Life
This is from a picture prompt from umpromptable:
For my lovely bb dongsaeng, mawaru_berry because she's the only other person who i know ships this rare rare pairing :D
***************************************
Life
Key doesn’t like lights.
He doesn’t know why the stage has to be so brightly lit, all flashing lights and pulsing beams that scorch their makeup covered faces and blind them and makes the products in their hair melt so it feels like it’s all sliding down their neck along with the sweat.
He stands under the lights with a bright smile and excited eyes and there’s a bounce in his steps and energy in his voice, because no matter what, this was where he shined.
Key dances and there’s screaming all around and there are appreciative glances even as he edge backstage after his performance. The material clings to his frame and the makeup seeps into his skin and he wants to fall into the ocean and just float until everything washes away.
He lies in the bathtub for so long that Minho is banging on the door. There are enough bubbles for some to fall out if he moved and the scent is enough to seep under the doorway and still he thinks he can smell the layers of foundation and the eyeliner and as he licks his lips, the oily smear of lip gloss is still there somehow.
Key stands in front of the misted mirror and he stares at his face, his natural face and he stays there until goosebumps dance across his skin, because somewhere along, between the diva title and the girl group dances, Key can’t even remember what he really looks like anymore.
~
They go on another program the next morning and Key dances each dance to perfection and even the girls themselves are gaping and he smiles.
At least his mask was perfect.
~
Sometimes, Key thinks that perhaps Jonghyun and him are fated.
Key didn’t believe in fairytales and fantasies; not of soulmates and love at first sight. But he knew, whatever it was between them, it was something, because the first time they had met in a practice room, Jonghyun had just sat down next to him and smiled and they were inseparable ever since.
He doesn’t remember when they started, only that they were always together and then one day they were just together.
No one really asked and no one questioned it when they started holding hands or sitting beside each other, because they did all that before.
Jonghyun is everything that Key has ever wanted in a boyfriend, because he was funny and ambitious, smart and kind. He holds Key when he is tired and they lie on the bed and just talk about the day. They were best friends, they always have been.
The first time they sleep together, it’s awkward and messy and painful and neither of them knows what to do, but they manage it somehow. Jonghyun is moving against him, inside of him and they lie on the bed together later, exhausted and Jonghyun is grinning and Key has his eyes closed, but he’s not sleeping.
Jonghyun has his arm around Key’s waist and Key wonders if maybe he was suppose to feel something right about now.
~
He should, he knows he should and it’s killing him on the inside, because he needs to know.
He doesn’t mean for it to happen, only that there was too much alcohol and crazy dancing and that it was too hot in the tiny room. Jonghyun was passed out on the couch with Jinki and Taemin was slumped on a chair and when Minho leans in and kisses him, Key doesn’t push him away.
They struggle and tumble and fall into each other and it’s fast and hot and the alcohol makes everything so much easier and it doesn’t hurt as much this time.
Key lies panting under Minho, covered in sweat and he feels cold. Not because his boyfriend was lying just on the other side of the door and not because they were doing this in Taemin’s bed and not even because everything about this was so very wrong.
It was because it feels exactly the same.
~
Sometimes Key thinks that he and Jonghyun are a mistake.
~
He’s sitting in the hair salon and watching his hair get bleached and dyed into a rainbow of unnatural colors.
He doesn’t move; he doesn’t cry.
They trim and cut and add more colors and Key sits and looks away from the mirror. He looks at the man a couple seats away from him and he stares because the man is having all of his hair bleached and he’s just staring into the mirror like he’s not seeing anything at all.
It’s hours later and Key is in the bathroom staring at his reflection and trying not to recoil.
He looks like a freak.
The cut is sharp and at an odd angle and the colors all jump and smash together and Key thinks of hot stages and fake dances and sleazy glances and materialistic popularity and he grips the sink in order not to throw up.
“It’ll grow out”
Key spins around and his eyes widen as his eyes meet shocking, white blonde hair. It’s stunning and bold and wild. He reaches out and he’s surprised the strands don’t turn to dust, because even Key’s hair hurts and it’s nowhere near as damaged.
“Hyung,” it comes out as a whisper, like all those years ago, when they first met and Key stood gaping as the other flew across the dance floor and his world paused for a whole second.
“Kibum ah” It comes out as a whisper too and there was a sadness in those gentle eyes as fingers smoothed over Key’s hair and he’s reeling in those eyes, jerking back at the unexpected protectiveness and falling hard at the understanding.
Kibum. No one ever called him Kibum anymore; even Jonghyun was getting used to Key by now. It took his breath away.
“It’ll get better.”
There’s a tiredness in those eyes, a weariness from too long being hidden in masks and restrained by rules and dragged down by things one couldn’t escape.
Even though the other’s hand was still in his hair, Ke- Kibum knew they weren’t talking about hair anymore.
(expectations and facades and losing yourself)
He finds himself in thin but warm arms and he cries for the first time since they debut and he doesn’t even know why he’s crying, only that it feels alright to cry.
Because it’s Hankyung.
(it’s always been Hankyung)
~
He’s with Jonghyun later as they watch Super Junior on the internet and he feels like crying again watching the blonde haired man dance each dance to perfection, all charisma and sexiness. No one can see the sleepless nights and the shoulder injury and the lack of proper food.
Kibum wants to reach out and bury his hands in that hair and turn it back to black and he wants to press his face into that neck and sooth the pain away and he wants to kiss that mouth until they both can just be themselves again.
He wants to have Hankyung inside of him, because maybe he’ll feel something then; maybe it’ll be different for once.
~
In his public life, he’s Shinee’s Almighty Key with the diva personality, who can dance to each and every girl group dance
In his private life, he’s the boyfriend of Jonghyun and they’re childhood sweethearts and best friends.
In his secret life, he’s in love.
//
For my lovely bb dongsaeng, mawaru_berry because she's the only other person who i know ships this rare rare pairing :D
***************************************
Life
Key doesn’t like lights.
He doesn’t know why the stage has to be so brightly lit, all flashing lights and pulsing beams that scorch their makeup covered faces and blind them and makes the products in their hair melt so it feels like it’s all sliding down their neck along with the sweat.
He stands under the lights with a bright smile and excited eyes and there’s a bounce in his steps and energy in his voice, because no matter what, this was where he shined.
Key dances and there’s screaming all around and there are appreciative glances even as he edge backstage after his performance. The material clings to his frame and the makeup seeps into his skin and he wants to fall into the ocean and just float until everything washes away.
He lies in the bathtub for so long that Minho is banging on the door. There are enough bubbles for some to fall out if he moved and the scent is enough to seep under the doorway and still he thinks he can smell the layers of foundation and the eyeliner and as he licks his lips, the oily smear of lip gloss is still there somehow.
Key stands in front of the misted mirror and he stares at his face, his natural face and he stays there until goosebumps dance across his skin, because somewhere along, between the diva title and the girl group dances, Key can’t even remember what he really looks like anymore.
~
They go on another program the next morning and Key dances each dance to perfection and even the girls themselves are gaping and he smiles.
At least his mask was perfect.
~
Sometimes, Key thinks that perhaps Jonghyun and him are fated.
Key didn’t believe in fairytales and fantasies; not of soulmates and love at first sight. But he knew, whatever it was between them, it was something, because the first time they had met in a practice room, Jonghyun had just sat down next to him and smiled and they were inseparable ever since.
He doesn’t remember when they started, only that they were always together and then one day they were just together.
No one really asked and no one questioned it when they started holding hands or sitting beside each other, because they did all that before.
Jonghyun is everything that Key has ever wanted in a boyfriend, because he was funny and ambitious, smart and kind. He holds Key when he is tired and they lie on the bed and just talk about the day. They were best friends, they always have been.
The first time they sleep together, it’s awkward and messy and painful and neither of them knows what to do, but they manage it somehow. Jonghyun is moving against him, inside of him and they lie on the bed together later, exhausted and Jonghyun is grinning and Key has his eyes closed, but he’s not sleeping.
Jonghyun has his arm around Key’s waist and Key wonders if maybe he was suppose to feel something right about now.
~
He should, he knows he should and it’s killing him on the inside, because he needs to know.
He doesn’t mean for it to happen, only that there was too much alcohol and crazy dancing and that it was too hot in the tiny room. Jonghyun was passed out on the couch with Jinki and Taemin was slumped on a chair and when Minho leans in and kisses him, Key doesn’t push him away.
They struggle and tumble and fall into each other and it’s fast and hot and the alcohol makes everything so much easier and it doesn’t hurt as much this time.
Key lies panting under Minho, covered in sweat and he feels cold. Not because his boyfriend was lying just on the other side of the door and not because they were doing this in Taemin’s bed and not even because everything about this was so very wrong.
It was because it feels exactly the same.
~
Sometimes Key thinks that he and Jonghyun are a mistake.
~
He’s sitting in the hair salon and watching his hair get bleached and dyed into a rainbow of unnatural colors.
He doesn’t move; he doesn’t cry.
They trim and cut and add more colors and Key sits and looks away from the mirror. He looks at the man a couple seats away from him and he stares because the man is having all of his hair bleached and he’s just staring into the mirror like he’s not seeing anything at all.
It’s hours later and Key is in the bathroom staring at his reflection and trying not to recoil.
He looks like a freak.
The cut is sharp and at an odd angle and the colors all jump and smash together and Key thinks of hot stages and fake dances and sleazy glances and materialistic popularity and he grips the sink in order not to throw up.
“It’ll grow out”
Key spins around and his eyes widen as his eyes meet shocking, white blonde hair. It’s stunning and bold and wild. He reaches out and he’s surprised the strands don’t turn to dust, because even Key’s hair hurts and it’s nowhere near as damaged.
“Hyung,” it comes out as a whisper, like all those years ago, when they first met and Key stood gaping as the other flew across the dance floor and his world paused for a whole second.
“Kibum ah” It comes out as a whisper too and there was a sadness in those gentle eyes as fingers smoothed over Key’s hair and he’s reeling in those eyes, jerking back at the unexpected protectiveness and falling hard at the understanding.
Kibum. No one ever called him Kibum anymore; even Jonghyun was getting used to Key by now. It took his breath away.
“It’ll get better.”
There’s a tiredness in those eyes, a weariness from too long being hidden in masks and restrained by rules and dragged down by things one couldn’t escape.
Even though the other’s hand was still in his hair, Ke- Kibum knew they weren’t talking about hair anymore.
(expectations and facades and losing yourself)
He finds himself in thin but warm arms and he cries for the first time since they debut and he doesn’t even know why he’s crying, only that it feels alright to cry.
Because it’s Hankyung.
(it’s always been Hankyung)
~
He’s with Jonghyun later as they watch Super Junior on the internet and he feels like crying again watching the blonde haired man dance each dance to perfection, all charisma and sexiness. No one can see the sleepless nights and the shoulder injury and the lack of proper food.
Kibum wants to reach out and bury his hands in that hair and turn it back to black and he wants to press his face into that neck and sooth the pain away and he wants to kiss that mouth until they both can just be themselves again.
He wants to have Hankyung inside of him, because maybe he’ll feel something then; maybe it’ll be different for once.
~
In his public life, he’s Shinee’s Almighty Key with the diva personality, who can dance to each and every girl group dance
In his private life, he’s the boyfriend of Jonghyun and they’re childhood sweethearts and best friends.
In his secret life, he’s in love.
//