So, I don't think I ever had a post explaining about ME...
The subject says it all.
No one on LJ really knows about me. Not that I've friended many people on LJ yet, but still. And that is entirely my fault.
So, though I doubt anyone really cares, here are some facts about me.
1. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, though I'm sure I've had it since I was 10--I just refused to admit it. I had a major depressive episode two summers ago and I nearly killed myself several times. I also lost about 13 pounds in that week-and-a-half before the right medicine started kicking in, because I was throwing up about twice a day and had no appetite. Now I'm on 50 mg of Zoloft and 5 mg of Abilify, and I'm doing a lot better. I still feel depressed, all the time; there's still always this low feeling lurking inside of me, even when I'm excited or happy or giddy--it's always there. I've learned to deal with it. I doubt it'll ever go away.
Another part of my depression is hypersomnia. A lot of people with depression actually have insomnia, but I'm the opposite there. I could sleep an entire day (and have before) and still be tired when I wake up. I just recently started taking 36 mg of a medicine called Concerta. Concerta is actually for people with ADHD (which I don't have), but my psychiatrist prescribed it for me because she said it will help me concentrate and stay awake. So far I've been doing alright on that, though it makes my palms sweat like crazy and THAT is really annoying, especially when playing video games.
So, that's that. On to some more cheerful things.
2. Caffeine makes me sleepy. I know, wtf, right? Good thing I don't even like soda. I actually stopped drinking it to lose weight (I've never been QUITE overweight, but I've been teetering on the edge for a few years. I'm 145 pounds right now, and 5 feet 5 inches. I DID just gain about ten pounds recently though, unfortunately. Anyway, enough treebranching within paratheses), but now I don't even like it. Btw, those of you who are trying to lose weight, not drinking soda REALLY helped me. I lost about 5 pounds just from doing that and drinking water.
3. I love makeup, but I rarely wear it. Why? Because my eyelids are annoyingly oily. I even wear primer and after a few hours, when I look in the mirror, my makeup is all smeared and half of it is melted away. It's SO ANNOYING to think you look all pretty and then see that your face looks like crap. So I hope one day I'll find a way to be able to wear makeup, because I love the pretty colors and sparkles (aromaleigh is the best company ever) and applying it is fun, like painting. Speaking of painting...
4. I've been oil painting recently. I'm working on my first REAL oil painting (I say real because maybe two years ago I started an oil painting but I had no idea what I was doing and didn't dilute my oils or paint fat-over-lean or anything), and it's going alright. It's not a masterpiece of course, but I'm not expecting it to be. I'm having fun with it. So far I've only painted three layers--the background color and the outline of the fairy, the base colors for the fairies dress, skin, hair, and wings, and the beginnings of highlights and shadows.
I'm worried I'm going to mess up her face, though. I need to go buy some teeny-tiny brushes to do her eyes and the shading for her nose.
I love oil paints, but they can be troublesome. I mean, turpentine is not very healthy. And while I do like the smell of oil paints, I don't think that's healthy either. And a thick layer can take 6 months to dry, sometimes even a year! Another problem is the expense. Materials for any kind of paint aren't cheap, but I think (someone correct me if I'm wrong) oil paints are the most expensive.
But they're just so FUN to work with! I really enjoy myself when I'm painting, even though I barely have any clue what I'm doing.
5. I love writing as well as painting and drawing (and reading, but that's a given), but I almost never write. That makes me sad, but I'm SUCH a procrastinator. I need to swift kick to the butt, methinks.
6. I need a new LJ layout. Wahhh.
7. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. My parents are still together. My oldest brother just got a cat! =D He's adorable, even though I've only seen pictures. His name is Lunar and he's a Turkish Van. Turkish Vans are really gorgeous cats, with white, medium-length fur and fluffy tails. Their ears and tails are usually brown or reddish in color.
I love cats and dogs and rats, but I don't have a pet. My dad is allergic to cats, and no one is home all day to take care of a dog, so that can't happen. For some reason, I hate hamsters and gerbils and guinea pigs. I don't know why, I just don't like them.
8. I like to dress how I like. As in... whatever I feel like wearing, I wear it without worrying about consequences such as people laughing at me, calling me names, and ignoring me--all of which have happened. I like to wear thigh-high stockings and skirts and shirts with frills on them. I also love love LOVE boots. Mmm, boots. If I had money, I would dress in lolita style, but seeing as the dresses are hundreds of dollars, that won't be happening for a while... I would probably wear a blend of elegant lolita, gothic lolita, punk, pirate, and a sprinkling of sweet. All depending on what I feel like in the morning, as stated earlier.
9. I've been trying to exercise most days to lose a bit of weight (my ideal weight would be around 125, so I need to lose 20 pounds) and gain muscle (I want to be able to defend myself against homophobes and people who just are generally not good). I'm a procrastinator at that too, but I play Dance Dance Revolution with my sister and sometimes go on our exercise machine.
10. I'm a lesbian. I have a lovely girlfriend whom I have been going out with for two and a half years, and she means the world to me. She struggles with depression too, which can be hard on both of us--sometimes when one of us is up, the other is down, and the one who is up has to spend quite a bit of time comforting the other and doing what they can to help. It's even worse when we're both feeling down, because then we have to be strong and hold each other up with what little strength we have.
Our three-year anniversary will be May 27, which is also her birthday. See, her birthday present one year was a kiss from me. Cheesy, right? Haha.
11. I'm actually having fun reading this, though probably no one will read it.
I want to hear about all of you, too! What are you all like? What things do you do in your spare time? What thoughts run through your head?
No one on LJ really knows about me. Not that I've friended many people on LJ yet, but still. And that is entirely my fault.
So, though I doubt anyone really cares, here are some facts about me.
1. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, though I'm sure I've had it since I was 10--I just refused to admit it. I had a major depressive episode two summers ago and I nearly killed myself several times. I also lost about 13 pounds in that week-and-a-half before the right medicine started kicking in, because I was throwing up about twice a day and had no appetite. Now I'm on 50 mg of Zoloft and 5 mg of Abilify, and I'm doing a lot better. I still feel depressed, all the time; there's still always this low feeling lurking inside of me, even when I'm excited or happy or giddy--it's always there. I've learned to deal with it. I doubt it'll ever go away.
Another part of my depression is hypersomnia. A lot of people with depression actually have insomnia, but I'm the opposite there. I could sleep an entire day (and have before) and still be tired when I wake up. I just recently started taking 36 mg of a medicine called Concerta. Concerta is actually for people with ADHD (which I don't have), but my psychiatrist prescribed it for me because she said it will help me concentrate and stay awake. So far I've been doing alright on that, though it makes my palms sweat like crazy and THAT is really annoying, especially when playing video games.
So, that's that. On to some more cheerful things.
2. Caffeine makes me sleepy. I know, wtf, right? Good thing I don't even like soda. I actually stopped drinking it to lose weight (I've never been QUITE overweight, but I've been teetering on the edge for a few years. I'm 145 pounds right now, and 5 feet 5 inches. I DID just gain about ten pounds recently though, unfortunately. Anyway, enough treebranching within paratheses), but now I don't even like it. Btw, those of you who are trying to lose weight, not drinking soda REALLY helped me. I lost about 5 pounds just from doing that and drinking water.
3. I love makeup, but I rarely wear it. Why? Because my eyelids are annoyingly oily. I even wear primer and after a few hours, when I look in the mirror, my makeup is all smeared and half of it is melted away. It's SO ANNOYING to think you look all pretty and then see that your face looks like crap. So I hope one day I'll find a way to be able to wear makeup, because I love the pretty colors and sparkles (aromaleigh is the best company ever) and applying it is fun, like painting. Speaking of painting...
4. I've been oil painting recently. I'm working on my first REAL oil painting (I say real because maybe two years ago I started an oil painting but I had no idea what I was doing and didn't dilute my oils or paint fat-over-lean or anything), and it's going alright. It's not a masterpiece of course, but I'm not expecting it to be. I'm having fun with it. So far I've only painted three layers--the background color and the outline of the fairy, the base colors for the fairies dress, skin, hair, and wings, and the beginnings of highlights and shadows.
I'm worried I'm going to mess up her face, though. I need to go buy some teeny-tiny brushes to do her eyes and the shading for her nose.
I love oil paints, but they can be troublesome. I mean, turpentine is not very healthy. And while I do like the smell of oil paints, I don't think that's healthy either. And a thick layer can take 6 months to dry, sometimes even a year! Another problem is the expense. Materials for any kind of paint aren't cheap, but I think (someone correct me if I'm wrong) oil paints are the most expensive.
But they're just so FUN to work with! I really enjoy myself when I'm painting, even though I barely have any clue what I'm doing.
5. I love writing as well as painting and drawing (and reading, but that's a given), but I almost never write. That makes me sad, but I'm SUCH a procrastinator. I need to swift kick to the butt, methinks.
6. I need a new LJ layout. Wahhh.
7. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. My parents are still together. My oldest brother just got a cat! =D He's adorable, even though I've only seen pictures. His name is Lunar and he's a Turkish Van. Turkish Vans are really gorgeous cats, with white, medium-length fur and fluffy tails. Their ears and tails are usually brown or reddish in color.
I love cats and dogs and rats, but I don't have a pet. My dad is allergic to cats, and no one is home all day to take care of a dog, so that can't happen. For some reason, I hate hamsters and gerbils and guinea pigs. I don't know why, I just don't like them.
8. I like to dress how I like. As in... whatever I feel like wearing, I wear it without worrying about consequences such as people laughing at me, calling me names, and ignoring me--all of which have happened. I like to wear thigh-high stockings and skirts and shirts with frills on them. I also love love LOVE boots. Mmm, boots. If I had money, I would dress in lolita style, but seeing as the dresses are hundreds of dollars, that won't be happening for a while... I would probably wear a blend of elegant lolita, gothic lolita, punk, pirate, and a sprinkling of sweet. All depending on what I feel like in the morning, as stated earlier.
9. I've been trying to exercise most days to lose a bit of weight (my ideal weight would be around 125, so I need to lose 20 pounds) and gain muscle (I want to be able to defend myself against homophobes and people who just are generally not good). I'm a procrastinator at that too, but I play Dance Dance Revolution with my sister and sometimes go on our exercise machine.
10. I'm a lesbian. I have a lovely girlfriend whom I have been going out with for two and a half years, and she means the world to me. She struggles with depression too, which can be hard on both of us--sometimes when one of us is up, the other is down, and the one who is up has to spend quite a bit of time comforting the other and doing what they can to help. It's even worse when we're both feeling down, because then we have to be strong and hold each other up with what little strength we have.
Our three-year anniversary will be May 27, which is also her birthday. See, her birthday present one year was a kiss from me. Cheesy, right? Haha.
11. I'm actually having fun reading this, though probably no one will read it.
I want to hear about all of you, too! What are you all like? What things do you do in your spare time? What thoughts run through your head?