Ficlet: Sneaky Kisses - Gay Chicken (NCIS McGee/DiNozzo)
Title: Sneaky Kisses - Gay Chicken
Author: tigerlady
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: McGee/DiNozzo
Rating: Not porny
Spoilers: oblique reference to Under Covers
"Come on, Ziva," Tim drawls. "Admit it. You're all talk and no game."
Ziva chuckles. Tony raises an eyebrow at her; he's pretty damn sure that's her fake-out laugh. Pretty sure. "I think the probie's right. You've never actually gotten down-and-dirty with a woman, have you, Ziva?"
Ziva tucks her hands behind her head and leans back in her chair. Tony doesn't even attempt to stop himself from appreciating the view. "That is for me to know and you to have sweat dreams about, Tony."
"Sweet dreams," Tony corrects.
"Uh, I think she meant--" Tim flushes in that cute little way he does whenever something brushes a little too close to his sex life. "No, never mind. Sweet dreams it is."
Tony snorts. Tim rolls his eyes at him. The seconds of inattention are a big mistake, though, because when he turns back to Ziva, she has a speculative look on her face.
"You know, it seems to me that the one who is all talk and no action is you, Tony." Ziva smiles sweetly--or tries to, anyway.
"What?" Tony wrinkles his brow. "What are you talking about? If you're saying what I think you're saying--"
"I am saying," Ziva says, leaning forward in her chair. A predator winding up her muscles, readying for the attack spring. If she were a kitty cat, she'd be wiggling her butt with anticipation. The picture that accompanies the thought makes Tony miss her next few words. "Don't you agree?"
Tony's pretty sure from the way she's smiling at him that he doesn't agree.
"She's got you there, Tony." Tim steps up next to him. Always there with his Boy-Scout readiness, Tim is. "All that innuendo has to mean something."
"Heh. You wish, Probalicious."
Tim raises an eyebrow, smirking, and Tony almost loses it. Almost. He's a professional, after all.
"So you are saying that you are so into women that you couldn't ever kiss a man? Not even if you needed to do so to protect your cover?"
Tony turns back to Ziva. "Well, yeah, I could do it then. Don't forget who's the master undercover."
Ziva taps her index finger against the back of her hand. It's one of her few tells, one that says she's just gotten exactly what she wants. "Oh yes? Then prove it."
Tony snorts. "I'm not exactly going undercover right now just so you can get your jollies, Ziva."
"I did not mean that." She inclines her head towards Tim. "Twenty dollars says that you do not have the cojones to kiss McGee right here."
"Excuse me?" He sounds as horrified as he can possibly sound in reaction to the suggestion. He tugs at his ear lobe. "Something's wrong with my ears. I swore I just heard you say 'kiss McGee'."
"You can't even contemplate the idea without acting like a scared little boy, can you?"
Tony shudders theatrically. "No, I just can't imagine the depths of depravity you have to even come up with that scenario."
Ziva sits back in her chair once again, the look of the conquering hero on her face. "All right, Tony. You stop questioning me about my...preferences, and I will stop questioning you about yours." She reaches for a folder--and Tony smacks his hand down flat on top of it.
"Not so fast. Thirty dollars, and you're on."
"Um, wait a minute." Tim clears his throat. "Don't you think you're forgetting something?"
"I didn't think you were the homophobic one, McGee," Ziva says.
"I'm not. I'm DiNozzo-phobic."
Ziva opens her mouth, but she doesn't say anything, looking uncertain for the first time since the whole thing started. She's never held back from teasing Tim, but maybe the idea of inflicting Tony on him unwillingly crosses some line in her tangled ethical web.
"That's because you're afraid I'll show you how it's really done," Tony jumps in. He pokes Tim in the shoulder to drive home his point. "Your ego's just quaking at the thought."
"I'm not afraid of-- Fine." Tim heaves out a sigh. "I'll do it if Ziva tells us the truth about whether she's ever actually been with a woman or not."
Ziva narrows her eyes. "Fine," she says, her lips twisting the side like it physically hurts to give the concession. "But it has to be more than a peck. I want a show."
"The lady wants a show," Tony murmurs as he turns towards Tim. Tim looks perfectly nervous, his Adam's apple bobbing hard as he looks over Tony's shoulder at Ziva.
"I don't know about this," he says. "I mean, what if Gibbs--"
"Gibbs is five hundred miles away, and you know it." Tony cups the back of Tim's neck. "Relax. Let's show Ziva how the big boys do it."
Tony winks and moves in. Just before he lets his eyes slide close, he see Tim smile. A small, private smile, just for the two of them. Tony starts off with a gentle kiss, just a brushing of their lips. Before Ziva can get pissy, though, Tim opens his mouth, encouraging Tony to deepen the kiss. Tony slides his hand up, winding his fingers into Tim's hair, and pulls, tipping Tim back a little, the way they both like it. His heart suddenly trips and stutters, his mind finally catching up to what he's actually doing--kissing Tim, here, at work, where anyone can see. But then Tim sucks on his lower lip and the fear evaporates, leaving only the thrill behind.
Tony pulls back at last, bringing their public makeout session to an end with a couple of those quick pecks Ziva poo-pooed earlier. He untangles his fingers from Tim's hair, steps back, wipes the corners of his mouth. Tim licks his own lips dry, and Tony has to remind certain parts of his anatomy that this isn't supposed to be a live sex show. He gives Tim's chest a manly double thump, then turns to face the music.
Ziva is gaping at them. Tony steps closer for a better look, and sure enough, her eyes are blacker than he's ever seen them. Even when she was the one he was kissing. Tony snaps his fingers in front of her face.
"Pay up," he says, holding out his hand.
"What?" Ziva actually shakes herself out of her stupor. "Oh, yes. Yes, of course." She opens the bottom drawer of her desk and pulls two bills out of her purse. Tim snatches the twenty before it can even make contact with Tony's palm.
"I think that's what we agreed." Tim grins smugly. Tony tries to glower back, but it's hard, knowing how completely they've snookered Ziva. "And the rest? Have you or haven't you actually been with a woman, Ziva?"
"I don't think I should tell you," she says, eying the money disappearing into Tim's wallet. "But a bet is a bet, yes?"
"Yes," they answer at the same time.
She folds her hands under her breasts and looks up at them, eyelashes fluttering coyly. "Then the truth is yes." She stands up while Tony starts getting lost in daydreams. "And no."
"Wait," he says as his beautiful mental film of writhing legs and dark silky hair slips out of the spindles with a snap and screech. "What?"
"What kind of answer is that?" Tim asks, sounding just as affronted as Tony is. "How can it be both yes and no?"
"Those details were not a part of the terms of our bet." Ziva bobs her head smugly, then locks up her desk and shuts down her computer. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I think that what I saw here is enough to bribe Abby into buying me lunch."
She taps Tony on the nose with her index finger, winks at Tim, and then heads towards the elevators without looking back. They watch her in silence until the shiny silver doors finally take her out of sight.
"Damn," Tony says. "I was sure that would work."
Tim steps closer, so that they're pressed together shoulder-to-shoulder. "Well, at least it was fun trying."
"There is that." They share a smile. Tony nudges Tim's shoulder with his own, then moves off to his desk to do some actual work.
Tim stops typing almost exactly five minutes later. "What do you think she meant by yes and no?"
"I have no idea." Tony leans back in his chair, tucks his hands behind his head, and grins at Tim. "But I think I know a way to find out."
Author: tigerlady
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: McGee/DiNozzo
Rating: Not porny
Spoilers: oblique reference to Under Covers
"Come on, Ziva," Tim drawls. "Admit it. You're all talk and no game."
Ziva chuckles. Tony raises an eyebrow at her; he's pretty damn sure that's her fake-out laugh. Pretty sure. "I think the probie's right. You've never actually gotten down-and-dirty with a woman, have you, Ziva?"
Ziva tucks her hands behind her head and leans back in her chair. Tony doesn't even attempt to stop himself from appreciating the view. "That is for me to know and you to have sweat dreams about, Tony."
"Sweet dreams," Tony corrects.
"Uh, I think she meant--" Tim flushes in that cute little way he does whenever something brushes a little too close to his sex life. "No, never mind. Sweet dreams it is."
Tony snorts. Tim rolls his eyes at him. The seconds of inattention are a big mistake, though, because when he turns back to Ziva, she has a speculative look on her face.
"You know, it seems to me that the one who is all talk and no action is you, Tony." Ziva smiles sweetly--or tries to, anyway.
"What?" Tony wrinkles his brow. "What are you talking about? If you're saying what I think you're saying--"
"I am saying," Ziva says, leaning forward in her chair. A predator winding up her muscles, readying for the attack spring. If she were a kitty cat, she'd be wiggling her butt with anticipation. The picture that accompanies the thought makes Tony miss her next few words. "Don't you agree?"
Tony's pretty sure from the way she's smiling at him that he doesn't agree.
"She's got you there, Tony." Tim steps up next to him. Always there with his Boy-Scout readiness, Tim is. "All that innuendo has to mean something."
"Heh. You wish, Probalicious."
Tim raises an eyebrow, smirking, and Tony almost loses it. Almost. He's a professional, after all.
"So you are saying that you are so into women that you couldn't ever kiss a man? Not even if you needed to do so to protect your cover?"
Tony turns back to Ziva. "Well, yeah, I could do it then. Don't forget who's the master undercover."
Ziva taps her index finger against the back of her hand. It's one of her few tells, one that says she's just gotten exactly what she wants. "Oh yes? Then prove it."
Tony snorts. "I'm not exactly going undercover right now just so you can get your jollies, Ziva."
"I did not mean that." She inclines her head towards Tim. "Twenty dollars says that you do not have the cojones to kiss McGee right here."
"Excuse me?" He sounds as horrified as he can possibly sound in reaction to the suggestion. He tugs at his ear lobe. "Something's wrong with my ears. I swore I just heard you say 'kiss McGee'."
"You can't even contemplate the idea without acting like a scared little boy, can you?"
Tony shudders theatrically. "No, I just can't imagine the depths of depravity you have to even come up with that scenario."
Ziva sits back in her chair once again, the look of the conquering hero on her face. "All right, Tony. You stop questioning me about my...preferences, and I will stop questioning you about yours." She reaches for a folder--and Tony smacks his hand down flat on top of it.
"Not so fast. Thirty dollars, and you're on."
"Um, wait a minute." Tim clears his throat. "Don't you think you're forgetting something?"
"I didn't think you were the homophobic one, McGee," Ziva says.
"I'm not. I'm DiNozzo-phobic."
Ziva opens her mouth, but she doesn't say anything, looking uncertain for the first time since the whole thing started. She's never held back from teasing Tim, but maybe the idea of inflicting Tony on him unwillingly crosses some line in her tangled ethical web.
"That's because you're afraid I'll show you how it's really done," Tony jumps in. He pokes Tim in the shoulder to drive home his point. "Your ego's just quaking at the thought."
"I'm not afraid of-- Fine." Tim heaves out a sigh. "I'll do it if Ziva tells us the truth about whether she's ever actually been with a woman or not."
Ziva narrows her eyes. "Fine," she says, her lips twisting the side like it physically hurts to give the concession. "But it has to be more than a peck. I want a show."
"The lady wants a show," Tony murmurs as he turns towards Tim. Tim looks perfectly nervous, his Adam's apple bobbing hard as he looks over Tony's shoulder at Ziva.
"I don't know about this," he says. "I mean, what if Gibbs--"
"Gibbs is five hundred miles away, and you know it." Tony cups the back of Tim's neck. "Relax. Let's show Ziva how the big boys do it."
Tony winks and moves in. Just before he lets his eyes slide close, he see Tim smile. A small, private smile, just for the two of them. Tony starts off with a gentle kiss, just a brushing of their lips. Before Ziva can get pissy, though, Tim opens his mouth, encouraging Tony to deepen the kiss. Tony slides his hand up, winding his fingers into Tim's hair, and pulls, tipping Tim back a little, the way they both like it. His heart suddenly trips and stutters, his mind finally catching up to what he's actually doing--kissing Tim, here, at work, where anyone can see. But then Tim sucks on his lower lip and the fear evaporates, leaving only the thrill behind.
Tony pulls back at last, bringing their public makeout session to an end with a couple of those quick pecks Ziva poo-pooed earlier. He untangles his fingers from Tim's hair, steps back, wipes the corners of his mouth. Tim licks his own lips dry, and Tony has to remind certain parts of his anatomy that this isn't supposed to be a live sex show. He gives Tim's chest a manly double thump, then turns to face the music.
Ziva is gaping at them. Tony steps closer for a better look, and sure enough, her eyes are blacker than he's ever seen them. Even when she was the one he was kissing. Tony snaps his fingers in front of her face.
"Pay up," he says, holding out his hand.
"What?" Ziva actually shakes herself out of her stupor. "Oh, yes. Yes, of course." She opens the bottom drawer of her desk and pulls two bills out of her purse. Tim snatches the twenty before it can even make contact with Tony's palm.
"I think that's what we agreed." Tim grins smugly. Tony tries to glower back, but it's hard, knowing how completely they've snookered Ziva. "And the rest? Have you or haven't you actually been with a woman, Ziva?"
"I don't think I should tell you," she says, eying the money disappearing into Tim's wallet. "But a bet is a bet, yes?"
"Yes," they answer at the same time.
She folds her hands under her breasts and looks up at them, eyelashes fluttering coyly. "Then the truth is yes." She stands up while Tony starts getting lost in daydreams. "And no."
"Wait," he says as his beautiful mental film of writhing legs and dark silky hair slips out of the spindles with a snap and screech. "What?"
"What kind of answer is that?" Tim asks, sounding just as affronted as Tony is. "How can it be both yes and no?"
"Those details were not a part of the terms of our bet." Ziva bobs her head smugly, then locks up her desk and shuts down her computer. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I think that what I saw here is enough to bribe Abby into buying me lunch."
She taps Tony on the nose with her index finger, winks at Tim, and then heads towards the elevators without looking back. They watch her in silence until the shiny silver doors finally take her out of sight.
"Damn," Tony says. "I was sure that would work."
Tim steps closer, so that they're pressed together shoulder-to-shoulder. "Well, at least it was fun trying."
"There is that." They share a smile. Tony nudges Tim's shoulder with his own, then moves off to his desk to do some actual work.
Tim stops typing almost exactly five minutes later. "What do you think she meant by yes and no?"
"I have no idea." Tony leans back in his chair, tucks his hands behind his head, and grins at Tim. "But I think I know a way to find out."