Dancing through the Cherry Blossoms
This is dedicated to my bb syusuke_kun31 . This sounds like Shihan at the start, but is eventually Kyuhan <3
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DANCING THROUGH THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS
Hangeng was only fifteen when he first met Cui Shiyuan. He had been running through the streets, not wanting to leave his sick father home by himself for too long. His mother had passed away giving birth to him, and his father had brought him up, trying hard to raise him well, but the debts and his bad health and the loss of his beloved wife marred any happiness they could have. Hangeng had wanted to study and become an officer when he was younger, but that dream had long been buried under work and the desperate scramble to put bread on the table and keep a roof over their heads.
Hangeng had walked out of the doctor’s, fingers clutching at the pitiable amount of medicine in the rough paper bag. It was nowhere near enough, but it was all they could afford. He runs into a boy with wide eyes and a strong, handsome face, smooth and clean, unlike his own dirt streaked one. He mutters an apology into embroided silk, knowing that this was someone much wealthier than himself and that he could not afford to upset a young master like him. He prepares himself for yelling or even a beating, but instead he reels from the shock of soft skin as the other grabs his hand and introduces himself with a shy, but bright smile.
He doesn’t understand why someone so rich and privileged as Shiyuan would want to be friends with a poor boy like him, but that is exactly what they become. They talk and laugh and Shiyuan isn’t anything like what Hangeng expects, not at all arrogant or disapproving of the poor, instead he’s all warm smiles and curiosity to try new things. In between his chores and the work he does, they spend their time sitting by the canal, sitting on the stone steps learning about each other’s world.
Until one day, Hangeng’s father passed away and all the debts and expectations and burdens fell all at once and much too suddenly on his shoulders. He is yanked into a whole new world, one that he has never even dreamed of, one filled not with rice sacks and bricks, but silk and powder and colour. Hangeng doesn’t object, because the debt had to be paid and his father had to be laid to rest, and this was the only way. He doesn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to Shiyuan before he goes, not that the other will want to have anything to do with him now.
He doesn’t know what a boy could do in a place like this, where there was always soft music, a fancy stage, girls with not enough clothing on and the smell of perfume and opium in the air. He is handed shoes and blue clothes that are smooth and doesn’t scratch at his skin and told to dance. He doesn’t know how, but they show him and the Mama tells him that he can and so he tries, because he has to do something and Te Mama actually seemed nice. He dances and he opens up a whole new universe of spins and dips and leaps and he moves in ways he never knew he could.
That fancy stage becomes his stage, as he dances until there are people cheering for him, dances until there are people coming just to see him. He wears a small mask, one painted with a beautiful androgonous face with closed eyes and a sad smile. Mama does not want his face revealed until he is eighteen. Hangeng does not understand at first why, but then he sees the hungry eyes and greedy grins and he tries not to think of when that day shall come.
He learns to know his audience, what they like and what they don’t, he starts to remember who comes every night and who are the ones who left the best tips. He remembers and he lives better, the bracelets and brooches in his room a sign of their appreciation. He notices a boy, always sitting besides a rich man with a loud laugh, looking like he was embarrassed to be seen in a place like this. A boy with bored, uninterested eyes as the girls flocked around him. A boy who would only stare unmoving, every time Hangeng danced. There was something different in those eyes, not lust and desire, but admiration and fascination. Soon Hangeng began to dance for this boy and for him alone. In the rowdy crowd each night, he would seek this boy out and Hangeng swears their eyes are locked on each other for the rest of the night.
This boy always leave as soon as his master shows a sign of getting up, but his movements are slower these days and there is a lingering hesitation in his steps now. Then one day he lingers enough and Hangeng finds him in the shadows and when they are alone, he shows the other his face. There’s an involuntary intake of breath and a butterfly soft caress by long, slender fingers and then the boy was gone. They meet again behind the stage and again in the kitchen long after the others have left. Again and again, in secret and in silence. They exchange names (his name is Kuixian) and stories about themselves (he was a students working as a scribe in order to earn enough money to head to the capital city to take the academic examinations) and soft gazes and the first time they kiss, Hangeng can barely even breathe and there’s an uneven beating in his chest. The first time Kuixian takes his hand and promises him that he will free him one day, Hangeng can’t hide the tears that well up.
Then when he is dancing one day, he sees someone other than Kuixian and he almost stumbles in his dance, because even though he is taller and stronger, it’s still Shiyuan. He meets him afterwards, only it’s not in shadows or in secret, but in his brightly lit room, because unlike Kuixian, Shiyuan was not a poor student and Mama approved of this meeting. There’s a hesitation and a similar intake of breath when he removes his mask, but other than that, it was just like before, all smiles and laughter and Hangeng is happy for once in the company of someone other than Kuixian.
Shiyuan visits more often after that and Hangeng would dance for him sometimes, but mostly they would just talk and Shiyuan would tell him of the new occurrences of the outside world. He also notices the glances Hangeng threw into the shadows at the back of the room as he leaves with Shiyuan and Hangeng tells him about Kuixian. The other only nods. When Hangeng finally sneaks away to see Kuixian again, the boy is not his gentle self, he slams Hangeng up against the wall and there is something that tastes like possessiveness in his kisses.
The days pass by and it’s on a warm spring day, when the first cherry blossom bloomed that Hangeng turned eighteen. He doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t want to think, because even though Kuixian has told him that he’ll free him, Hangeng knows that he could never afford it, not with the examinations so close. Hangeng dances that night, the most spectacular dance he has ever performed, soaring like an eagle and light as a feather floating through the breeze. He flies and the mask falls and there are gasps and cheers and excited murmurs. Kuixian is there, staring at him and Hangeng doesn’t like the look in those eyes- they spoke of sacrifice- and so was Shiyuan. Then they are betting, there’s yells from every corner of the room and to Hangeng’s utter shock, Kuixian bids too and his mind goes blank.
Hangeng knows exactly how Kuixian has this money, his examination money and there was no way Hangeng was going to let the man he loved ruin his own future just to preserve his dignity. He was not about to let Kuixian ruin himself, even if somewhere in him, Hangeng had dreamt of this over and over in the nights leading up to this day. He tears his eyes away from Kuixian’s and stare at Shiyuan instead, a silent plea. He ignores the disappointed groans of the room and Kuixian’s betrayed gaze as he follows Shiyuan up the stairs. He lets Shiyuan lead him to the bed and he lets the other take off his clothes. He says nothing and lets Shiyuan make love to him. He lets his childhood friend take his body and a bit of his soul, lets this man that he loves but doesn’t love, take him down the path of no return. He owes Shiyuan, for his care and his love and his protection and Hangeng knew this was all he could give him, because someone had already taken his heart.
Kuixian isn’t there the next night when Hangeng dances and it felt as if the room was empty. Hangeng finds a piece of paper under his door that night, with the words “Thank you. I forgive you. Wait for me” And Hangeng cries himself to sleep that night, clutching tight at the paper and the words burning into his heart. Hangeng keeps dancing after that and Shiyuan still visits often, although not as much as before. They don’t speak of that night and it was as if everything had gone back to the way it was before. Only now Hangeng didn’t have his lover to watch him dance each night, only his best friend. There’s still that look in Shiyuan’s eyes, but neither says anything about it. It’s still there even after Shiyuan is married, when the visits are less frequent, but still a weekly occurrence in his life.
Talking to Shiyuan and dancing are the only pattern in his life. That and waiting. He waits and waits, watches as cherry blossoms bloom and wither, yet he does not waver. Not even when the others whisper behind his back and mock his stupidity with their eyes.
He only smiles and waits patiently for the day that Kuixian will fulfill his promise.
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DANCING THROUGH THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS
Hangeng was only fifteen when he first met Cui Shiyuan. He had been running through the streets, not wanting to leave his sick father home by himself for too long. His mother had passed away giving birth to him, and his father had brought him up, trying hard to raise him well, but the debts and his bad health and the loss of his beloved wife marred any happiness they could have. Hangeng had wanted to study and become an officer when he was younger, but that dream had long been buried under work and the desperate scramble to put bread on the table and keep a roof over their heads.
Hangeng had walked out of the doctor’s, fingers clutching at the pitiable amount of medicine in the rough paper bag. It was nowhere near enough, but it was all they could afford. He runs into a boy with wide eyes and a strong, handsome face, smooth and clean, unlike his own dirt streaked one. He mutters an apology into embroided silk, knowing that this was someone much wealthier than himself and that he could not afford to upset a young master like him. He prepares himself for yelling or even a beating, but instead he reels from the shock of soft skin as the other grabs his hand and introduces himself with a shy, but bright smile.
He doesn’t understand why someone so rich and privileged as Shiyuan would want to be friends with a poor boy like him, but that is exactly what they become. They talk and laugh and Shiyuan isn’t anything like what Hangeng expects, not at all arrogant or disapproving of the poor, instead he’s all warm smiles and curiosity to try new things. In between his chores and the work he does, they spend their time sitting by the canal, sitting on the stone steps learning about each other’s world.
Until one day, Hangeng’s father passed away and all the debts and expectations and burdens fell all at once and much too suddenly on his shoulders. He is yanked into a whole new world, one that he has never even dreamed of, one filled not with rice sacks and bricks, but silk and powder and colour. Hangeng doesn’t object, because the debt had to be paid and his father had to be laid to rest, and this was the only way. He doesn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to Shiyuan before he goes, not that the other will want to have anything to do with him now.
He doesn’t know what a boy could do in a place like this, where there was always soft music, a fancy stage, girls with not enough clothing on and the smell of perfume and opium in the air. He is handed shoes and blue clothes that are smooth and doesn’t scratch at his skin and told to dance. He doesn’t know how, but they show him and the Mama tells him that he can and so he tries, because he has to do something and Te Mama actually seemed nice. He dances and he opens up a whole new universe of spins and dips and leaps and he moves in ways he never knew he could.
That fancy stage becomes his stage, as he dances until there are people cheering for him, dances until there are people coming just to see him. He wears a small mask, one painted with a beautiful androgonous face with closed eyes and a sad smile. Mama does not want his face revealed until he is eighteen. Hangeng does not understand at first why, but then he sees the hungry eyes and greedy grins and he tries not to think of when that day shall come.
He learns to know his audience, what they like and what they don’t, he starts to remember who comes every night and who are the ones who left the best tips. He remembers and he lives better, the bracelets and brooches in his room a sign of their appreciation. He notices a boy, always sitting besides a rich man with a loud laugh, looking like he was embarrassed to be seen in a place like this. A boy with bored, uninterested eyes as the girls flocked around him. A boy who would only stare unmoving, every time Hangeng danced. There was something different in those eyes, not lust and desire, but admiration and fascination. Soon Hangeng began to dance for this boy and for him alone. In the rowdy crowd each night, he would seek this boy out and Hangeng swears their eyes are locked on each other for the rest of the night.
This boy always leave as soon as his master shows a sign of getting up, but his movements are slower these days and there is a lingering hesitation in his steps now. Then one day he lingers enough and Hangeng finds him in the shadows and when they are alone, he shows the other his face. There’s an involuntary intake of breath and a butterfly soft caress by long, slender fingers and then the boy was gone. They meet again behind the stage and again in the kitchen long after the others have left. Again and again, in secret and in silence. They exchange names (his name is Kuixian) and stories about themselves (he was a students working as a scribe in order to earn enough money to head to the capital city to take the academic examinations) and soft gazes and the first time they kiss, Hangeng can barely even breathe and there’s an uneven beating in his chest. The first time Kuixian takes his hand and promises him that he will free him one day, Hangeng can’t hide the tears that well up.
Then when he is dancing one day, he sees someone other than Kuixian and he almost stumbles in his dance, because even though he is taller and stronger, it’s still Shiyuan. He meets him afterwards, only it’s not in shadows or in secret, but in his brightly lit room, because unlike Kuixian, Shiyuan was not a poor student and Mama approved of this meeting. There’s a hesitation and a similar intake of breath when he removes his mask, but other than that, it was just like before, all smiles and laughter and Hangeng is happy for once in the company of someone other than Kuixian.
Shiyuan visits more often after that and Hangeng would dance for him sometimes, but mostly they would just talk and Shiyuan would tell him of the new occurrences of the outside world. He also notices the glances Hangeng threw into the shadows at the back of the room as he leaves with Shiyuan and Hangeng tells him about Kuixian. The other only nods. When Hangeng finally sneaks away to see Kuixian again, the boy is not his gentle self, he slams Hangeng up against the wall and there is something that tastes like possessiveness in his kisses.
The days pass by and it’s on a warm spring day, when the first cherry blossom bloomed that Hangeng turned eighteen. He doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t want to think, because even though Kuixian has told him that he’ll free him, Hangeng knows that he could never afford it, not with the examinations so close. Hangeng dances that night, the most spectacular dance he has ever performed, soaring like an eagle and light as a feather floating through the breeze. He flies and the mask falls and there are gasps and cheers and excited murmurs. Kuixian is there, staring at him and Hangeng doesn’t like the look in those eyes- they spoke of sacrifice- and so was Shiyuan. Then they are betting, there’s yells from every corner of the room and to Hangeng’s utter shock, Kuixian bids too and his mind goes blank.
Hangeng knows exactly how Kuixian has this money, his examination money and there was no way Hangeng was going to let the man he loved ruin his own future just to preserve his dignity. He was not about to let Kuixian ruin himself, even if somewhere in him, Hangeng had dreamt of this over and over in the nights leading up to this day. He tears his eyes away from Kuixian’s and stare at Shiyuan instead, a silent plea. He ignores the disappointed groans of the room and Kuixian’s betrayed gaze as he follows Shiyuan up the stairs. He lets Shiyuan lead him to the bed and he lets the other take off his clothes. He says nothing and lets Shiyuan make love to him. He lets his childhood friend take his body and a bit of his soul, lets this man that he loves but doesn’t love, take him down the path of no return. He owes Shiyuan, for his care and his love and his protection and Hangeng knew this was all he could give him, because someone had already taken his heart.
Kuixian isn’t there the next night when Hangeng dances and it felt as if the room was empty. Hangeng finds a piece of paper under his door that night, with the words “Thank you. I forgive you. Wait for me” And Hangeng cries himself to sleep that night, clutching tight at the paper and the words burning into his heart. Hangeng keeps dancing after that and Shiyuan still visits often, although not as much as before. They don’t speak of that night and it was as if everything had gone back to the way it was before. Only now Hangeng didn’t have his lover to watch him dance each night, only his best friend. There’s still that look in Shiyuan’s eyes, but neither says anything about it. It’s still there even after Shiyuan is married, when the visits are less frequent, but still a weekly occurrence in his life.
Talking to Shiyuan and dancing are the only pattern in his life. That and waiting. He waits and waits, watches as cherry blossoms bloom and wither, yet he does not waver. Not even when the others whisper behind his back and mock his stupidity with their eyes.
He only smiles and waits patiently for the day that Kuixian will fulfill his promise.