11/10/07

[shi_illegitima]

I have to run, because when I stop running, I break from the guilt and worries, and everything comes down on me. I lay awake thinking about my beautiful boy sitting there somewhere alone in the night, unable to contain the pain, to contain what I have brought on us with my unbelievable, unforgivable stupidity.

I should have known better; I always

Comments

[my_hypocrisy]

*hugs*

[will_ah_wisp]

I cry, and then pretend that I am smiling. I write. I eat, or starve, or both in turn. I isolate myself.

[pesky11]

That sounds like me, too. I focus on others, giving them all my energy, when I really should be focusing on me.

Who will focus on ME when I need it?

[shi_illegitima]

*Nods* been there, done that. More than once. What I came to understand over time is all it comes down to is assertiveness --- be able to TELL your friends what you need and that you need it right that moment, instead of keeping it all inside feeling like you do everything for everyone and no one does anything for you, because usually, your friends don't even realize what's going on. And to ask for what you need costs usually a great deal of courage; at least the first few times, and it can cost you some 'friends' even (although - what kind of friend is it, then ? And do you want to surround yourself by such people ?), but it will help a lot in the future.

(((Hugs))) everything works out just fine in the end; it's only the waiting it out that hurts ;)