In one.
One life time.
All the while managing to just be real, be myself, exist.
I want to work at the haunted house at the State Fair this August.
It’d be perfect.
Land of the Dead this Thursday at 11:59 p.m.
You know something really true, something really honest that has saved me a few times…
“there will always be heartache and pain…., but in the end, …you’ll breathe again.”
I go to middle earth a lot.
It’s so amazing.
It’s such a good feeling.
I could think about it forever.
Hopefully in my next life I can go there….
At this second.
Suddenly a huge amount of anxiety has come over me.
It comes and goes.
It comes and goes.
They wanted to put me on pills.
To control my mind.
I’d rather have it warped than be controlled.
Never.
I’ve really been to a lot of places.
To Canada.
To mountains and oceans and lakes and streams.
Carnivals, fairs, disney world, festivals, conventions.
Foster homes, institutions, hospitals, countless doctors offices…
Cabins, shacks, club houses, schools, stores, tunnels, sewers, caves, houses, apartments, duplexes, condos, mansions, haunted houses, tree houses, play houses, teepees, corn palaces, schools,
Cemeteries,
Airports, on ships, on planes, on boats, on canoes, on rafts,
What the fuck.
The list goes on and on and on.
It will never end.
And even more things have happened.
How many feelings do you think one can feel in a lifetime?
How many of those do you think are repeated?
I wonder how many people I’ve looked in the eye.
I wonder how many people have looked at me in my lifetime.
I wonder how many of them remember.
Or have said something.
Fuck.
…What the fuck.
It’s like I was in 6th grade again…
Not much make-up. Baggy, cut-off skater type shorts, an ugly green fishnet shirt, a forgotten keep the corpses quiet shirt, white Chuck Taylor high tops from 1980, no socks, studded belt, and two chains connecting to my wallet…
Was skate boarding with my little brother.
Took the bus to Columbia Heights as a drunken man asked me questions and sang “Every Rose has its Thorn” by Poison.
You know it’s a really difficult way to live.
However am I doing it?
I wish I could be more clear.
But I’ve always got to think maybe there’s a reason.
Maybe there is hope for me.
But probably there is not.
I’ve met a lot of friends.
Been to a lot of places.
Hung out in Hollywood, …with all the perfect faces.
Girls with dark tans, skateboarders, all the right bands…
Some days I felt like I could….
Hold thee entire world in my hands.
It is a nice thing to be able to connect with all kinds of different people. Something incredible, maybe why I’ve met so many people.
Reading through old notes last night.
Amazing.
So many people.
So many of me.
In one.
One life time.
All the while managing to just be real, be myself, exist.
I want to work at the haunted house at the State Fair this August.
It’d be perfect.
Land of the Dead this Thursday at 11:59 p.m.
You know something really true, something really honest that has saved me a few times…
“there will always be heartache and pain…., but in the end, …you’ll breathe again.”
I go to middle earth a lot.
It’s so amazing.
It’s such a good feeling.
I could think about it forever.
Hopefully in my next life I can go there….
At this second.
Suddenly a huge amount of anxiety has come over me.
It comes and goes.
It comes and goes.
They wanted to put me on pills.
To control my mind.
I’d rather have it warped than be controlled.
Never.
I’ve really been to a lot of places.
To Canada.
To mountains and oceans and lakes and streams.
Carnivals, fairs, disney world, festivals, conventions.
Foster homes, institutions, hospitals, countless doctors offices…
Cabins, shacks, club houses, schools, stores, tunnels, sewers, caves, houses, apartments, duplexes, condos, mansions, haunted houses, tree houses, play houses, teepees, corn palaces, schools,
Cemeteries,
Airports, on ships, on planes, on boats, on canoes, on rafts,
What the fuck.
The list goes on and on and on.
It will never end.
And even more things have happened.
How many feelings do you think one can feel in a lifetime?
How many of those do you think are repeated?
I wonder how many people I’ve looked in the eye.
I wonder how many people have looked at me in my lifetime.
I wonder how many of them remember.
Or have said something.
Fuck.