Apple and Cinnamon [one-shot]
Title: Apple and Cinnamon
Summary: It started out so simple an innocent, what they had was just too good to last.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything, not even the title and summary really belong to me.
Note: Italics are memories.
APPLES AND CINNAMON
“It just isn’t right, I can’t do it anymore.” The words resounded in Massu’s head, pounding against his skull.
At the time he hadn’t known what to make of his parting words, but the tortured look in his eyes was enough to make his own heart lurch in pain.
“I don’t understand,” Massu mumbled, reaching a hand out towards him.
“Don’t make me say it Massu,” Shige said softly, taking a step back, away from Massu’s touch.
“It’s over,” he said, unable to say anything more he gave Massu one final tortured look before he nearly bolted out of the room.
Massu just couldn’t grasp it. What had happened? How could it be over?
Massu knew he loved Shige, he doubted he could ever truly stop. He also knew Shige loved him, that final look was more than enough to say he did.
“He said it’s for the best,” Tegoshi whispered into his ear, his arms tightly wrapped around Massu’s broken form.
Massu didn’t answer, thinking back to his younger childhood days. Shige had been one of the first real friends he’d made since entering the industry.
Massu had always admired the younger boy, from his rather proud and perfect smile, to the rather strange interest he had in school.
He’d never thought the admiration he’d felt was love, until he felt his heart pound in his ears when he’d leaned in for that first kiss, clumsily staking claim to the now grown and warm man that still had the ability to make his heart race and fill him with euphoria.
It had started out so simple and innocent, from the sweet smiles of encouragement to the light press of a hand.
A sweet romance, at least Massu had always seen it as such. Shige had slowly become not only one of his best friends, but his first love as well. The shining smile from him being enough to fill him with inexplicable energy, he couldn’t quite describe how deeply he felt about the other man, he just knew it was something so much greater than could ever be described by mere words, or analogies.
Seeing that final look he’d gotten from Shige, it pained him, not to know that he’d indefinitely ended their relationship, but because he looked to be in so much pain.
Massu could feel his center tumble ever so slightly, as he watched Shige’s lithe form run away.
“You have the best smile,” Shige had once whispered, “The day you don’t smile is the day there’s really something wrong with the world.”
Perhaps that was why after their first encounter after the hasty end Massu had managed to give Shige one of his most stunning smiles.
Shige could only stare back, dumbly, before swiftly making his way past Massu. Rounding a corner, Shige nearly trembled, it took so much effort not to go back and fling his arms around the other man.
But it was just wrong, he couldn’t be with him, his grandfather had made it perfectly clear what he thought about such a relationship, and his father had made it all the more crystal as to where the family’s stance would be concerning this particular issue.
Homosexuality wasn’t allowed for a Kato, especially not for the one man left to carry on the family name. A loving relationship between two men just wouldn’t do, no matter how much tenderness there was.
* * *
Everyday, he awoke with the same hollow feeling, unable to truly look Massu in the eye. It had been a little over three weeks since he’d ended their relationship, Koyama attempting to console him with strange words of comfort, but it gave little real comfort.
“Apples and Cinnamon,” Massu said with a smile.
Shige could only stare at him a confused smile playing on his lips. “Come again?”
“Apples and Cinnamon,” Massu repeated, “we’re the apple and the cinnamon, a perfect balance of sweetness and tart healthiness.”
“I take it you’re the cinnamon,” Shige said, already accustomed to Massu’s inexplicable use of food analogies.
Massu laughed, “Why?”
“Because you taste just as sweet,” Shige replied, before gently capturing Massu’s mouth in a chaste kiss.
Massu couldn’t help but let out a slight giggle, “that was cheesy!”
The innocent, but true comment sent the two into a slight fit of laughter. Shige wasn’t known for his cheesiness.
“But it’s true,” Shige replied through his laughter.
“No, it is, we fit together don’t we? You’re the healthy one and I’m the sweet one, ne?” Massu said with a smile.
Shige couldn’t help but agree.
The mere thought of bliss, sent Shige tumbling into a deeper depression. One he’d never even thought he could truly find, he only ever found one comfort.
* * *
Nearly a month had passed and did it didn’t look as though Shige were doing any better, at least not from Massu’s standpoint.
A few brief and awkward exchanges with Koyama had given him more than enough information to know what the root of Shige’s problem was. Massu had to admit, it wasn’t an easy one. He knew how much family meant to Shige, and Massu knew given the chance he himself would step out of the way, if only to give Shige piece of mind.
But it didn’t look as though it were really doing Shige any good. And so after a deep deliberation over a lunch of rice and Tuna, Massu decided he’d give Shige one final push of reassurance. Goodness knows he’d need it, especially since Shige wasn’t one of the members to have such a high level of self-confidence.
It was just after their final rehearsal of the day, after Tegoshi had nearly dragged Koyama away from a tired and struggling Shige, leaving the room basically empty for the lone figure of a dejected Shige.
Stealthily, Massu managed to squeeze into the room, and take a cursory glance at his ex-lovers slumped form.
Shige let out a sigh, as he gingerly stretched his leg again, burying his head in his knee, attempting to take a few calming breathes. Lately he’d felt himself simply falling apart, unable to work properly, write coherently, even the simple task of getting out of bed seemed daunting at times.
He knew he was alone, Yamashita-kun and Ryo-kun had left quite a while ago, prior engagements leading to their early departure, Tegoshi had dragged Koyama off to something and Massu…
Well, he preferred not to torture himself with the thought of the sunny, smiling young man. But somehow he did.
Shige hardly cried, unless he was a drunk, yet there he sat, curled and hugging his knees, tears coursing down his face. Silently damning the fact that he couldn’t be normal, damning the fact that his family had the traditional values of homophobia, hating himself for putting the one person he cared about most in the world through such a perverse hell.
He hated everything, and could hardly even stand to look himself in the mirror anymore, not even the happy smiles his mother and young cousins gave him were enough to give any real comfort.
He sobbed, unable to control the hoarse sounds that erupted from the bottom of his throat.
* * *
Massu watched as Shige nearly crumbled, unable to hold himself together anymore. The sobs he heard, turning to be one of the most horrifying things he’d ever heard in his life.
Somehow he managed to find his way towards him, flinging his arms around him, tightly engulfing him in a hug, encompassing the fragile man within the protection of his arms.
Slowly he rocked him, resting his head under the crook of his own neck.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, softly. “I’m here.”
Shige let out a whimper of despair, both hating and loving the moment. The sheer comfort of Massu’s arm being one of the sweetest things Shige had ever truly encountered in life.
At the same time, disgust with himself, he knew he’d hurt him.
Shige knew he’d hurt Massu in a way that would have sent others flying into depression, the sheer rejection of their affection, of their love being completely and utterly wrong.
He knew he’d hurt him, yet there he was, holding him, holding together the last few fragments that had kept him in one piece for the last few weeks.
It was sick, wrong, to enjoy it so much.
“I’ll always be here, no matter what, friend, lover, anything you need, I’ll be here,” Massu whispered, placing a soft kiss on Shige’s temple, holding him tightly, attempting to stop the trembling.
There was little that could be done, and they both knew it.
What they had…it had just been too perfect, too good to last.
“I love you,” Shige whispered, hollowly knowing it would change nothing.
“And I love you,” Massu whispered.
* * *
=END=
Author’s note: Well there it is, I wrote this fic about a week ago. I’m not all that proud of it, but here it is. I’ve never really written full on angst, so I hope it’s not too bad.
I know I had said I probably wouldn't write anymore Shige/Massu one-shots I just couldn't help myself! I got the idea for the fic from the song ‘Apples and Cinnamon’ by Hikaru Utada, I also got the title and summary from that particular song.
And as a note: I've given my first chap for the multi-chap I keep talking about a final proof read, so I'll probably post is tomorrow, if I have time.
Anyway this was a bit of an experimental fic, but I hope somebody liked it.
As always comments and criticisms are really appreciated =)
Summary: It started out so simple an innocent, what they had was just too good to last.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything, not even the title and summary really belong to me.
Note: Italics are memories.
APPLES AND CINNAMON
“It just isn’t right, I can’t do it anymore.” The words resounded in Massu’s head, pounding against his skull.
At the time he hadn’t known what to make of his parting words, but the tortured look in his eyes was enough to make his own heart lurch in pain.
“I don’t understand,” Massu mumbled, reaching a hand out towards him.
“Don’t make me say it Massu,” Shige said softly, taking a step back, away from Massu’s touch.
“It’s over,” he said, unable to say anything more he gave Massu one final tortured look before he nearly bolted out of the room.
Massu just couldn’t grasp it. What had happened? How could it be over?
Massu knew he loved Shige, he doubted he could ever truly stop. He also knew Shige loved him, that final look was more than enough to say he did.
“He said it’s for the best,” Tegoshi whispered into his ear, his arms tightly wrapped around Massu’s broken form.
Massu didn’t answer, thinking back to his younger childhood days. Shige had been one of the first real friends he’d made since entering the industry.
Massu had always admired the younger boy, from his rather proud and perfect smile, to the rather strange interest he had in school.
He’d never thought the admiration he’d felt was love, until he felt his heart pound in his ears when he’d leaned in for that first kiss, clumsily staking claim to the now grown and warm man that still had the ability to make his heart race and fill him with euphoria.
It had started out so simple and innocent, from the sweet smiles of encouragement to the light press of a hand.
A sweet romance, at least Massu had always seen it as such. Shige had slowly become not only one of his best friends, but his first love as well. The shining smile from him being enough to fill him with inexplicable energy, he couldn’t quite describe how deeply he felt about the other man, he just knew it was something so much greater than could ever be described by mere words, or analogies.
Seeing that final look he’d gotten from Shige, it pained him, not to know that he’d indefinitely ended their relationship, but because he looked to be in so much pain.
Massu could feel his center tumble ever so slightly, as he watched Shige’s lithe form run away.
“You have the best smile,” Shige had once whispered, “The day you don’t smile is the day there’s really something wrong with the world.”
Perhaps that was why after their first encounter after the hasty end Massu had managed to give Shige one of his most stunning smiles.
Shige could only stare back, dumbly, before swiftly making his way past Massu. Rounding a corner, Shige nearly trembled, it took so much effort not to go back and fling his arms around the other man.
But it was just wrong, he couldn’t be with him, his grandfather had made it perfectly clear what he thought about such a relationship, and his father had made it all the more crystal as to where the family’s stance would be concerning this particular issue.
Homosexuality wasn’t allowed for a Kato, especially not for the one man left to carry on the family name. A loving relationship between two men just wouldn’t do, no matter how much tenderness there was.
* * *
Everyday, he awoke with the same hollow feeling, unable to truly look Massu in the eye. It had been a little over three weeks since he’d ended their relationship, Koyama attempting to console him with strange words of comfort, but it gave little real comfort.
“Apples and Cinnamon,” Massu said with a smile.
Shige could only stare at him a confused smile playing on his lips. “Come again?”
“Apples and Cinnamon,” Massu repeated, “we’re the apple and the cinnamon, a perfect balance of sweetness and tart healthiness.”
“I take it you’re the cinnamon,” Shige said, already accustomed to Massu’s inexplicable use of food analogies.
Massu laughed, “Why?”
“Because you taste just as sweet,” Shige replied, before gently capturing Massu’s mouth in a chaste kiss.
Massu couldn’t help but let out a slight giggle, “that was cheesy!”
The innocent, but true comment sent the two into a slight fit of laughter. Shige wasn’t known for his cheesiness.
“But it’s true,” Shige replied through his laughter.
“No, it is, we fit together don’t we? You’re the healthy one and I’m the sweet one, ne?” Massu said with a smile.
Shige couldn’t help but agree.
The mere thought of bliss, sent Shige tumbling into a deeper depression. One he’d never even thought he could truly find, he only ever found one comfort.
* * *
Nearly a month had passed and did it didn’t look as though Shige were doing any better, at least not from Massu’s standpoint.
A few brief and awkward exchanges with Koyama had given him more than enough information to know what the root of Shige’s problem was. Massu had to admit, it wasn’t an easy one. He knew how much family meant to Shige, and Massu knew given the chance he himself would step out of the way, if only to give Shige piece of mind.
But it didn’t look as though it were really doing Shige any good. And so after a deep deliberation over a lunch of rice and Tuna, Massu decided he’d give Shige one final push of reassurance. Goodness knows he’d need it, especially since Shige wasn’t one of the members to have such a high level of self-confidence.
It was just after their final rehearsal of the day, after Tegoshi had nearly dragged Koyama away from a tired and struggling Shige, leaving the room basically empty for the lone figure of a dejected Shige.
Stealthily, Massu managed to squeeze into the room, and take a cursory glance at his ex-lovers slumped form.
Shige let out a sigh, as he gingerly stretched his leg again, burying his head in his knee, attempting to take a few calming breathes. Lately he’d felt himself simply falling apart, unable to work properly, write coherently, even the simple task of getting out of bed seemed daunting at times.
He knew he was alone, Yamashita-kun and Ryo-kun had left quite a while ago, prior engagements leading to their early departure, Tegoshi had dragged Koyama off to something and Massu…
Well, he preferred not to torture himself with the thought of the sunny, smiling young man. But somehow he did.
Shige hardly cried, unless he was a drunk, yet there he sat, curled and hugging his knees, tears coursing down his face. Silently damning the fact that he couldn’t be normal, damning the fact that his family had the traditional values of homophobia, hating himself for putting the one person he cared about most in the world through such a perverse hell.
He hated everything, and could hardly even stand to look himself in the mirror anymore, not even the happy smiles his mother and young cousins gave him were enough to give any real comfort.
He sobbed, unable to control the hoarse sounds that erupted from the bottom of his throat.
* * *
Massu watched as Shige nearly crumbled, unable to hold himself together anymore. The sobs he heard, turning to be one of the most horrifying things he’d ever heard in his life.
Somehow he managed to find his way towards him, flinging his arms around him, tightly engulfing him in a hug, encompassing the fragile man within the protection of his arms.
Slowly he rocked him, resting his head under the crook of his own neck.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, softly. “I’m here.”
Shige let out a whimper of despair, both hating and loving the moment. The sheer comfort of Massu’s arm being one of the sweetest things Shige had ever truly encountered in life.
At the same time, disgust with himself, he knew he’d hurt him.
Shige knew he’d hurt Massu in a way that would have sent others flying into depression, the sheer rejection of their affection, of their love being completely and utterly wrong.
He knew he’d hurt him, yet there he was, holding him, holding together the last few fragments that had kept him in one piece for the last few weeks.
It was sick, wrong, to enjoy it so much.
“I’ll always be here, no matter what, friend, lover, anything you need, I’ll be here,” Massu whispered, placing a soft kiss on Shige’s temple, holding him tightly, attempting to stop the trembling.
There was little that could be done, and they both knew it.
What they had…it had just been too perfect, too good to last.
“I love you,” Shige whispered, hollowly knowing it would change nothing.
“And I love you,” Massu whispered.
* * *
=END=
Author’s note: Well there it is, I wrote this fic about a week ago. I’m not all that proud of it, but here it is. I’ve never really written full on angst, so I hope it’s not too bad.
I know I had said I probably wouldn't write anymore Shige/Massu one-shots I just couldn't help myself! I got the idea for the fic from the song ‘Apples and Cinnamon’ by Hikaru Utada, I also got the title and summary from that particular song.
And as a note: I've given my first chap for the multi-chap I keep talking about a final proof read, so I'll probably post is tomorrow, if I have time.
Anyway this was a bit of an experimental fic, but I hope somebody liked it.
As always comments and criticisms are really appreciated =)