The other shore of Happiness
Disclaimer: don't own anyone, but still i can dream right?
The 'happy' couple in this is pretty obvious...damn my stupid bias. Shihan kills me dead.
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THE OTHER SHORE OF HAPPINESS
There are those rare people in the world who are lucky enough to find their true other half. Together, they complete each other; all the flaws and rough edges smoothed and molded by love. But while they walk besides each other, along the shore of happiness, there are those who walk among the shadows on the other side…
1.
Kim Heechul loved himself more than anything or anyone. That’s what others thought. He was perfect, proud, bold, and outlandish at times, passionate and fierce. He spoke too rough, words cutting and biting as winter wind, a cyclone, not really caring for its consequences.
Kim Heechul always spent longest in makeup, always teased Hankyung about his poor Korean, and was always ready with a snappy, snarky remark. He chose to smear his face with gunk and have his hair teased till it hurt rather than watch them laughing over lip gloss or hair spray. He would rather see the hurt look on Hankyung’s face, the angry one on Siwon’s, the reproachful glances from the others, when he made fun of the Chinese man, than endure the soft whisper of Korean and Chinese that allowed them to build a world of their own. He was more willing to be hated, to be misunderstood, to play the bad guy, then havie to hear his heart shatter into irreparable pieces.
He hated them for making him imperfect.
Kim Heechul hated himself more than anything or anyone.
2.
They say silence is golden. It allows for calm, tranquil thoughts to flow forth, bringing with it hope, wishes and dreams. Kibum says silence is black. It is dark, painful, consuming. Everyone says Kibum doesn’t talk much, preferring the silence with its soft means of communication; he is calm and collected, never looking frayed by anything.
Kim Kibum hates the silence, hates the strung tension and faint sounds of his own heartbeat. He wants to speak, to yell and scream and cry out his feelings, frustrations and anger. But because he knows he can’t be the one to give him happiness, he stays silent. He lets the silence take over and draw him into its dark abyss.
3.
The letter H. Just another letter in the alphabet, nothing special. Hate, hunger, hell. Happiness, heaven, Hankyung. It was his favourite letter of the alphabet, and also his least. Sungmin was innocent, strong, gentle. H made him dark, weak, wild. Impure thoughts and possessive actions hidden within a great wall around him, that made him lost and confused.
Sungmin was such a contradiction. He was meek and sweet as a girl, but wielded his numchucks like a man. He was sweet, but harboured a dark force deep within him. He looked happy and content when inside he was hurting and jealous. Sungmin would tell the others off for teasing them, whilst inside he wanted nothing more than to yell. He left them on the couch with sleepy eyes, a cute yawn and quick hugs of goodnight, then lay staring at the ceiling, his skin tingling where Hankyung’s had touched it. He listened as they spoke together in their own unique way, smiled brightly and waved as they looked his way, and promised himself it will be him that Hankyung laugh with one day. He laughed and congratulated them when they decided to come out, and wondered if it was wrong to be so fake.
4.
He was dying. He didn’t think he had that much time left. Each passing day, saw his heartbeat slow that bit more, his heart tighten painfully that little bit more.
Kyuhyun didn’t want to give up, to give in. He fought against the invisible monster, tried to ignore it, distance himself from it, fight with it, pretend it wasn’t there, replace it. But he would always, always lose. A flash of that tender smile, a look of hurt, a squeeze of concern, and Kyuhyun would lose whatever toehold he had gained.
He was happy, more than happy. And for that Kyuhyun was glad. He was not, no matter what forces came at him, about to destroy that happiness. When he saw the genuine smiles and twinkling eyes, and thought of times of trembling lips, and wet lashes, he felt that invisible monster falter slightly. Yet it would never stay down, rearing up again to haunt him. His walls would tremble and thoughts of consequences became weak. Yet he has not let his walls fall. Still, even when he held hands with Sungmin, hugged Donghae or Ryeowook close, his traitorous eyes would wander and drift over to where two heads were oh so close.
And he felt himself dying just a little bit more.
Maybe in the next life, he wouldn’t be so bound by conscience and sensitivity and maybe he could give in to the invisible monster and let it roam free. Maybe then he would be happy too.
The shadows mask much within its depth: hatred, love, anger, guilt, regret and fear. The shores of happiness are invisible, divided by the smallest difference in smiles, laughter, touch and looks. There is nothing solid separating the two shores, no brick walls, wired fences or uncrossable deserts. Yet it is the most difficult barrier to breach. In truth, a connected heart is all that is needed to cross the shores, and those whose hearts are alone, can only watch from afar on the other shore…
The 'happy' couple in this is pretty obvious...damn my stupid bias. Shihan kills me dead.
*********************************************
THE OTHER SHORE OF HAPPINESS
There are those rare people in the world who are lucky enough to find their true other half. Together, they complete each other; all the flaws and rough edges smoothed and molded by love. But while they walk besides each other, along the shore of happiness, there are those who walk among the shadows on the other side…
1.
Kim Heechul loved himself more than anything or anyone. That’s what others thought. He was perfect, proud, bold, and outlandish at times, passionate and fierce. He spoke too rough, words cutting and biting as winter wind, a cyclone, not really caring for its consequences.
Kim Heechul always spent longest in makeup, always teased Hankyung about his poor Korean, and was always ready with a snappy, snarky remark. He chose to smear his face with gunk and have his hair teased till it hurt rather than watch them laughing over lip gloss or hair spray. He would rather see the hurt look on Hankyung’s face, the angry one on Siwon’s, the reproachful glances from the others, when he made fun of the Chinese man, than endure the soft whisper of Korean and Chinese that allowed them to build a world of their own. He was more willing to be hated, to be misunderstood, to play the bad guy, then havie to hear his heart shatter into irreparable pieces.
He hated them for making him imperfect.
Kim Heechul hated himself more than anything or anyone.
2.
They say silence is golden. It allows for calm, tranquil thoughts to flow forth, bringing with it hope, wishes and dreams. Kibum says silence is black. It is dark, painful, consuming. Everyone says Kibum doesn’t talk much, preferring the silence with its soft means of communication; he is calm and collected, never looking frayed by anything.
Kim Kibum hates the silence, hates the strung tension and faint sounds of his own heartbeat. He wants to speak, to yell and scream and cry out his feelings, frustrations and anger. But because he knows he can’t be the one to give him happiness, he stays silent. He lets the silence take over and draw him into its dark abyss.
3.
The letter H. Just another letter in the alphabet, nothing special. Hate, hunger, hell. Happiness, heaven, Hankyung. It was his favourite letter of the alphabet, and also his least. Sungmin was innocent, strong, gentle. H made him dark, weak, wild. Impure thoughts and possessive actions hidden within a great wall around him, that made him lost and confused.
Sungmin was such a contradiction. He was meek and sweet as a girl, but wielded his numchucks like a man. He was sweet, but harboured a dark force deep within him. He looked happy and content when inside he was hurting and jealous. Sungmin would tell the others off for teasing them, whilst inside he wanted nothing more than to yell. He left them on the couch with sleepy eyes, a cute yawn and quick hugs of goodnight, then lay staring at the ceiling, his skin tingling where Hankyung’s had touched it. He listened as they spoke together in their own unique way, smiled brightly and waved as they looked his way, and promised himself it will be him that Hankyung laugh with one day. He laughed and congratulated them when they decided to come out, and wondered if it was wrong to be so fake.
4.
He was dying. He didn’t think he had that much time left. Each passing day, saw his heartbeat slow that bit more, his heart tighten painfully that little bit more.
Kyuhyun didn’t want to give up, to give in. He fought against the invisible monster, tried to ignore it, distance himself from it, fight with it, pretend it wasn’t there, replace it. But he would always, always lose. A flash of that tender smile, a look of hurt, a squeeze of concern, and Kyuhyun would lose whatever toehold he had gained.
He was happy, more than happy. And for that Kyuhyun was glad. He was not, no matter what forces came at him, about to destroy that happiness. When he saw the genuine smiles and twinkling eyes, and thought of times of trembling lips, and wet lashes, he felt that invisible monster falter slightly. Yet it would never stay down, rearing up again to haunt him. His walls would tremble and thoughts of consequences became weak. Yet he has not let his walls fall. Still, even when he held hands with Sungmin, hugged Donghae or Ryeowook close, his traitorous eyes would wander and drift over to where two heads were oh so close.
And he felt himself dying just a little bit more.
Maybe in the next life, he wouldn’t be so bound by conscience and sensitivity and maybe he could give in to the invisible monster and let it roam free. Maybe then he would be happy too.
The shadows mask much within its depth: hatred, love, anger, guilt, regret and fear. The shores of happiness are invisible, divided by the smallest difference in smiles, laughter, touch and looks. There is nothing solid separating the two shores, no brick walls, wired fences or uncrossable deserts. Yet it is the most difficult barrier to breach. In truth, a connected heart is all that is needed to cross the shores, and those whose hearts are alone, can only watch from afar on the other shore…