KISSES
This is something I wrote a while back and never posted, hence the Junsu one....
*******
KISSES
It was a long time ago. Faded memories of things that should’ve been forgotten or never remembered in the first place. Things that occurred without reason or with ones that couldn’t be said out loud; things they never spoke of. Except that they weren’t faded, not when every kiss he shared now squeezed his heart until they resurfaced. Not when he could still see them, still feel.
It was not surprising that Siwon was the first one he kissed. There had always been something between them, something that hummed when they drew close and snapped taunt if he turned away. There had been close calls before, too many late night Chinese lessons and the comfort of companionship for there not to be. He remembers the one just before they were due on stage to film Happy Camp-all intense looks and short breath ending in a tight hug instead. But it wasn’t until after, after all the tears and worry and tension, that Siwon had pulled him into their empty hotel room and kissed him. It was passion and suppressed feelings and longing and tongue and togetherness and apologies and promises all rolled into one heated kiss.
He did it for a very simple reason- because Henry had asked him to. There were a lot of blushing and fidgeting and fumbling for the right words, but in the end it was the magnae who asked for a kiss. As a lesson. Henry was his baby and he couldn’t deny those puppy dog eyes and the fact that the boy just stood there all the time, until he finally relented and gave him the lesson he wanted so much. It was all experimentation and soft instructions. It was awkward and Hankyung wasn’t even sure if he was teaching well. But he must have, because Henry was reluctant to end the lesson long after he had mastered the skill and Hankyung could feel those soft eyes on him for days after.
Hankyung had never ever expected to kiss Shindong. It wasn’t because he wasn’t attracted to the other, but rather because he knew that the other dancer was 100% straight, he had made that very clear to them at the very start. He never looked disgusted at the other members’ relationships or their cuteness, but it was obvious to all the members that Shindong would be the first one to get married and have children. So when Shindong kissed him lightly one day, Hankyung was too surprised to move, let alone say anything. Then the other had simply chuckled at the look on his face, telling him that he was only curious why the rest of the band couldn’t keep their hands off him.
He was particularly tired that day, they had all worked hard, but he was heavily drained from the slight cold he tried to hide from the others, on top of all their work. He cooked anyways, because that’s what he does, but the thin arms that wrapped around his waist and the body hugging him tight from behind was a welcome distraction. It warmed him and soothed him and he could feel a second heart beat against his back. Then as he turned around to face the other, warm soft lips met his, tentative and uncertain, but determined to offer comfort and warmth. By the time they parted and he could see dark lashes and the soft blush on the younger cook, the spatula was already in the other’s hand and he was being pushed towards his bed.
It was the one that came suddenly out of nowhere. The other had been terribly upset over something and when the sound of yet another bottle clattered to the floor, Hankyung knew he had to do something. Drowning yourself in alcohol would not help. It didn’t fix the problem, but it did make people bolder, and it was with this boldness that Yesung grabbed him and smashed their lips together, with bruising intensity. But what he remembers most is not the kiss itself, but wiping the blood from his mouth, all the while keeping a firm hand on Siwon’s arm and shaking his head, (no, it’s not his fault), at Kyuhyun.
There was something magical about the way Kyuhyun sang, and whilst it had always mesmerised Hankyung, it was when the other sang in Chinese, that it clutched at something deep within him and refused to let go. The younger had asked for Hankyung’s help in his pronunciation, which was beyond perfect already, but Hankyung had been unable to say no, simply because it would allow him to listen to Kyuhyun sing. But now as Kyuhyun sang, the soft words of Blue Tomorrow, so familiar to them all, seemed to take on new meanings, grasp deeper than ever within him. That coupled with those unwavering haunting eyes on him, it strummed at his soul.
Then there was something new in those eyes, and he couldn’t help step closer and then it was as if Kyuhyun’s voice had flowed into him, as lips closed firmly but tenderly over his. His whole body sang and it was a spell and all he could do was move closer.
Hankyung understood what Zhoumi was going through. He had experienced it all once too, being ostracized, look down on, ignored and shunned to the shadows. The feeling of indignity and anger and the pressure to just give up. Hankyung also knew he could never really understand, because he had always been part of Super Junior, accepted and loved as one of the thirteen. Zhoumi was strong and brave and bore all the burdens with a bright smile. So when one day whilst the others were all out and he found Zhoumi without that smile, with tears in his eyes instead, it was all he could do to just hold the other in his arms and offer what comfort he could. So when Zhoumi had kissed him and he could taste the wetness of tears on his lips, Hankyung didn’t push him away. If this was what he could offer in comfort, then so be it.
He kissed Jaejoong behind closed doors. He remembered the feel of the soft sheets against his shoulders as a shaking body leaned against it. Hands moved up and down a slim body, as if working a magic of sorts, for the shaking faded and then all he could see was wide eyes and porcelain skin and the wet tears that cut down its smooth surface. And deep into his heart. The rumours had hurt Jaejoong, the speculation, the uncertainty…the lack of popularity. In their circles, it was poison. That cold, distant and confident Hero of DBSK wasn’t who Hankyung hugged now. This man he held in his arms was Jaejoong, his Jaejoong. He kissed the tears away, before dropping a feather light caress on plump lips. When they slept that night, there was a smile on Jaejoong’s face that had not been there before and Hankyung knew that as long as he kept smiling like this, no one would ever think of replacing this angel again.
Hankyung was used to having Changmin flutter around in the kitchen while he cooked, flashing him brilliant smiles, muttering encouragements and humming softly as he “taste tested” anything and everything. Changmin was happy to be near him, because that meant food was near, and Hankyung was happy to have Changmin around, because it’s always nice to have someone so appreciative of your cooking. That was what he thought. Then when he was cooking Changmin’s favourite dish one day, the younger pushed him up against the refrigerator and pressed a kiss firmly against his lips, accompanied by a soft murmur of “hyung…I’m hungry”. And Hankyung could only laugh and keep cooking. Though he always did wonder from then on, if it was really only food that Changmin loved so much.
There was a strange quivering in the air, a tension molded on tenderness. The luggage was piled near the door and the others had already gone downstairs to the van, till it was just the two of them. To his dying day, Hankyung would remember those eyes on him. The deep, dark orbs pulsating almost and sucking him in, speaking of things that had never been said, that were not suppose to be voiced, not between them. He didn’t want to see, but he couldn’t look away, not when it’s Yunho staring at him like this for godsake. The beautiful, strong, confident dancer that had stopped him dead in the middle of the corridor at the very first then ensnared him in breathtaking dances, until he knew no escape from Yunho. So, when it was those eyes that shouted of the uncertainty of being leader, of the unwillingness to leave, of repressed feelings and of lost chances, Hankyung had no choice but to cup his hand around the sculpted jaw and kiss everything away. It was a first and a last and everything they had dreamed of.
Heechul doesn’t do what people expect. Hankyung knows that the other has had many chances to kiss him, there has been moments when he had wondered if the other would. When they showered together, when they were drinking by themselves. But regardless of all the sexual connotations and suggestive glances Heechul threw at him, the other never made a move. Not even when Heechul was going around pashing the members during Super Show, did he make Hankyung one of them. Everyone expected him to and Heechul didn’t follow expectations. It was after Hankyung and Shiwon had announced that they are dating, when everyone least expected anyone to make a move on Hankyung, that Heechul just strode up to him and pulled him into an open mouth kiss. They would laugh about it later, ignoring the bruise on Heechul’s fine cheekbone; they weren’t going to let something like that ruin their friendship.
It had been months since he had seen Kangin. Ever since the incident, Kangin had not appeared at the concerts and Hankyung was kept far away across the sea, working hard to look after his boys. He heard news from the others of course, but they were vague and he didn’t like the uncertain tone in Leeteuk’s voice at all. So when they were finally back together, he cornered the other man. There was a gauntness to his face-he had lost a lot of weight, yet it didn’t make him look good, it made him look dead- and an extra gruffness when he spoke. Kangin asks why he vouched for him and Hankyung just stare back. It was a pointless question, Kangin would do the same. Then Kangin’s shoving him up against the wall, hard, and there’s lips and teeth on his mouth and Hankyung tastes copper and Kangin’s growling that he doesn’t deserve it. Hankyung just stays still and lets the other ravage his mouth, until the other man is the one clinging onto him and the one sobbing at his feet.
Hankyung understood what it meant to be tired. There was the normal tiredness that accompanied the idol lifestyle- the lack of sleep, rushing around nonstop, the pressure of maintaining a perfect body. They could be soothed with a few days off, a rest, laughter and jokes. Then there was that bone deep weariness, the sort that was born out of expectation and burdens and protecting others all the time- it clings and wouldn’t let go. Hankyung could see the despair in Leeteuk’s eyes, in the crease between his brows; he could feel the tension clearly in Leeteuk’s shoulder as he slung an arm around the fragile man. So when he manages to send everyone to bed early, Leeteuk presses a soft kiss to first his cheek then his lips. It tasted of gratitude and though there was nothing but friendship in that kiss, Hankyung felt warm inside, knowing Leeteuk will be back to his happy, nagging self tomorrow.
He still remembered what it was like to train in the SM practice rooms, the long hours, the grueling routines. The dancers trained the hardest, pouring blood and sweat onto the polished floors just so they wouldn’t be eliminated. It was difficult for others to understand the sacrifices they had made and it formed a strong bond between those who have endured it. He remembers Eunhyuk well, from the endless night practices that blended into morning ones, but most especially as the little kid who cheered when he had finally risen to the A group. So when one day Eunhyuk comes crying and complaining about his fight with Junsu, Hankyung tells Eunhyuk to kiss his cheek, the way he and Junsu used to do when they were younger. Eunhyuk does and stares at the other cheek, as if seeing Junsu there, realizes that he is stupid and leaps up to go find his best friend, but not before pressing another sloppy kiss on Hankyung’s other cheek.
The feeling of being away from your family, of being stranded in foreign place where you just didn’t fit in the same way as the others; an odd piece of the jigsaw puzzle, was a terrible one. It hollowed you out from the inside, always pressing against the heart, the uncertainty flowing like blood throughout the body. The fear of being different only made you stand out more. Hankyung knew from the first second he saw the boy that he was like himself-a foreigner with a fate in his own hands. Hankyung was the one to find Yoochun after the shock news of him replacing Eunhyuk, after Junsu had brushed past him with a hard glare. “teach me how to get them to love me like they love you hyung” was the tearful request he was faced with. Hankyung drops a kiss on Yoochun’s forehead, “They do love you, chunnie” and he ruffles the other’s hair until the look of disbelief melts into one of hope.
Sungmin was a lot tougher than he looked. He may have large, wide eyes and a soft pout and is close to obsessive about pink of all colours, but Hankyung knows he’s no wuss. Regardless of how much you see someone cook in a pink apron, it is hard to see them as a weakling that needed pampering, when the other has traded countless martial arts moves against you, some of which had left its impression. Hankyung didn’t treat Sungmin as a girl, didn’t pamper him and condenscend him, so when they are dared to kiss each other, Hankyung doesn’t cup that smooth face or hold his hands. Instead he grabs Sungmin by the back of the neck non too gently and his hands finds grip in the silky hair. He kisses him like a man, because he knows that’s how Sungmin likes it.
Time builds bonds, the longer you spent together fighting through the obstacles, the closer you grow. The memories and emotions that tie a group together is so strong and unmovable that to forcefully tear it apart rips apart the hearts that the group is built upon. Hankyung didn’t want to think about, not even consider the notion, of what would happen if Super Junior M had to break up one day. It seemed impossible, but so had this. The Junsu Hankyung remembers is bright and cheerful with an infectious laugh that never failed to bring a smile to his face on the worst of days. The Junsu sitting besides him now is silent and unsure, lost to the world around him and to himself. Hankyung holds his hand and shares him pain, tries to mend the holes in Junsu’s family, but he can’t because it’s not his family and all he can do is lean their cheeks together, offering strength. Junsu turns to face him and Hankyung can feel the small curve of lips against his.
It was as if there was an impasse between them, a silent, unspoken one that wasn’t started by angry words or a prank gone to far. It was one decision that stepped where they shouldn’t step and by the time the other had realized, he was too far gone to turn back. No matter how much he wanted to now, a simple apology was no longer enough, Kibum needed to lay down his pride and admit he was wrong to leave. Nothing came before the group. When Kibum suddenly appears at the dorm one day, it is Hankyung who hugs him and presses a firm, hard kiss on the other’s cheek, a sign of welcome and the first bit of forgiveness that Kibum needed to work at to make whole.
He didn’t really remember what dance they were praticising, only that it was an extraordinarily difficult one, one that even they had to work hard to master, because they needed to master it, to be the best, to shine and to help the others. So they danced and danced, until their limbs didn’t feel like it belonged to them and there was a burning in their muscles that clawed right through their hearts. He didn’t know where Shindong and Eunhyuk had gone, only that it was only Donghae and him left as the first rays of lights began to brighten the dark sky. They lay on the floor panting and spent, side by side, staring at the ceiling then at each other, and then there were lips on his, a firm peck that lingered slightly, mostly platonic, a little bit something else and they continued to lie there, only that little bit closer.
Hankyung loved his dongsaengs and respected his hyungs, but he could only gape as Taeminnie stands on tiptoes and firmly kisses him on the mouth in front of everyone before skipping off happily, with only the explanation “heechul hyung told me I had to if I wanted to make it in Korea!”
The good and the bad, the ones that made freeze and the ones that fuelled the fire in his soul….he remembers the stories entwined to each and he knows he would never trade them for anything. Not even one.
*******
KISSES
It was a long time ago. Faded memories of things that should’ve been forgotten or never remembered in the first place. Things that occurred without reason or with ones that couldn’t be said out loud; things they never spoke of. Except that they weren’t faded, not when every kiss he shared now squeezed his heart until they resurfaced. Not when he could still see them, still feel.
It was not surprising that Siwon was the first one he kissed. There had always been something between them, something that hummed when they drew close and snapped taunt if he turned away. There had been close calls before, too many late night Chinese lessons and the comfort of companionship for there not to be. He remembers the one just before they were due on stage to film Happy Camp-all intense looks and short breath ending in a tight hug instead. But it wasn’t until after, after all the tears and worry and tension, that Siwon had pulled him into their empty hotel room and kissed him. It was passion and suppressed feelings and longing and tongue and togetherness and apologies and promises all rolled into one heated kiss.
He did it for a very simple reason- because Henry had asked him to. There were a lot of blushing and fidgeting and fumbling for the right words, but in the end it was the magnae who asked for a kiss. As a lesson. Henry was his baby and he couldn’t deny those puppy dog eyes and the fact that the boy just stood there all the time, until he finally relented and gave him the lesson he wanted so much. It was all experimentation and soft instructions. It was awkward and Hankyung wasn’t even sure if he was teaching well. But he must have, because Henry was reluctant to end the lesson long after he had mastered the skill and Hankyung could feel those soft eyes on him for days after.
Hankyung had never ever expected to kiss Shindong. It wasn’t because he wasn’t attracted to the other, but rather because he knew that the other dancer was 100% straight, he had made that very clear to them at the very start. He never looked disgusted at the other members’ relationships or their cuteness, but it was obvious to all the members that Shindong would be the first one to get married and have children. So when Shindong kissed him lightly one day, Hankyung was too surprised to move, let alone say anything. Then the other had simply chuckled at the look on his face, telling him that he was only curious why the rest of the band couldn’t keep their hands off him.
He was particularly tired that day, they had all worked hard, but he was heavily drained from the slight cold he tried to hide from the others, on top of all their work. He cooked anyways, because that’s what he does, but the thin arms that wrapped around his waist and the body hugging him tight from behind was a welcome distraction. It warmed him and soothed him and he could feel a second heart beat against his back. Then as he turned around to face the other, warm soft lips met his, tentative and uncertain, but determined to offer comfort and warmth. By the time they parted and he could see dark lashes and the soft blush on the younger cook, the spatula was already in the other’s hand and he was being pushed towards his bed.
It was the one that came suddenly out of nowhere. The other had been terribly upset over something and when the sound of yet another bottle clattered to the floor, Hankyung knew he had to do something. Drowning yourself in alcohol would not help. It didn’t fix the problem, but it did make people bolder, and it was with this boldness that Yesung grabbed him and smashed their lips together, with bruising intensity. But what he remembers most is not the kiss itself, but wiping the blood from his mouth, all the while keeping a firm hand on Siwon’s arm and shaking his head, (no, it’s not his fault), at Kyuhyun.
There was something magical about the way Kyuhyun sang, and whilst it had always mesmerised Hankyung, it was when the other sang in Chinese, that it clutched at something deep within him and refused to let go. The younger had asked for Hankyung’s help in his pronunciation, which was beyond perfect already, but Hankyung had been unable to say no, simply because it would allow him to listen to Kyuhyun sing. But now as Kyuhyun sang, the soft words of Blue Tomorrow, so familiar to them all, seemed to take on new meanings, grasp deeper than ever within him. That coupled with those unwavering haunting eyes on him, it strummed at his soul.
Then there was something new in those eyes, and he couldn’t help step closer and then it was as if Kyuhyun’s voice had flowed into him, as lips closed firmly but tenderly over his. His whole body sang and it was a spell and all he could do was move closer.
Hankyung understood what Zhoumi was going through. He had experienced it all once too, being ostracized, look down on, ignored and shunned to the shadows. The feeling of indignity and anger and the pressure to just give up. Hankyung also knew he could never really understand, because he had always been part of Super Junior, accepted and loved as one of the thirteen. Zhoumi was strong and brave and bore all the burdens with a bright smile. So when one day whilst the others were all out and he found Zhoumi without that smile, with tears in his eyes instead, it was all he could do to just hold the other in his arms and offer what comfort he could. So when Zhoumi had kissed him and he could taste the wetness of tears on his lips, Hankyung didn’t push him away. If this was what he could offer in comfort, then so be it.
He kissed Jaejoong behind closed doors. He remembered the feel of the soft sheets against his shoulders as a shaking body leaned against it. Hands moved up and down a slim body, as if working a magic of sorts, for the shaking faded and then all he could see was wide eyes and porcelain skin and the wet tears that cut down its smooth surface. And deep into his heart. The rumours had hurt Jaejoong, the speculation, the uncertainty…the lack of popularity. In their circles, it was poison. That cold, distant and confident Hero of DBSK wasn’t who Hankyung hugged now. This man he held in his arms was Jaejoong, his Jaejoong. He kissed the tears away, before dropping a feather light caress on plump lips. When they slept that night, there was a smile on Jaejoong’s face that had not been there before and Hankyung knew that as long as he kept smiling like this, no one would ever think of replacing this angel again.
Hankyung was used to having Changmin flutter around in the kitchen while he cooked, flashing him brilliant smiles, muttering encouragements and humming softly as he “taste tested” anything and everything. Changmin was happy to be near him, because that meant food was near, and Hankyung was happy to have Changmin around, because it’s always nice to have someone so appreciative of your cooking. That was what he thought. Then when he was cooking Changmin’s favourite dish one day, the younger pushed him up against the refrigerator and pressed a kiss firmly against his lips, accompanied by a soft murmur of “hyung…I’m hungry”. And Hankyung could only laugh and keep cooking. Though he always did wonder from then on, if it was really only food that Changmin loved so much.
There was a strange quivering in the air, a tension molded on tenderness. The luggage was piled near the door and the others had already gone downstairs to the van, till it was just the two of them. To his dying day, Hankyung would remember those eyes on him. The deep, dark orbs pulsating almost and sucking him in, speaking of things that had never been said, that were not suppose to be voiced, not between them. He didn’t want to see, but he couldn’t look away, not when it’s Yunho staring at him like this for godsake. The beautiful, strong, confident dancer that had stopped him dead in the middle of the corridor at the very first then ensnared him in breathtaking dances, until he knew no escape from Yunho. So, when it was those eyes that shouted of the uncertainty of being leader, of the unwillingness to leave, of repressed feelings and of lost chances, Hankyung had no choice but to cup his hand around the sculpted jaw and kiss everything away. It was a first and a last and everything they had dreamed of.
Heechul doesn’t do what people expect. Hankyung knows that the other has had many chances to kiss him, there has been moments when he had wondered if the other would. When they showered together, when they were drinking by themselves. But regardless of all the sexual connotations and suggestive glances Heechul threw at him, the other never made a move. Not even when Heechul was going around pashing the members during Super Show, did he make Hankyung one of them. Everyone expected him to and Heechul didn’t follow expectations. It was after Hankyung and Shiwon had announced that they are dating, when everyone least expected anyone to make a move on Hankyung, that Heechul just strode up to him and pulled him into an open mouth kiss. They would laugh about it later, ignoring the bruise on Heechul’s fine cheekbone; they weren’t going to let something like that ruin their friendship.
It had been months since he had seen Kangin. Ever since the incident, Kangin had not appeared at the concerts and Hankyung was kept far away across the sea, working hard to look after his boys. He heard news from the others of course, but they were vague and he didn’t like the uncertain tone in Leeteuk’s voice at all. So when they were finally back together, he cornered the other man. There was a gauntness to his face-he had lost a lot of weight, yet it didn’t make him look good, it made him look dead- and an extra gruffness when he spoke. Kangin asks why he vouched for him and Hankyung just stare back. It was a pointless question, Kangin would do the same. Then Kangin’s shoving him up against the wall, hard, and there’s lips and teeth on his mouth and Hankyung tastes copper and Kangin’s growling that he doesn’t deserve it. Hankyung just stays still and lets the other ravage his mouth, until the other man is the one clinging onto him and the one sobbing at his feet.
Hankyung understood what it meant to be tired. There was the normal tiredness that accompanied the idol lifestyle- the lack of sleep, rushing around nonstop, the pressure of maintaining a perfect body. They could be soothed with a few days off, a rest, laughter and jokes. Then there was that bone deep weariness, the sort that was born out of expectation and burdens and protecting others all the time- it clings and wouldn’t let go. Hankyung could see the despair in Leeteuk’s eyes, in the crease between his brows; he could feel the tension clearly in Leeteuk’s shoulder as he slung an arm around the fragile man. So when he manages to send everyone to bed early, Leeteuk presses a soft kiss to first his cheek then his lips. It tasted of gratitude and though there was nothing but friendship in that kiss, Hankyung felt warm inside, knowing Leeteuk will be back to his happy, nagging self tomorrow.
He still remembered what it was like to train in the SM practice rooms, the long hours, the grueling routines. The dancers trained the hardest, pouring blood and sweat onto the polished floors just so they wouldn’t be eliminated. It was difficult for others to understand the sacrifices they had made and it formed a strong bond between those who have endured it. He remembers Eunhyuk well, from the endless night practices that blended into morning ones, but most especially as the little kid who cheered when he had finally risen to the A group. So when one day Eunhyuk comes crying and complaining about his fight with Junsu, Hankyung tells Eunhyuk to kiss his cheek, the way he and Junsu used to do when they were younger. Eunhyuk does and stares at the other cheek, as if seeing Junsu there, realizes that he is stupid and leaps up to go find his best friend, but not before pressing another sloppy kiss on Hankyung’s other cheek.
The feeling of being away from your family, of being stranded in foreign place where you just didn’t fit in the same way as the others; an odd piece of the jigsaw puzzle, was a terrible one. It hollowed you out from the inside, always pressing against the heart, the uncertainty flowing like blood throughout the body. The fear of being different only made you stand out more. Hankyung knew from the first second he saw the boy that he was like himself-a foreigner with a fate in his own hands. Hankyung was the one to find Yoochun after the shock news of him replacing Eunhyuk, after Junsu had brushed past him with a hard glare. “teach me how to get them to love me like they love you hyung” was the tearful request he was faced with. Hankyung drops a kiss on Yoochun’s forehead, “They do love you, chunnie” and he ruffles the other’s hair until the look of disbelief melts into one of hope.
Sungmin was a lot tougher than he looked. He may have large, wide eyes and a soft pout and is close to obsessive about pink of all colours, but Hankyung knows he’s no wuss. Regardless of how much you see someone cook in a pink apron, it is hard to see them as a weakling that needed pampering, when the other has traded countless martial arts moves against you, some of which had left its impression. Hankyung didn’t treat Sungmin as a girl, didn’t pamper him and condenscend him, so when they are dared to kiss each other, Hankyung doesn’t cup that smooth face or hold his hands. Instead he grabs Sungmin by the back of the neck non too gently and his hands finds grip in the silky hair. He kisses him like a man, because he knows that’s how Sungmin likes it.
Time builds bonds, the longer you spent together fighting through the obstacles, the closer you grow. The memories and emotions that tie a group together is so strong and unmovable that to forcefully tear it apart rips apart the hearts that the group is built upon. Hankyung didn’t want to think about, not even consider the notion, of what would happen if Super Junior M had to break up one day. It seemed impossible, but so had this. The Junsu Hankyung remembers is bright and cheerful with an infectious laugh that never failed to bring a smile to his face on the worst of days. The Junsu sitting besides him now is silent and unsure, lost to the world around him and to himself. Hankyung holds his hand and shares him pain, tries to mend the holes in Junsu’s family, but he can’t because it’s not his family and all he can do is lean their cheeks together, offering strength. Junsu turns to face him and Hankyung can feel the small curve of lips against his.
It was as if there was an impasse between them, a silent, unspoken one that wasn’t started by angry words or a prank gone to far. It was one decision that stepped where they shouldn’t step and by the time the other had realized, he was too far gone to turn back. No matter how much he wanted to now, a simple apology was no longer enough, Kibum needed to lay down his pride and admit he was wrong to leave. Nothing came before the group. When Kibum suddenly appears at the dorm one day, it is Hankyung who hugs him and presses a firm, hard kiss on the other’s cheek, a sign of welcome and the first bit of forgiveness that Kibum needed to work at to make whole.
He didn’t really remember what dance they were praticising, only that it was an extraordinarily difficult one, one that even they had to work hard to master, because they needed to master it, to be the best, to shine and to help the others. So they danced and danced, until their limbs didn’t feel like it belonged to them and there was a burning in their muscles that clawed right through their hearts. He didn’t know where Shindong and Eunhyuk had gone, only that it was only Donghae and him left as the first rays of lights began to brighten the dark sky. They lay on the floor panting and spent, side by side, staring at the ceiling then at each other, and then there were lips on his, a firm peck that lingered slightly, mostly platonic, a little bit something else and they continued to lie there, only that little bit closer.
Hankyung loved his dongsaengs and respected his hyungs, but he could only gape as Taeminnie stands on tiptoes and firmly kisses him on the mouth in front of everyone before skipping off happily, with only the explanation “heechul hyung told me I had to if I wanted to make it in Korea!”
The good and the bad, the ones that made freeze and the ones that fuelled the fire in his soul….he remembers the stories entwined to each and he knows he would never trade them for anything. Not even one.